My Life as Liz

Well, I thought I'd have written an entry yesterday. My surgery is at 8am and I need to be at the hospital at 6am. So I'll be leaving shortly. I hope I have everything I need. I hope the surgery only costs what I'm hoping it costs. I'm getting nervous and wouldn't be surprised if I cried. Wish me luck. ~Liz

I live in Vacaville.

I vote for Vacaville or Sac. I usually work Saturdays, so after 7p is best for me. What about a Sunday?

I hope this doesn't post multiple times. I didn't see it after I posted it the first time. I'm in Vacaville. I'm going to have my surgery in Richmond with Dr. Im on August 22nd if all goes well. I could use a walking buddy if anyone is interested. Right now I'm very slow and can only do about a quarter mile max, but once my back gets better I should be able to work back up to 5 miles. That doesn't mean we have to walk that far, it just means that at one point in time I could do it. lol. I'm not really sure what a meet up entails (I replied in another topic and idk if it posted), but right now I can go as far as Sac or Oakland and anywhere in between. When my back isn't bothering me I'm good for a couple hour drive no problem. @Meggie - I feel your pain! My back is so bad right now that I'm lucky if I can get my own shoes on or stand up from sitting without help. ~Liz

If you've never smoked or Kaiser thinks you've never smoked you don't have to do a pee test. I'm surprised they don't just test everyone. But if it saves me a copay, I'm glad they aren't testing me. One girl I know what concerned with how long it takes to get the test results and I think it took a week. Through Richmond.

About a month ago I got my surgery date, August 22nd. I'm not so sure how I feel about this. I think because I'm going to start my period soon and I've been craving stuffing everything in my face, I'm doubting that I can do this. I need to lose as much weight as possible before surgery. To give my surgeon more room to work and to shrink my liver as much as possible. I've lost about 32lbs so far. I know I've lost it because things are fitting better, but I don't feel any smaller and I don't look any smaller to me when I look in the mirror. A pair of capris I bought last summer fit now. A pair of jeans I bought idk when from Ross b/c they were on sale for 10 bucks fit now. When I tried them on they barely fit b/c they were a size too small but I figured for the price and the fact that I'd hopefully shrink into them, I'd get them. My dress I bought last summer fits and looks better, but I still need to alter the bust. My Lame Giant pants I bought a couple years ago aren't skin tight anymore. Very nice. A few tank tops that were skin tight fit better now. I do feel that I've lost more from my lower half than upper half. Which is nice since I'm pear shaped. I feel like this will be good, but I just don't want to fail. I guess... I'm scared of failing.

I personally don't think a liquid diet adequately prepares you for this lifestyle change. But every program is different. This is the binder for the program I am going through. The sleeve portion is not it it, but the band portion is nearly identical. www.permanente.net/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf It's a great resource if nothing else. Good luck on your journey!

I'm glad you figured out what it is. I knew it wasn't from loose skin. As far as removal of excess skin goes, I've been told 18 months to 2 years post op.

I hope your fever gets resolved soon. I wanted to share that I've lost about 30lbs and my clothes really aren't all that different yet. I think it all depends on how big you are to begin with. Like how a normal weight person can lose 5lbs and maybe drop a size, losing 5lbs is nothing (size wise) to me. And I know I will be mourning my loss of being able to eat whatever I want. I hope I can do what you did and still bake things and not eat them. I love baking cakes from scratch. And I'm refraining from doing so at the moment b/c I also love (or hopefully used to love) eating the batter in the process.

http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf This is the best resource I have found out there. (I am a little biased since it's the program I'm following, but it really is great.) The sleeve portion is not in this pdf, but it is near IDENTICAL to the LabBand portion. The only thing is that you will probably not be eating as much as they say you will as you progress through the stages. This pdf is also great because it goes over psychological issues you could come across as well. Of the other programs I have seen, I like this one the best. Either way, I think there is a ton of good information in it and it's worth checking out. Good Luck!

My dr says to have Milk of Magnesia. I'm guessing it will have a similar effect.

