kyethra

Well a couple things that I would be waiting on now regardless of weight-- I am waiting to see about grad school admissions. And I also want to try a new narcolepsy medication. I have a teeth bleaching kit at home... I have teeth stained from antibiotics that I took when i was little so they need a long bleaching. Other than that nothing yet, but I did just get banded. I want to get more organized and cleaner around the house...

I have more gas pangs today that are noticeable than I did before. i think part of the reason for that is because the pain level over all is doing better. I've been able to get up and down off of the chaise where I am hanging out easier today and I even bent over at one point. I am going to spend at least one more night out here but I might try lying down in bed at some point esp need to remember to have DH raise the head of the bed. I would have had him do that ages ago normally but we are redoing the upstairs and will get a new bed and were just waiting for that but it is going to be a while yet... So time to put up the head of the bed.

I was banded yesterday- in a couple of hours it will be two days ago. But recently I have litterally started to well foam at the mouth. The problem started I suppose I few hours ago. I guess I drank too much all at once when I took my nightly pills-- nearly 8 ounces at once. I had been working up to larger amounts and I thought it would be ok, but I guess I was wrong because I felt restriction! So after some slime comming up and lots of burping and discomfort everything seemed to go down. But then After that I was still burping now and then seemed to have some more discomfort than before I drank so I wasn't drinking except for a tiny sip now and then but then I started to experence post nasal drip-- I hadn't taken all my pills. My decongestant is big and I would have had to chop it up into several little pieces requiring several more swallows of Water. But due to this post nasal drip I started to experience more burping and some gaging/retching. And then some foaming. The foaming is wierd. I'll gag/retch a little-- I think its due to the post nasal drip-- and then a huge mouthfull of foam will come back up. Like more than just a little. And I mean foam foam. Maybe a pill got stuck or something? It sort of feels like GERD... I'm still on Clear liquids and haven't cheated or anything. I managed to get about half of a decongestant down in bits (I take guiaphenex so its a big pill)... I've never heard of foaming... Not sure what to do. Should I try a tiny bit of kaopetctate? Should I stop drinking completely? No one at surgeons office at this time of night of course...

Its not my period... For one thing I'm on birth control (nuva ring) and that makes my period really regular. I have my ring still in and it would be too early for that. Plus I'm sure its in my urine and so forth and not from another source. So I'm having my hubby get me some cranberry juice. And I'll see if I can't see my GP soon or at least leave a message for her. I'm pretty sure at the walk in clinic they would just tell me to go to the ER and I don't feel up to sitting there for a long time.

doc's office said that with the foam and stuff I probably irritated the band and to stay on clear liquids for a day or so until it was feeling better. And to just spread pill taking over long period of time. The blood they said wasn't related to the band and was probably UTI or something and to call my GP about that. So I will do that. I'm not running a fever and thats a good thing, I think.

Well I ended up sleeping all day so I didn't get to call my GP. I can see if I can maybe call the clinic though yet... anyway, pain is improving. Still have Urine in blood and still a decent amount but this time was less I think than previous time. Still is pretty unique for me though. And I was given clindymiacin with the op so I don't know why I would be getting a bladder infection but I guess it could be because of the catheter. I'm just glad it isn't band related. The band is stil really sensitive/swollen. My little sips take a second to go down and then I burp. But they do go down. My poor band! So I need some protein so I'm going to start sipping on my protein water. I hope the band swelling goes down soon-- I was looking forward to full liquids. And I hope I don't stay this tight! I'm not sure how well I'd be handle food. But I sitll have swelling thats slowly going down so that tells me that Its likely pretty swollen up in there too. So now its just wait and see and do what the band tells me.

Well I definitely have resistance. I took my pills last night at mostly the same time- just one or two at a time and all of them small or broken up. But I think the problem was I had too much liquid and pills in such a short time. It felt like it did not want to all go down. It took a while after some slime I guess it was came up and then everything seemed to go down with lots of burping and discomfort. But then after everything was down I had a problem. I had skipped one of my pills- a decongestant. So I was having post nasal drip issues that those were causing gagging. Then I would retch sometimes and then I would litterally foam at the mouth. Yes, actual foam. I managed to get the bits of about half of decongestant down and that helped. Then today I called the office and they said stay on clear liquids another day what with the irritation ( it feels like it still might be irritated poor band). Also I had a lot of blood in my urine this morning which I felt must be related but they said not related and was probably an UTI and to call my regular doctor. So I will do that later probably. But now I am going to start taking some of the morning pills but I will spread it out all morning.

Then this morning there was blood in my urine-- I could tell that when I went to wipe. There had been a tiny bit initially that had gone away but today there was a lot. The toilet was almost brown from it. The tummy and band are doing better, but I feel pretty weak/wiped out and nervous about drinking stuff and taking my meds. I think I will call the office and see about if I should move on to full liquids or stay on clears a bit longer and any other advice... Hope they don't tell me to go anywhere.

