Lettin' Go

I went to work one morning, just like every other morning, feeling that I was looking pretty good - hair done, makeup on, shirt that brings out the color of my eyes.  I was called into a meeting unexpectedly, and was surprised it was a video conference.  The screen came to life, and there I was for all to see, both in my location and another 900 miles away.  I didn't even recognize myself.  Who is that large blond woman, and why is each of her breasts the size of her head?  It took me a minute to realize that lump of jiggling flesh was ME.  I had no idea.  Is this what my co-workers had to see every day?  The sense of shame overwhelmed me.  The feeling that I had been living in an alternate reality was enough to induce a full-on panic attack.  How could I - so cute, so perky, so full of life - actually BE that blob I was staring at on the big screen?  That's not me! I wanted to scream.  But that was the meat suit I was currently wearing, and it was a cold hard slap to the face.
As the meeting started, I discreetly pulled out my cell phone and typed "lapband" into the search engine.  Having struggled with my weight continuously for the past 15 years, I had always wondered about the band, and if it was right for me.  However, since I was pretty much living in denial, I had never pursued this route, thinking the next miracle diet would be the answer to my problems. But it was apparent I could not deny what was staring me in the face on that widescreen tv monitor, and I quickly sent an email to a clinic near my home for more information.
Fast forward to today, 11 days post-op.  My insurance specifically excludes weight loss surgery, but I did have a hiatal hernia and that was a covered item.  My clinic, True Results, billed my insurance for the hernia repair and I paid out of pocket for the lapband installation.  Because I was a self-pay, the process went very quickly.  Five weeks from my first clinic visit, I was on the table and starting my new life.  I have to admit the journey so far has been exciting but also scary.  I LOVE food.  I didn't realize just how much of my life revolved around food, and how much time and energy I spent every day thinking about it, talking about it, preparing for it, planning it, eating it, and starting the process over again.  Now what will I do with all this free time on my hands? And how can I, a married mother of two, learn to modify my lifestyle while still feeding my family nutritious and delicious meals?
These are questions I'm just now starting to wrestle with, as I'm still on a liquid post-op diet and have delegated all food activities to my husband during this adjustment phase.  One thing I have figured out so far - the lapband is not the solution - it is a means to embark on a new, healthy journey, and I intend to make the most of it.  Come along for the ride!