I feel you. This surgery scares the **** out of me! My biggest fear is that I don't want to die. I haven't yet pin pointed my others other than general worry. I know I want to go through with this because of my health issues and because I know I can lose weight on my own, but I also know that I won't be able to lose as much as I want to to be healthy. I know this won't be easy. I know it won't fix all my problems. Some times I just want to say no, I don't want to do it. But I think, I hope... this will be a good thing. I don't particularly like change, so that part scares me too. But with the 30ish lbs I've lost so far, I feel much better, I know this is something I want to stick with even though I know how hard it will be. Idk if that makes any sense. I just feel that this is the tool I need to get me where I want to be. The good outweighs the bad. Especially when the bad is that I won't be able to eat badly anymore. I think we all go through feeling like this. I know I am.

I finally got to use my Wii Fit today! And I love it!! I love it so much I cried while playing it. I don't know if Kaiser's scales are the same as the Wii Fit's, but according to the WF I'm down 2.4lbs! I'm so glad b/c I was scared I would gain b/c I feel like I've been eating kinda badly. But that just proves how much I've changed. My eating badly now is nothing like my eating badly before I really took this seriously. It's crazy. I was wearing less clothing than at my official weigh-in, so that is probably like a 10oz difference. I should just STFU! Any loss is good. We just don't want the scale going up.

We walked (2.6 miles) to the parents house and I used their scale. It said that I'm 1.6lbs from goal. So I'm excited to see what my actual weight is at the support group tonight. Hopefully they will have the scale there. I do have to go there early to pick up another binder, so I may just see if I can be weighed then. Since watching I Used To Be Fat, I've been motivated to eat right (better) and exercise more. But the exercising part backfired. I over did it or tweaked something b/c my back hurts like hell. I'm going to call physical therapy today to see if they can fit me in. For about a minute there I was feeling like I could do this on my own with exercise and eating right. But I don't think I can. I think I really do need the help of the sleeve. With how bad my back hurts right now, I know I can't exercise how I want to for the weight to come off until the weight comes off first. If I will even be able to exercise how I want to when I'm smaller. I know I'm stuck with my back problems for life, but I was really hoping that they'd get better to the point where I wouldn't have to worry about doing something and being laid up for up to a week at a time. Luckily I can still walk, but the way it feels, it could turn worse at any time. I just feel like without surgery I won't be able to lose the weight on my own since I can't exercise as much as I want to so even though I know I could lose weight on my own, I don't feel like I would lose as much as I want to because I'll need to exercise and right now that seems impossible even though I actually want to now. >.< Just wanted to share that before I start my day. I have to get ready, drive an hour, go to the dentist, go to my parents house, do laundry, do errands I can only do down there, go to support group, then have dinner with one of my besties. I'm kinda wishing I had bought the cupcake makeup bag from Tilly's. It would make getting ready to leave a little easier. Haha, I must share this too. So I got a pair of cupcake earrings on Sunday from Tilly's. Now I'm telling people that they're my favorite kind of cupcakes because they don't hurt me here *rubs tummy* or here *pinches tummy*.

If the scale at the gym is to be believed, I am at goal. I am skeptical of this because I feel that I have been eating badly lately. BUT if this is true, it is completely awesome! And either way, I'm finally feeling like I want it again. I want to eat plan. I want to work out. I want to stop eating crap and I want to lose the weight. I was so scared there for a little while that I had gained and had 5+lbs to go instead of just 2. I can only assume my next weigh in will be next Wednesday, the 15th. I will definitely make it to the meeting. I made sure of it. (The meetings I go to are the first and third Wednesdays of every month. So 6ish months ago at my last dentist appointment, I made my next appointment purposely a group day.) I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. Like, I'm not jumping for joy like I thought I would. I didn't cry. But we'll see. I have to wonder if watching MTV's "I Used To Be Fat" helped a little bit. I took a Turbo Kick Boxing class today at the gym after work. It kind of amazes me that I even did it because work was so busy (I did 21 cuts) and I was tired, but I still did it. And I did the whole thing. And I want to do it again. But I am anticipating being sore tomorrow. Which seems a little crazy of me only because we're having a sale this weekend and that usually means being HELLA busy. One thing I do need to work on: showering immediately after working out. I was going to, but I attempted to do laundry first but all the washers were taken (apartment complex), made dinner and ate it since it was already 8p. And sat on the couch watching Super Skinny Me (It's a neat British documentary, not sure if it's BBC or not) while I ate. Then we did laundry and I watched I Used To Be Fat while waiting for it to finish. And I still need to shower but I'm posting here first.

