Alexandra

Melissa & Kelly, are you sure you're not long lost friends? Those coincidences are too weird!!

I know, isn't it cool discovering body parts?? My wrists have a new dimension--they're no longer just round--and there's this lump on the outer edge of each one that my husband tells me is a bone. I think he's playing with my head. I can, however, frequently be found absently tapping my collarbone with my fingers. It's what I do instead of chewing my nails when I'm thinking. I love it!

I cannot diet. I never have been able to--the minute I impose restrictions on what I can eat, or how much, I immediately have cravings I am unable to beat. It's been this way for years and years and the only way I was able to maintain my weight (high though it was) was to throw off the chains of self-denial. Well, I thought all that was behind me since now I have my lovely band to help control the impulses to eat whatever and whenever. And for a year I've been doing great, listening to my body and its cues and losing weight steadily at a great pace. I haven't been giving myself goals to meet or placing restrictions on myself, because that has never worked for me in the past. Well, next week is my bandiversary and I thought it would be wonderful to try to hit 250 by that day. So the other day I told myself "be good, no carbs, blah, blah, blah, blah" -- I sang that song we are all so familiar with. And guess what happened? Suddenly the ability to say "no thanks" disappeared completely. I had TWO huge servings of ice cream on Friday, and a monster oatmeal cookie yesterday plus the ice cream that I swore to resist this week. We were at a gourmet supermarket yesterday where lots of cool samples were on offer, and normally it would have been easy to pass them up. But the very fact that I'd TOLD myself to made it impossible to resist. The concept of self-sabotage doesn't exist if you don't place rules and goals on yourself. You can't let yourself down because you're only living your life. But now I feel guilty and angry because I know I won't get meet that silly "goal" I set for next week, and all of this is for literally no reason at all. I'm letting go of it now. Back to not DIETING, back to just living the banded life. This experiment with goal-setting has scared me, dipping my toes into the pool of self-imposed limits that only exist to be broken has only shown me that THIS is what has always made it impossible for me to lose weight in the past. But being banded takes away my physical hunger, so if I can remove the mental obstacles I'm really on my way. I've just learned without question that dieting is my worst enemy. Thank goodness it only took two days for me to realize that!

Nancy, this is by no means limited to those over 50. I'm 42 and have suddenly noticed little wrinkes, the kind they sell creams to help with. I have laugh lines, which I've never had before. But my feeling is that this is what I'm supposed to look like, and it's the real me coming out. It is a little sad leaving my youth behind, but I'm realizing that youthful appearance was artificially sustained by the layers of fat under my skin. My youthful appearance was going to fade at some point anyway, as does everyone's, but for those of us losing weight it's weird that it seems to happen overnight. Oh well. Maybe now I'll figure out what makeup is for. Or maybe not.

Maurice, congratulations! This is a rough time, I know, trying to control that end-of-the-line feeling. But you do KNOW that being banded does not mean you'll never eat again, right? You're on your way!! :(

Chantal, that is really wonderful news! Thank you so much for the update. You mean there are classes to help us deal with our little mons...um, I mean, lovely delightful children? Where do I sign up?!?!?! Great to have you back, Chantal. My fingers are crossed that it's all uphill from here too!!

I wasn't self-pay but I was totally prepared to use a home-equity loan if necessary. Almost 10 years ago my husband and I opened a home-equity line of credit to pay for our wedding, and if I could rationalize that $15,000 I could certainly see that getting banded was worth AT LEAST that much to me. If you have equity in your home a line of credit is a painless way to go. The interest is tax-deductible and it's the best kind of debt to have.

Ok, Candy, then what about the "stuck" feeling being a clenched esophagus? I freely admit my interpretation could be wrong, and in fact the clenching feeling is a pretty good description of it. So that's it: The esophagus tightens up in reaction to food that it, for whatever reason, can't move along smoothly and easily. Waiting some time is the only way to get beyond it, whether several minutes or an hour or two will vary depending on the episode. But I do think that sometimes you may indeed be full and just not realizing it. I know it is really eye-opening sometimes to realize how little of something it takes. pizza, for example. An entire piece is WAY more than I can eat most of the time.

