the1surething

Well, I am not sure if I would call it the week from hell, but it has been close, real close.
 
Over the w/e I came down with what I thought was possible STREP throat. Throat irritated and dry, ears itchy and hurt. Headed to the dr Monday afternoon after working 4 hours. Good news - not strep (this after 2 swabs of my back throat because the first swab showed negative), bad news -- my allergies were acting WAY up. So, after 2 RX's and the co-pay at the dr's office, I was sent on my way.
 
Next day, Tuesday, I had made arrangements to take the day off a few weeks ago to take my friend to have a surgical procedure done, but ended up going to work for about 3 hours because I was told the Friday before that I had to do a presentation to our supervisors, and it had to be done during the supv meeting. Bad news - couldn't get the PPT presentation to pull up at work, couldn't get the computer to work, so had to re-write the presentation at the last minute. Good news - got out in time. Spent the entire day with my friend at the hospital, only to have her admitted because her BP shot up into the critical zone. Stayed with her until she fell asleep that evening then had an hour drive home.
 
Wednesday, on the way to work, Bad News - really bad news - I somehow managed to get into a single vehicle accident while driving my hubby's truck to work...good news, I did not hit anyone and am actually OK with only a little bruising and minimal soreness. The best piece of advice I can give anyone is keep your eyes on the road no matter what, and WEAR YOUR SEATBELT!!! My guardian angel and God were with me that day because I did not do either of those things...and ended up in a field of alphalfa. Truck has a little damage, but thank goodness for insurance.
 
Thursday, went pretty well, except that I was pulled from my regular assignment (as were many of the staff I work with) and directed to go help do a contraband search...I work in a security facility so this is nothing new to us. Bad news, had to work OT, but because I am salaried, I do not get paid for it. Good news is when I take off early, I don't get docked since I am salaried. It is all a wash.
 
Today is Friday...and things seem to be going well. Good News -- got word on the damage to the truck...only about $3400 and it will probably be ready next week.
 
In all of this, I have remained emotionally calm for the most part, but did figure out that I am a STRESS EATER. After I arrived at work (the day of the accident -- my husband told me to drive to work in the car (it was the best thing he could do for me to force me to get back behind the wheel)) I actually ate 2 pieces of candy, and I used the excuse that I needed to calm myself. What a bunch of crap, but because after not having candy for 8 months, it did nothing to calm me, and the funny thing is, it really didn't taste like I thought it would. I'd rather have my protein, veggies, and drinks and stay away from the sugars and carbs.
 
So that is it in a nutshell as to how my week has been going.
 
Thanks for letting me get this stuff off my chest, and for being there for me and everyone else. I feel much better now. Oh, and I think my allergies are finally under control.
 
Have a great weekend.
 
Until next time---Zil

This gets better and better as the days go by! My bmi is now 49.7... Whooo hoooo! I aimed for it to be below 50 by month end and with 8 days to spare I'm down to 308 today.
 
This week was really, really, really did I say really?, STRESSFUL!!!!! There were days when I went up to over 1500 cals and I didn't exercise a single day this week but still I lost. Last night I stepped on the scale and it was still saying 310 and I said to myself at least I did not gain under all that stress. But sure enough when I got on this morning, it gave up the 2lbs. Wheeew!
 
Cause of all the stress this past week, I do appreciate the 2lb loss this week even more than the 5lb last week, plus it did put my bmi under 50 for the first time in almost 10 years!!!!
 
I am also elated over the fact that I can now pull on and off my favourite jeans without unbuttoning them, not to mention how much fun I'm having boasting about my skin 'wings' and having my sons crack up. (They're 10,8 and 2 yrs old .... so cute!) lol
 
My husband is now happy that he's seeing our investment finally working. I secretly giggled when I heard him bragging about the weight his wife has recently lost, to someone on the phone.
 
44lbs and counting... On my weigh down...

This is day one of the soft foods after my unadjustment on Wednesday..I have to say..it feels good to sleep without the acid reflex! One of my biggest problems is that I eat too fast. My Dr suggested I start a food diary..what I eat when and how long it takes me to finish.. I thought ok? I'll write I ate in 5 minutes..lol how is that gonna help?
My best friend suggested I read a book while I eat..IF I enjoyed to read, that might work... Walking around the Dollar Tree yesterday I found one of many word search and crossword puzzle books...Hmmmm! I bought a Large Print (lol i'm gettin old) book and started with page 1. At the top I put the date, time and what I was eating in this case Oatmeal ( I found an active living weight control brand..180 cal 40from fat, 1gm sugar, 8gm protein 7gm fiber..and it was actully pretty good).
I finished the 1st page faster than I did my Oatmeal but just continued to the next page and carried over the times only this time I recorded what time I started this Puzzle.. When finished I recorded the time I was done eating and all in all how long it took me to eat. 18 minutes...pretty good for someone who last week would have ate the bowl in 6mins. This is just a small step to my better eating Hopefully someone else can benifet from my tool.

