ProudGrammy

there are these interesting topics with a variety of opinions and recently this has been one of them.
 
Why shouldnt we eat and drink at the same time.
again.This is a reminder to self,should I need it somewhere in the future,and I usually do!
 
Everything in life gets old.We get use to changes and we adapt and we move on.That is the nature of the human being.Which is a good thong too.But too often we at that point forget.Forget what we are suppose to remember...lol
 
I experienced this with the band.Strict diet to lose the weight.Then the surgery,the pain,the heartburn,the feflux the vomiting...it got old.And became part of the new habits. In that I did what was comfortable.Added some carbs,added some sugar and started eating WAY to often.
 
Before I knew I was back where I started.
 
Why shouldnt we eat and drink.Well,just as we should eat solid protein first,ALWAYS AND FOREVER,we shouldnt liquify food to empty our stomachs faster.It seems as simple as that to me.Do you have some people that will be super self controlled for the rest of their lives to track their food,to only eat 3 times a day?Well,maybe,but most of us have a problem with self control as far as food's concerned and is why we got fat in the first place.
 
If my stomach is empty I feel like eating.Part of my old habits I suppose but This is me.The longer it stays full the longer I last between meals.
 
Now,will I be able to eat normal foods when I am in maintainance.I believe so.I believe that small portions,controlled carbs,not too much sugar,and only 3 meals a day,with maybe 2 healthy snacks might keep me at my goal.
 
However,should I not eat proteins first,I will not feel full quicker,I will be able to eat more and I will be able to gain more weight.And should one start flushing your food,you will not stay full,you will start eating more often and you will gain even more weight.Even now,when I eat protein and a carb my capacity is bigger.Dont know why,it just is.
 
At the end of the day I am way more concerned about the habits I have to somehow get deep into my thick skull now to be able to live a thin life FOREVER,than what I am about losing weight.
 
Do I eat food that is considered wrong to others,even now?Well,when I look on OH at the what have you eaten today threat I know I cannot post there.It will give them apoplexy.My habits might still seem atrocious to some.Here is a week day example and a weekend example.
 
Weekday:Tea with lots of lf milk for breakfast.Lunch is now usually protein pancake with added fibre and chia seeds with sf syrup.And at 5 I eat a good 30 to 50 pods of edamame beans.Dinner is usually fish or chicken with a tablespoon of LC veggies.Then I have up to 3 sf popcicles after dinner.I still feel like snacking at night which is a very bad habit but have tried to focus it.I really have a breakout from this only once a month or so,which would mean a Weight watchers packet of tortilla chips.
 
Now,this weekend.Breakfast coffee with milk.Lunch late (16:00) chicken snitchel (breaded) with mushroom sauce and slice of cheese with onion rings.Of the whole plate of food I ate 1/4. Took it home and did the same for supper.That was friday which is our sunday.Then yesterday I had coffee for breakfast and chicken and beef fajita for very late lunch (17:30) at Hardrock cafe.Ate about half of the protein and half a scoop sour cream with half a scoop of guacamole.That was bad as at 21:00 I ate 1/4 or a burger patty that my kid brought home from her meal.
 
This is bad but it is what fits in with my life and that is not going to change.We are normal people,with a crazy routine and I am the only one in my house that would ever over eat.No one else have a problem with food.They eat a little and then they are finished.I am trying to start fitting my eating into my lifestyle which I cannot change at this time as it is not only me involved.
 
Obviously that wasnt good enough as my weight is up a pound this morning and I've been wanting food since my eyes have opened.So what could I have done differently?For one,not skip meals because I know I am going out to eat.two,not eaten that burger thingy as I just wanted it when I noticed it.Meaning,no take away boxes for the kids anymore.They dont eat it anyway.And I just didnt drink enough water both days.But would I have chosen different food if I could?I dont think so.It is normal to eat nice food every now and then.Do I do this all the time?Absolutely not!Did I really enjoy going out?A lot!Did I drink when I ate?I never do.
 
