LUCYCAT

I'm in. I want to break 200. I'd like to be 199 by Thanksgiving.

I am down 3 pounds this week after stalling last week. I really wanted to be under 200 by Halloween. Looks like I will probably fall just short. I am however very very thankful for my sleeve....and shocked at the difference it has made. Down 41 lbs since surgery and 56lbs since the start of the year.

Last week was the first week that I hadn't lost a pound since my surgery. I freaked out a little, I don't mind telling you. I went back to the basics this past week. I made a very serious effort to get the correct amount of protein and water. I also managed to walk every day. I weighed in this morning at 204. I lost 3lbs last week. Yayyy. That gives me a total loss of 41 pounds since surgery and 56 pounds since the start of the year. No one at work has said a single word to me. I am honestly not sure that they notice. I haven't bought any new clothes. I have old clothes from years gone by that I am wearing. Some of this stuff I haven't been able to fit into in years. That part is exciting. My hair is falling out at an alarming rate. My part keeps getting wider and wider. I have tried to part it on a different side or at a different angle...but the result seems to be the same. I am tired. All the time I am tired. My company cut out all overtime. I was hoping that it was simply that I was working too much. But last week was my first week with no overtime in months- and I am still utterly exhausted. I seriously need to work on toning. I have lost a lot of muscle mass. Everything I have now is soft. That aint good. I am a little sad that I am not going to get to break 200 by Halloween. But I am thrilled that I am going to come fairly close. I will try and continue to stay to the basics- and work some new exercises in.

Last week was the first week that I hadn't lost a pound since my surgery. I freaked out a little, I don't mind telling you. I went back to the basics this past week. I made a very serious effort to get the correct amount of protein and water. I also managed to walk every day. I weighed in this morning at 204. I lost 3lbs last week. Yayyy. That gives me a total loss of 41 pounds since surgery and 56 pounds since the start of the year. No one at work has said a single word to me. I am honestly not sure that they notice. I haven't bought any new clothes. I have old clothes from years gone by that I am wearing. Some of this stuff I haven't been able to fit into in years. That part is exciting. My hair is falling out at an alarming rate. My part keeps getting wider and wider. I have tried to part it on a different side or at a different angle...but the result seems to be the same. I am tired. All the time I am tired. My company cut out all overtime. I was hoping that it was simply that I was working too much. But last week was my first week with no overtime in months- and I am still utterly exhausted. I seriously need to work on toning. I have lost a lot of muscle mass. Everything I have now is soft. That aint good. I am a little sad that I am not going to get to break 200 by Halloween. But I am thrilled that I am going to come fairly close. I will try and continue to stay to the basics- and work some new exercises in.

I am not sure if it is because things are slowing down now...or if maybe it is the fact that I am still weighing myself every day. I have noticed that I will lose weight...then gain it back...then lose it again. I am 10 weeks out. I officially weigh in on the same day every week. Every week I have been lucky enough to lose at least 1 pound. I started my surgery at 245. I weighed in at 207 at my last official weigh in. I have this overwhelming nagging feeling that it's over. I haven't exercised the past couple of weeks. Our weather has been awful and I have been feeling so tired. I haven't been drinking the correct amount of water. I have all but stopped tracking how many calories and how much protein I am getting. This is not like me. But here it is just the same. I have been sad- and totally convinced that I have lost all I am going to lose. I tell myself if that is the case it is okay. After all I have accomplished what I set out to do. I am off the BP meds and my blood work is spot on. I just feel like I am not going to lose anymore than this.... anyone else run into this 10 weeks in?

