kimmy*custis

Best Andy Rooney imitation…."Have you ever notice the great names that people have chosen for their screen names on this site? Well, I have …"
 
There are some great ones. And I noticed a number of trends that I though were a bit interesting. After taking a bit of a survey I came to two conclusions. First, I picked a boring name, and second, I should share some of the names I found. So here goes…
 
Common themes in the names:
Being a Mom, such as:
Momieof 3
Kalimomof 3
and the highest child count I saw "mommyto5" (or as I like to call it, "someone needs to get the cable TV repaired"
 
Being married/attached, such as: "Steveswife," etc.
 
Hobbies and loves, such as: "animal lover," "golden retriever lover," "beachlover," "candle lady," "dolphin lover," and "hulahoopaholic."
 
Ready for a change, such as
Ready2Bthin
need2change
ontheroad2thin
thinnerbeginings
4alongerlife
Ibthin
Skinny2B
 
Acknowledging large size, such as
heafty hannah
Biged
Imafatty
cutechubbygirl
phatmom
Megamom
BustNout
 
Going to look great, such as:
futureskinnyperson
soon2Bhotmomma
Fat2Fab
Ready4newme
halfthewoman
 
Members we should avoid on a bad cravings day, such as:
Stormwarning
TwistedMom
Diana Dominate
stinker
 
MY FAVORITES - FUNNY, CUTE, INSIGHTFUL…
Chubarella, Slenderella and Sleeverella (they must be sisters!)
Sleevealicious
BigByrd
TexMax
Xxstacy
SexiiLexi
SlimThickens
Boobie1981 (wonder why this one appeals to me? I must really like 1981!!)
looking on the lightside
thinnerpeace
Ysettleforless
first half fat
thishastowork
moving toward normal
speedbump
 
After looking at this, I wish I picked a cooler name. I have had the nickname of Special K since high school (Eddie Murphy Saturday Night Live skit about Buckwheat, and family members named after cereals - "My cousin Special K, he's retarded".... my friends thought it was hilarious and it stuck for some 35 years). So add the nickname to my birth year (very clever and unique, I know) and you get a boring screen name.
 
I wish I was:
Needs A new belt
Yum another shake!
Wannaseemy scars
realmenhavedrains
No I neverget bored of liquids
solidfoodhater
I miss my beer
gravy comes from God
undertall
 
So, what are your favorites that you have seen - or just want to make up.
 
Let's have some fun people.
 
I try to post a few times a week, so follow this blog, and you will know every time I post something else dumb (I mean funny ?!?)

Working out isn't easy when you have back issues. However, being in the water is a great way to get pain relief and to get some exercise in with out hurting myself even more. I live in a condo so the pool is shared by everyone in the neighborhood. Usually there aren't many people there which is great for me and my work outs but I still get some strange looks from the people who are there (including my husband).
 
Now, I can't just dive on in and swim. I mean I can, but I will pay for it the next day. I also can't do a lot of bending and flipping or a lot of ab work. So, what I do is walk. I walk back and forth in the shallow part of the pool. Now, this can get very boring. Also, there is only so much people watching someone can do. It get's a little strange when you are caught looking at the same person for the fifth time because you can't believe she's wearing THAT, or looking at someone's boyfriend for the sixth time becasue you are really looking at the clock over his head but she can't figure that out. Trust me honey, no one wants your man....he's not even half as attractive as you seem to think he is and by judging by what I see in his shorts, he's not that great in bed either.
 
Anyway.....maybe that was a little much....but I'm just telling it like it is. So, in order to keep my boredom down and to make sure I don't get myself in any trouble with the girl who shouldn't be wearing that bikini or have the guy's girlfriend jump in and drown me, I've begun walking back and forth while reading my book. Not only does it help me not look at the people around me, it allows me to walk back and forth and lose track of time. Yesterday I walked for an hour. AN HOUR of walking in the water!!! I was shocked. I didn't even notice I was getting my workout....and isn't that how it should be? Why can't every workout be this easy? I could have waked for another hour except I knew I would hate myself the next day. So, from now on, I plan to get my walk done in the pool, with my head down and my nose in a book. That way, I can still be alive after the workout and not have my neighbors hate me. I think it's a win win for everyone.