I might change my mind about all of is in future but for now.This is part of me learning what works and what will not work.I am going on a holiday in a hotel next week and will not gain.I will apply my rules to myself and will post how it went.This is in prep for a long hotel stay in December,which is a summer holiday for us.And I am scared of being overwhelmed by buffets every day.Thank goodness I seemed to have lost my sweet tooth altogether.
 
The long term success of this sleeve and the fact that I already feel normal again,am over the whole surgery bit and live a completely normal life now makes me realize even more how important ALWAYS BEING MINDFUL of what,how and most important,how often I eat has become.
 
To be satisfied with a little bit of food.
To drink enough water.
To not snack in between.
To not feel deprived.
To love healthy food.
To be like a skinny person and have a balance.
 
This is what I would like my life to be like.

I hit the lost 100 lb mark this week! I feel so much better. Discovered not haveinga protein drink a day was not a good idea as the weight loss slowed down to a pound or so a week. I have since added a drink everyday and am back up to about 5 pounds a week and the best part is my hair quit falling out by the handfuls.
 
 
Toodles ya'll!

So.....this is me and my journey of what brought me to where I am today.... This blog may make you laugh, smile and even cry.. but I just want everyone to see who I am and what brought me to this amazing experience...
 
As of today I am 29 years old and 35 pounds lighter than I was a month ago... but what got me to the point of having to have the sleeve? Well let me lay it out for you...
 
I have always been fat...from the day I was came into this world I always had more padding than was needed! My parents and sisters are both extra fluffy as well so growing up I didn't realize how different I was or what I was missing out on or not doing because of my weight because being around my family I seemed normal...I never really got teased in school for my weight, there were occasional times where kids would tease me..one time I walked past a girls desk and she started shaking like there was an earthquake. I grew up in Arizona where there aren't earthquakes, the thing is she was the same size as me so I tried not to let it bother me.
 
Then there was the time when I wore a red shirt and kids called me the kool-aid man. After that I started wearing blacks, grays, browns, darker colors that never really brought attention to myself.. wow I just realized as I wrote that why I tend to still to this day wear those colors and shy away from anything bright!
 
In middle school my mom had me do weight watchers in the summer, I lost a good amount of weight, but I was still chunky, by the end of the school year I had gained it all back and then some. The thing is, I still wasn't bothered by my weight. Boys were interested in me and had been since the 4th grade, but that probably was because I was the only 4th grade girl that was already a full B cup..
 
In high school I always had a boyfriend, it seemed that was not an issue that my weight let get in the way. There were even times when I had a few boys interested in me at once, by the end of high school I was already in a size 18/20. But that didn't seem to bother me or stop me from doing anything. My weight was something I felt would never stop me from doing what I wanted. I was happy and that is all that mattered.
 
I started college and the same thing, still had boys interested in me. Met boys in classes and made me feel like there wasn't anything wrong with my weight. I always heard people say oh boys won't like you because of your weight, but to me it wasn't an issue. I seemed to be the serial fat girl dater. After a few years of the college life I decided to move away from my family and all I knew in Arizona. It was time to branch out and I felt as though I was going no where in this town...
 
So I packed up my car and moved to San Diego at the age of 21. A city that I loved, though didn't know a single soul in. A big move for this girl who actually was shy! You wouldn't have guessed that with all that you've read so far, I bet So I started a new job, had my own place and that's when I realized that being fat, was being fat and there was nothing good about it. Living in California and a beach city to top it off there were beautiful girls everywhere.
 
Going to the beach I felt like a beached whale and that everyone stared at me... but then again I started meeting men.. they were interested in me and I thought wow if they are interested in me and there are those barbie girls out there then I am doing ok. I did start to work out and eat a little healthier, tried to get into the California lifestyle.. But even working out and eating right didn't seem to matter my weight stayed the same and eventually I gained more and more.
 
I had a few serious relationships, one right after another and they all loved me for me and thought I was beautiful no matter what size I was. I was always told I had such a pretty face, so again never let my weight get to me. I've done walks and the more weight I gained the more the simple things became harder...
 
