FishKnuckles

After trying years of diets and yo-yoing up 5-10 pounds each time, I decided to go with the Lap Band device. I went through the pre-surgical testing and got my insurance company to approve it upon my first appeal and an additional six-month waiting period. In that time I dropped from 380 pounds down to 360 (which was my pre-surgery goal) and on Valentine's Day in 2008 I got the surgery. I was in at 7 am, and home in my recliner by 5 pm. The abdominal pain was absolutely minimal. I was able to get out of bed and walk within the first hour, and was voiding my bladder and cruising the hallways soon thereafter. I refused the morphine they were offering as I wanted to go home, and honestly there was no need for it as I was in minimal discomfort.
Once home I quickly adjusted to the phase-one diet and ate the clear liquids and developed an affinity for nice cool Jell-o (lime or orange). I no longer experienced "hunger" as I once did. Even though I knew I hadn't eaten but a handful of calories in any given day, I did not feel "hunger". As I approached phase-two I began to develop some "cravings" which after discussing with my nutritionist I found to be a healthy response to the surgery--a way for your body to tell you what you're needing. I don't even question it when my body tells me that raw calf's liver would be SOOOO good right now. I just do it.
Once onto phase-three and normal life I began to feel better about myself as I (rapidly) dropped weight. Within 12 months I had dropped nearly 100 pounds, 3 trouser sizes, two inches from my neck, 2 shirt sizes (from a XXXL-Tall to a XXL) and amazingly--TWO shoe sizes--I once wore a 14 and can now fit a 12 comfortably. My knees stopped making horrible grinding noises, my hips stopped hurting and I found I had more energy to tackle my tasks with. To make myself feel even better I once loaded 100 boxes of butter (sorry Safeway) into a cart just to see the physical quantity of weight I had lost. Likewise--I have thrown a pair of 40 pound bags of dog food on my shoulders to experience just SOME of what I was carrying around. It makes all the difference in the world when you still perceive yourself as a "fat man" to look at some tangible facsimiles of your achievements.
Now--about my device, my post-op life and the joys of living with the Lap Band:
I received an "AP Standard" device in lieu of the "AP Large." My surgeon has never been able to give me a reason why other that "I have never used an AP Large device and didn't feel comfortable doing so here." Initially I thought this was a bonus as I would lose weight a little mroe rapidly. What I did NOT know whas what to expect in the process. Yes, I went to ALL of my classes, nutritional counseling, etc. Yes, I understand fully how to eat. NO! I did not sign on for this. Each bite of food I take--regardless of how I chew, registers somewhere in the 7 range on the pain scale. Even water--is about a 5 for 10-15 minutes after I swallow. The surgeons (I have multiple) have all scoped me, barium'd me, fluoroscope'd, swallow studied, etc me to no end. There is no slippage, no obstruction, no swelling, and no redness. Only "An extremely small pouch with very tight restriction."
During my first adjustment (more on that later) my surgeon primed my device and in doing so, completely closed my esophagus and rocketed me into a vasovaglic episode. Since that time I have had ZERO fluid in my device--not a single CC in the bladder, not even a drop of saline to prime it. Of course in order to make sure of this, each surgeon has to attempt to drain it again--so I got very used to being adjusted. As long as your surgeon is competent (NOT like Colin MacColl) you don't even need any of that local anesthetic-stuff. None at all. It's just more needle-sticks and to tell you the honest truth--the "big" adjusting needle doesn't hurt AT ALL. If you'd like to see what it's all about, go to YouTube and search "POV LapBand" and you'll see Colin MacColl failing miserably and repeatedly at accessing my (very easy) port. While this particular procedure was uncomfortable for me (as evidenced by my toes in the video...) it was NOT painful and I had zero anesthetic.
When I finally grew tired of a life in pain and constant medical testing with no results I accused one of my surgeons (Colin MacColl) of practicing "diagnostic medicine" on me and demanded that he do something other than shrugging and saying "Let's try this." The next week I received a letter informing me that I was "fired" as a patient of Oregon Bariatric and would have to seek a new doctor.
In the end--I am now 18 months post-op, sitting at 235 pounds (down 155 pounds) with an un-regulated and completely un-restricted device. I have no surgeon/bariatric doctor. I am hypoglycemic, I have 3 major vitamin deficiencies, I vomit at least twice a day, I eat less than 200 food-calories in any given 24 hour period and when I do I am down-and-out-in-pain for a good 90 minutes after I eat it--IF I can keep it down without vomiting.
Am I happy being the "new-man?" Hell yes! It's GREAT being "Skinny(er)." Would I recommend the Lap Band procedure to anyone? HELL NO!