Today is my first day post op I guess since yesterday was my operation. That means Clear Liquids again today, and I can start on full liquids tomorrow and that goes for another two weeks and then the mushie stage for me. Right now I am doing a lot better than I was yesterday just from a pain perspective if nothing else. I'm thinking it will keep on getting better. I'm sleepy :notagree but then as the resident narcoleptic here I'm always sleeping. I'm not taking my wakefullness meds since there isn't any reason to and its good to have a break from them sometimes. So I'll just sleep and heal and all that jazz. I walked around the house for a while today to get the walking and movement in. Might do that again later. Did it a bit yesterday but not so much or for so long as I did today. I'm still on the liquid vicoden. I have some darvocet but even chopped into smaller bits I had a hard time with the pills (they are big) and the vicoden is working well enough It seems like. Normally I don't find it to be that effective like for my nerve pain and the darvocet is stronger at least for me, and then if the darvocet doesn't work for some reason (tolerance, not strong enough, etc) then I have to go up to percacet. Luckily I haven't had to take much opoids at all in a long time due to my lidoderm patch so maybe thats why I am now finding them more effective... I dunno. So yes it hurts. Getting up and down is the worst. Had DH stay at home today in case I needed him. The bum is sleeping :success1: I'll wake him up before too long to make me some broth. Everything I want is within reachfor the most part-- the laptop computer, book, remotes, etc. Last night or today or whenever it actully was that I was sleeping the dog left me her favorite toy on my lap so I also woke up with a little tire within reach. So if I need a chew toy I am all set for that as well. I think i'll watch a bit of telly and then maybe nap time after my next dose of vicoden... Now before I started my hideous pre op diet I gained a few pounds because I had to tons to ice cream and junk food. Mostly ice cream because I adore it like nothing else-- it is my favorite and I know that now I am banded I will only be able to have it a lot less and in smaller quantities because its one of those foods that can slip through easily. Though we do have half an ice cream cake in the freezer currently and one pint of ben and jerrys I didn't get to before it was time for my pre op. But they will last... Normal food I wasn't as bad with as I was with junk food. Because I know I can eat normal food after the band. Well once I get back on solids anyway. Pulled pork? Ribs? Bring em on! Just bring a doggie bag with em I figure. Lasanga sounds good too. I like nice hearty sub sandwhiches. Etc. I don't know if bread will like me, but if it does I can have sandwhiches. Steak- sure. salad, etc. I knew I would be able to eat that stuff. It was stuff that was sweets that I really wanted to get in the most so to speak. But of course I had to eat pizza and burgers and fries too... Now finally I am not hungry! So far the band is working... It will be interesting to see how it feels as it heals.

Today is my first day post op I guess since yesterday was my operation. That means Clear liquids again today, and I can start on full liquids tomorrow and that goes for another two weeks and then the mushie stage for me. Right now I am doing a lot better than I was yesterday just from a pain perspective if nothing else. I'm thinking it will keep on getting better. I'm sleepy :notagree but then as the resident narcoleptic here I'm always sleeping. I'm not taking my wakefullness meds since there isn't any reason to and its good to have a break from them sometimes. So I'll just sleep and heal and all that jazz. I walked around the house for a while today to get the walking and movement in. Might do that again later. Did it a bit yesterday but not so much or for so long as I did today. I'm still on the liquid vicoden. I have some darvocet but even chopped into smaller bits I had a hard time with the pills (they are big) and the vicoden is working well enough It seems like. Normally I don't find it to be that effective like for my nerve pain and the darvocet is stronger at least for me, and then if the darvocet doesn't work for some reason (tolerance, not strong enough, etc) then I have to go up to percacet. Luckily I haven't had to take much opoids at all in a long time due to my lidoderm patch so maybe thats why I am now finding them more effective... I dunno. So yes it hurts. Getting up and down is the worst. Had DH stay at home today in case I needed him. The bum is sleeping :success1: I'll wake him up before too long to make me some broth. Everything I want is within reachfor the most part-- the laptop computer, book, remotes, etc. Last night or today or whenever it actully was that I was sleeping the dog left me her favorite toy on my lap so I also woke up with a little tire within reach. So if I need a chew toy I am all set for that as well. I think i'll watch a bit of telly and then maybe nap time after my next dose of vicoden...

Yes jello is jelly. Though in the states we call jam jelly too-- well technically there is a difference, but I won't go into it. And our chips are the same as crisps and our fries are chips. One food I could go for is peanut butter. Though cottage cheese does sound heavenly to me as well. But it will be a while before I move on to food-- clear liquids the next day or two and then I think its other liquids for the rest of the week maybe two weeks and then mushies. I'd have to look it up in the booklet. But I know clear liquids through tomorrow at least. And in order to get my booklet I would have to stoop over and dig through stuff so I will really be having my DH get it out for me tomorrow. I also told him he might have to take tomorrow off of work to take care of me. He orginally planned on going at least for a while and also working from home and just comming back if I needed him but since it hurts a lot more than I was expecting it to I think I might need him here a bit longer, like with help with getting up and stuff if nothing else. Today after I went to the bathroom I was pulling my trousers back up but oops I dropped them and I had him help me with that because I was having an extra sore moment waiting for pain killer to kick in and I so didn't want to have to sit back down and I wasn't going to bend over. And my heating pad is always on-- I just move it whatever area needs it the most. Normally I have an ok to high pain threshold. And having fibro I figure thats pretty good since my anesthiologist says people with fibro feel pain differently and all, but after enough practice... But this just really hurts. LOL. I'm such a wimp. I think it will be better once the swelling goes down. Its also strange to look at the swollen parts of my belly sticking out further.