Hopeful, Leatha is right. There is no "giving up" with the band, because it's still there waiting for when we are ready to make a fresh start. In the meantime, whatever loss we've already experienced is NOT GOING AWAY! I've NEVER lost this much weight before and had any prayer of keeping it off. THAT'S what's different. My future isn't a bleak landscape of "if I can JUST NOT EAT I'll be fine..." or "no, no, none for me, no" and resentment, deprivation, and hunger. It's a wonderful future of owning my own behavior and being ABLE to eat less and truly not wanting any more. Really, it's amazing. Today I'm coming off a "binge" period of eating Cookies and ice cream over a three-day weekend, and I've no fear at all that I'll be able to get control again in short order. That knowledge all by itself is worth the price of banding!

Hi Mary Ann! I'm glad you found us too!! Everyone's band experience is different and we ALL bring something to the board that others can benefit from. Please continue to post your frustrations for purposes of venting, and we'll provide support, suggestions, or back-slapping as required. Nice to meet you!! :(

YAY, Gail!! Sounds like a terrifically sensible approach to me. :rolleyes:

Candy, I think you're overthinking this. It is not worth the mental anguish you're experiencing to try to understand the behavior of the band at all times, because it cannot be done. For me, I get hungry sometimes after two hours, sometimes after six hours. It depends on what I ate and what else I am doing. What I concentrate on is not how long I feel full, but rather how little it takes to make me satisfied before I stop eating at a meal. You say you're eating only a few bites and then feeling stuck. I submit that your "stuck" feeling is, in fact, a signal that you have had enough food for the moment. When food bunches up in the pouch and touches the bottom of the esophagus, the sensation can feel like something is stuck. But it's not, it's just that there is already as much food in there as the pouch can hold at the moment. It really does only take a few bites to fill it up, YES! Remember, the pouch is emptying all the time that you are eating. Of course you can eat a cup of something, because there is new room being made as food is pushed through the stoma. Soft food will go through faster, but even well-chewed solid food behaves the same way. Also, the pouch is made of stomach muscle, not something rigid with a fixed capacity. It will stretch temporarily and can obviously hold more than a half-cup at a time. Try to let go of the idea that you have to understand all that is happening at all times. Listen to your body and when you're hungry, EAT. Just eat a tiny bit and see if the hunger pangs don't go away. Why not have a snack two hours after eating? The world won't come to an end, just your hunger. Try to have high-Protein Snacks on hand, like nuts and cheese (modified fat though it is). Really, there's no reason to suffer! The weight loss will come as you consistently take in fewer calories then you expend; that is a physical truth. So don't worry about it, just relax and go with the flow.

Debra, what a wonderful post! And I agree with absolutely everything you said. Learning how to feel full is really just a matter of time and patience. I just had an Atkins bar for breakfast, along with my customary two large cups of coffee. Since I'm very tight in the morning it takes me almost the whole ride to work to eat that bar--almost 30 minutes. Then I get to work and read this...and thinking about it I realize that yes, I feel comfortably full and it's not just my pouch that feels that way. It's my stomach, for real! Candy, this feeling will come for you too. Please don't give up!! I know there have been times when I absolutely wanted something BIG, not to just nibble on a piece of deli turkey and call it a meal. At times like that I go for lentil Soup, or chili, or some high-Protein thing like that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having meals in that vein sometimes; even once a day for a while if necessary. If it gives you the full-tummy feeling you crave then why not? There's nothing that says you have to be miserable all the time. And this process is about learning how to work WITH your band, not feeling tortured all the time. You WILL find that your band makes it possible to feel full on less food. Given the chance, that will revolutionize the way you eat and feel about food. During that time I think it's important to not get painfully hungry. And it is VERY important that you not be running off to the bathroom several times a week. That way lies damage and problems. Changing restriction is a challenge, absolutely. So take it slow and try not to challenge your band. I know you've heard the platitudes so I won't repeat them. I'll just add--soup is your friend at times like these.

God this would kill me. I don't even want to try. Good luck everyone!!

It's a weird phenomenon, isn't it? I hear about other people "going on South Beach" or getting back on Weight Watchers and just shudder. What would that do to me, I wonder? Brrr. I will say that "journaling" isn't in the same category for me. I use Fitday pretty regularly, but not in the spirit of trying to use it as a help in control. Entering the foods that I eat is educational for me, so that I'll have more information about what I am eating. So doing that doesn't have the same effect as trying to tell myself NO does.

