Debbie Jersey

How exciting it is to start a new chapter in our lives. The anticipation of losing this fat! And then.....

Well you know surgery, pain, the unknown, the questions, the BIG question..............HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE? I want to be skinny already!!!

The anticipation can be a big build up and that is ok. But you have to be sure that you continue to think positively about the step that you took....during those post-op painful days.....during the days when you literally feel so hungry that you will swear your stomach is eating itself...............even on the days or weeks that maybe the weight loss isn't going as fast as you thought it would or wanted to believe.

My doctor told me that the average weight-loss would be around 40 pounds. I even read it in the information. However I convinced myself that I COULD DO MUCH BETTER! Not me I thought.....I will lose much more. I have in the past after all. Of course I wasn't in my 40's then. The weight-loss was so much easier when I was younger I convince myself. Were the potato chips in the kitchen calling my name when I was 22? Maybe not.

Well at about a year after my surgery I was very discouraged. I had only lost 20 pounds. How disappointing. :angry: THIS WAS TAKING TOO LONG! I was stalled in my weight loss. My doc is great....really. But why so slow with the fills? No fill at surgery and it took 8 months to get me to a fill level that was "optimal". Would another fill be the answer? Time to see the doc. “You haven’t been here in a while” he said. “I know” I promise to visit more religiously and bow my head in shame. OK, so we tried one more fill. Oh I guess the last fill was not optimal....had we now found the "sweet spot"? So this is what the chatters were talking about on the boards. Finally, I understood what was supposed to happen. Now my band was participating in this vendetta against my fat. Eat something "wrong" the band would throw it back out. NOW I'M TALKIN'! I am really glad I was sitting close to the restroom in Applebee’s. I am not going to let that happen again, I swore! So that is what frothing is! Why don't they just call it slime? Remember that green slime stuff that we played with as kids? Yes thick and gross. I call it the bubble. ewwww.

But those potato chips were still calling my name. If I didn't have the potato chips in the house for my 9-year old, something else would take its place. I didn't know cheese could talk. Those in between snacks were sabotaging me. It was 10:00 at night and that Doritos commercial brought on that salty craving.....time to tear the kitchen apart for something to snack on. Was this band a mistake? Why isn't this working? I know I should be exercising. I promise myself that I will over and over again. I talk to myself about it. "Girl, there is an elliptical trainer right in your bedroom! Get on it already!" How boring. "What about the iFit or Zumba that you had to have?" Sigh. Time to go back to the doc.

So here I am 20 months post-surgery. Doc put me on an appetite suppressant. Just a small tiny pill a day, half in the morning, half around lunch time. That was 4 months ago. That tiny pill has silenced the potato chips and the cheese. Did I eat something today? I know that I did but my next meal is not top of mind. Really? Could it be? My day is no longer ruled by food. I am able to make it through the day on Muscle Milk and a meal at dinner. No I don't deprive myself of the occasional sweet. I had an Oreo last night and enjoyed every bite of it. But I really only needed one! :D

I have been losing 5 pounds a month. At that rate it will take me 19 months to get to my goal. THAT IS SO LONG! I have to wait another year and a half???? But how long could I take the medication? Do I need to take it forever? Yesterday was Saturday and I forgot to take it at lunchtime... I was out of my regular workday routine. So this is why I am craving my snacks today. Potato chips will you shut up already?!?!?!? It is too late in the day now to take that half of that tiny little pill or I will be up all night. Sigh. About that medication, time to do some research because I feel the need to Google everything that I have a question about.

How long can I take this medication? Will it have any long term effects? What about my liver? Why didn't I think to ask those questions when I was at the doc's office? Usually you can't shut me up. Why am I so silent at the doc's office? Google says cardiovascular and psychiatric effects. Hmm.....well the blood pressure is ok doc says and I KNOW I am not crazy...relatively speaking! : :lol:

So I guess this is really working for me now. Could I have just taken the medication and not had the surgery? I don't know, I guess that should have been a question pre-op. But I need to look forward and the outlook is positive. I guess we found MY SWEET SPOT... for now anyhow. And I know that my sweet spot is not someone else's. So when the doc says there is no magic solution it is hard to hear but it is true. It does take hard work and time....LOTS of time. I think "you didn't gain this weight overnight....it took you time...." blah blah blah.

This was a long week before Spring Break. On Friday's we get to wear jeans to work. Friday morning couldn't come soon enough. Great my jeans are still in the washer. Will they dry by the time I have to leave for work? Nope, no such luck. Did I have an old pair of jeans that fit? Probably not. Time to check the bottom drawer of the dresser....I forgot what exactly was in that drawer. Some old stuff and 3 pair of jeans still with the tags on them. Ordered them from Lucky a few years ago. "They run small" I convinced myself when they didn't fit. "But I will lose weight and they will fit" so I did not send them back. Should I even bother trying them on this morning? I convince myself not to get disappointed when I can’t get them up past my hips and think about a back-up plan. Here we go. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They fit? Really? Wow! I had no idea! I am losing weight! Could this be true? Must be a fluke. Maybe they did fit all along and just needed hemming or something. After all they are stretch jeans." I was in disbelief.

How much weight had I lost? I know I wrote it down some place. I was in denial about how much I weighed ever since I was 13. I couldn't believe how much weight I had gained. Here it is, I didn't realize I had weighed that much. How embarrassing. But wait. If I weighed that much that means that I lost more than I thought. Counting on my fingers.....42 pounds? I lost 42 pounds! I feel elated! That is 1/3 of my goal! Maybe I really can do this!

Time to try on all of those clothes in the closet with the tags on them. Ok so they don’t fit….yet. But they will. I am confident. Just another 18 more months. That seems like forever. But my band was 20 months ago. I survey the “smaller” clothes section of my closet. Twenty more pounds I will be out of the plus sizes and able to comfortably wear the next size smaller. I remember that size….I didn't feel so uncomfortable with my weight. It will be as if I went on a shopping spree. That is only 4 months from now. I can do that. :D


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That is my story. Yours will be different. There will always be questions. Once you figure them out they will be replaced by others. You are venturing into the unknown. Find your confidence. Look forward positively. Don't look too far into the future, it can be overwhelming. Celebrate the little successes.

Once last bit of advice: Write down your questions and bring them to your next doctor’s appointment. I tell my students all the time “the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked.” Time to follow my own advice.