There are some good books out there-- ones about emotional vampires, etc. I do not have a good relationship with my own mother. She is the one who tends to be overly sensitive. And because I have a mild case of Aspergers and I am pretty low empathy I always did think it was my fault. But then when I got engaged she sort of flipped out. All this stuff about how I was abdoning the family because we got married in Vegas (everyone was invited and I offered to pay her portion) where instead I was supposed to offer to let her throw us the wedding we didn't want so she could say no and then let us throw our wedding or somethign... not logical. And because my inlaws gave us some money toward the wedding (because they could afford to) that means I'm evil. I've traded up families in the world because my mom is poor. And its all my fault she is poor... you see I have been manipulating her since I was a small child. It goes on and on. I could forgive how she was abusive to me growing up but what really hurts is when I realised she wasn't ever going to be the mother I wanted. Because she has all this anger and restentment and Hurt-- just tons of hurt directed at me. She is mentally ill. But she can't begin to accept that she has the problem and she never will. Now I can't break off my relationship with her because of a sibling of mine who needs me. But I can and do work on my boundaries. Its this wierd slippery ground. I no longer engage in "trying to talk it all out" because that never ever works. If she becomes insulting and inapropriate on the phone I remain calm (its very hard) and I tell her thats not acceptible. She usually then hangs up. I don't call her back. I see a good therapist. In the past few years I have had the oppertunity to see healthy families in action. I worked as a babysitter for this great family were it wasn't a dysfunctional mess. And my inlaws seem pretty put together and stuff too. They aren't perfect and they get on my nerves at times... but they are a lot more supportive of my than my own family. Seeing other families and experiences has helped me trust myself. So when I say my family of origin is messed up I know its true. When I say its not actually me I know that is true too. And knowing that has helped me with those boundaries, with selecting my battle scenes so to speak. And one favorite phrase of mine is "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that."

If nothing else the pre-op diet just reinforced my position. Here I was starving every day with my poor 1000 calories and low carbs. I was sooo hungry all the time. So of course I was also irritible. Poor DH wasn't allowed to eat in the same room I was in. And if he left evidence of his eating lying around-- like a fry container or mcdonalds bag that didn't get thrown away he would hear about it. I mean some of us are starving here and he could just eat. Plus in the two weeks I only lost 7 pounds. I thought I would lose a lot more but especially in the end my rate of losing just really slowed down. So thats how it is with diets. I'm hungry all the time which means I don't have energy or focus because I'm busy obcessing over food. Plus I'm irritable. So even people who love me nad care about me don't want to me around me if I am going to act like that. Neither would I. And then I stopped losing all that crazy weight. Not even worth it! If I was going to be starving I wanted to at least see the results on the scale and on my body! So the add anger to the fun list of affects of diets. And then I can only take so much of it. So I would also go off of a diet by bingeing on some food that was yummy. And eating too much of it. And then maybe another food. And then it gets harder to go back on the diet. So it is this viscous cycle for me. I just can't do that. Also there are people like my mom I know who have lost 120 pounds through diet. She says you get used to always being hungry. She is how I don't want to be. Always hungry, always thinking about food. I need something to help me process the dragon meat, not something that makes it want to shoot fire at me.

I look over medical records from time to time too. Like if seeing a new doc i bring relevant ones, etc. What I hate is when I doc blames all my problems on my weight. That happens sometimes. I explain to them, "No I didn't gain the last 60 pounds until after I got sick. I used to be active until then." And you would think they would get it. But then they say stupid things like "well it takes a while for weight related problems to show up" Well duh, so how it can it be a weight related problem if it happened before I gained the weight? I'm perfectly happy to discuss my weight with them nicely and intelligently and reasonably but if they are going to say thats why I have all my problems and then tell me that I need to eat less and exercise I just sort of want to spit at them. And I've seen charts that reflect that before too- patient is obese and unhappy. Well maybe if you acted like you weren't an idiot I'd be a little happier... When instead a doc says you need to lose weight because of concerns about x,y, and z. What have you tried? I'm fine with that. Of course worst of all is when doctors refuse to discuss weight when you bring it up. Or if it is an issue for fear of negative reactions. I remember when I gained weight my freshman year and I was worried that maybe it wasn't healthy- gaining so much-- I asked my doctor about that and losing it. He said not to worry about it. I was about 2 fourty something when i asked! I had to insist that he refer to a weight loss class thing. And why hadn't anyone brought it up before when I was packing on the pounds? At that age I didn't know that my current weight was unhealthy really. I was just concerned about how I looked-- I thought I should weigh 120 pounds which of course would be very underweight for me so I always got so depressed about how much weight I would have to lose because I had no idea... Then I took the class about healthy weight and I learned and lost thirty pounds and kept it off for about a year.

Good luck! I ate tons of protein to do better. I've always liked mega amounts of proteine- closer to 100-120 grams a day to help with hunger and other issues like hypoglycemia. I was starving the whole pre-op and very disapointed that I only lost 7 pounds in the two weeks. Especially toward the end the weight loss really slowed down. I found that so frustrating on 1000 calories a day, low carb. If I was starving myself I figured the scale should show it! But I know sometimes that when we do get so little calories that body does start to lose weight slower because of that, so maybe that was it. Either way I am excited to start life with the band. Kind of nervous but I figure if I take it nice and slow it will all be ok... Hmm. Looks like itstime to wake up the sleeping husband to get more Vicoden.

