PrettyLilButterfly

So tonight is somewhat of a big night for me. Due to my weight, I've always kept my hair long. I guess I felt I could 'hide' behind it..HAHA imagine? I kept it down to my waist. A few years ago, I got 'brave' and cut it to my shoulders. Mainly because my hair is super thick and heavy. Well I've ALWAYS wanted to have short hair. In my opinion, the less the better. Of course I'm struggling with my g/f about the length. I know it's not HER decision, but we all know we refrain from doing certain things due to our significant others. So her and I spent a couple of hours the other night going over hairstyles. We finally came up with one. So I'm doing.. i'm finally shedding some of this hair. I know to some this may not seem like a big deal, for me it's HUGE. To expose my neck, my cheeks, my face, my back. YIKES! But guess what, back fat is gone, the hump on the back of my neck I had started getting, GONE. my cheeks (they were my signature chubby cheeks) gone.. so it's safe now.. I think this is by far the 'biggest' thing i've done since surgery. The next big thing will be the tattoo I want across my back... so here is what I came up with for hair... i'm SOO Excited. And pray my stylist does it just right!!

I am going through the same thing. Granted, I've been with my partner going on 7 years...but it's not the same. At 250lbs, I was like you, lights on nothing held back. I was so confident and proud. And now....I can't even stand the sight of my body in the mirror. I feel like a shrivled piece of fruit I often think I wouldn't be able to be with anyone else. If her and I split up, I don't know that I would let anyone see me... but the fact is, they need to love ALL of me for me... not just me with clothes on!! i'm proud of the new me and love me.. and you should be proud too! Let it all out girl!!!

Having feelings of guilt today. It's almost the "is this too good to be true" feeling. I am at the thinnest I've been in my life, I can do things I've never been able to do, wear clothes I would never dream of wearing before, I pretty much eat what I want (within limits of course), have NO health problems...I should be at the happiest point of my life, but I feel so guilty. Do I regret anything? no of course not, but guilt is creeping in. I think it's stemming from seeing overweight people at work struggling. I see the look on the faces, it's such a common look "don't look at me" "i'm the biggest person on here" "omg everyone is loking at me". I know those looks oh too well. Trying to hide in the corner of each room your in praying no one pays attention to you. Doing everything you can to avoid drawing attention to yourself. I want to walk up to them and tell them about me and my story..I want to inspire them to better themselves.. but wait, who am I to judge? Who am I to say they need an 'improvement' in their lives? Just because I'm at a healthy weight, do I look at the world different? Yes I do. Am I horrible? I don't judge, not by any means...I just want everyone to feel as good as I do. It pains me to see overweight people in wheel chairs or in hoverrounds. It pains me to see overweight people with oxygen tanks. I feel so shallow right now. My G/f gets on me and says "Not everyone can take the easy way out and get surgery"... haha..easy way out.. Yes because it's been easy. I spent the 1st year after lapband throwing up and practially living on liquids only. Yes, that was easy. I loved it. I loved starving inbetween my 1st and 2nd meal. Oh and I loved having my lap band removed, a hearnia repaired, most of my stomach removed, falling in the hospital, bleeding internally losing over 4 pints of blood, and having my spleen repaired the next morning. Yes I loved that.. WTF?? This path has not been easy. Now I'm exactly 2 years from the date of my 1st surgery. and NOW , yes life is easier. I don't focus on food, I eat when i'm hungry. and i feel great, i'm still losing and most of all i'm MAINTAINING. I've dreamt of this all my life. and now i'm here..and today.. i feel like i'm not worthy. SIGH.......

First of all, congrats on the upcoming surgery! Secondly, my emotions sound just like yours on a daily basis! With removing the need/want for food, I guess all our other emotions are on high! I'm sure part of it is because you're on liquids only right now. Oh lord was I grumpy! I was so angry with everyone because they could eat.. I glared at my family and they ate dinner. UGH. Then I'd get upset at myself for feeling that way, this isn't their fault. I made the choice to start a new chapter in my life. Just take it one day at a time darling. Keep up the praying ( I say my serenity prayer EVERY morning and anytime I find myself feeling an unwanted emotion). Just pray for patience and guidance. You'll be fine! It sounds like your husband is supportive, that is great and will keep you focused!! Good luck !

The portions are beyond ridiculous. I order Apps or A-la-cart most times. I tend to order alot of kids meals as well. I've only had 2 restaurants deny me. I do love the leftovers, but when you're out of town and don't have a refrigerator in your room, not so easy. In those cases, I find the smallest A-la-cart or app I can.

off the top of my head it's IM SEXY AND I KNOW IT......

