kyethra

I think the classic book on wicca is Drawing down the Moon by Adler-- at least it is for me. There are so many books! For a general introduction to Paganism I recommend the Idiot's Guide to Pagansim. I also am found of Pennick's Pagan book of Days. I find the Dummies Guide and Idiots Guide to books to be good resources overall-- they are simple to read and easy to use and present a lot of good information. The internet also has a lot of information that can be really useful-- things like what is the difference between druidism and wicca and between different traditions and so forth. Sometimes I feel like reading about the different traditions and where they came from is like reading about the pedigrees at a dog show-- there can be a lot of simularity and the main differences can just be one or two things that might not seem so big to someone like me, but I'm sure its a big difference to those who follow those traditions. If you want to know more about books and exact titles or something you can always PM me. Library catalogs have three access points- title, author, and subject. Wheras if you type something into Amazon it doesn't need to be as accurate in order to get the result- plus a zillion others.

Well I started out ok on the liquid diet. But then I wasn't feeling well and I went back to bed and after I woke up i went into the kitchen and ate a whole bunch of chocolate doughnut holes. You see, I had dreamed about them (yes an actual dream. Sometimes I dream about pizza depending on my work schedule but I'm more likely to dream about dessert). About how yummy and soft and good they would be. And they were. So now I'm just kind of mad at myself-- I couldn't even make it through my first day of liquid diet! I'm going through a phase right about now where food is my best friend and I adore it and I want it and I can't imagine living life without always having all the food I want when I want. And being fat isn't so bad-- its a small price to pay for all that glorious food! But I know better. And I know this phase will pass-- its like my withdrawl symptoms or something. Being fat isn't the price I'm paying, my health is the price I am paying. And I'm not giving up food either. I'm just making better food choices. And I can still have doughnuts-- only I need to have maybe just one dougnut hole instead of one half of a box of them. And less frequently too. I can live with that just fine.

Don't give yourself a breakdown! I'm a part time grad student currently-- I'm nervously waiting for letters in the mail that tell me what masters programs I got admitted to for Library Science to start full time in the fall. I finished my bachelors in May. I also work very part time. My husband has the good benefits-- the job with the income. I'm narcoleptic so I totally can't relate to not sleeping... Sorry. I've always needed at least nine hours a night. Its at the top of my priority list before studying and everything else because I can't study or anything if I can't stay awake... I also have fibromyalgia. This meant that for me extracurrics were pretty much nonexistant. I babysat afterschool when I was an undergrad since I could do that and the pay was decent. I'm a little nervous about weight and campus and so forth, if i do the campus program that I want to instead of an online one. There is definitely a need to plan more and not live out of vending machines. Whats your major? I started out in Engineering Physics then when I failed out of that (oops I found out I have a rare learning disability that doesn't do so well in spatial stuff) I ended up with double majors in psychology and creative writing. And now I am pursuing Masters in Library Science.

On a narcolepsy forum I visit I hear that those anesthiologists can be very annoying with the telling you to wake up all the time... Good luck with your recovery!

gynecological surgery- like for cyst removal is usually something that I think takes about the same amount of time too in the operating room-- at least in my experience. And in my experience a cyst is certainly something (like a complex one with torsion) that could cause you to not be able to eat solids or at least not able to keep them down for a while! Me, I just tell everyone. And I'll share the journey too. I tend to be a pretty open person about most things. I think that makes it easier for me to hide what I don't feel comfortable being as open about with everyone(like how mentally ill I think my mother is).