Ok, I am now home from the hospital. It hurts! I know, I know, not a huge shocker. But it does hurt more than I was expecting. We got there nice and early and it was still dark out. We checked in. Then we sat in the waiting room. I nodded off. Then I was sent to a room where I only sort of nodded off- you know the staring into space type thing not really there sort of nodding off. Then a nurse came in and asked me what meds I had taken when. Then she took my temp and bloodpressure and so forth. And then she got started on my IV and was asking about my conditions like how did get I get an entrapped nerve ending how was it diagnosed. I gave her the abrevated version- cyst ruptures. Many tests. Surgery even. Surgeon tells me its all in my Head So I go up to Mayo. Mayo figures it out She asks how did they figure it out. So I said well, they have this one test where you see if the pain gets worse or better or same by some pressing on the spot as you sort of do a sit up. I couldn't remember the name of the test. Carnett's sign is what is it called. If it is positive you know the source of the pain is the abdominal wall. Its such a simple test... And then of course you also have to know what that would mean, etc. So I explained that with that and everything else not being the problem it was the entrapped nerve ending-- the one little spot and that it gets treated with injections into it with an anesthetic and a steroid. And that a large portion of the time such treatment is usually sucessfull to make the person better permanently but I was one of the unlucky ones whose pain kept comming back and more quickly too after injections. So thats why I now used the lidoderm Patches and they were great at keeping the pain level usually quite low. And then The IV was in! The Surgeon had to be found so I could sign the consent form yet. So the nurse went and found him right off in the hall and he came in and I brought up what side my port would be on-- since that gets put in the abdominal wall speaking of abdominal walls-- And he agreeded to put in on my right side since I have the nerve ending issues on my left side. So that made me less anxious about that. He said he had to go give a breif presenation and then after that I would be his first surgery of the day. I had an injection in my belly of a blood thinner- apparently those are always given in the belly due to the pressence of fatty tissue there because that is something that needs to be absorbed really slowly. I then got a shot of a benzo- I don't remember the name- but it wasn't valium and I expressed my relief at that. At that point DH was in there sitting with me and stuff. Then I feel asleep until it was time for them to wheel me off for surgery and DH had to go to the upstairs waiting room. So I got wheeled in to the OR. In the OR there were several nurses. One also had red hair. But we all had hair things- sort of like face mask material only they were like shower caps. And then anesthiologist was there. And then he put me under. And the next thing I really remember is being back in the room and the nurse putting a warm blanket over the incissions and telling me I had five of them and everything was routine and asking how I was. Thats the part where I gasped out that it HURT! And I felt like a bit of wimp for doing that. But then I got an injection of toredol and then I got an injection of fentanyl an the fentanyl really helped some- it was just a small injection (all injections were into the IV) but it made it so I could rest and nodd off. Then DH got to come in and sit with me and he held my hand and stuff and talked to me when I was awake. At first and for quite a while I had oxygen on because I guess my pulse ox was rather low. DH said it took me a really long time to come out of anesethia-- I said well I think thats normal for a narcoleptic who didn't get to take her wakefullness meds and was already sleepy today. Then I was given my first dose of liquid vicodin and they said they had some called in for me at Walgreens. At first I was confused because when they said Lortab I thought they were telling me that they had called in liquid clairitin. And I wondered why since I take zyrtec now and it isn't that big of a pill. Then they explained. I was also encouraged to take my hydroxyzine along with my pain meds-- this is because it boosts the effects of the pain meds plus it helps with nausea. I originally "discovered hydroxyzine" when I was first prescribed to take with my pain meds for those reasons but I like how well it helped clear my sinuses so I kept taking it for my allergies. It now does double duty i suppose. Then they had me sit up on the edge of the bed. Ouch! Oh my! Why I wondered, why. They explained it would be the worst part. They asked if I needed more pain meds after I sat up. I nodded. I was given more fentanyl. The pain was again tolerable. I was a little surprised they used fentanyl since that is a very very strong medication. But it was just small doses. I guess they figured small doses of a strong drug better than larger doses of one not so strong? So a little after one I got to go home. I got wheeled on down to the car. Getting dressed was difficult- I had DH help me! Then we got home and he set up a spot for me on the chase lounge. I was going to try playing the new SIM game I bought at Game Stop from a friend who works there. But I went to open the container- no skrink wrap-- and the CD was gone! Someone must have stollen it from the store! So I'll be returning that... DH is taking good care of me. He even set an alarm so I knew exactly when to take my vicodin and he got me ice Water and everything else I asked for near me. I am allowed to drink one ounce of water every 15 mins. Hey At Least for once I am not Hungry!.... I slept for a few hours after getting settled in. Now I am going to go attempt to pee. Quite the adventure, no? Sometimes it takes a couple tries post cath. Worse yet, the stuff was sort of spilling out of me in the hospital bed. But since it was a small enough amount I put a blanket over it and pretended nothing happened. Sort of like when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend nothing happened unless I actually hurt myself decently in which case thats impossible... Last year I fell going into the student union when I tripped on a crack ( I do that all the time... darn unregulated cracks) and I wiped out or something. Fell down on my face, knocked my glasses off, hand and knee got scraped up. I didn't think it was that bad until I tried to get up and I couldn't. Damn knee injury took months to heal and it still acts up sometimes. So in those situations its hard to say-- what, nothings up, just pretend you didn't see that. But in more minor ones its much easier. Today was one of those minor ones equivilent. I'm rambling. Later folks. Pain is doing better now. Lets see how it stands my getting up...