I guess i can start with getting banded right, I guess that is where most start. I was banded on September 2,2011 its a day that you don't forget. I remember feeling scared, nerves, and completely terrified (to say the least). I guess i can also go back to the start of the weight problem right. Well here goes.
Believe it or not i wasn't always a big heavy person. I was 165 in high school and it was all muscle but at the time i just thought it was all fat, and being big boned didn't help my way of thinking or my mothers. She saw big boned as an excuse for fat. Even at my skinniest in high school i was 145lbs. Eating at home was a battle, My mom kept a metaphorical lock and key on the fridge and everywhere in the house that there was food and sodas. I was allowed three meals a day and forget about seconds no matter how hungry i was. And sodas where a no no except to my mom and dad. They could have all the sodas they wanted. She didn't really start to come down on me until high school when i started lifting weights and the weight wouldn't stop coming on little did i know it was muscle not fat. She really came down on me hard and so did my dad. I was playing all the sports i could and ran like crazy everyday. She started me on all the diet pills i could handle until i couldn't eat any more. My sophomore year of high school she thought it was best if i drank slim fast for all meals. I was embarrassed to take the can of slim fast to school so in the morning i would drink the nasty drinks and show her that i was taking one for lunch and head out the door. She didn't give me money because that would only mean that i would eat something from the school. So there i was at lunch time and my only choice was to either drink the slim fast and look like an over weight dork or just not eat. So i chose not to eat. At dinner i would drink my slim fast and after everyone was asleep go to the kitchen and sneak a quick snack and hope she wouldn't know that it was gone in the mornings. That was mostly fine during volley ball season because you don't really run to much. And at school there was always someone willing to give me 50 cents for a soda so i didn't really feel very hungry. But basketball was a very different story. I had a game on a Monday night out of town on of the few games my mother had time to come to, I was playing hard and before i knew it i was on my floor in the gym with my coach and everyone around me. I didn't know what had happened i just remember someone was shooting a free throw and i was ready then i woke up on the floor. I was sitting on the bench and my coach asked me what i ate that day looking at my mom i said nothing really. I told her i drank a shake for breakfast and didn't eat lunch. She asked me when the last time i ate was i said i don't remember. Right then she told my mom i could stay for the game but couldn't play until i was eating again. I don't know what else she told my mom that night but i remember my dad telling my mother that it was enough with diets that if i didn't want to stick with them i shouldn't have to if i was going to go and do things like this. I felt like i had let them down i felt the need to deal with it myself. So from that year until my senior year i had eating disorders like not eating or eating till i thought my stomach was about to explode but i didn't eat at home. I would go to my friends house where her mom knew what my mom was doing to me and would fix me all kinds of food. Im not saying what i was doing was right but i didn't know that at the time.
When i left for college i found a whole new life where i couldn't be controlled by anyone because i made all my own choices and food was my number one obsession. My boy friend was excited that i was eating and never stopped to let me know that i was gaining weight like crazy. Before i knew it i was about 240lbs the heaviest of my whole life. Other traumatic things had happened but ill save that for another story. I moved back in with my mom and that didnt help only now i could go to a fast food place and eat as much as i could and then come home. by the time that i moved out again i was a big 265 and i found it hard to loose the weight once it started. little did i know i have polytheistic ovarian syndrome and it makes it hard to loose weight.
I met the man of my dreams in 2008 we got married in 2009 where i was 275. I wasn't happy about the weight and it would go down and come back i was tired of trying and i didn't care any more i thought well if i cant get past 240 then what is the point. I just didn't care any more. My mom had been on my about weight loss surgery but i didn't think that it was possible and i didn't think that it would work i thought i was a lost cause and i would forever be "The heavy girl". I wouldn't take pictures with my kids or my husband i didn't want to look like a big whale next to small children or a whale next to a man. They are my step kids i don't have any children of my own. I was trying diet pills and all kinds of things but at the end of the day i would just eat and eat and eat.
One morning woke up and just hated everything my feet felt like they where going to explode from all the pressure that i was putting on them and my back was killing me. I was at the end of my rope i wanted to be skinny and i wanted my life back. I didn't like they way people would look at me and i didn't like that i felt so ugly. I hated the way that people would look at me when i went out to eat and the way that i felt when i would eat in front of people. I didn't want to go any where or do anything. I hadn't worn a swim suit in six years or more. And my whole wardrobe was basketball shorts, jeans, and XXX L t-shirts. I felt like a cow and i didn't see an end in site. August 2011 my mom came and got me and told me i needed a change and she was willing to help me no matter what the cost. I was offended of course but i wanted to change i wanted to show everyone that i was more then just "The fat girl" i was someone. I agreed to lap band and it all started.
I didn't know what to expect i was scared and thought they might tell me i was under weight or to fat to have it done. Or later i would hear them talk about how fat i was. But when i walked in to the office i was greeted real nice like i was a real person (something i didn't expect at all) considering all the times i have walked into a doctors office and had been treated like i looked. I met with the nurses and the doctor and they where so nice and caring. And i decided i had made the right choice.
I cried because i was scared every time i met with the doctor to be honest I knew i was going to be cut on and that scared me more then anything. My husband didn't want me to do it because he was just as scared as i was but i did it anyways. The night before the surgery i was so scared i couldn't even sleep. I felt like i was going to summer camp where i didn't know any one. I thought about my doctor telling me that i was going to be beautiful and love the way that i looked and i was going to be happy. It made that day a little easier that and i had lost 20lbs in two weeks that was a boost to. When called to the waiting room i was so scared i couldn't stop crying and i hate crying. They sent many people in there to talk to me to tell me what to expect even a nurse that met me the day before came in to check on me when she didn't even have to. Just to make sure that i was going to be ok. Now i wasn't loud and crazy lol i was just quietly worrying my self to death. they came in and gave me meds to calm me down and man did that i was happy and laughing and making jokes.
When i woke up the pain was ok the gas however sucked. i dont remember much of that day or the next to be honest i was moving around and not eating because my tummy wasn't ready for food but i tried. I know that the gas was gone from my stomach and that was much better. Getting rid of the gas from your stomach for me it was like im about to throw up and all that came out with this horrible burp see they don't tell me that you have to learn how to burp again.
Any ways I went back to the Dr a week later and lost another ten pounds i was happy and i didn't cry when the doctor said im happy to see your not terrified of me any more i said well your not trying to cut me he just laughed.
Since then i have lost a total of 80 something pounds with my ups and downs which i will get to more later, but in the end it is all well worth it. And im so happy that i when through with this. Still six months later.