I never really took a lunch, have always eaten at my desk. So that stays the same. At home, I cook for the kids, then go on a cleaning frenzy. My laundry baskets are ALWAYS empty, my house is spotless. I've rearranged almost every room/closet. I decided just today I need to clean out my desk at work. It's filled with snacks (mostly healthy), but I just don't touch them. I'm looking at my desk now..and I have 1/2 a sandwhich I took 2 bites out of, half a protein bar I nibbled on and a few grapes. Food just doesn't matter. I LOVE IT! I no longer spend all my time wondering what I'm going to eat. Now I have to figure out what to feed the kids!!

Oh i do love this thread!! Best would maybe be this weekend. Saw an aunt/uncle of mine I haven't seen in a year. Ran up to them, threw my arms around them to hug me and they both stared. My aunt looks at my uncle and says "who's that".. haha.. Once I reminded them I'm their NEICE, she repeated over and over "OMG I didn't recoginze you, you look so beatiful". Worst thing I got was "wow, you look sick. Your face is all pale. You look like a cancer patient" (let me tell you, I was LIVID!!!!!!!!). Another bad one was when I took the kids to meet their dad for the weekend and he tells me "Hey i'm selling weight loss Protein shakes, did you want some".. umm.. hey jack@ss..i've lost 80 lbs..I dont need to buy your product! of course I love all the "hey skinny mini " and "hey skinny B!t..." or "hey sexy mama". I actually was called a milf the other day...(giggle). ME? What? aww shucks..

Day 246 post surgery. Emotions are running on an all time high. Due to health care exchange, will be laid off anytime between now and March. Need to get a jump on looking for work, but bored of the insurance world. Need new challenges. Kids are doing ok. Love how proud they are of me now. How excited they are to see their mom happy. Though...happy in what ways? My partner of 6 1/2 years is having issues recently with my weight loss. I was down from 239 to 171 last year. Band quit, I moved on. Had surgery in December. (during surgery had hernia repair, that night fell in hospital, tore spleen, almost died). Now I'm down to 139. It seemed so fast. I'm not complaining. I love it. But everyday I get different comments from her to "eat more", "gain weight" "your legs look like chopsticks" "you look pale" "you look sick". Really? Ok I get she has chosen not to have a surgery and lose much needed weight (her current weight is about 265). I love her as she is...but shouldn't she love ME as I AM? Don't think I care anymore. I don't regret anything I've done up to this point in my life. Biggest issue is how I feel about ME. It's funny how much you can hate your body when you're over weight. I spent each week trying to find something to love about my plus sized body. Ways to find myself attractive. And a few months before my band sugery (sept 2011), I had fallen in love with me. Everything about me. Then during a physical, I find out I'm prediabetic. Oh hell no! There is no way in hell I am living with diabetes. That is when I found out my employer was offering WLS. Didn't think, didn't blink, just signed up. The journey has been...fun? I struggled with the band, no doubt. Grew increasingly tired of dealing with vomitting & getting 'stuck'. Was so thankful for the sleeve. I have been 100% happy physically since. Now, I look at my body (with clothes/girdle on, thank you jesus for girdles!) and OMG. I'm tiny. I'm a size 8!!!! WHAT? Is this for real? Granted it took until last month to realize I AM HEALTHY. Before, I still saw me as 239. Now I see me..the new me.. No wait, the me i should've been 20 years ago. Then I take the clothes off...WHOA. YIKES. Eww. Can't stand it. Not as much skin as i expected , more so on my arms. Tummy is ok. Inner thighs, eh..saggy. Oh well. Hey look, i DO have ribs! Umm where did my booty go? i've lost my boot! damn. I liked my booty before. Now it no longer exists. Ok..fine, thank god for Booty Panties. Wait, where are my boobs? When I place my hands where they USED to be, I feel bone. Go down further Dawnie..oh there they are. who moved them? and they fit in my hands now? wow. DD to C. (well B 1/2). That's ok. Bras are cheaper now. Hmm...why don't my shoes fit. My feet weren't fat...but my size 8's are huge. Wow a size 7 now.. OK i can do that. But now I have to buy new shoes (shock! not something I want to do, I loved my current shoes). Let's keep it simple, just buy Tom's in a few colors. Done. My face is so different. Where are those infamous chubby cheeks? so gone. And what is this under my chin...what am i, a turkey? YIKES. That's fine, just smile alot. Keep your head straight so no one sees that turkey chin! It's almost as if I need to find the beauty again. The beauty I had just found, she's gone. She's been replaced. Though, I look in the mirror and can't believe I was ever 100 lbs bigge. It's as if I truly was this thin person trapped inside of a large shell of a person. OMG I ATE ME! So here begins yet another journey in my life. Not a bad one, no. But a journey nonetheless. It's ok. I'm strong, I love me, my kids/partner love me, I have great friends. I'm ok.

