SillyWillyMommy

Ok... so I am definately not all "Whoa is me"... and I'm not looking for sympathy... it's just that there's something cathertic about getting your thoughts down... admitting your deepest darkest secrets is the first step, right?? So, I am writing today about addiction. In the past few days a cousin of mine overdosed on narcotics.. she died. She was the same age as myself. I never knew her, but hearing of her death got me seriously thinking about addiction. Me, who turns her nose up at those addicted to smoking, considers myself much better than the drunks in the local bar, and repeatedly tells myself that drug addicts are beneath me... how could anyone be so recklessly self indulgent.. How could.. wait... I am an addict. I am addicted to eating. Grocery shopping for me consists of three groups: the bags that of 'healthy' foods that I will bring into the house and put away, the junk foods that I will hide in the car beneath a coat or box to be taken out and put away later while my husband is at work, and the bag of stuff that I will eat on the way home, stopping by the 7-11 up the road from me to dump the 'evidence'.... I think about food constantly... my husband telling me a story about a meeting at work... most wives would ask what the meeting was about. I ask "Did they serve you lunch?", "What did you have?", "How much did you eat"... "Was it good?"... Now, some of that is that I LOVE to cook, and most of all, I like to please my husband, and cook foods that he'd enjoy eating.. but most of my questioning is self indulgent. I am fastinated by the way 'normal' people eat... how they can leave food on there plate... skip dessert... skip dinner because they had a big lunch.. My husband is one of those people. He is normal weight, has a healthy attitude about food, exercises regularly, and doesn't eat when he's not hungry.. Hey wait.. I don't eat when I'm not hungry.. it's just that I AM hungry all the time... at least, that's what I tell myself. I make myself THINK I am hungry. When really I just want to eat. I think 'wanting to eat' is different from being hungry.. but I don't allow myself to know that. So, I'm feeling down on myself because I ate a whole package of oreos yesterday. I've been really good and haven't eaten crap in a while... and after I ate them, and even WHILE I was eating them... I felt incredibly bloated and uncomfortable.. the taste was good.. but afterwards I had the worse stomach ache EVER.. and I pretty much passed out on the couch for the rest of the night (until it was time for me to do my workout, while watching the sopranos).. I totally know I need therapy.. but, do you know how hard this stuff is to admit to someone... I know I shouldn't eat a whole box of oreos (which, by the way, was 12 servings... 24 cookies). I know I shouldn't eat in private, or offer to go pick up dinner for the family so that I can order an extra meal for myself to eat on the way home. I am well aware of the effect it is having on my body... and on my self esteem. I do not have any reason, that I know of to eat like this.. other than that is how my family ate.. (I remember my dad eating straight from the fridge late at night).. It is something I am working on. I think an HONEST food diary will help. I've done food logs in the past, for various diets, but only wrote what I ate in front of other people.. I will promise to food log, and if that isn't effective, I will bite the bullet and start therapy..... ick.