I was a little concerned something like this might happen to me. I'm a carrier for alpha 1 antitrysan deficiency which means that I don't have it- I'm fine- but that because I do have one abnormal gene my levels of alpha 1 antitrypsan tend to be in low normal range. Now thats just fine. But comparing notes with other individuals like myself (carriers) I've noticed that we do tend to have infections linger longer sometimes in our lungs (one of the organs alpha 1 affects). It also means that sometimes my liver test results are off the chart. My enzymes will get crazy high if I'm sick or even sometimes just because. My brother is the same way. At first doctors get all freaked out then I explain its always been that way and they will go back down and then they do and when it happens again its no big deal. So I mentioned that to the doctor at the surgeons office and that I have no idea what size my liver is or what effect the liquid diet will have but I said please don't freaked out if my liver enzymes are high. She said she had never had a patient with a situation like that before, then she tried to think of a tactful way to tell me I was wierd medically (because I also have narcolepsy and fibromyalgia and stuff) and I just told her it was ok. I have to do my preop stuff yet-- I think I am supposed to do that soon. Do you get a lot of blood tests normally? How does your protein level usually look?

Thats good to know about the polish. I'll get french tips on clear nails then maybe... Or even just take the polish off before I go in. I can't do my own nails very well though (can't do my own pedicures at all) LOL-- my fine motor skills stink. Sometimes if I am diligent I can keep them up for a while after a manicure though. I've told a lot of people about my going to get the band-- I'll probably tell more afterward. I'm glad to have a chance to read about complications actually so I know warning signs of various things, etc. I know I won't like surgery, I had an exploratory laproscropy before of my gyencological organs, and I didn't like healing from that (course I was sick at the time too) so I except this will be sort of like that only with something around my stomach too! But I do like knowing what to expect, if that makes any sense. Based on previous experience I know that the DVDs I rent shouldn't be commedies during that after surgery period because laughing hurts with a belly incision stiched up! My biggest concern about the surgery and complications sort of relates to throwing up, though I have never been bulemic. But I was born with bad GERD. I spent the first year of my life in my car seat because apparently if I slept laying down or got layed down after I ate I would projectile vomit. I still do that on occasion. Its actually pretty cool in a very gross sort of way. And of course I had it growing up even when I wasn't overweight. Stress and other factors can make it worse-- I remember in the grade when I had a mean teacher I used to throw up every day before I got on meds. Then I would eat tums like candy (I really would eat them all the time and didn't think much of it) until my asthma doc put me on prevacid as a teen cause the relfux makes my asthma so much worse. I know the band usually makes GERD a lot better so I am keeping my fingers crossed for that. It would be nice to have more control over mine and stuff. I'm a bit nervous though that I will be one of those people where theirs gets worse and that I'll start throwing up/refluxing a lot with it and that it will cause problems (its not possible to have both the band the fundoplasty for GERD). But I know that is borrowing trouble, so I'm trying to just focus on the overwhelmingly positive odds that come with being banded! Today is my last meals type of day. Went to Hardees for lunch. Was very disapointed- the last few times I was there something is always messed up. This time they put Mayo on my burger. I really quite dislike it so I always instruct them to not put it on and I make sure it pops up on the screen. Also the fries were overdone and the soda watery... how disapointing! At least I won't be missing that place! Going to eat my Ben and Jerry's too today and some ice cream cake. Ice cream is going to be my biggest challenge. I know that I have to be really careful with it because it can slip right on past the band and that means I have to really limit my ice cream intake. But it is my favorite food. So thats going to be hard. I get that. I'm not going to try and give it up completely. I'm just going to try and limit it much more-- like limit it to a pint a month I think. I think that is a reasonable amount. Its still going to be really hard for me and my husband's support is going to be really helpful with that. Tonight going out to eat somewhere- probably the most healthy meal I'll have all day. The liquid diet starts tomorrow! I'm almost looking forward to it in order just to stop eating the junk food.

I need to make a hair cut and nail apointment too before the surgery cause I know I won't want to go anywhere for a couple weeks after and I will be there lying in bed and thinking about my nasty nails and my split ends! And it will drive me crazy! LOL. At least I remember that from before, a few years ago, when I was really sick and too sick/weak to get out of bed much. I would lie there and they would drive me crazy and I wouldn't have the energy to do anything about them. So I need to be proactive and get myself taken care of! I sure do get some nasty nails cause I'm always breaking them running into stuff... I should start wearing gloves all the time or something. Maybe some cotton ones. But then people might think I was one of Roald Dahls Witches and try to pull my hair off...