I would determine if I would go somewhere based on how far I had to walk, if there were stairs, how crowded it was. I wouldn't go to a restaurant unless I knew there were tables instead of booths for the fear of not being able to fit into a booth.. Now I mention that the men I date were not fat, they were in good shape some in great shape with six packs!
 
I really started to become self conscious of who I was, what I looked like and who I had let myself become. My older sister had the lapband, lost a lot of weight but then had issues with the band and is slowly gaining the weight back. I started doing boxing and kickboxing at a boxing gym and loved it. I struggled but made it through every single hour long class!
 
Weight loss surgery has been something that I've thought about, but always thought I know I can lose the weight without it.. it will be my last resort! Then I met this new guy,... and we fell in love and got married! Going on just over a year right now. He is amazing, but he is fit, very active and health minded. That didn't seem to bother him, he always told me I was beautiful and loved me no matter what..
 
Then we decided we wanted to have children.. the thing is I hadn't had a period in years... I mean probably since I was in high school and college... and now I was 27 years old. I know what needs to happen to have babies... I was scared to tell him that I didn't have one and that I knew right now I would not be able to get pregnant. I so went to my OBGYN and started talking to her. She put me on medication to force me to have periods every 3 months... it worked, but still I was not ovulating. So she sent me to an endocrinologist.. and there is where I realized for one of the very first times in my life being fat is taking something from my life that I wanted so badly.
 
So they found out I had PCOS, a condition you get being overweight that causes you to resist insulin, you don't ovulate you don't get your monthly cycle. I felt like I was the only woman in the world who wanted to have regular periods every month! So they put me on medication for it to help me lose weight and get my cycles back.. well I never happened. I was thinking about weight loss surgery again, after all it would get me in the best position to have children the fastest. But I was worried too.. what if it doesn't work? Then I have tried every option possible and I am still left fat and childless... then will my husband still love me?
 
Then the true nightmare began... as I mentioned my entire family was over weight. Well as the years went on my mother was extremely overweight. She was 55 and struggling so much she was in a scooter..... my mother became very ill very fast.. she went to work on A thursday and became so ill that Saturday my dad took her to the ER. By the time I got into town, I knew I was going to lose my mother. Sunday morning at about 5 am my mother passed away. Her weight was the factor, they thought she had arthritis, which is why her back hurt and she had a scooter. Turns out it was kidney failure, and my mother had an infection and became septic. There was nothing that they could do for her in the hospital.
 
My sister and I lost our mother, our father lost his wife, my grandmother lost her daughter and her siblings lost their sister.. because of weight. That scared me because I was heading down the same path.. was that could to be me in 30 years? This happened June of 2012..
 
Then I had a dream a few night later... We were all back at the hospital and my mom was laying on the bed, she suddenly woke up and said, " Now that I'm ok, we all need to work on getting healthy". That was my breaking point, my vow to do whatever I had to do to live a long healthy life.
 
So I went to my Dr and said I want to do surgery, I went to the seminars and decided that I wanted to do the vertical sleeve. It was the best option and I have a little over 200 pounds to loose.. I was ready and willing to sacrifice anything to get my life on track. Being that I had already been going to the weight loss center I only had 2 more months until I could qualify through insurance since they required 6 months of visits..
 
So two months later my surgery date was set for Sept 14th, 2012. And I was ready. Insurance approval went through easy and I was set! Surgery day came and I still didn't feel like it was going to happen. My surgery went amazing, no complications I was on the table an hour. My recovery was just as great, I was discharged the next day by noon. I was at one of the best hospitals possible so I knew the care I was getting was what I needed.
 
Now here I am almost 4 weeks later and 35 pounds lighter. THis was the best decision of my life and I don't regret it. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. Maybe even sooner so maybe my mom would get to see how life changing it was and maybe make the decision to do something about it herself.. then maybe just maybe I would still have a mom... As today marks 4 months from the day she was taken from us all too soon..
 
So next time I think that being fat doesn't mean anything, I will think again because to me fat is no longer an option or a lifestyle.. it is going to be the old me, the me who really didn't think about what it was doing to me or my family.. Fat made me who I am today and without being this way I probably wouldn't have met my husband, but it also took my mother from me...
 