Ok... so I am definately not all "Whoa is me"... and I'm not looking for sympathy... it's just that there's something cathertic about getting your thoughts down... admitting your deepest darkest secrets is the first step, right?? So, I am writing today about addiction. In the past few days a cousin of mine overdosed on narcotics.. she died. She was the same age as myself. I never knew her, but hearing of her death got me seriously thinking about addiction. Me, who turns her nose up at those addicted to smoking, considers myself much better than the drunks in the local bar, and repeatedly tells myself that drug addicts are beneath me... how could anyone be so recklessly self indulgent.. How could.. wait... I am an addict. I am addicted to eating. Grocery shopping for me consists of three groups: the bags that of 'healthy' foods that I will bring into the house and put away, the junk foods that I will hide in the car beneath a coat or box to be taken out and put away later while my husband is at work, and the bag of stuff that I will eat on the way home, stopping by the 7-11 up the road from me to dump the 'evidence'.... I think about food constantly... my husband telling me a story about a meeting at work... most wives would ask what the meeting was about. I ask "Did they serve you lunch?", "What did you have?", "How much did you eat"... "Was it good?"... Now, some of that is that I LOVE to cook, and most of all, I like to please my husband, and cook foods that he'd enjoy eating.. but most of my questioning is self indulgent. I am fastinated by the way 'normal' people eat... how they can leave food on there plate... skip dessert... skip dinner because they had a big lunch.. My husband is one of those people. He is normal weight, has a healthy attitude about food, exercises regularly, and doesn't eat when he's not hungry.. Hey wait.. I don't eat when I'm not hungry.. it's just that I AM hungry all the time... at least, that's what I tell myself. I make myself THINK I am hungry. When really I just want to eat. I think 'wanting to eat' is different from being hungry.. but I don't allow myself to know that. So, I'm feeling down on myself because I ate a whole package of oreos yesterday. I've been really good and haven't eaten crap in a while... and after I ate them, and even WHILE I was eating them... I felt incredibly bloated and uncomfortable.. the taste was good.. but afterwards I had the worse stomach ache EVER.. and I pretty much passed out on the couch for the rest of the night (until it was time for me to do my workout, while watching the sopranos).. I totally know I need therapy.. but, do you know how hard this stuff is to admit to someone... I know I shouldn't eat a whole box of oreos (which, by the way, was 12 servings... 24 cookies). I know I shouldn't eat in private, or offer to go pick up dinner for the family so that I can order an extra meal for myself to eat on the way home. I am well aware of the effect it is having on my body... and on my self esteem. I do not have any reason, that I know of to eat like this.. other than that is how my family ate.. (I remember my dad eating straight from the fridge late at night).. It is something I am working on. I think an HONEST food diary will help. I've done food logs in the past, for various diets, but only wrote what I ate in front of other people.. I will promise to food log, and if that isn't effective, I will bite the bullet and start therapy..... ick.

I had one too.. but only because I have a benign cardiac arrithymia (irregular heartbeat), and very mild aortic stenosis (leaky valve). They wanted to be extra sure that I could handle the surgery. Typically, my doctor recommends just an EKG and Echocardiogram... I guess every practice is different.

There was probably a post promoting Betancourt right before hers... maybe it got deleted.

This scares me alot.... I am due to be banded early June. I haven't lost much this past 6 months (on the insurance mandated 6 months of doc supervised dieting)... but I have been trying to eat sensibly... But lately.. I find that I have this uncontrollable urge to shove things in my mouth. I tell myself I just want to 'taste' them... Well, Sunday at the grocery store, I saw these new mint oreos, and I just had to "taste" them.. so I bought, and ate, a whole package in one sitting... (I think I probably could have determined the taste in the first bite :-) I did go on the elliptical for an extra 20 minutes that night, and ate sparingly the rest of the day... but the thing that I"m afraid of.. is... the things I binge on, are the things that will flow right through a band.. no? Honestly.. have any of you bandsters out there binged.. even AFTER the surgery???

Huh?? Sounds like you need a new PCP. My PCP is completely anti-wls, in ANYCASE. She's kind of closed minded when it comes to stuff like that, and everytime I bring it up, she's like "Why don't you give Weight Watchers another try?"... HOWEVER, I am fortunate enough to live very close to a bariatric center, who (it seems) is handling it so I don't need to go through my PCP, and so far everything is covered, and my final paperwork will be submitted in 3 weeks. Maybe there's a different doctor YOU could try?

Julie.. You look beautiful, and are SOO inspiring. Thank you so much for taking the time out to post routinely. It's very encouraging to be able to follow someone's success story. You rock. Hopefully, you can get onto FULL living soon, so you can have some time to try out your rockin' new bod before you have to go back to work.

Go to the doctor for a consultation, they will tell you if you qualify. Where do you live?

Each insurance company has it's own requirements, HOWEVER, many doctor's offices are well aware of each insurance companies, (and each plan, rider, etc) policies. Why not just schedule a consult? Your doc can tell you everything you need... calling your insurance company was a great idea as well. Good Luck!