I can’t honestly say that I have experienced much in the way of victories since my surgery. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my 35 pound weight loss. I am thrilled to death that I can fit back into my size 16 jeans. I can wear women’s size 1x tops now. I even had to buy new tennis shoes because mine were too big. However, I haven’t noticed much of a change in my life. I still FEEL the same. I still live the same life. I may have been a little guilty of expecting this thing to fix everything. My personal life fell apart just before my surgery. I guess I hoped that my personal life would get better when I lost weight. It hasn’t. It hasn’t changed at all. My co-workers haven’t even noticed that I have lost any weight. Not one person that knows me has said a word about it…other than the two people that knew I had the surgery. There was a meeting tonight. One of the guys I work with was there. I hadn’t seen TJ since long before my surgery. I was about 255 then. I am 210 now. He walked past me at the meeting. His expression was priceless. He came to a dead stop and his eyes got big. “Wow, you look…” (there was a dramatic pause as he searched for the right word) “…different”. That was all he said. But it still meant a lot to me. The best he could come up with was “different”. But the way he said it really meant a lot to me. I’ll take it as a non scale victory.

I was sleeved on August the 1st. I am 210. I have lost 35 pounds since surgery and 50 pounds since the start of the year. I didn't take my measurements at the start of the year. I wish I had. I did take them however, the day before my surgery. Since surgery I have lost a total of 26.5". I am very glad that I have been taking measurements. It allows me to see progress that I wouldn't otherwise notice. For instance, I FEEL like my butt is now flat and wide. I FEEL like I am losing my boobs. In reality however, the majority of my inches lost- has been on my waist. I didn't FEEL like I had lost anything at all on my waist. In reality- I have lost 6.5" just on my waist. My size 16 jeans are starting to get baggy in the booty. (flat and wide). I had to break down and start wearing other Bras. I refuse to buy new clothes. I have clothes going all the way back to 180. I am now wearing the bras that I wore in my late 20's early 30's. They are a little slutty. I don't remember being this slutty. So, I dress in the stripper underwear every day and hope that I am not in a car wreck. No one at work has mentioned that I have lost weight. Not a word. The only people that have said anything to me at all, are the two people that know I had the surgery. I have noticed I am getting a lot more male attention. It feels odd after being ignored for so long. I haven't run into my exboyfriend yet (He broke up with me right before my surgery). I am hoping that I will be at goal (whatever that ends up being) and have new fake boobs before I have to see him again. Shallow I know, but what can I say?

AM I TOO LATE TO JOIN? MY SURGERY WAS AUGUST 1ST <a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wx7NRz4/"> <img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wx7NRz4/weight.png"></a>

I was sleeved on August 1st. I am down 32 pounds since Surgery and 47 pounds total. I get my protein in every day and do pretty good with my vitamins. I don't do very well with water. I get busy at work and forget. I can eat anything, but I have still been avoiding breads and sugars. My diet consists mostly of cheese, yogurt, lunch meat, boca burgers and the occasional slice of tomato and a few spinach leaves. I exercise 7 days a week. Not because I HAVE to but because I really do enjoy it. None of my coworkers have noticed- or if they have they haven't said a word. It feels weird. One day I am all excited because I can finally fit back into my favorite black jeans....4 days later they are falling off of me.

I felt the exact same way right before my surgery. I spent 8 long months fighting with insurance and trying to get a surgery date- when it finally came I was thrilled for 30 min- then freaked out. I had my surgery on Monday August 1st. When I first came out of surgery I gagged but didn't throw up. By the time I made it back to my room I felt better. My stomach was sore. Not just been cut on kind of sore. Sore like I had done lots of sit ups. I expected that I would go nuts wanting water- because I wasn't allowed to drink anything until Tuesday afternoon. But to be honest- it didn't bother me at all. I was released on Tuesday the day after surgery. I didn't have the gas pain that so many others had. My stomach did growl like crazy though. It started growling in the recovery room and didn't stop for a week. I contacted my doctors office after it started keeping me up at night. She told me it was gas. I hadn't heard my stomach growl in 20 years- I had no idea. I took a few gasx strips and felt much better. The hospital was a 2 hour drive away. The trip home the day after surgery was very hard. It was very bumpy curvy road and by the time I got home I was in a lot of pain. I was tired the following week. My stomach was sore and wearing the brace they gave me helped me sleep at night. By the Monday of the 2nd week when they finally took that drain out of me- I felt totally normal. It was the weirdest feeling in the world. I didn't even feel like I had had anything done. I know you are worried. That doesn't make you bad- just makes you human. Someone gave some advice here I wished I had followed. They said it was a good idea to write down a list of reasons Why you are having the surgery before you go under. It would be very helpful that first week. A lot of people, including myself, have a brief 1 week period after surgery where we have a touch of buyers remorse. I am almost 7 weeks out now. If I could change anything- I would have had the surgery years ago. I was on 3 types of blood pressure meds before surgery. I was able to stop taking them the day of surgery- and haven't taken them since. I am amazed at how much better I feel now.