So here is to the start of the new non-fat me... seeing where this journey takes me. I know that wherever it does I will not be needing to ask for a seatbelt extender any longer

I'm angry. I think at myself. I realized that I could eat everything pretty quickly after I got on solid food again. I baby stepped each time I tried something, taking a bite or two and thats all. I'm 2.5 months out and 52 pounds down. I am ecstatic at that number. But, I've been at that number for 2 weeks, and was stuck at 47 pounds for 3 weeks just before that. I'm beyond frustrated that I'm losing so slowly now... I have 58 more to go to reach my goal. And added to my stress is that my nutrionist thinks I can hit that goal by the end of the year.... now I'm not so sure. I feel like crying because the weight loss is becoming so difficult again, and I think to myself, that PCOS is going to win... I'm forever going to be huge.
Taking a step away from myself, I think that over the last 2 weeks I've taken advantage of being able to eat everything, and I need to work on controlling that. I need to lower the carb intake again, and choose better. I need to resort back to eating like I'm scared of eating something because it could disagree with me. I was terried of bread for weeks, but then... I tried it because I was at a resturant with my boyfriend and ordered a turkey sandwich. Cutting off the crust, I could eat half a sandwich. This felt wrong... I didn't understand how I could eat a half a sandwich. I was full, but not sick and content. Pre-discovery that I could eat bread okay, I would have just eatten the insides of the sandwich. The veggies, meat and cheese, and maybe two bites of fruit on the side. Then... I started being too "normal" again. (Oh, and I still don't eat pasta or rice. I haven't had any for 3 months). I'm a sandwich girl though. I love a turkey or tuna sandwich, and gladly will eat one everyday.
 
Don't think I gorge on stuff. I don't eat sweets and I haven't stepped foot in a fast food resturant in more than 4 months, and the last ones I visited were Subway and Schlozky's. And I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. I'm proud of those changes in who I am. It really is just that I think, for my body, with my PCOS (insulin resistance) I'm eating too many carbs. All that weight loss happened when I was avoiding having any carbs. So, I'm going to focus on getting carbs from just fruit and incidental carbs found naturally in foods like nuts and beans. When we go out, I'll eat the insides of my sandwich and leave the bread behind. I need to just focus on making better decisions.
 
I'm getting my head on right again. I'm kicking bread to the curb, its no longer welcome in my world. I have to do this. I have to lose 58 more pounds and reach my goal weight. HAVE TOO!
 
Below are my before picture and my current picture.... I really wish I saw more of a difference.
 

How did a former athlete who was 9% body fat in college get to this point? Well I was born with a bad heart valve that wore out faster than my body did. In my early 40s suddenly I was gasping for breath, by my late 40s I was type 2 diabetic, at 50 I had surgery for diverticulitus and lost 4" of my colon which slowed me down more. At 52 I had open heart surgery where they replaced the valve and found a aneurysm which would have killed me.
 
However, I came out of this unable to lift weights, play softball or baseball, with a right arm and shoulder with nerve damage in it and a bad knee and hip. Then the meds quit controlling my diabetes, the new meds added weight and now it is out of control, I have nerve damage in my feet and my wife has to look at them every night to make sure I don't wind up with an infection. I was approved as a metabolic Weight Loss Patient on the first go around.
 
I am now on my second doctor because the staff of the first one frankly was incompetent. I was lied to when they told me that they had filed FMLA, and I was pre-approved by insurance, they hadnt submitted either one of them. So being the analyst that I am I checked and found out everything. Added to that the hospital that they wanted to have the surgery in didnt have the best reputation. I should have had the surgery two months ago to keep nerve damage to a minimum.
 
I am very nervous, from my major surgeries I live with pain every day. I was told that while they can do the sleeve that the results are better with bypass. However, the horror stories with malabsorption worry me. I am doing this to be able to have a life again not just to trade one set of issues for a whole other set. So any feedback is appreciated.