Ok, first of all.. my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you are very scared right now. I think, with the proper attention, you will be OK. I know that it might be intimidating, but you need to insist that your doctor see you sooner. (Even if you offer to just sit in his waiting room and get 'squeezed in'). If the doctor cannot see you TOMARROW, go to the ER. You need to have an unfill, and then some antibiotics, fluid, and rest. Then you can get the nourishment you need. You will be OK. Sending positive thoughts and comfort your way.

Usually, if you go to a bariatric surgeon, they will already know what your insurance will or will not cover. I would go for an initial consult and see what they say... they've been through it all before. Best of luck!

Thank you Julie... that was quite inspirational. :-)

I am so motivated by you guys, Puddin and Nile... You both look awesome, and Puddin.. I am TOTALLY getting a body bugg... I'm a statistics fanatic... I think seeing daily results/info is exactly what will keep me goin.... Thanks for the inspiration. Rock on! :-)

I'm hoping that six months from now, I open this journal and barely recognize the feelings that I am about to express. I've been overweight forever. FOREVER... and isn't funny that when you look back at old photos, when you thought you were as fat as could be.... what you wouldn't give to look that way now??? I was reading some old diaries that I wrote when I was in HS, and I was complaining about how fat I had become.. "ballooning up to 140 lbs". Anyhow, I'm trying desperately to replace my habit of eating crap and vegging out on the couch, with diet and excercise. I want to be an excercise addict. I've been working out as well as I can.. my schedule isn't exactly condusive to good excercise habits... BUT I've found the more you WANT to work out, the more you will find time to do so. And the eating crap?? That's still my biggest struggle... it's just easier to swing by Mickey D's and order a value meal than to come home, broil fish and steam veggies and sit down an eat.. BUT I guess if I can convince myself to WANT to prepare a healthy meal, I will. My nutritionist would cringe at the amount of fast food I eat. I really need to stop that... More later.. Gotta pick up the kids.

I'm glad you're feeling better, Alexandra. Maybe your insurance will approve replacing the band.. I will send my positive thoughts your way.

Thank you for your post... I hope you feel better very soon, and congratulations on your pregnancy!! My thoughts are with you. Hoping you have an uneventful pregnancy.

I'm dying to know what happened.... Hopefully, they were abled to replace it right there. Good luck, my thoughts are with you.

Have you tried Pilates?? I know it's intimidating at first, but you could get a video like Pilates for dummies or something and try it at home. Set small goals for yourself... Start off by just watching the video, next day, watch the video and to all the positions, then do each position with 1 or 2 reps, then 4 or 5 reps, and so on and so on.. you'll be a pilates guru in no time. Keep up the astonishing work!!!!

You will do AWESOME... and, if you absolutely, positively need more restriction earlier... you could probably call your doc and have your appointment moved up. Good luck girl. :-)

"She's come undone" is by Wally Lamb..

omg.. I love reading. I don't know any 'how to' diet type books that I've ever read beyond the intro chapter... but two books that I read again,and again that have 'weight' themes are "She's come undone" (I forget the author's name), and "Passing for Thin" By Francis Kauffel. Yay BOOKS!!!

I'm a big firm fan too :-)

Have you tried one of those body fat scales? They sell for around $100 and are made by Tanita... I don't know if the loose skin factor affects the results though.... Good Luck.

Yeh, that's what I was thinking.. go to the MD today, get your fill... and then maybe research for a new MD. Your doctor should be compassionate. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. Hey, are there other doctors at his practice that you would prefer to see? Or is he the only one there?

That's awesome!! Way to stay motivated... I have to agree with you, on the "Farewell to food tour"... My husband was going to take me to the Cheesecake Factory the night before I have to start my pre-op diet... but I think the healthy I start eating NOW, the quicker I'll reach my WL goal. I'll finally have all my hurdles cleared (6 months supervised weight loss, psych eval, gall bladder and renal scan, cardio eval, bloodwork) finished on 4/25, when my MD will submit to insurance co... so I'm likely to have a May surgery date. Yay.. I can't wait :-)