A disclaimer to this blog. It does contain one swear word in a conversation between this mother and her son. Before you get all judgmental, let me explain. We are a family that laughs.....at ourselves and each other. Sometimes, to make the conversation absolutely hilarious, we will take on a different accent and different character. This is what occurred. Having said that..........on with the story!!
 
Yesterday, Sunday....5 days post op. My daughters drove from their apartment in downtown Houston the 30 treacherous minutes out to our home in the suburbs to "visit the sick" (referring to me). My daughters are fantastic people; busy, young college students with lives of their own. How sweet they would tackle the old southern tradition of "sitting with the sick" on Sunday afternoon.
 
Right!! What the real deal was......we, as a family.....are addicted to HBO's True Blood and it comes on every Sunday night @ 8pm (No, I did not get paid for that plug). One of the sisters had taken her share of the cable bill money and had a fine time with a friend in Disney World....so....their cable was off. That was only part of their reason for visiting. The other part was they were hungry and they know I will always feed them when they are home.
 
So secure in their knowledge that momma would feed them and we would watch our program together, they do what all good Sunday afternoon visitors do.....took a 3 hour nap!
 
Well, after the sleeping beauties awakened, my 17 year old son was downstairs giving them a hard time. He asks, in a gruff tough voice "what are ya'll doing here? You HAVE an apartment1"
 
The sweetie sisters answered in their most precious voices "We came to see how momma was."
 
My son's reply, in a voice that would strike terror in any faint heart "It ain't like she's sick or anything. She just had surgery, that's all."
 
At that point, I butted into the conversation. Now, let me set the stage. I am a girl, born and bred in the deep south of Alabama who was transplanted to Texas 4 years ago. My accent is as much a part of who I am as the red hair my stylist touches up every 4 weeks at the salon..........only I was born and will most likely die with the accent.
 
So, butting into the conversation, with my interpretation of a New Jersey housewife accent, I say "I am too sick......I have a disease 70% (don't know the actual statistic, this just seemed good off the top of my head) of Americans suffer with. It's called Obesity,... you bastard!"
 
The girls, my son, and myself just fell apart after that with laughter! Oh my word, it was the funniest thing. He didn't have another word to say and neither did they. We laughed for a solid 5 minutes. And they laughed even more, because with all that belly busting laughter, I moved a few more gas bubbles and accentuated the laughter with burps and "poots".
 
Laughter is the best thing we can do for ourselves and those we love. Laughter is as good for the body as "GasX", and a whole lot more fun.
 
So, "Send in the Clowns" cause "what don't kill me only make me stronger"!!!!
 
Good grief, with that motto, I should be a beast............soon to be in a much smaller package......with ridiculous high heels!!!!!!!

REMINDER: This is a comic view of weight loss. Everything in this post is true. If the bluntness of some parts bother you, then I'm sorry....but when we lose weight, things change. Some of those things don't seemed to be spoken about much....until now. Enjoy the open truthfulness of this blog and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
 
I misplace something everyday. I am the queen of not knowing where I put something, or putting something in a "safe place" only to forget where that "safe place is". But, over time, I've always been able to stumble across the things I've lost. I've found keys in the freezer, my purse in the kitchen cabinet, a cereal box in the bathroom, and I've even found my underwear (clean) in the fridge. I am the master of having something in my hand and then getting sidetracked and I end up trying to do too many things at once, causing the items in my hands to end up in places they were never meant to be. If something can me misplaced or lost, I am the person to make sure that happens. I still can't find the money I hid in the house for emergencies...despite the many "emergencies" that we've had. Maybe one day I'll stumble across it when I really need it but I've looked everywhere I can think of and NOTHING!!! Apparently I am much better at hiding something than I thought.
 