Merry Meet! I'm mostly wiccan. But sometimes I have more druidic leanings and sometimes I don't feel I can be classified into one particular path so I just say Pagan and leave it at that. I've got celtic and green leanings. I've been practicing since I was 13. Right now I am working on my elemental balance. I do my own stuff and I am also part of a local women's group (we have a good number of male pagans in my area and I guess when the group was formed it was done because the girls wanted something all to themselves LOL) that meets every other week and that is based on reclaiming and pretty eclectic. I also did church hopping as a teen. I thought it would be interesting to compare denominations firsthand and it was. Sometimes my goth friends would go with me, or my severely disabled brother would want to come along. You'd be suprised about the different attitudes that people in different congretation can have- it can vary pretty widely-- and you can tell how friendly a place is when you walk in with a goth and a severely disabled person. My husband is agnostic and good to have around cause I'm going to have him make me an alter to my specifications-- he likes to build stuff. I start my preop diet on Wednesday and I am nervous about that and being not tempted to binge because mine is this low calorie liquid thing. So I have to be strong! I'm also a little nervous about NSAIDs because now I take Suldinac a prescription one (sort of like bextra or viox I suppose) thats a little stronger than aleve a few times a week for my Fibro and I know I won't be able to take it for a while. And I do find tylenol to be the least effective of OTC meds. So we will see. I totally understand about spilling stuff, btw! I can't eat without getting whatever it is all over me in one way or another. I like to stick the shout wipes in my purse and sometimes refer to my chest as my crumb rack... at least it sheilds the lower portions of me when I am standing.

I only got 4 right! My GRE scores are much better! LOL. I still don't get the apple one. And I don't know that much about baseball or the bible-- I get all those old guys confused. And the birthdays question confused me too! I still don't get it. Well ok I get it, but I mean one has one birthday per year and they didn't ask per year, so naturally the question would be in the lifetime I assumed. And the pills one depends on how you measure the intervals, I feel. I have issues with tests like that. I like the math one about thrity though!

At one point when we were dating my hubby and I had a conversation about if we could be friends if we broke up. I said absolutely not, that it would hurt too much to try and if we ever broke up it would have to be a clean break because it would be too hard for me emotionally to remain friends. That finished is finished. It was all or nothing. He is one of those guys who wants to be freinds with exes and so forth. I'm not I personally think the majority of the time that leads to more trouble than its worth. So be careful and good luck. Also, if you are into things like math or science or ham radio or stuff those are also things that seem to have more guys than girls. I remember when I started in engineering physics (I failed out) there were ten guys to every one girl in my freshman class.

You should totally complain about her! Wow! I have worked with nutritionists over the years and they have always been supportive and understanding. My surgeon is related to about half of the medical people in his center or something LOL. Seriously, the other doctor that does the non surgical evaluations and the nutritionist are all related to him somehow. Anyway, the nutritionist was great. I said that I was concerned a bit about my preop diet and being able to stick to it and asked what should do if I had a weak moment since I had those sometimes being someone was morbidly obese and all. She said that when that happened for people she sugested a lean cuisine meal. And just stick to the liquid preop diet best I could, no one had been turned away from surgery yet for having trouble with it. She explained the whole soda thing, but said I could drink my fuze ( I like fuze slenderize), I had one with me actually and she looked at it and said it sounded good because it has Vitamins and is low cal. I know the other surgeon at the practice, the one who isn't my surgeon, has the lap band himself and thats the only surgery he does. But I went with the surgeon I did because he has an office right in town and I heard good things about him specifically. The place also had nice big chairs-- extra big in waiting room and so forth. If you don't think they are all treating you well then maybe you should look into another place if you can? You will have to work with these people and want the experience to be as nice as possible. http://www.illinoisbariatriccenter.com/index.htm

