PdxMan

You are right. I post this all of the time. What amazes me, though, is how much backlash I get sometimes. There are folks who refuse to believe they have a poor relationship with food. They do not wish to label themselves as an addict. They feel they can control what they eat at any time. While I agree, I am not going to restrict myself from having a cookie or that bowl of ice cream occasionally, it is confronting the reasons why I want those items and if am I abusing them. It is the difference from having a glass of wine once a week and having 3 glasses every night. There is a point somewhere in between where there is a problem. That point is different for everyone. It is difficult for me to wrap my head around the notion of somebody needing WLS who doesn't have a poor relationship with food. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and I do not understand those who are on the other side of the fence. But, I also do not understand the person who can enjoy drinking a half a glass of wine or a half pint of Guinness leaving the rest at the table when they leave. Are you really going to leave half a piece of hazelnut cheesecake at the table? Huh? I gots issues ... *** Edit *** Crazy quoting issues

I will be 3 years post-op this July. When they say they can eat anything at a year out, they mean exactly that. But the portions ... now that is the difference. Remember, VSG is a restrictive surgery, meaning it restricts the portion sizes. In your readings, you may have come across the phrase, "eating around your sleeve". There are some foods, termed "slider" foods, which will "slide" through your stomach easily where you will not feel the restriction. Let's talk about this for a second as I think it is quite important. One aspect of the sleeve is that everything is there and functioning just as we were created. Your pyloric valve is the thingy at the bottom of your stomach which opens to allow the mushed up contents of your stomach to pass through to the large intestines where absorption begins to take place. Some foods are either already in that mushed up consistency or get to that state very easily. These will quickly move through leaving your stomach ready to take on more food. Ice cream, for example. I can eat the same size bowl of ice cream (chocolate) post-op. It moves right through. Potato chips and crackers also move right on through. Hardly feel any restriction. So, if we want success, we follow the guidelines, two of which suggest we eat our lean Protein first and avoid liquids around eating. Protein takes longer to get to that mushy stage, so they pyloric valve won't open immediately. This is when we really feel the restriction. Also, the no drinking thing. Having liquids in the stomach only hastens the mushy phase. Again, feeling fuller longer and not even having the ability to add more food to the stomach is the idea, here. Also know that while we can eat anything, doesn't mean we do. I can eat breads, rice and Pasta, but I don't. I know these are what I call nutritionally irrelevant foods. When I sit down to eat, I want the best bang for my buck, and these foods definitely miss that mark. I also know that in this first year, I had to do a lot of soul searching. I mourned not being able to abuse food the way I used to. When I would react to a situation in my life where I usually would turn to food, I was forced to confront the emotions which let me to abuse food. I have a poor relationship with food. The guidelines and my relationship with food are things I will always work with, but, I do believe issues with re-gain later center around these issues. Good luck and keep on reading!

There must be something else going on here. The other girls are pissed at you because you are not eating the way you used to? If this is true, turn it around on them. My mother would often comment about my tiny portions, so, when we are together, I beat her to the punch. Before our first bite, I say, "Isn't it amazing how little the human body actually needs in order to thrive? I am a full grown man who is more than twice as active as you, yet not only do I survive on less than half of your portion, I thrive!" She just blinks. What can she say to that? If you are dealing with people who are consuming even more than that, I wouldn't get too dramatic with the comparisons. People do not like to be called over-indulgent and may react by lashing out even more. But my guess is it will shut them up a bit. If it does escalate, you can also just tell them that, "My decision to live a healthier lifestyle should not impact you. I need this for me, not for you."

Nope, she definitely would not have found out about the surgery. No way no how. No way to know ...? Dropping 60 pounds in 3 months? Uh ... she has an idea something is going on. Even on the greatest of diets, a small fraction of people can be hitting those kinds of numbers. You say she is observant, my guess is she is also respectful. If I were to try to go inside the female mind for a second, I would think: "Something has occurred with her that she is losing this weight. She looks healthy and appears to have great energy, so it must not be an illness ... it might be a bariatric procedure ... but we have been friends for so long, surely she would have told me about this decision. Maybe we are not as close as I thought we were. I don't know exactly what it is, but obviously she wants to keep it to herself, so I will respect her privacy and not say anything." I post on this site quite often about expectations. They are future resentments. Communication here is key. If you want to know about something, ask. It is not their fault if you get a resentment over something. Oye! I am so glad I'm a boy! I'm just curious, since the wedding is in October, how are you going to do the whole fitting thing? This is going to be something you are going to have to discuss with her. You will have to ensure the dress you get will be easily alterable. Not all dress styles nor materials are conducive to alterations. (My first wife was an extraordinary seamstress)

Uhhh ... I don't think anyone has judged you here. I think quite the opposite, actually. I know it was clear in your mind what was meant, but there is some ambiguity there, as Recycled points out. That is why I also went with the angle I did. Please keep in mind it is difficult to tell the "voice" used when you read a forum post. It would appear you may be reading these with a cynical point of view, which makes them sound negative to you. Please try re-reading them. When Recycled says he doesn't know how to make of some posts, perhaps what he meant was he doesn't understand exactly what your struggle is. Not that he is rolling his eyes. He follows this with a question about it, so ... We really do want you to succeed and are here to give and receive support.