The only thing that wasn't easy for me to lose was my weight. I would try everything I could think of. I've even offered to give it away for free to people who complained about not having enough boob or butt. However, that never seemed to work. Now, after the surgery, I am proud to say I've been loosing my weight faster than I can put my underwear in the fridge or my keys in the washing machine (been there and done that). The only problem is that with the weight loss, I've noticed that I'm losing something else as well.....my boobs.
 
Now, I was nine years old when I started wearing a bra. I remember thinking how excited that I was that I wouldn't be flat chested like my sister. I used to fill up balloons with water and put them in my shirt and dream of the day when my boobs would be that big. Apparently, someone listened and my boobs did grow...and grow, and I loved ever second of it. Funny thing is, I never realized just how big they were until college. My mother would make me wear baggy shirts and I had to "hide" them most of my adolescent life. But at the time, I didn't realize that's what I/she was doing. So, once I got to college and figured out I could flaunt them with out looking too trashy...I did. I love my boobs. They were a perky 38DD for most of my life. I am not sure how I got so lucky with them staying up the way they did, but I wasn't going to complain. Then, I hit my thirties and gravity started to rear it's ugly head. They started to droop a little but I was still very proud of them. Also, because I had gained over 100lbs since college, they were even bigger than before. All was well in my world when it came to boobs.
 
Then, two months ago I went through weight loss surgery. My husband told me I would lose them. I laughed. Even when I was thin (a size 9-10) I was still a DD. No matter how much I had lost in the past, I always kept my boobs. That is until now. In two months, I think most of my fat has come from my boobs. They have not only shrunk dramatically in size, I now have this excess skin that I can "fold over". I do this when I look in the mirror and imagine what they would look like if they were perky again. Even when I touch them and cup them in my hands they feel different. They used to overflow but now they almost fit in my hand. They have also decided that instead of pointing out, they like to look towards the floor. I never thought nipples could point that low but apparently mine can and they have decided they like what they see. I try to think that they are looking to see if they can seem my feet yet. They are getting closer, but not just yet.
 
It's funny, I never thought I would be sad to see fat go. But the fat in my boobs, well we have bonded over the years. We've become friends. We've gone through ups and downs together...mostly ups. They were still nice to me even when I would keep them locked in a small "room" all day that was too small it left marks on them. They took my abuse and still loved me. But now, they found their out. They seem to keep leaving a little bit at a time. Now, they have a room that is getting way to big for them. They never have any marks on them, and they can move around in the room as much as they want. But apparently that's not good enough for them. I even tried to put them in nicer more expensive rooms to no avail. They have just given up and left. The part that had stayed seems just as depressed as I am about the other part leaving. I mean why else would my nibbles point down the way they do?
 
Oh well, it looks like I am going to have to get used to it for now. I still have about 100lbs to lose so I am sure I will lose even more boob over that time. I have a feeling that when all is said and done, my boobs will turn into ski slopes and the nipples will be the launch area for the jump. But, what my boobs don't know is that one day they will find their way back up. They will look straight ahead and be proud of who they are once this is all done and the surgeon does a lift and fill on them. Then, they won't have any reason to look down but I will have all the reason in the world to look down and admire them again. Plus, my husband is looking forward to it when they look like they used to. He is not afraid to tell me how excited he will be when they get "pumped" back up. Sometimes I think he married my my boobs instead of me, but then he says things like this, "Honestly honey, I love you no matter what they look like. Your boobs don't listen to me or love me.....they just give me a place to lay my head at night." ummmm...thanks honey...they love you too. LOL
 