I have unusually high levels of self confidence. Latley I've noticed (yes I can be oblivious) that a lot of people have self esteem issues. I weight too much and I'm fat. I know that and I know I will look better when I lose weight. At the same time, I still think I'm adorable! Really, I do! I think I am a sexy woman and I think my breasts are especially fabulous. I've always had fabulous breasts and if they get wierd when I lose a lot of weight I'm getting those babies fixed with surgery (and whatever else needs to be) so they stay fab! Part of it might be my wonderful and loving husband. But I was pretty darn confident even before I met him. We went out and I was thinking that I really liked him but I doubted the relationship would go anywhere because he was seven years older than me (well I was only 20 when we started dating) and I wasn't even looking for a serious relationship-- I was just looking to have fun, etc. I actually was a bit worried I would end up hurting him :heh: So instead I fell madly in love with him and we ended up getting married -- he proposed the day after our two year anniversary. Right from the begining I had certain boundaries. And I talked about and discussed those with me-- well mostly I talked and he listened. And when I decided I was ready to move forward from one boundary to the next it involved a discussion and thinking about it, etc. He always showed me a lot of respect- and not just physically. I have friends who are thinner than me and smarter too but they have gone through relationships where that issue of respect can be tricky-- is it an equal partnership, etc. Is the guy putting as much work into it as she is, and all that. And he did. Now we get into the duldrums on occasion and we talk about it and I might say "listen, you have to step up and take me out on a romantic date- movie and dinner or something" He says ok and does it. He also respects my mind, my feelings, my self. I would not want to be with anyone where I had to be on my gaurd or worry about what they would say behind my back. I don't mean kiss and tell either-- I just mean personality type stuff. Like I wouldn't want to be with someone if I didn't trust them enough to not be self conscious around them, so I do the embarassing things i normally do like hiccup after I burp sometimes. I would be really concerned about any guy who was too into looks. Not just because of weight issues either. But whatabout childbirth? What if it involves a C section scar? And people age. Is he going to be one of those guys, I would wonder, who feels the need to get the new model after 15 years? I understand and agree that it is important to find your partner attractive and have them want to take care of themselves. But I shouldn't have to look nice for him on dates-- I should want to. I've always had a certain set of criteria on men as well. In some ways I think they are like real estate. No fixer uppers! Baggage happens and I get that, as well as issues and conditions and whatever. But I never wanted to be the girl who changed someone for the better, or anything like that. I wanted them to come already changed for the better. Pre assembeled if you will. For a while my body image was really uncertain. I would look in the mirror and I would see a woman who I thought looked nice- sure she could lose some weight, but she didn't look gross to me or anything like that. Of course some days and garments were better than others. Then I had my husband point out other who had the same sort of body as I did, women who he said looked to weigh about the same as me. And sometimes I would ask questions. Turns out the image in my head wasn't that off-- I was just self confidant. (And I also delete all the bad pictures of me from the digital camera right away so we only have the good pictures). Instead of focusing on what was wrong with my body like I thought I was supposed to be doing in order to be "normal" and "accurate" I decided to instead focus on the whole picture and to pay special attention to what I liked. So now I look in the mirror and sure I see the double chin or chins and the spare tires and so forth. But I also see the sparkle in my eye and my fabulous breasts and my broad shoulders (I decided I like that). And if I'm going to focus on something its sure going to be what I like! If others don't like it, thats their problem. But I sure wouldn't want to be with people who made me feel bad about myself. I know people can't always help how they feel. And sometimes people are shallow and thats sad for them because they miss out on a lot. I can choose not to mess with that though. Just like I choose not to assosciate with people (at least not if I can help it!) who play mind games ( I totally don't hints and stuff at all-- I'm a say what you mean straight and mean what you say girl) and people who stress me out. I figure life is too short. Or at least that is my take on it.