Just wanted to drop a quick note. I got my unfill last monday and so far so good. it takes me about 4-5 hours before i'm "hungry" and my portions are controlled. needless to say I still am figthing that 1-2 last pounds to get to onederland. however i went shopping yesterday because i needed an outfit in a specific color for a womens conference. well i went into a little cheapy store and asked where the size 12's were since i saw the plus sized section started at size 14. she told me in the junior/misses section. I JUST STOOD THERE FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY. ME GET CLOTHES OUT OF THE JUNIOR.MISSES SECTION. my heart started racing. i know this sounds crazy but i was totally freaked out for a minute. I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT CLOTHES ANYWHERE OTHER THAN THE PLUS SIZE SECTION. so when i bought everything from that side of the store it was soooo weird. i was happy but it was so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that i could. i even bought a tank top in a medium from that side of the store. ok just wanted to share that experience right quick. hope all is well with everyone.
s/n from our conference. WHATEVER IT IS...LET IT GO!!!
peace and blessings
jennifer

Well I'm totally committed (or my husband would say I need to BE committed!) to exercising. I know that the scale staying at 18lbs lost for a week was because I needed to get up and shake what my momma gave me! I am doing Zumba on Tuesdays/Thursdays, but I was searching for something I could do at home. Low and behold, I bought the Just Dance 3 for the Wii. HIGHLY recommend! Everynight when my hubby goes to bed I get my controller strapped on to my wrist and I go to town. I'm sure if anyone was videotaping me I would go viral instantly because I'm sure that is a funny site to see! It actually lets you keep track of your week and your "sweat points". Not sure really what that means, but I'll take it!
 
NSV of the week:
Going back to work and having two boxes of Krispy Kreme GLAZED donuts on the table and not even having a desire to eat one!

Well it was bound to happen. My surgery was January 10th and I've done great. And then there was today! I own a photobooth company and had a big wedding show today. Needless to say, my business partner was sick and unable to attend so my stress level was definitely rising. It didn't help matters that I was running way late. So I thought I would make a smart choice and stop at my local QT and get a turkey sandwich. I thought this would be a better choice than the myriad of wedding cake samples that I knew would be lerking at every cake vendors table. Not sure what I was thinking choosing a turkey on WHEAT. Ever since my first fill, wheat is NOT my friend. Well four hours later as I returned home I was starving! I peeked my eyes into a white bag on the counter and what did my wandering eyes did appear? But a great big square rice krispie treat from Fudrucker's restaurant!
 
Based on the look on my step-son's face, you know the one- raised eyebrow and head tilted cockeyed, I realized I was devouring it like a crack addict getting high after being discharged from rehab! I thought, "what the hell is wrong with me?". Why now? I've sacrificed, I've planned, I've tracked every morsal of food, I've lost 29lbs for the love of Peter, Mary and Joseph!
 
After thoroughly enjoying, rather inhaling the rice krispie treat I realized, "Ok Maggie. Whats done is done. Get back to the plan and knock that sh*t off!" Ahhh THE PLAN. THAT is precicely what I failed to do this morning. My life is different. My stomach is different. What I can eat is different. If I don't plan, I know I fail. So I'm committing to myself to re-focus on planning.
 
PS: If it makes anyone feel better who is thinking about eating a nice big sugery treat after they've been "sugar sober" for about a month- I DON'T RECOMMEND IT! I felt like crap after eating it. I don't miss those days of feeling like sludge!
 
"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success" ~ Stephen A Brennan