I remember seeing someone wearing a rubber band around their wrist. I asked them why. They said to remind them of something they needed to do. They said that if they saw it on their wrist they knew there was something they needed to remember. So as crazy as it sounds I'm going to try it! Remind myself what I need to be doing and that's eating better. It might help to put it on the wrist I eat with! lol
I guess i can start with getting banded right, I guess that is where most start. I was banded on September 2,2011 its a day that you don't forget. I remember feeling scared, nerves, and completely terrified (to say the least). I guess i can also go back to the start of the weight problem right. Well here goes.
Believe it or not i wasn't always a big heavy person. I was 165 in high school and it was all muscle but at the time i just thought it was all fat, and being big boned didn't help my way of thinking or my mothers. She saw big boned as an excuse for fat. Even at my skinniest in high school i was 145lbs. Eating at home was a battle, My mom kept a metaphorical lock and key on the fridge and everywhere in the house that there was food and sodas. I was allowed three meals a day and forget about seconds no matter how hungry i was. And sodas where a no no except to my mom and dad. They could have all the sodas they wanted. She didn't really start to come down on me until high school when i started lifting weights and the weight wouldn't stop coming on little did i know it was muscle not fat. She really came down on me hard and so did my dad. I was playing all the sports i could and ran like crazy everyday. She started me on all the diet pills i could handle until i couldn't eat any more. My sophomore year of high school she thought it was best if i drank slim fast for all meals. I was embarrassed to take the can of slim fast to school so in the morning i would drink the nasty drinks and show her that i was taking one for lunch and head out the door. She didn't give me money because that would only mean that i would eat something from the school. So there i was at lunch time and my only choice was to either drink the slim fast and look like an over weight dork or just not eat. So i chose not to eat. At dinner i would drink my slim fast and after everyone was asleep go to the kitchen and sneak a quick snack and hope she wouldn't know that it was gone in the mornings. That was mostly fine during volley ball season because you don't really run to much. And at school there was always someone willing to give me 50 cents for a soda so i didn't really feel very hungry. But basketball was a very different story. I had a game on a Monday night out of town on of the few games my mother had time to come to, I was playing hard and before i knew it i was on my floor in the gym with my coach and everyone around me. I didn't know what had happened i just remember someone was shooting a free throw and i was ready then i woke up on the floor. I was sitting on the bench and my coach asked me what i ate that day looking at my mom i said nothing really. I told her i drank a shake for breakfast and didn't eat lunch. She asked me when the last time i ate was i said i don't remember. Right then she told my mom i could stay for the game but couldn't play until i was eating again. I don't know what else she told my mom that night but i remember my dad telling my mother that it was enough with diets that if i didn't want to stick with them i shouldn't have to if i was going to go and do things like this. I felt like i had let them down i felt the need to deal with it myself. So from that year until my senior year i had eating disorders like not eating or eating till i thought my stomach was about to explode but i didn't eat at home. I would go to my friends house where her mom knew what my mom was doing to me and would fix me all kinds of food. Im not saying what i was doing was right but i didn't know that at the time.
When i left for college i found a whole new life where i couldn't be controlled by anyone because i made all my own choices and food was my number one obsession. My boy friend was excited that i was eating and never stopped to let me know that i was gaining weight like crazy. Before i knew it i was about 240lbs the heaviest of my whole life. Other traumatic things had happened but ill save that for another story. I moved back in with my mom and that didnt help only now i could go to a fast food place and eat as much as i could and then come home. by the time that i moved out again i was a big 265 and i found it hard to loose the weight once it started. little did i know i have polytheistic ovarian syndrome and it makes it hard to loose weight.
I met the man of my dreams in 2008 we got married in 2009 where i was 275. I wasn't happy about the weight and it would go down and come back i was tired of trying and i didn't care any more i thought well if i cant get past 240 then what is the point. I just didn't care any more. My mom had been on my about weight loss surgery but i didn't think that it was possible and i didn't think that it would work i thought i was a lost cause and i would forever be "The heavy girl". I wouldn't take pictures with my kids or my husband i didn't want to look like a big whale next to small children or a whale next to a man. They are my step kids i don't have any children of my own. I was trying diet pills and all kinds of things but at the end of the day i would just eat and eat and eat.
One morning woke up and just hated everything my feet felt like they where going to explode from all the pressure that i was putting on them and my back was killing me. I was at the end of my rope i wanted to be skinny and i wanted my life back. I didn't like they way people would look at me and i didn't like that i felt so ugly. I hated the way that people would look at me when i went out to eat and the way that i felt when i would eat in front of people. I didn't want to go any where or do anything. I hadn't worn a swim suit in six years or more. And my whole wardrobe was basketball shorts, jeans, and XXX L t-shirts. I felt like a cow and i didn't see an end in site. August 2011 my mom came and got me and told me i needed a change and she was willing to help me no matter what the cost. I was offended of course but i wanted to change i wanted to show everyone that i was more then just "The fat girl" i was someone. I agreed to lap band and it all started.
I didn't know what to expect i was scared and thought they might tell me i was under weight or to fat to have it done. Or later i would hear them talk about how fat i was. But when i walked in to the office i was greeted real nice like i was a real person (something i didn't expect at all) considering all the times i have walked into a doctors office and had been treated like i looked. I met with the nurses and the doctor and they where so nice and caring. And i decided i had made the right choice.
I cried because i was scared every time i met with the doctor to be honest I knew i was going to be cut on and that scared me more then anything. My husband didn't want me to do it because he was just as scared as i was but i did it anyways. The night before the surgery i was so scared i couldn't even sleep. I felt like i was going to summer camp where i didn't know any one. I thought about my doctor telling me that i was going to be beautiful and love the way that i looked and i was going to be happy. It made that day a little easier that and i had lost 20lbs in two weeks that was a boost to. When called to the waiting room i was so scared i couldn't stop crying and i hate crying. They sent many people in there to talk to me to tell me what to expect even a nurse that met me the day before came in to check on me when she didn't even have to. Just to make sure that i was going to be ok. Now i wasn't loud and crazy lol i was just quietly worrying my self to death. they came in and gave me meds to calm me down and man did that i was happy and laughing and making jokes.
When i woke up the pain was ok the gas however sucked. i dont remember much of that day or the next to be honest i was moving around and not eating because my tummy wasn't ready for food but i tried. I know that the gas was gone from my stomach and that was much better. Getting rid of the gas from your stomach for me it was like im about to throw up and all that came out with this horrible burp see they don't tell me that you have to learn how to burp again.
Any ways I went back to the Dr a week later and lost another ten pounds i was happy and i didn't cry when the doctor said im happy to see your not terrified of me any more i said well your not trying to cut me he just laughed.
Since then i have lost a total of 80 something pounds with my ups and downs which i will get to more later, but in the end it is all well worth it. And im so happy that i when through with this. Still six months later.
