LJM

ABOUT ME....WE'LL I COME FROM THE TYPICAL HOUSEHOLD WHERE YOU HAD TO CLEAN YOUR PLATE. WHERE I WAS ALWAYS TOLD WHAT A PRETTY FACE I HAD, IF ONLY I COULD LOSE WEIGHT I WOULD BE THE TOTAL PACKAGE. AND THIS IS STUFF COMING NOT ONLYH FORM STRANGERS BUT FROM MY OWN FAMILY.I KNOW MOST CAN RELATE. MY WEIGHT NEVER REALLY BOTHERED ME GROWING UP. I WAS VERY OUTGOING AND HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL. HAD A BOYFRIEND, SO DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF MY WEIGHT. EVERYTIME I DECIDED TO LOSE WEIGHT, I WOULD START ONE DAY, THEN BE LIKE..I'LL START NEXT WEEK OR WHEN I TURN 20, OR AFTER 21.THEN 22 CAME AND I GOT MARRIED WANTED TO START A FAMILY. AND THATS WHEN I STARTED TO NOTICE THAT I HAD A PROBLEM. I CLASSIFY MY OVERWEIGHT,OVER EATING AS A DISORDER.

A YEAR AFTER BEING MARRIED I COULD NOT CONCEIVE. THANKFULLY I HAD INSURANCE AND WAS ABLE TO GO SEE MANY SPECIALST. ONLY TO FIND OUT I HAVE PCOS. I AM NOW 28. NO CHILDREN AND TIPPING THE SCALE AT 220 IN A 5FT FRAME. IN THE LAST 3 YEARS I HAVE BEEN MISERABLE! IT IS MY OWN FAULT THAT I HAVE GOTTEN THIS BIG, THAT I CANT CONTROL WHAT AND HOW MUCH I EAT. I HAVE TRIED WEIGHT WATCHERS, SHAKES, AND UNTIL RECENTLY APPETITE SUPPRESENTS. THEY ALL WORKED FOR A LITTLE WHILE. WITH THE PHENTERMINE PILLS I LOST 30 LBS. BUT NOT IN A VERY HEALTY WAY, AND THEN AFTER 3 MONTHS THEY WERENT WORKING AND THEY WERE SO EXPENSIVE. EVERY WEEK I WAS SPENDING 40 BUCKS.

I HAVE TWO FRIENDS THAT HAVE HAD THE GASTRIC BYPASS.. THEY WERE VERY SUCCESSFULL, BUT AFTER 4 YRS THEY HAVE GAINED SOME WEIGHT BACK. I AM NOW JUST BEGINNING MY JOURNEY. I SEE THS AS A BLESSING. IF I CAN HAVE THIS SURGERY, WORK AT IT EVERYDAY SO THAT IT IS SUCCESSFUL, I FEEL I WILL BE ABLE TO ACOMPLISH SO MUCH.

THREE WEEKS AGO I STARTED REALLY RESEARCHING THE LAB PAND SURGERY. AND IT ALL STARTED BECAUSE I WENT TO A FAMILY EVENT AND COULD NOT FIND ANYTHING IN MY CLOSET TO WEAR. IT WAS DEPRESSING TO SAY THE LEAST, AND EMBERRASING WAS WHAT I ENDED UP WEARING. IT WAS SO EMBERRASING THAT WHEN I GOT TO THE PARK, I GOT OUT OF THE CAR WALKED TOWARD THE EVEN AND NOT EVEN HALF WAY THERE I TURNED BACK AROUND IN A PANIC! IT WAS SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE, I WAS EMBERRASED FOR ANYONE TO SEE HOW BIG I HAD BECOME. I LEFT AND NEVER MADE IT TO MY FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE '' I WAS NOT FEELING WELL AND MY CAR WOULD NOT START'' ( THATS THE STORY I TOLD MY FAMILY WHEN THEY KEEPT CALLING ME)

I HOPE TO COME BACK A COUPLE MONTHS FROM THIS DAY OR A YEAR AND READ THIS ENTRY . I HOPE TO HAVE SUCCEDED AND CRY AT THIS ENTRY. TEARS OF JOY, TEARS OF SUCCESS BECAUSE I WANT TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE.