So I thought this would be a great place to put how I am feeling. Be warned it is a little bit of a rant for things that I still wish I could do or miss doing. I am currently about 6 weeks out and just wonder if this was the best decision. I did a lot of preperation mentally for this, but I don't think you can ever be quite ready for what you are in for. I know we are all pretty young on this forum and maybe you can relate. Lately I have had this feeling that I may have done this too early in life. I know that most people on here will say and have said that their only regret is not doing it sooner or they wish it had been avaliable to them at a younger age. However........ I am young. I make mistakes. I still want those silly uncontrollable nights. I want to have a drink or two or three with friends, I want to eat at night when i'm up studing for my final like other college kids, I want to eat pizza and not be a weird person who just pulls toppings off, I want to drink a BEER, I want to order a meal from the menu and eat it because as of now it looks like I just pushed things around with my fork, I want to be able to go to a buffet not to just stuff my face but to enjoy a variety of food, I want to try more than one bite of the few foods on my plate and not be stuffed to my eye balls, did I say I wanted a cold beer yet. I know, I know, I know that all of these things are probably reasons why I am here in the first place, but I was big before I knew I was bigger than those around me. I was big when I was a child and sometimes I feel like I am paying for a mistake that is not neccessarily all my fault.
I know have this weird infatuation with watching other people eat. I still like to see good food being enjoyed, not just sit on my plate and go cold. Its weird, right? Am I the only one notices this. It's not in a weird way that I stare at people eating. Its just more I want others to enjoy their food even if I'm done and full doens't mean they have to be.
Ok, I suppose I'm done with my rant. I feel much better now that I got it out. I hope others can relate. I know that I'm not alone in this and I am still very early on in the process. I still in my heart (which is more important to me than what my head thinks) know that this was the BEST decision for myself. I don't think I want, I know I don't want all those things I listed above combinded and multiplied by three more than I want to be THIN which may be oddly unhealthy thinking, but is true.