I am only 45 days in....I have lost 30 pounds. I am off of the 3 blood pressure meds a day that I used to take. And a week ago- I RAN down some woman's cart in the Walmart parking lot. It escaped her- and was tearing down the parking lot looking for something to crash into. I Ran it down and caught it before it could do any damage. I haven't RUN anywhere in over 10 years. I exercise every day. And not because I have to. I do it because I enjoy it so much- it is the best part of my day.

I weigh 217lbs. That is a loss of 28lbs since my surgery on August 1st…and a loss of 43lbs since the start of the year. I am disappointed. I hate to be looking a gift horse in the mouth and all, but I am a scant 18 days away from my 2 month surgerversery and I was hoping that I would be able to lose 40 lbs the first 2 months. I was told the average weight loss the 1st 2 months was 40lbs. Alas, I am going to end up being below average. I haven’t stalled yet. I have lost at least 2lbs every week. I would imagine if I continue at this rate at a lowly 2lbs a week by Christmas- I would be down 56lbs since my surgery. Not great- but better than I would have had otherwise. I am struggling to mentally adjust to my clothing size. I am wearing clothes I haven’t worn in years- I find I check myself in the mirror 3-4 times before leaving for work. “Are you sure this fits?” My walks are the best part of my day. I walk on my lunch and again after work. I look forward to both of them and find that I am in a foul mood if I have to miss one. It takes forever to eat. This frustrates the life out of me. I usually lose interest in the food long before I finish it. I hit my protein goals every day. I struggle with my water. This could be why I am not losing as much as I would like. I have fallen short on almost every single day. I feel like I am either eating or drinking every moment of the day. Who has time for this? I have discovered I love spinach leaves. They make my toes curl. Chocolate use to be the bomb- now I think it is baby spinach. I am feeling better. I am looking a little better. I am always pushing for the next 2lbs. I keep telling myself the next 10 will be the 10 that will make a big difference. In reality- I haven’t been this weight in about 3-4 years. I am feeling better than I have in ages. I am no longer taking my blood pressure medication- because I no longer need it. I am very blessed to have been able to come this far in just one month and 13 days….now if only I could lose the next 10 pounds…

I wouldn’t have been able to go back so soon. I have been told that everyone has a different experience. A friend of mine went back to work the same week. She kept telling me how easy it was to recover from this surgery. Let’s just say, after I had my surgery- if I had been able- I would have kicked her butt. Listen to your body is very good advice. Don’t push to go back too soon.

I lost 4 more pounds this week. This brings me to a grand total of41 pounds since the start of the year....and 26 pounds since surgery. I weighed in at 219 this morning. It has been years since I saw this weight. It is a very weird feeling to go from being so excited that I can fit back into my size 17 jeans to having them literally fall off of me the next week. I am having clothing issues. Dont get me wrong, I have enough clothes that I have grown out of to last me all the way down to 180- which I can't imagine seeing. Mentally I am still size 20 pants and 3x tops. I have a hard time remembering that I am a bit smaller now. I wore a 2x tshirt a long thin black coat and my size 17 jeans to go and work in the field on Friday. I could pull the jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Walking along the pole line my pants started to fall off and I stepped in hole. I went down like a bag of dirt. It was like I was surrounded by a blanket net of giant clothes. I landed face down in the dirt spread eagle like I was trying to make a backwards dirt angel. I still struggle to eat. This is starting week 6 for me. According to my book I should be eating 4-6oz of food. They want me taking in 3oz of protein and then 2-3 oz of a soft fruit or veggie. I can not manage it. On a really good day- I can handle the 3oz of protein. I get about 500 calories a day. I get 60 or more grams of protein consistantly. And I shoot for 64oz of water- but usually only manage 45-50 oz. I feel a little weak. I am still struggling with depression. I have dreams about candy but haven't eaten any during my waking hours. My 1month 1 week appointment is on Friday. I hope that I have done well.

I lost another 4 lbs this week. 22 pounds since my surgery. 37 pounds since the start of the year. I can wear clothes now that I haven't worn in ages. It is nice to have so many clothing options. I have been hitting my protein goals every day. I usually hit or come close to hitting my water goals. I exercise every single day. Sometimes twice a day. Of course, that exercise is just walking swiftly. I am hoping the doc releases me a week early on the serious exercise. I don't see walking getting me much further. I have been struggling with depression. Not because I regret what I have done. Not because I miss food or feel left out. Well, I am not sure why I feel this way. It is an odd hopeless feeling. I don't get excited about fitting into my old clothes. I don't get excited about the idea of losing more weight. I am just kind of going through the motions. I had read that depression could be an issue for WLS patients. I am hoping this passes quickly.

I am starting into week 4. Blended foods. I don’t really feel full. Rather I flat out lose interest in the food. It takes so long to eat anything, that by the time I get to it- it is cold and I don’t want it any more. I have bought a baby food warmer, I am hoping that will help. I was concerned that blended foods and liquids are now going down so easily. My nutritionist recommended starting to work soft foods in during week 4. So, convinced that my sleeve isn’t working and I will be the only person in the free world that bariatric surgery does not work for…..I decided to try a hot dog tonight. Not a real hot dog mind you- I am not that crazy. I warmed up 1 fat free ballpark frank in the microwave. I was so excited. I will be able to eat this whole wiener I just know it! I managed…almost half. Wow. Yes I got in two little bites before the darn thing went cold on me. Nothing worse than a cold wiener. I had been very sick the past couple of days. I got busy at work and just neglected to eat. I got to the end of the day and realized that I had had only about 25g of protein a day and around 200 calories. Not good. Not to mention my water intake was half what it should be. I repaired on Sunday. I took more naps than a new born. I ate and drank and ate some more. I managed 700 calories that day and hit my 60g protein goal and 64oz water goaI l for the first time since my surgery. I feel so much better today. Perhaps that is why I was convinced that I could take on that wiener. Alas, it is nearly 7pm and I am still 7g shy on my protein and about 4oz shy on my water. The water I figure I can pull off. Not sure about that protein. I have lost from 245 day of surgery to 227. i go walking every single day. I find that I am looking forward to it. 18lbs Not great, but not too shabby. I am wearing pants that I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years…and they are falling off of me. I am not losing belly- but that butt is going away fast. I am not worried. I have always had enough booty for 3 or 4 people.

Since my surgery I have developed a Bionic sense of smell. There are many foods I can no longer eat because the smell makes me feel ill. This includes the expensive Protein shots that I bought before my surgery. I tasted before surgery and they were eh….now the smell alone is enough to send me gagging. Tomorrow I start on my “Blended food stage”. My nutritionist had recommended making up blended meat salads ahead of time and freezing them in ice cube trays. I made low fat Tuna, Turkey and chicken salads. I put some in bowls today to let them thaw overnight. The smell was overpowering. I am afraid that I wont be able to stomach them when the time comes. If the frozen smell gets to me, I can’t imagine what they will be like once they have thawed. Anyone out there have an idea on how to eat “Blended Meats”? Any kind of recipe would be appreciated.

Thank you for this post. I am 10 days post op. My doctor will not allow me to have blended foods until next week. I am on protein shakes and chicken broth. I came out of the recovery room hungry. I think I could eat the wall paper off of the wall. I can not wait until next week when I can have an egg and cheese.

It is amazing the difference that just a couple of days can make. I feel 100 percent better today and I wish I could get this drain yanked out of me- I think that would send me back to feeling almost normal. Today I wore makeup, contacts AND a bra. Yes, I am now thrilled with the smallest of accomplishments. I drove down to the local pharmacy and bought some Tylenol. I thought I would try to stop taking the pain meds. Though to be fair I am down to once or twice a day- and that is only because the nights are so difficult. I do feel much better now. I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I haven’t ventured outside to walk- however, I live in a Tri-level so I have been walking 2 flights of steps several times a day. I am hesitant to walk around outside as long as I have this drain dangling on me. I am not getting anywhere close to my goal on protein or water each day. I might manage 31 grams of protein today if I can get another 3 ounces of shake down. And I might be able to get in 20 oz of water. All in all things could have been worse, and I do get better every single day. It is strange. I do not crave sweets or breads. I find that I want meat and cheese. I find myself wondering just how soon it will be until I can have an egg.

I had read some advice on here and I wish I had taken it. Someone had said to make a list of why you were having VSG. And then after the surgery when you were struggling you would be able to give yourself a pep talk. I honestly didn’t think I would struggle. I have always considered myself to have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I thought I would come out of this thing famously. I went in on Monday for my surgery. They were not ready. I think maybe they had so many surgeries going on that day it was hard to find an OR for everyone. They took me back around noon I guess. There were 9 nurses getting patients ready for surgery. 8 of them were female. Naturally, I ended up with the one male. He was hot. And I had the great privilege of getting to admit to him that I had just started my period. Fortunately he was very cool about it. I did want to crawl into a hole though. They had two gown sizes. Twiggy- which naturally wouldn’t work for me…and apparently the second one was Godzilla sized. They had several students sitting in on my surgery. The recovery room was brutal. I was in so much pain. They brought me up to my room and promised that “Todd” would come and get me to walk in about 4 hours. I never saw Todd the whole time I was there. Finally around 10 or 11 that night I asked to walk. I didn’t have a problem walking. They took me down for my sleeve test on Tuesday morning. That doctor may very well be the biggest a*****e in the world. I have promised myself when I get back to normal I am going back to the hospital to specifically chew him a new one. Though, I would imagine when I finally feel better I will be over it. Apparently, I passed. Dr. Nease was up on the floor to see me as they were taking me down to take the test. I came around the corner and heard one of the nurses talking about me. They told him I was doing excellent and I was very alert. I came around the corner and he said “there she is!” I waved and went on to pass my test. Dr. N ordered a tray for me and told me to start on clear liquids. He said my surgery was text book and could not have gone any better. He said he could almost guarantee me that I would not have a leak. He also said I was doing so good I could go home Tuesday night if I wanted to. They finally took the cursed catheter out of me. I took a shower. Dealing with the JP drain in the shower was challenging. I barely drank anything. I ate just a bit of Jell-O. Then I asked if I could go home. I will admit- I may have jumped the gun. I just wanted the IV out of my arm so bad. I wanted to wear my normal clothes. I wanted to go home. In the handbook they gave us they suggested if we lived more than 10 min away from the hospital that we should stay in a hotel in town. I live over 2 hours away. Down some of the roughest curviest roads in southern WV. I let the hotel idea slip my mind. And at about 6pm they rushed me out the door hoping my pharmacy would not close before I got there. I made it just in time. My mom and I were both frazzled. I was in a lot of pain. All of the bumping and jarring and curves really hurt. We cleared the pharmacy got pain meds and made it home by 9. I crashed in the recliner. No sleep for me though. The pain meds which I was sure I wouldn’t need would keep me asleep for about an hour and a half at a time. Oddly enough my stomach started growling in the recovery room- and never stopped. At first that was a bit of a novelty. I haven’t heard my stomach growl since I was 16 years old. After several continual hours of it- the novelty wore off. It would growl so loud I couldn’t sleep. I walked like a mad woman. I was pacing the floors in the house like some sort of deranged elderly person. One tiny shuffled footstep after another. My bowels would rumble. It was terrible. I thought maybe I needed an antacid- they had given me one on day one of my surgery. So, at 3 am Thursday morning I popped half of a Prilosec. And then threw up. I threw up water- but it is sufficient to say that one spell was enough to make me feel that this was something I would never want to do again. I called my nurses office and left a message. Told her about my stomach and bowels and the whole Prilosec incident. When she called back I was in the shower. She told my mom I was experiencing gas from the surgery and it would pass. She said I needed to walk (which I had already been doing non stop). And she recommended that I try some gas-x. Thursday my step dad came over and worked in my yard. I am not sure why- but it looks 100 percent better. Thursday was also mom’s last day with me. She did a load of towels for me and cleaned up the kitchen. I don’t know what I would have done without her. I tried the gas-x and slept for the first time since getting out of surgery. This morning I am a little better. I still need pain meds on occasion. I can sit up in a straight backed chair for over an hour now. I have been walking a lot more. I do not get the 64 oz of water per day they want or the 60-70gm of protein. I am getting 8-12 oz of water per day and I manage a couple of tablespoons about 4 times a day of protein. I find that I am hungry. I was hungry coming out of the recovery room. When I attempt to eat (protein sugar free pudding- greek yogurt etc.) I can only manage a couple of spoon fulls then I am done. I have had moments of regret. They told us not to expect that everyone’s surgery would go the same. Not to expect that we would all have the same reaction. I am disappointed that I am not feeling that much better. I thought I would be able to go back to work on Monday. I thought I would feel much better than this. I am very glad I asked for that second week off I can’t wait to get this JP drain out of me on Tuesday. But that means a 4 hour drive. 2 hrs down and 2 back up. I am looking forward to that infamous honeymoon stage where everyone feels great and is losing a ton of weight. Right now, I feel bad. I hurt. And I miss food.