Losing weight won't magically make you feel better about yourself (this was hard for me to come to terms with). I noticed you said pretty twice when you were talking about other girls. You can be pretty and fat (and you are! You're very pretty in your profile pic!). I am (a pretty fat chick). And there are a TON of ugly skinny girls! TONS! Therapy might help. I know I need it. Badly. Just can't afford it right now. The support group I attend says, "we fix the plumbing, you have to take care of the electrical."

What a cu#t! It's people like her who are a waste. You should def file a complaint! I would. I'd do everything in my power to show what a horrible person she is. But I'm vengeful like that. You're a beautiful girl. F her and people like her.

My surgeon will give me up to 4 weeks off and I'm going to take them. I am a hair stylist and my job can be very physically demanding. A former coworker of mine had R&Y done a few years ago and she had a really hard time coming back to work after surgery. Work was so exhausting for her at first, and she took 4 weeks off. I think it really depends on what you do. One person I know said her energy didn't come back till she was 6 weeks out. I've had people in my support group say they only needed 2 weeks. They must have desk jobs. Plus I want to use my time off to really cement all the habits I will need to be successful after surgery. My work schedule is so inconsistent that I can't do that while working.

I feel like I should write something here. Plus I have to wait for all my B2B pics to upload to FB. There's a facebook group for the support group I go to irl. The topic came up of excess fat. So I wanted to talk a little about it. In an established thread I asked 'how does one determine how much excess fat they have?' The answer I got was 'BMI.' My response was as follows: 'I'm not a BMI fan, but it's probably a good starting point. I was once told by a trainer at the gym who did a body fat pinch test on me that I have 140lbs of everything that isn't fat. So minus the muscle I'll lose as I lose weight that sounds about right based on what I think my sister weighs and my build. But 200 is skinny for me, so anything past that is amazing.' The response was, 'I'll take the drs advice over a gym trainer any day.' I feel like my response wasn't interpreted correctly. Which is ok. I don't feel like getting more into it on there. What my response was getting at: This was like 9 years ago when I had this specific body fat pinch test done at the 24hr Fitness location I used to go to when I still lived at home. According to the guy who did it, I have 140lbs of muscle, bones, organs, etc. Everything else was fat. Not necessarily all excess fat because the body needs fat. Just not as much as I've got. So for the longest time I was under the impression that I will never weigh less than 140lbs. I explained this to my boyfriend probably about a month ago and he said this logic was flawed. Now I don't know his reasoning, but I now understand why it is flawed. But none the less, I must say, it is a good reference point. So it's flawed because as I lose weight, I will lose muscle as well because my body won't need as much muscle to support 280lbs as it will say 150lbs. Therefore, it is possible for me to weigh under 140lbs. My sister and I have the same figure shape. Shes an inch or two shorter than me and we have about the same build, she is maybe a little smaller. I'm probably about a medium build. The smallest she's ever been was a size 6 in college. She is usually about an 8 or 10 depending on the clothing item, but is bigger now because she's pregnant, which is expected. So based on what I think she weighs normally, 140lbs isn't a bad guess for me. Because BMI was brought up, I googled it and looked at 3 sites to get an average number. I'm 5 '5.5". Here are what the sites said: 5' 5" 113lbs - 138lbs 5' 6" 117lbs - 143lbs 5' 5.5" 114lbs - 145lbs (small build, medium build, large build) 5' 5" 117-130 127-141 137-155 5' 6" 120-133 130-144 140-159 Given these numbers I would think that I would be somewhere between 120lbs and 145lbs. I would absolutely love to weigh under 150lbs. And I'm 99.9% sure that I will never weigh under 120lbs. Or if I did, I'd look way too skinny. In conclusion, what the guy at the gym told me is fairly accurate. I just don't think my point came across in my original comment. 209lbs is the lowest I have ever been in my adult life. Size 20 is the smallest I've been (on bottom, I'm pear shaped.) 200lbs and a size 20 is skinny for me. When I get down to a size 18 I can say, "I haven't been this small since 5th grade." If I get down to 150lbs I can say, "I haven't weighed this much since I was 10."