UPDATE: I wasn't able to post this blog after I wrote it due to the site being down. So, I decided to do other things around the house...one was to shower. I noticed something crazy...my boobs are bigger. I think they knew I missed them and asked the fat in my legs or stomach to ride up the internal elevator and join the party at club BOOBS.....but the sad thing is I know it's only because I am going to start. my period in a few days. Oh well, at least I can enjoy them until that's over....maybe my husband can enjoy them before it starts. He better be careful, I may attack him when he walks in the door this evening.....hummmm we'll see. Maybe I will let him attack me today....All I'll have to do is show him how much bigger they are today and that may do the trick. Hope so. LOL

* Warning* This is a comical view of weight loss with the sleeve. Please understand that I say many things just for the laugh or shock value. I do not need you to tell me to not "do it" or "do this". I appreciate your caring, but please know that I am a strong person and I wouldn't do a lot of the crazy things I say I want to....notice I didn't say ALL. Enjoy the blog and have a good laugh. I know I enjoy writing them* Warning done.
 
Today is my one mouth anniversary. I can't believe how much has changed since I walked in the hospital April 12, 2012. I would have never thought I would be eating regular food (but not much) , or drinking normal (without one ounce cups). If you would have told me in the hospital that I would be 40lbs smaller since my two week apt. before surgery, I would never have believed you. If you would have told me that I would be happy (for the most part) with the food I eat, I would have laughed at you. But, it's all true. I'm happy, healthy, and loosing a little every week.
 
I went for my follow up apt. today. First, you have to understand that my hormones have been CRAZY. One second I am yelling and screaming and thinking about throwing my husband out the window, then the next second, I am laughing, cuddling, and trying to use my husband as though he's a gigolo. You would think he would appreciate the second part, but as he told the doctor today, "I feel like a piece of meat." Well, doesn't' he understand, that's what I want??? LOL It's been forever. According the doctor, this is all normal. Apparently (for those of us who didn't know), we have hormones stored in our fat cells, and when we loose weight, the hormones burst into our blood stream. At least we can feel it coming on. I know when I am getting ready to loose it, I don't do anything to stop it. Is it because I know my husband will love me no matter what? Nope, It's really that I just don't care. Now, I don't want to sound like a witch. That's not it. It's just they come on so fast, the idea of trying to stop them or walking away doesn't seem as good as letting it all out. At least I say I am sorry...the doctor said I do this because I know he won't leave me....I'm not so sure about that. If he doesn't, he's the strongest man out there. I don't think I could live with me. Just think about the worst PMS you've ever had. Now times it by 1000. Yeap, that's what weight loss does to us. Our poor families.
 
Now, let me tell you about the sex talk at the doctor's office. I know that I can have sex after 1 month. I've known this for months. My husband had questions. Ones I wasn't expecting. So imagine this situation. It's me, my husband and the doctor.
 
Scott- Can we have sex?
Doctor- Yes, if you want to
Me- Oh, I want to. I can't keep my hands off him
Scott- It's true, it's like I'm a piece of meat
Doctor- Get used to it
Scott- I don't know how to ask this
Doctor- You can just say it
Me- Looking at my husband like 'what on earth are you getting ready to ask'
Scott- Ok, is there any way we can't do it? I mean, can we only do it regular?
Me- OH MY GOSH-----REALLY?
Doctor- You can do it any way you want as long as it doesn't hurt
 
Ok, here is where my inner male comes out. I had to laugh at this.
 
Me- No, we have a safe word for when that happens. (laughing) Actually we don't. It's not like we have whips and chains and things.
Doctor- (looks a little shocked...but can tell we're joking around) I think we're all done here. See you back in a month.
 
 
Now, to be honest, there was a little more to that conversation but I wanted you to have the funny stuff. When Scott asked about my emotions, she said to him and this is a quote, "Get used to it". He looked at her and said, "I'm not sure that's possible."
 