It was amazing! I had the greatest time ever!! the floors...well..umm..ahem...haha we haven't bought the wood yet. I'm putting it off. But we have a few more events the next 2 weekends. After that, I will buckle down and do it. Get it out of the way!

I'm sure the odds are slim, but anyone in NM? would love a buddy near me

Another week has come and gone. Was supposed to go camping this weekend, but forgot I have a baby shower to attend (Gah). Upset my mom when I told her I couldn't pick her up for the shower because I really didn't plan on staying through the entire shower. I explained to her I do not like showers of any kind...yes i know, it's my cousin's wifes and we've waited forever for another baby...but ...games/food/chatter.. no thanks! Hell I would've missed my own baby showers if I could've.. I sound evil don't I? I'm just so non girly like. But I know I need to be there. My mom's family is extrememly small (me, my brother and 2 cousins). SO this is a huge event. There better be some good homemade potato salad to make this worth it! LOL.. Well my g/f was still quiet last night. I had to really push to get to her mom's house. I know her mom was happy we were there. She loves my kids even asked them to call her grandma. After we made her mom dinner my g/f informed me she was going to her friends house to watch the remainder of the game..I was not happy, but let it go. I did get a text an hour after saying "I love you sooo much". I guess that was her way of reminding me she needs me? I know she's going through alot of emotion. In all honesty, I had to remind myself how I would be if anything happened to my dad. How would I be? Exactly like her. I'd shut her out (not intending too of course). And hold all emotion inside. Me and my dad are so close that my brother has already prepared his fiance of his duties should anything happen to my dad. He knows he'd have to fly in from Cali to help me cope. Yes, true daddy's girl here and proud of it! Matter of a fact, we had a cancer scare last month with dad. God smiled upon us and he does not have cancer! Thank you Jesus!! We're not 100% out of the woods, but they did say once they remove his barrett's disease, he should be in the clear . Oh and I was a bad girl for lunch. I ate a burger. it was a kids burger, but a burger nonetheless. feel like poo now.. but i can't say i regret it. It was something I was craving and decided not to deny myself. I refuse to act like i can never eat certain things again... I won't eat them daily, but if i'm craving..im eating. Well time to finish up here and work and start my weekend! See you monday dearest diary

how are you able to live without CHILI?!! haha.. that's quite a change from NM to Michagan!!

I had lapband in 2011 and changed to the sleeve in December of 2012. How exciting!! it's creeping up for you!

I had my surgery in December..and go through phases when it comes to sleeping. I've always been a stomach sleeper. And was looking forward to sleeping on a SMALLER tummy! Once I was done healing (about a month out), I was more comfortable on my stomach again. However, I find I have switched to being a side sleeper. These days, that just feels right. I still sneak onto my tummy, but it just doesn't feel the same (go figure). i'm just SOOO glad I sleep through the night now (and with no snoring TYVM!). Before I had insomnia. Now, like a baby!! one of the beautiful NSV of the sleeve!

Hello all New to this group. Brief history: I'm 40, had lap band placed in 9/2011, had lap band removed/hernia repair/sleeve done 12/2012. I've hit my goal of losing 100 lbs. Pretty happy with where I am I got my first tattoo about 6 years ago (A tribute to my grandmother). Sadly, didn't like what the artist did. Was gun shy after that, but had another artist add to the first tattoo. I was careful where to place my tattoos due to being 240 lbs. It was stupid, but i felt like i shouldn't get tattoos being my age and my weight. I got one on my ankle. Then made the leap to get one on the inside of each wrist to symbolize me and my 3 children. After my 1st surgery...it was time to stop being afraid. I worked with an artist and we spent a few months designing the tattoo i've always wanted, a Geisha. After the second surgery, I felt it was time to put my daily prayer on me. So I got the serenity prayer in a scroll placed on me. Now that I have a new and improved confidence, I am dying to get a back piece. It's something I've always wanted, but was too afraid to do.. At this point, it's just a matter of a good artist and well..the funds!! Anywhere, here are most of my tattos Look forward to meeting/chatting with you

I wore pants I didn't have to button! and if I had to button them, I looped a rubber band around the button and through the hole, this gave me an inch or 2 wiggle room. I really only felt pressure when i was sitting at my desk if the pants were too snug. By the 3rd week I was wearing my button up pants again As for laying down, I prefered the recliner. If I did make my way to my bed, I had a mountain of pillows around me. I sort of made a pyramid with the pillows so i was propped up rather than laying flat. And I kept one under my belly (i laid on my side for the most part) and one between my legs. I did have pain at night (I ended up having 4 procedures unexpectedly), so I would take my pain meds then to knock me out. Seemed to help me sleep better. Hope this helps a bit! good luck hun!!