My birthday is in a week and my mom wants to know if I want her to bake a cake, buy a cake, or get something at the restaurant we're going to. I don't know what to tell her. I'm already planning to eat a little badly (but nowhere near as bad as I would have if I wasn't following a pre-op meal plan) b/c it's my birthday and I was planning on maybe having a drink (I'm not a drinker, but I'd like to have the option, plus I won't be drinking after surgery), so idk about cake. Honestly I could take it or leave it. If I had to choose though, I'd choose a homemade cake (sounds like I answered my own question). I feel like everyone else would be expecting something. On top of this no one in my family knows about my wanting to get the sleeve. My bf says that if I'm going to have a drink I shouldn't have cake. I don't necessarily agree with him (I like to keep my options open b/c change my mind so often), but I know he's probably right. I don't want to hurt my mom cause she wanted to get me a cake. Idk if it would even upset her. It's just she said she was thinking about buying a cake and I said idk if I wanted cake and she seemed dissappointed. If there's cake I'll probably want to eat it. But unlike before where I'd want the whole cake, now I'd just want a piece. Thoughts?

I'm trying to figure out just how much this surgery is really going to cost me. I don't have a surgery date, but I like to plan in advance. I want to take a month off, so I'm trying to figure out what I need to save for and how much I need to save up for it. Here's what I've got so far. We pretty much live paycheck to paycheck, so this is pretty important for me. I pretty much know how much each of these things is going to be. Rent Surgery Health Insurance - I'll have to pay this instead of having it taken out of my paychecks automatically Groceries - whatever I'll need for after surgery including Vitamins and my bf needs to eat, the cat needs to eat PG&E Comcast Credit Card(s) bill Entertainment - gas money, bridge toll, etc. I don't want to be bored out of my mind. Laundry quarters Lost wages My cell phone bill Gym membership Follow up doctor visits Is there anything I'm forgetting? How much do vitamins cost anyway? How many follow up doctor visits did you have in the first month out? Did you get bored? What did you about it? I figure if I over save, then that's awesome. I just don't want to not have saved enough. ~Liz

http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf The pre-op meal plan about a third of the way down is fantastic. I'm following it now and it works. Plus all the other stuff in the binder helps too. Good luck.

I'm going though Kaiser Richmond. I have Dr.Im. Originally I wanted the lapband, but decided against it mostly because I am scared that I'll be starving and only able to eat a tiny bit, and that seems stupid to have a major surgery and have it not help, like I'm afraid if I did get the band that I wouldn't be successful. That was my biggest fear. Plus Kaiser doesn't do revisions. I haven't had surgery yet. I'm about 7/8 lbs from my pre-op goal weight. None of the other complications really bother me, weird huh. The reason I don't want R&Y is b/c when I get married some day I am going to have cake and I am not going to suffer (dumping syndrome) for it! And my bf doesn't want me to get it cause of the malabsorbtion (sp?) part. Plus the sleeve just seems like a better choice for me. I am still nervous as hell though. I'm planning on taking a whole month off work since I'm a hair stylist and can't imagine doing my job with no energy. Plus I want the time to really get my new eating habits down, especially with how crazy my work schedule can get. And one of my former coworkers had the R&Y (that's how I found out kaiser did wls) and she had a hard time coming back to work at first.

I <3 my new doctor. She's so nice! And pretty. She was able to answer all my questions and check me out. She gave me antibiotics for my throat b/c she saw some spots that shouldn't be there and took a culture for strep. Then I had a blood test for allergies and got med refills. The lab tech was able to get blood on the first try instead of poking me 4 times. That's pretty awesome. I asked her if my veins would be any easier to find when I lost weight, and she said no. That it's just how some people are. That there are skinny people with super hard to find veins too. My dr also said that wls is fine and should be good for my liver. And I can drink on my birthday if I want. Just don't go crazy. She also answered my questions about NASH. I'm in the early stages, so that's good. It's still reversible. I'm happy I can still take my allergy meds and my narcotics. There was one thing I didn't tell her b/c I felt kinda embarrassed about it. We had unprotected sex over the weekend, so I just took Plan B, and I'm going to wait till tomorrow to start my antibiotics so the Plan B can be effective. We don't want any surprises. Not yet at least. Ideally I'd have surgery, get skinny, then have baby. Plus we can't afford one right now anyway. And I would rather be able to get down on the floor to play and be strong enough to carry it around first. Now I'm not able to do those things. Hopefully the Plan B won't make me feel too shitty. The few times I've taken it in the past, I always took it at bed time and slept through any side effects. I need to go to the gym today, so I don't want to get sick or anything. The gym is 10 miles / 15 mins away. I just want to do a small workout. Mainly I need to go to take over payment of my membership.