So, now were home and of course I've attempted to seduce him, right after I lost it in the restaurant because my food was gross (thanks a lot taste buds for changing on me). Of course the poor man doesn't know what to do so he turns me down and sits on the couch to play on the PlayStation. I swear, reading this, you would think we were 17 year olds. Maybe that's why my emotions are so crazy...I'm really 17. Gosh I hope not.

When I began this journey I did it with gusto. I am the type of person that makes a decision, and it is done. I do not dwell on the decision. I accept the consequences as best I can and move on to the next decision. In August I decided I was finished being fat! I lost 50 lbs a few years ago. Then I got pregnant, put on bed rest my first trimester and the rest is history. I am now a 100 lbs overweight.
 
I am a pretty typical person. I teach high school. I am married with 2 sons (1 and 5) and 1 step daughter (13). I am 35 years old. I have fought my weight my whole life. Bones only, I will be lucky to be a size 9. I actually look sick at a size 12. My goal is to be a size 14. Isn't that weird? I want to be what most people believe is over weight. I am ok with that. I do not want to be a model. I just want to be healthy and I want to shop somewhere besides Lane Bryan and I want to look at something and not think about whether I will fit in it.
 
One of my favorite commercials is the one with lady walking down the street with a scale attached to her ankle. It was a weight loss commerical. (Go figure). I think that is the most PROFOUND commercial. I am that woman. Everyday I have weight on my mind. Everybite I take I decide where it is going to go. This bite will go to my hips, this one to my right breast, ect.
 
Sidenote: Have you ever wondered why you lose weight in your boobs first? I do. Then all my shirts fit my hips, but my clevage hangs out for the world to see. Solution: layer. I put a tank under my tops and poof. . .add an extra size on my hips. Who layers when you are size 22? I mean really?
 
Once I decided to have the sleeve surgery, I became very excited. They told me that my insurance paid, and all I had to do was pick a date. I went for my consulation. The doctor told me the three types of surgeries to choose from and suggested the sleeve surgery for me. I researched it and decided that this was it. All I had to do was pick a date. I decided that I wanted to do it the week before Thanksgiving. Then I would only have to take 4 days off, I could be skinny by New Years. . .win-win. Yeah, right. When does anything like that happen so easy? After my consultation, the nurse called to tell me that the insurance now said I had to wait 6 months before I could have my surgery. My husband also decided at this point to have medical issues that would take any extra money that we had.
 
As a good Catholic girl, I believe in signs. I decided that all the signs were pointing to me not having the surgery. I continued going to the dietician with little enthusiasm. I watched my weight go up and up as she told me what I was doing wrong. I wanted to tell her "I know what I am doing wrong. I know how to gain weight and lose weight. I have done it a million times. Why do you think I am fat?" So, as all the signs on the map told me to give up on the idea, I get a phone call from my doctor out of the blue. It was a sign!
 
He was so nice. He said he just wanted to check on me. We talked about the surgery and what was keeping me from having it. Turns out, my surgeon is as much a shrink as he is a weightloss doctor. We decided that I would still do the surgery, but I would wait until Spring Break. That would give me a chance to enjoy the holidays (and there is nothing like the holidays when you are larger than life!). On January 1st, I joined a gym and started trying to lose weight again. I set my date for March 6th. In the two months leading up to my surgery, I was able to lose 10 lbs all by myself. I felt defeated. I mean, I was eating right, I was exercising five days a week and nothing. I say I was eating right. I was eating the right things, but I was still unable to pass up a cake or cookie. I was still hating myself for being so weak. When i finally started the pre-op diet, I had a renewed sense of self-worth. For one week, I had to drink my diet. My docotor told me there are very few things that I can control in a surgery, this diet was one of them. And as I stated, "I did it with gusto!" I monitored my intake, I followed the rules. I was going to make sure my liver was a skinny as it could possibly be. (Side note, why do doctors feel the need to tell us we have a fatty liver? I want to respond, "I have a fat butt too, but you don't state that obvious").
 
So March 6th arrives and it is surgery day . . .