When I reach goal and am all finished (wherever that ends up being) I want to be able to invest in some nice clothes, like maybe even a designer piece or two. Thats something I've never really done before because of budget rescritions and also because of size fluctuations and so forth. Maybe I can get on what not to wear or something like that! That would be great as I'm told stained t shirts and jeans just aren't fashionable, but other stuff seems like a bit of a reach sometimes.

University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign. We are number one for Library Science! I did my undergrad at UIUC too. I'm taking courses now in LIS as a nondegree student so I am waiting on pins and needles to see if I got into the masters degree program. I also applied to the distance program at Milwaukee and the distance program at Arizona. I was thinking about applying to another, more competitive, distance program as well but I decided that I am applying to enough schools for now and I feel I have a strong application so I am just waiting to see what happens! Its much more nerve racking than undergrad admissions. Back then I knew I had my choice of schools and I was winning scholarships and having recruiters calling. I knew I would get into somewhere good! Now its all so much more competitive (and expensive) and my GPA isn't exactly competitive (well my undergrad GPA)... It makes me want a brownie! But instead I'm going to type I want a brownie and do something a little more productive.

This happened to me in January, after I had decided on the band. I was lying in bed with my husband waiting to go to sleep and I was feeling the rolls of flab. He asked me what I was doing. So I told him and I mentioned that sometimes I wondered if the flab wouldn't swallow me whole and that on occasions I thought of myself as sort of like pizza the hut from spaceballs and that I was worried I maybe gained a few pounds. So he said I should get up and weigh myself then because I would feel better once I got it over and knew if I had gained weight and how much. So I said ok. I put the scale on the middle of the bathroom floor. I step on the scale. As I am stepping on the scale, the plastic on the edge of it cracks! I broke the scale! And it didn't register weight properly after that. So of course I was mad at my husband for telling me it would make me feel better! Breaking it did not make me feel better. I was also mad at the scale manufacturers since the scale was supposed to support up to 300 pounds and I only weighed 285ish. Which is less than 300! Then my husband fixed the scale by putting a piece of laminet flooring accross it which made the readings accurate. I had only gained one pound! Then I thought the whole thing was hilarous. I was laughing about it for days! I couldn't wait to tell all of my friends the story of the broken scale! They knew I was getting the Lap band and was just waiting for insurance to approve it. Anyone else?

Fiber rocks. When I first saw my gastro to complain of diarrhea he said increase the fiber. I said "did you hear correctly? I have diarrhea." He said that it helps with both diarrhea and constipation-- its helps regulate stuff toward that happy middle. So I started to increase the fiber and it worked. I love my fiber. I now have my husband on fiber for his mild IBS symptoms that come and go and he admits that it helps when he takes it. Once he takes it a while longer it will be time to increase his dosage ( I also sometimes sneak more into his food with benefiber. He knows I do this. He just doesn't know when) You can also try adding acidopholous. If this is permittable on your diet you can try the dannon smoothie that has the biffidus regularus or whatever it is. Good luck!

I'm religious too-- but I'm not Christian. I'm in the Other category. If you really want to know you can PM me. But I do think it is helpful to have solid beliefs, whatever it is you believe when going through transition periods like this Every bit helps.

If we are recommending Dating books I have to put in two that I like for their funness and practicality. Jane Austen's Guide to Dating is a good book to read for anyone who is a fan of hers and its fun because of that. Dating for Dummies! Its a good practical book. I love books! I'm a library student so I can't help recommending them-- its this urge of mine...

Thats what I did- broke the outer casing! I haven't broken a chair yet, but sometimes I hear creaks that make me nervous. My husband has a mini. I've explained to him that if I start driving again (I have narcolepsy and need to get more awake and get the narcolepsy under better control) I want to get a bigger car. The mini is a little car. Yes the seatbelt fits and if I slide the seat back I have leg room. But the seats are sort of narrow for a big girl like me. And sometimes when I get in the seat and I hear this big creak! At first I thought I was breaking the seat. And I was thinking "Oh great, I'm breaking the new mini". Then I realized it was just the seat settling into position in the track when when it had been moved or whatever. I avoid delicate looking chairs-- Just in case. I think of shallow Hal where Gwenyth Paltrow breaks a chair at the restaurant -- I worry about that being me.