Just a reminder, ladies, this is the Man Room. As is stickied in The powder Room: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/250198-attention-men-the-powder-room-is-for-ladies-only/ the same applies here in The Man Room: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/250199-attention-ladies-the-man-room-is-for-men-only/ I'm guessing you ladies aren't looking for our input on these topics: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/299928-ok-i-have-a-super-private-question-ladies/ http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/253274-xxx-rated-super-serious-question/ These rules were put in place because about a year ago, some folks were crossing the line of appropriateness. I'm not saying your contributions are inappropriate, but as is in the stickied post, these should be havens where our individual genders can receive specific advice. Thanks

Well, as you said, everybody is going to lose differently. There are too many factors and afterall, what good does it do you? If someone is losing faster than you, do you follow the guidelines closer? (You should be doing that anyway) Do you start exercising? (You should be doing that anyway) Or what if you are losing faster than them? Do you stop following the guidelines so close? Stop taking walks? Like I said, there are too many different factors: Age, starting weight, gender, hormones, base musculature ... the list goes on. The bottom line is to follow the guidelines as best as you can and your body will lose at the rate it will lose at. There are going to be stalls along the way and your body will go into starvation mode at times. All you have to do is follow the guidelines as close as possible and know that you will lose weight. Weighing yourself daily will only set you up for sorrow. There is no way you will be able to meet the unreasonable expectations you set on yourself. The scale only measures weight, not fat. I weighed once a month and always saw a loss. It kept me focused and motivated.

When was your surgery date?

Have you looked into compression garments until you stabilize?

My local "Best Bariatric Surgeon in Portland" quoted me $35,000 for self pay for the sleeve as my insurance does not cover bariatric procedures. I ended up going to Dr Umbach in Vegas for $10,400. There are a few screwy things with this ... $35,000 is by far the highest I have heard for this surgery, so when you say your Dr charges $50,000, I would get a detailed breakdown of those costs. $15,000 max payout? For surgery? I have heard of max payouts for vision, but not for medical. If they are covering it, then it should fall into the same boat as other surgeries. Either it is covered or it isn't. Is this a rider which runs along side of your current policy? Perhaps involving your HR people might be best to understand this, but this seems unusual to me. Almost like your Dr's office is working you over a bit. What is your insurance? Are there other bariatric surgeons covered?

You know, when I started losing weight, I had a much sunnier, brighter disposition about me. I believe I smiled more and probably opened my eyes a little wider. That is what I see as a difference in your pictures. For many reasons, you are not the same person you once were, so don't be surprised when people you know say how different things are. IMO, you look great!. Happy and healthy.

Am I that obvious!!?? LOL! I make it no secret here that I belong to a 12 step group and try to use many of the principles on BariatricPal. Especially the last step as it is a constant reminder of where I came from and where I will end up if I return to abusing food the way I did. But alas, I do not wish to hijack a very good thread. PM me if you have any thoughts.

I would lead a group in the Portland, OR area. I would have a group conscience decide (along with the leader) as to how often meetings are viable. I think in some larger cities, you could pull off weekly meetings. Having them be closed exclusively to WLS patients would also be my recommendation, but I would also want to have open meetings where family/friends/researchers can come. Perhaps these open meetings would be once a quarter with a general WLS presentation and sharing of a few people's stories then a Q&A or open discussion would follow. I have lots of thoughts on how a meeting could be organized.

I think this is spot on. Myself, I used food to comfort. Now, I question my motive every time I put something in my mouth. Am I feeding my body or trying to feed something else? If it is the latter, then I dig deep to find out what is going on with me emotionally. Why do I think what I am eating is going to satisfy whatever is motivating me to eat right now? I do a lot of breathing and try to re-focus myself. It helps me to center myself and my resolve.

This was my reaction, too. I had to zoom in and compare. WOW! Congrats!

I made two and brought them into work on Monday with cabbage, carrots and onions. We all ate it yesterday, too. I think there are some final leftovers which we will attack today. I love it!

Uhhh ... to those reading at home, this is not a good way to test your sleeve's effectiveness. Even though I am not a Dr, nor do I play one on TV or the internet ... from what I understand, this is a great way of raising the risk of a leak. Now, before the folks on this thread flame me, I am not judging what you did, or what you do going forward. I just know there are going to be hundreds of folks reading this and they need to know they need to consult their Dr before performing a similar test.