Ok I am back home and resting... doing better pain wise now too than I was earlier. I have a Looong post all about my banding experience in the March 2007 bandsters thread on the main page. I fell asleep for about four hours not too long after getting settled in here at home and now I'm super thirtsty, but still just one sip/ounce every 15 minutes. Thats rough. In a couple of minutes I am going to get up and attempt to go pee. Ah, the adventures I have:rolleyes:. I tried to pee when I got home but it didn't work and I don't think I really needed to. When they made me sit up in the hospital on the bed some leaked on. Naturally, I pretended nothing happended and just covered it up with a blanket. I think its just part of my readjusting after the cath so as long as I can pee tonight it will all be ok. TMI, I know, I know, but I feel compelled to share. Instead of doing a more formal type ritual like I had intended I actually went out for a ride with a friend cause she had taken the top off of her jeep and it was so nice out. And we stopped off at the Park where they have this meditation labrynth that you walk. Its a brick pattern based on one in a cathedral in france. So I walked and meditated on my banding and spirtuality and the woods and how my new sandles were giving me blisters. It was nice. A few times since being home my dog has come up to me and licked my hand and had me pet her and then she wags like crazy as she stares up at me adoringly, like she is trying to say "Get better soon" My rabbit is ignoring me for now. I ordered a pretty bouqet of pink tulips and blue irisis that should arrive tomorrow with a get well soon card for me. I'm excited about those.

Ok, I am now home from the hospital. It hurts! I know, I know, not a huge shocker. But it does hurt more than I was expecting. We got there nice and early and it was still dark out. We checked in. Then we sat in the waiting room. I nodded off. Then I was sent to a room where I only sort of nodded off- you know the staring into space type thing not really there sort of nodding off. Then a nurse came in and asked me what meds I had taken when. Then she took my temp and bloodpressure and so forth. And then she got started on my IV and was asking about my conditions like how did get I get an entrapped nerve ending how was it diagnosed. I gave her the abrevated version- cyst ruptures. Many tests. Surgery even. Surgeon tells me its all in my Head So I go up to Mayo. Mayo figures it out She asks how did they figure it out. So I said well, they have this one test where you see if the pain gets worse or better or same by some pressing on the spot as you sort of do a sit up. I couldn't remember the name of the test. Carnett's sign is what is it called. If it is positive you know the source of the pain is the abdominal wall. Its such a simple test... And then of course you also have to know what that would mean, etc. So I explained that with that and everything else not being the problem it was the entrapped nerve ending-- the one little spot and that it gets treated with injections into it with an anesthetic and a steroid. And that a large portion of the time such treatment is usually sucessfull to make the person better permanently but I was one of the unlucky ones whose pain kept comming back and more quickly too after injections. So thats why I now used the lidoderm patches and they were great at keeping the pain level usually quite low. And then The IV was in! The Surgeon had to be found so I could sign the consent form yet. So the nurse went and found him right off in the hall and he came in and I brought up what side my port would be on-- since that gets put in the abdominal wall speaking of abdominal walls-- And he agreeded to put in on my right side since I have the nerve ending issues on my left side. So that made me less anxious about that. He said he had to go give a breif presenation and then after that I would be his first surgery of the day. I had an injection in my belly of a blood thinner- apparently those are always given in the belly due to the pressence of fatty tissue there because that is something that needs to be absorbed really slowly. I then got a shot of a benzo- I don't remember the name- but it wasn't valium and I expressed my relief at that. At that point DH was in there sitting with me and stuff. Then I feel asleep until it was time for them to wheel me off for surgery and DH had to go to the upstairs waiting room. So I got wheeled in to the OR. In the OR there were several nurses. One also had red hair. But we all had hair things- sort of like face mask material only they were like shower caps. And then anesthiologist was there. And then he put me under. And the next thing I really remember is being back in the room and the nurse putting a warm blanket over the incissions and telling me I had five of them and everything was routine and asking how I was. Thats the part where I gasped out that it HURT! And I felt like a bit of wimp for doing that. But then I got an injection of toredol and then I got an injection of fentanyl an the fentanyl really helped some- it was just a small injection (all injections were into the IV) but it made it so I could rest and nodd off. Then DH got to come in and sit with me and he held my hand and stuff and talked to me when I was awake. At first and for quite a while I had oxygen on because I guess my pulse ox was rather low. DH said it took me a really long time to come out of anesethia-- I said well I think thats normal for a narcoleptic who didn't get to take her wakefullness meds and was already sleepy today. Then I was given my first dose of liquid vicodin and they said they had some called in for me at Walgreens. At first I was confused because when they said Lortab I thought they were telling me that they had called in liquid clairitin. And I wondered why since I take zyrtec now and it isn't that big of a pill. Then they explained. I was also encouraged to take my hydroxyzine along with my pain meds-- this is because it boosts the effects of the pain meds plus it helps with nausea. I originally "discovered hydroxyzine" when I was first prescribed to take with my pain meds for those reasons but I like how well it helped clear my sinuses so I kept taking it for my allergies. It now does double duty i suppose. Then they had me sit up on the edge of the bed. Ouch! Oh my! Why I wondered, why. They explained it would be the worst part. They asked if I needed more pain meds after I sat up. I nodded. I was given more fentanyl. The pain was again tolerable. I was a little surprised they used fentanyl since that is a very very strong medication. But it was just small doses. I guess they figured small doses of a strong drug better than larger doses of one not so strong? So a little after one I got to go home. I got wheeled on down to the car. Getting dressed was difficult- I had DH help me! Then we got home and he set up a spot for me on the chase lounge. I was going to try playing the new SIM game I bought at Game Stop from a friend who works there. But I went to open the container- no skrink wrap-- and the CD was gone! Someone must have stollen it from the store! So I'll be returning that... DH is taking good care of me. He even set an alarm so I knew exactly when to take my vicodin and he got me ice water and everything else I asked for near me. I am allowed to drink one ounce of water every 15 mins. But I might take a nap again soon... getting sleepy again... Hey At Least for once I am not Hungry!....