I love looking at these results pics. My husband was talking about his hair line receeding the other day. I told him to use rogain and then in a couple of years to just get hair plugs if it bothered him. If it made him feel better the expense would be worth it. Then I said that when I lost all the excess weight I was going to want to get plastic surgery, like on my arms for sure (they are saggy now at no weight lost!) and maybe tummy and who knows. And that would be more expensive than hair plugs. And he just sort of sighed and said "I know." LOL. I gotta love that guy. He's always known what he was getting into with me though.

After I got married and got the new insurance I made the apointment to see the surgeon for the consult about three months later- it was something I had thought about for a while. If insurance didn't cover it (my old insurance woulnd't have. It didn't cover a lot of stuff I needed treatment for like sleep disorders either) I wouldn't have been able to afford it on my own as a poor college student. Starting out a marriage wanting 15 grand for surgery when I make very little wouldn't necessarily have been the best idea, I think. So I am very very glad that my insurance is covering it Because there is a catch 22 to things, weight affects health and health affects ability to work which affects ability to make money which affects ability to lose weight... I suspect I would've self payed eventually if it were not covered, but I am glad to have it done now.

I want my surgeon to put my port on my right side. I have a good reason. In my lower left abdominal wall (nearer to the belly button than the side admittedly) I have an entrapped nerve ending. It causes constant pain. Weight loss should help with it actually and I use the lidocaine patch daily on it and that helps keep the pain level nice and low. But sometimes it is worse than others and the pain can radiate and when it does it is going to do that on the left side first and much more so than it would in the abdominal area on the right side. I worry that if my surgeon puts my port in on the left side I wouldn't necessarily be able to differentiate between potential port problems and just pain from the nerve ending. Also other pain or injury in the area can potentially make the nerve ending worse-- it can get much worse after a bad fall or illness or muscle spasms, etc. Its not that I expect the port to be a problem at all, I just don't want to have to worry about it. I know he usually puts them on one side. He gestured at which one, but I wasn't quite able to tell with a fleeting gesture whether it was right or left (I have trouble with spatial things due to a learning disability) and I didn't want to ask about that then when I had other more pressing questions. So what if he usually puts them on the left side? Do you think he will put mine on the right side? Is that such an odd request?

I am married to one. When I first brought up wanting to lose a lot of weight he was a little nervous that I wanted to be skinny. He prefers women who have some curves in general. So I explained that no, I was not going for skinny, and I didn't even think that would be an option for me, that I just wanted to get down to a healthier weight and not be underweight or look like a model. He was perfectly pleased with that answer and has been supportive of me eversince no matter what phase I am in, whether its the "screw this stupid diet that doesn't work. I'm ordering pizza and don't count how many slices I eat phase" or "I really need you to help me keep track of what I'm eating" phase. He's actually a little worried that after the band it will be too hard on me to have no junk food and thinks that maybe we should have a little bit of stuff I like in the house so he can ration it out to me for when I get bad cravings and ease away from it gently. He wants it all to be as easy on me as possible so I'm more likely not to binge, etc.

chamomile or ginger tea is better choice than peppermint for stomach ills in general. Mint is okay on occasion but shouldn't be used regularily. Mint can actually irriate the stomach and cause GERD, especially over time, even though it soothes initially. What happens is that mint causes the esophogial valve to loosen, to relax, and the incidence of gerd increases. This can lead to a viscious cycle- upset tummy, have some mint, upset tummy, more mint, more upset, even more mint, etc. My gastro at mayo told me that. I was sad, I like mint but its now on that no list for me along with caffeine.