I feel you pain. I did purees for 6 weeks post. Part of my problem was fear of progressing to solids, though. But when I was eating tilapia, I was also eating tuna whipped with ranch dressing. I would put this on a thin piece of sharp cheddar cheese. It was heavenly. This first thing I ate which had bold flavor and a semblance of texture. Talk to your NUT, take small bites and chew ridiculously well.

Hey PDXMan. Are you a FOB? Uhhh ... maybe ... what's a FOB?

Boy you really put it all together. Kinda a smart one aren't you! Feel your pain though. i have not been without my old friends as long as you have. I hope I handle it as well as you do...I don't feel so alone in my situation now. i see that someone else experienced it and came through it. I really want to be like you when I grow up in this area. Esp. when the pain eases. For now it is still fresh for me. But you give me hope!! Thank you for that You know, I had to move on. If I were to stay in a place of pain, then all I would receive is pain. I felt empowered to move past these toxic relationships and begin new, healthy relationships. Ones that I still have today and value these people as I know these folks do care about me. How can I move forward if I can't get away from my past? I had to let it go. Lamenting those relationships is like being sad I can no longer lick the sharp edge of a knife. Why the heck would I want to do that!!??

I agree with #3. The scale can only bring disappointment and resentment in the long run. As far as friends/co-workers asking me how much I had lost, I would tell them, "I've lost 500 pounds! Can you believe it? You would have never guessed I weighed that much before!" (I was around 300# when I started) They would look at me like I was speaking another language and they never asked me again. They got the point.

Then work out ... it is the best of both worlds. Is it important to you to lose weight RIGHT NOW or in the long run? Let's look at it this way ... what would be better for you? After a year, you have lost 75% of your excess weight and had lost a little bit of muscle mass, or lost 75% of your excess weight and lose a lot of muscle mass? This is really the question. So many folks want immediate results and don't understand that to be truly successful at this sleeved life, it is a journey.

I believe the bottom line comes down to a basic question. What are you willing to do to meet your weight loss goals? Let me tell a little side story when I first got sober. I had abused alcohol for years using it as a crutch to avoid feelings and emotions I just as soon not have or just tried to displace them. When I had my "A-ha" moment, when I realized I could no longer go on like this, I sought help. When I came out of the hospital, I returned to my life as "normal", getting support through groups, but at the same time, trying to hang out with my "friends". They wanted to go to the bars and shoot pool, play darts and do all the things we did. I would go and drink soda, but they were very threatened by my sobriety. The bartender of our oft visited place pulled me aside and told me that other people at the bar, not just my friends, were very uncomfortable with my presence there. He said I was like a mirror to them revealing their own issues with alcoholism. Every time I walked in, I showed them their faults. Like your friends, mine tried to buy me drinks and shots. That way, I would once again be "just like them". Someone in my support circle told me it was time to leave that life behind. If I continued, there would be no way I could stay sober. It was merely a matter of time before I returned to abusing alcohol as I once did. So, I had to look deep inside myself. Which was more important? My friends or my sobriety? As you may have guessed, it was my sobriety. I let my friends know this and told them I would love to do other things with them which did not include alcohol. Hiking ... seeing a movie ... whatever. I never received a call from any of them. That was the price I had to pay, but it was so worth it. I discovered they were not truly friends if they could not support me in this decision. That was 14 years ago and I haven't heard from any of them since. So ... how does this relate? Re-read this and substitute "food" in there wherever you see alcohol (and related thoughts. Alcohol=food, bars=restaurant, sobriety=WLS). I don't think there really is much difference. If I have people in my life who would rather sabotage than support, I would really need to weigh the value of their presence in my life. It doesn't matter if it is food, alcohol ...

I think it is a rare person who doesn't understand your feelings to some degree. But we have to remember that we will never be able to live up to the expectations we THINK other people have. Right there lies the first fallacy. We often believe others have greater expectations of us than they actually have. And I am not just talking about weight loss. I believe I have to be a rock star at work everyday. Every project, I must hit it out of the park because I believe that is what is expected of me. Then I go in for my review and my boss tells me I am exceeding his expectations and I should dial it back sometimes. When I reflect on this and other situations, I have come to understand it is actually the expectations I place on myself. Again, I will never be able to meet those expectations. I have to remember that like others, we are fallible. All people including myself are not perfect. I just need to focus on doing the next right thing. And when doing the next right thing, I focus on doing it the best I can. If I can do this, moment to moment, I have right-sized the expectations I have placed on myself, and therefore, right-sized the expectations I believe others have placed on me. I get to breathe, relax and enjoy the fact that I am making moves which will result in a healthier me. People will question my progress, which will then make me question myself. But you said it perfectly: "Trust the process" I know deep down in my heart that if I continue to follow the guidelines, there is no way I will not lose the fat I want to lose. I am my own worst enemy, at times. When I want to do things contrary to the guidelines, that is an opportunity to really get deep with myself and discover why I have these demons which led me to a life of morbid obesity. This truly has been an incredible journey for me of self discovery and I hope it is for you, too.