I go in early tomorrow for the band. I think tonight I might do a little meditation rituatl... just a small salt circle and a candle and myself. I do that sometimes. Helps me refocus. I have a brigids flame candle that I am fond of. Might use that.

My surgery is tomorrow morning. And I'm not nervous about the surgery part. I'm a strange one though... as other's tell me frequently. My neurologist even says it in a serbian accent. I figure even if I do have complications it will all get worked out and be ok eventually. Well actually I am little nervous that something will go horribly wrong and I will end up paralyzed or something cause that would be horrible but mostly I'm not even thinking about that at all. What I am nervous about is if they will give me valium because I have big memory loss issues with that drug (like I lose 24 hours with it) and I told the anesthiologist this but I'm not sure if he really understood specifically what I meant). And of course post op pain sucks- I had an exploratory gynecological laproscropy before after this huge cyst exploded and destroyed my health when I was 20 but I'll heal. I'm a little nervous about how early I have to wake up tomorrow (I'm narcoleptic. I like to sleep). Mostly today I'm mourning the loss of the my relationship with food. And yes I know that sounds strange. Heres the thing: I know that being morbidly obese is very unhealthy. Its already starting to affect my blood pressure. I know that the long term health effects are bad and its going to get to me if I do not lose weight. And if nothing else the liquid diet has taught me that I need the band because I'm freaking starving on the liquid diet and all I can do is think about food on it because they are starving me with freaking 1000 calories... sure I'm losing weight. But if this was just me on a diet I would never keep the weight off because I'm hungry and I can't live like that. My mother lost about 120 pounds with weight watchers. She says you get used to always being hungry. I can't do that. I don't want to be like her-- I don't want to always be hungry and thinking about food and what I can't eat and what I can and so forth. I want to fill satiated. So I need the band. But in another way I love the morbidly obese lifestyle. I love eating whatever I want whenever I want. I love polishing off a pint of Ben and Jerry's without worrying about the nutritional information because, Hell, I'm already fat. I don't love what the weight is doing to my body though. I don't love what it will continue to do to my body. Its not a healthy relationship I have with it. Its like I have some sort of love hate thing going on with the muffin man-- I sort of visual it like a praying mantis stalker ish thing of mine. I want him. I want him bad. But I'm going to take his head off after I get him. So I need to put my health first and my messed up food relationship behind me. I'm hoping that once the band kicks in I stop dreaming obcessively about food. LOL I really am doing that. Last night it was garlic bread. with cheese on it. Really good buttery garlic bread on bread thats sweet-- you know what I mean? I could almost taste it when I woke up. I'm actually not in this for looks because I think I'm sexy and adorable as I am. But I do think I will be even more sexy and adorable as I lose weight. I'm even sending myself get well soon flowers. (My husband won't think of it and I'm not going to tell him to do it cause he might not send the right kind that I want or something). Mostly I'm just excited about the whole thing. I want control. (But I wouldn't say no to Garlic bread right now)

About Shopping... Its kind of funny... I have to one of the few women in the world whose husband has more clothes than she does (he really does!) but he needs to go get some new jeans soon and donate some pairs that don't fit anymore-- either his waist has gotten bigger or they have shrunk or a bit of both. He is still in a healthy weight range and we are always working on eating more veggies and stuff so thats not really a problem. But he will tell me sometimes like when I run out of clean clothes cause I haven't done the laundry in a week that I need more clothes! I then I say to him, "no, I don't." Maybe I could use one or two staple pieces but I have enough clothes. I just need to do the laundry more. Or when I wear summery clothes in winter because I am not fond of heavy winter clothes, etc. The other day he said to me that maybe I should go buy more bras since I said I was out of clean ones. I said I thought I had enough for now I just needed to wash the ones I did have. And that I didn't feel like shopping for them currently. I said that once I lost some weight and went down a size or two I would go do some shopping and I would get a couple of bras then even if my chest was still the same size. And I pointed out that I bought a new pair of cargo pants and a new blouse just a couple of weeks ago. So there. I bought a bunch of clothes over the summer so my wardrobe could be more varried because I was looking for a job since I had graduated and all I had was pretty much t shirts and jeans. So I understand the need to update stuff and throw away the stuff that is old and stained and not supposed to be worn in good company (even if it is comfortable). I just think it is funny my husband tells me to go buy clothes. Maybe after I loose all the excess weight I can get on a show like what not to wear or something...