Marie and Gail, you are definitely climbing that bandster learning curve! I think the best thing you can do for yourselves at this time is really to try hard to eat sloooooowwwwly. Take each bite mindfully and thoughtfully, and let it settle for a full 30 seconds or so before taking another. This will give your pouch/tummy time to catch up and send the full signal to your head before you've taken that one bite too many. Gail, the phenomenon of the very first bite causing the "golf ball" is more about esophageal smasm than any kind of fullness. Many people report having to take the first bite and then wait two or three minutes for the "clenching" feeling to subside before taking another bite. Learning when you're full definitely takes practice, and for a while you may be making that decision for your stomach rather than waiting for it to tell you. Know that if you really are hungry there is more food there if you need it. And the day will come when you sit back in surprise after having eaten some small amount of food and realize, suddenly, "I'm really done!"

Marie, that's absolutely wonderful!! Congratulations!!! :rolleyes:

That must have been wonderful to hear! I think my husband has never said anything because he is afraid I'll think he didn't love me before. He will wholeheartedly agree with me if I am admiring myself or trying on a new smaller size or something, but he's never said anything out of the blue like that. How nice for you, Lioness! I'll bet it felt wonderful.

Edistogirl, good luck with your scheduling! My favorite NSV was being able to see my whole body in one panel of my bathroom medicine-chest mirror. It's a cabinet with three mirrored doors and I could never see my whole body either side to side or front to back in one panel. Now I can, and considering the room left over I'm blown away by how big I was! (I never took measurements "before"--too scary.)

Wow, I was just watching the news and this one looks like it left MAJOR damage in its wake. I'm sure your family is fine, Penni, but please let us know when you find out.

I'll probably be posting a "bandiversary" post on the 20th, but in the meantime I'll stick my answers to this poll here as well. if you have progress pics... ATTACH THEM!!! See thread called "A Chance to Compare" pre-op weight lost: In the year before surgery, I lost 30 lbs. Then I got a surgery date and in the next two months gained 7 on the last-supper diet. day of surgery weight: 317. My highest non-pregnancy weight was 340, about a year before surgery. 1 year post weight: 253 today. total fills: 3 fills so far total fill amount: Don't know, don't care. A little more than last time. ever been filled to tight? No, although restriction has taken me by surprise sometimes days or weeks after a fill. But it's never been uncomfortably tight. ever vomited when restricted? how was it? I have PB'd five or six times. It's very unpleasant, but not painful, nor is any nausea involved. Once it's over, I felt fine. any complications? No, thanks be. Everything has been smooth as silk! (Knock wood.) do you think your to tight? to loose or just right? All three. I'm a little too tight in the mornings, lunch time is perfect, and a little too loose in the evenings. But that's just life with the band. longest plateau? I normally stall for three or four weeks at a time and then lose several pounds at once. If I worried about plateaus I'd have been hauled off to the funny farm long ago. how often do you exercise? For the last 6-7 months I've been working out regularly three or so times a week.

Tricia, before you know it you WILL be able to eat whatever you want, but you'll be eating small portions of whatever you want. I don't worry about when/where/what I'll be eating in any situation and haven't for months and months. Any food can be adapted to edibility, and the only thing people ever notice is that I'm eating less than they might have expected. And when they ask, if they do, a simple "I'm not hungry" or "I've had enough" is all I need to say. The hard part is short, and you're doing great!!

Wow, Carol, that's phenomenal!! Congratulations on such amazing success!! And it's really good to hear that it's been "easy" from your point of view. I hope the future holds more of the same.

Anne, you trailblazer you! Thanks for discovering that it's possible to have a leak at the balloon site...now we know! Very thoughtful of you. Take care of yourself and good luck tomorrow! You're in all of our thoughts and we can't wait to hear how easy it all was.

Tera, how long have you been banded? And how big was your fill? I feel changes in restriction sometimes weeks after a fill; if all you're feeling is a slight increase in restriction but you can still eat and drink I'm sure there's nothing wrong. Calm!