I would agree with everyone, it's when YOU feel comfortable in them. I wore my girdles about 2 weeks out. Granted I don't do spanx. I Love the concept, dont' get me wrong..but umm a small hole at the bottom to attempt to pee out of? no thanks:) I have found some amazing alternatives at walmart & Ross where I can wear my own bra and still get the full effects of spanx i'm somewhat addicted to girdles!! Almost have as many as i do shirts! haha..but it boosts confidence and keeps my skin in control!

So yesterday my g/f's mother is rushed to the ER wtih chest pains. We were told she had just had her 2nd heart attack. When she gets to the ER, they said that was incorrect and her heart was fine. Due to extreme deadlines at work I couldn't rush to the ER to be there. I also figured all her children were there so I would only be in the way. Once I knew I could leave work, I called my g/f and asked her if I could stop by her moms. She said her mom was tired and that she'd be heading home soon. I went home, fed the kids and text her letting her know I feel ridiculous being at home when I should be at her side. She finally gave in and said to come down. Just as I'm about to get on the freeway she sends a text telling me her mom is tired and she's putting her to bed and would be home soon. So I turned around and called it a night. This morning she woke up to take her mom to the doctor. I asked her to let me know when she got there so I could call her mom. I didn't want to call prior to just incase she wasn't awake. I sent 2 text messages asking her if she was there. Finally after an hour she responded that she was. So I called, she answered her mom's phone and I asked her why she didn't let me know. She said her mom was getting ready. I asked if I could briefly speak to her. I needed to send her my love and let her know I'm thinking of her. I know her mom would be SO hurt if I didn't call or go see her. This is why I was adament about wanting to see her. I can't help but feel like I'm being shut out. This is her mom, I'm her partner, she should be leaning on me. instead, she's pretty much ignoring me. I'm trying SO hard to be understanding and give her space... but I would like to feel needed by her. She can't do this journey alone. Her mom is on 10 different meds, has diabetets, high blood pressure and God knows what else. We NEED to change her eating habits and get her on some sort of exercise. Does she think she can spend everyday at her mom's alone and do this by herself? I can't make it more clear I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!! Ugh, I'm just sad..I know she's angry at me from the other night because I "didn't have her back" when she got upset with my son. Is that REALLY a reason to shut me out now? I mean really? She is pissed I asked her to drop it while we were fighting. And of course twice as angry that I didn't bring it up the next day. (she knows I hate arguing). So...here we go again. SSDD.. I know in my heart we're not meant to be, the love is there...but not much else.. IDK.

I felt it was for the best. Granted, my insurance required I see the dietician once a month for the 6 months. In all honestly, this HELPED! I had 6 months to prepare for my new life. She gave me a goal each month to help me get used to the new way of eating. First month was to cut out sodas, OH GOD!! In all honestly, I don't think I would've been as successful had I not been required to wait the 6 months. or have you already done everything else required by the clinic for the surgery?

so THATS what those little buggers look like! I've always wanted to know. I had to suffer through my pain when I had gallstones because I was 6 months pregnant, couldn't do a thing. And I wanted to know what the heck was giving me so much grief! Hope your recovery goes well take it easy.

It's always best to be open and honest with your PCP, they know you better than your surgeon does!! I told mine. And turns out it was the best thing ever. She did her clinicals in a bariatric clinc! So I can see her for most of my issues One stop shop!

CONGRATS!!!!!!! hitting the 100's is the best ever!!

Thrift stores and clearance racks have become my new best friends! I don't think I've spent over $10 for anything lately! it's so nice to have a smorgashboard of items to choose from! Unlike the plus sized racks (damn you designers!). My biggest shocker was my shoes! I have been a size 8 forever, and just a few months ago, realized I'm now a 7.. That part I didn't like. I'm not much into shoes..so I hate shopping for them (prefer barefeet! ) And I am also curious how consignment shops work. I have a few very nice party dresses that I need to hand off.