See a couple of different doctors who do both procedures and ask them what they think is best for you. It is true- studies have shown this- I've read them-- that in about five or six years after surgery the weight loss for people who have both the band and the bypass is the same. This is because people with bypass do tend to gain some weight back while people with the band lose slower and tend to learn healthier habits (people with the bypass sometimes think they can eat whatever they want and the bypass will keep them from gaining. Not always. Sometimes). It depends on you and so forth. For me I have several reasons That I do not want a malabsortive procedure like the bypass-- I'm 23. I've yet to have kids. So I decided that the band is better for pregnancy than bypass and also just for generaly nutrition. Another very big reason was because I have chronic health problems including narcolepsy. I'm going to have to take medications forever. And due to the nature of narcolepsy some of those meds are likely to be stimulants. Now if I had a malabsorptive procedure I knew that could very likely affect how I aborbed medications and how well medications worked for me. I might have to have a much higher dose of something to be effective, etc. So I didn't want to have to be on super high dose of stimulants due to malapsorption when I wasn't sure exactly what malabsorption would mean and so forth. I decided i wanted to avoid malabsorption all together. I also wanted to avoid the majorness of the bypass from a surgical permanent cutting away interal stuff point of view. Now I know what the stats are. I asked my doctor-- what makes a person be at one end of the bell curve you see with the band and weight loss versus at that middle of the bell curve at that 50-60% weight loss? And he said that people who typically lost the most were younger, male, highly motivated. Now I'm not male. But I am younger. And motivation is something that we have as a personal variable all the time. And I also liked the idea of the band being able to adjust it ten years down the road... But maybe bypass is better for you. I don't know. I wouldn't be able to say. So talk to Docs on either side of the fence and ones if the middle if they are around. Do what is best for you whatever that is. We like the band here...

Happy Belated Birthday! I'm late in posting! Sunday DH and I went to visit my mother and my brother for her Birthday so we were out of town and car travel as a passenger or otherwise makes me sleepy! and then on monday afternoon I had all my preop stuff and I didn't get my nap in so I was extra tired and went to bed early and slept long and hard. But I dreampt of garlic bread! I have been dreaming of food like crazy ever since the liquid diet! I hope it stops soon! I got my surgery time! I have to be there @ 5:45 am and the surgery should start about 7:30 am. So nice and early lol way too early for me normally but thats ok I get to nap for most of it and the surgeon will be nice and fresh. So the pre op appointments were interesting. First I talked to someone about insurance and all that. Then after I signed and dated the paper the women asked me if I or anyone in my family had ever been in the military. I said no... I thought it was a really strange question. She then explained that she asked because of the way I wrote the date. I write dates date month year. So I wrote 12 March 2007. I explained that I had picked up the habit when I lived in Wales in for a year (I studied abroad sophmore year of college) and it made much more sense to me and it was one of those things that had always stuck with me. Then another nurse nearby said she had lived in Europe for some years growing up and the date thing had confused her as a kid when she first went to live there, etc. So that was interesting. Then I saw the anesthiologist. I mentioned my narcolepsy to him because I thought I should but also said I didn't think it would be a problem and that while a past sleep study had said I had apnea a more recent one and other information all agreeded that I definitely did not have sleep apnea. And of course I mentioned the GERD and that the head of my bed is usually elevated just because but no I never wake up choking-- I never wake up for things like that even if they did occur. And my brother did have a high fever after his past couple surgeries and it might be due to anestheia someone said, but weren't sure. So then I learned about malignant hypothermia. Apparently its this really dangerous condition where someone gets a high fever after anesthia because of their muscles (I forget exactly why) and its like this chemical reaction. And it used to be poorly understood. But they understand it better now at least and it has to be treated right away or it can really be fatal and it still does have a potentially high fatallity rate. But because my brother's fever went down within 24 hours and he was treated with anitiobitcs and stuff the anesthiologist didn't think it was that-- I didn't think it was anything to be really concerned about because at the time no one was really too concerned about the fever, just watching it and so forth. Anesthiologist mentioned fever is more likely to occur with those who already have muscle problems of some sort too like muscle dystrophy etc. (My brother does have cerebral palsy). So then I asked if I should take my provigil the day of the procedure or not since it was a wakefullness drug and he wanted me to not be awake. He said to not take it. I also asked if he could please not use valium at all since with valium I get memory loss-- more than just the procedure but a whole day. He said that memory loss was a good thing for surgery. I don't know if I didn't convey the scope of my memory loss with valium or what (I've had it a couple of times. The first time I had it was for a routine upper endoscopy. The next day I remember asking my mother what we had done the day before. I can't remember anything at all from the day of the endoscopy. The other time I had it was when I went to the ER for muscle spasms involving the diaphram and I went late at night and we left early morning and I know we left on valentines day. I can't remember that valentines. The whole day is gone. What valium does-- or can do at least is cause problems with tranfer to long term memory. There are other similar drugs that have a more targeted less extreme effect so you will just forget the procedure instead of the whole 24 hour period, etc). And the anesthiologist said they could try to use less but that before they did the general anesthia they had to do something because otherwise I would be anxious and it would take more anesthia, etc. I wasn't so sure about that. I suspect I might be more anxious about the potential use of valium than I am about the surgery! At least I am much more anxious about that right now! But I'm an odd duck... Then I saw the general practitioner for a quick physical exam. My blood pressure was nice and low- 100 over 80. My regular doc says after that surgery I should be able to at least lower my dose of lisinipril that I am on for my BP. And then once I start losing some weight I can get off of it So that is exciting. While I was waiting in the exam room I looked around at it and my neck cracked. It was wonderful I had had this migraine that wouldn't quit the week before caused my this tension in my neck from this one muscle that I couldn't get to ease up. And then I had to take maxalt nearly every day after I got a big demerol shot (my ass still is sore). Well after my neck cracked I felt the tension in my neck easing up and this relieved the pressure on my head. Finally! And I had tried everything too! And here I was just looking around! I need to make a chiro apointment. So physical exam was fine and short. Then I went to the lab where I peed in a cup and they drew some blood and then I had an EKG. Now before I had only had EKGs in sleep studies along with EEGs and so forth. So I was surprised how short it was. But I wasn't expecting to have one at all. And because I'm super lazy about doing laundry I tend to wait until everything is dirty but the last outfit, etc. So I was at that day. This meant I was wearing a skirt, a new tshirt, and for undies I was wearing this bodysuite type thing. Now the bodysuite is slimming which is nice and also comfy but not so good for EKG. So I ended up just having to flash the person doing the EKG for a couple of minutes. I said I'm sorry, but I don't like doing laundry. she understood. And the scars on the breast are how I learned not to fry anything in the nude. LOL and that part is true... Well I had heard the saying don't fry bacon in the nude. Nobody ever says don't fry beignets in the nude. But now I'm pretty sure nothing should be fried in the nude. I'll put some mederma on the spots they will fade. So then I got to go home. Now I have a good DH. Sometimes he will screw up on things like valentines or birthdays and not get stuff when he is supposed to because he doesn't know what to get and he doesn't want to get something bad, but he is getting a lot better at that now. But he's still not ultra romantic or anything. Thats ok. Neither am I. But I am sending myself get well soon flowers. I want them. He won't think of it-- why would he? So I'm going to do it myself. I also had him take me shopping yesterday because I needed to get wax for my legs and hair dye for my hair because my roots are showing. And then when the first store didn't have my color I had him take me to another store. He said "Do you really need to dye your hair before your surgery? You just got it cut?" I said, "Yes because I won't feel like dying it right after and the roots will bug me". So that was the end of that discussion. And then we stopped by sams to stock up on low carb slimfast. I had already sent him on a milk run that morning and I have enough unjury. Of course we have only been married seven months. So we are still honeymooners. So now I need to do some laundry and some dishes. And wax my legs and dye my hair and work an appeal letter to my insurance re my lidoderm patch. Call a couple of people and then relax and try not to think too much about garlic bread and french fries and other food I can't eat.

And its not plastic surgery either (at least not yet! Gotta lose the weight first!) I want to get my turbinates reduced! I know its not major surgery, but it doesn't sound like fun. But it sounds worth it. So does anyone else have anything they want done thats not plastic surgery? Maybe get that pesky spleen removed? At first I thought turbinate sounded like a big thing, like turbine or so large brass instrument. But its actually part of the nasal anatomy. Its on the inside of the lower outer walls of the nose if that makes sense. I have terrible allergies. I take zyrtec in the morning. I take hydroxyzine at night. I take guiaphenex (thats sudafed plus guiaphenesine) twice a day. Astelin twice a day. Flonase- a bunch of it- in the AM and some PMs too. I can't take more stuff- I'm already taking all I can. I also get three allergy shots twice a week. And my turbinates get big and they make me stuffy! And I'm getting might sick of it.

I get what you mean or at least I am thinking of it in turns of baths now that you mention water. I lived in a house with a deep tub- and it was longer than average too I guess. So I would like to take baths in it and soak in it. Then I moved to an apartment with no tub but just a shower (and not a very good one) disapointing and I would really want a bath. I tired taking baths at my fiance's place but the standard tub size and everything made for a really unsatisfying soak. What kind of bath is it if my rolls of tummy flab are just floating and not submurged? So when we decided to redo the master bath right after the wedding I mentioned I wanted I nice deep tub. So we got the deepest whirlpool type tub we could find- a kohler sok overflow tub. I can sit with water up to my chin if I want to in that thing and so forth. Its bath nirvana. Sort of like Ben and Jerry's is Ice Cream Nirvana (especially on a waffle cone) or a really good pulled pork sandwhich is perfect BBQ, etc. So I guess after the band instead of being food nirvana like my tub is tub nirvana, they will just be food like a standard tub is a standard tub? And a standard tub is hardly worth it...