I had my VSG surgery on Monday August 1st. When they were wheeling me out the recovery room my stomach was growling. My surgeon said my surgeon said I did so well I could go home on Tuesday. I was told 64 oz of Water and 60 grams of protien shake. My stomach and bowels growl and make noise constantly. I can't drink hardly anything. I have managed half a bottle of water today and half a can of protien shake. I feel hungry. I honestly didn't expect to feel hungry...and i couldn't even eat a sugar free popsicle. is this normal?

I can’t believe it is finally here. After months of patiently crossing items off of my to do list, psychological evaluation, PCP meetings, Dietitian meetings, blood work, ekgs. The list was endless. I am here. This afternoon my mom and I will make the 2 hour trip to the city where I will have my surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 8am and they should start cutting on me at 9. Maybe it’s cold feet- or perhaps pre-surgery jitters. I find that I am not as excited as I thought I would be. I find that I worry. I worry that I am at least an hour away from any medical facility that knows squat about VSG. Our local healthcare is a joke. I worry that I will have complications, and have nowhere to go…and no one to take me. It will be fine. I am sure of it. My surgeon does bariatric surgery exclusively. He has done hundreds if not thousands of VSG surgeries. He seemed to think that mine was going to be ultra easy. I hope he is right. I am nervous. I worry about my mom. She isn’t in the best of health herself. And she gets lost easy. I worry that she will get lost in the city. I worry that she wont eat or take her meds right and she will crash again. I worry more about her than I do about me. I cannot wait until this is over.

Today my mom and I went on a small day trip to a nearby city. It was fun. I had my official last meal. We went to Texas steakhouse. In the morning I will start my liquid diet. My doctor only asks that we go on a liquid diet 2-3 days before the surgery. However, after hearing that everyone else is going on a liquid diet sometimes several weeks in advance, I have become a little nervous. My surgery will be Monday August the 1st. I am excited and nervous and scared all at once. I am missing my ex-boyfriend even more these days. He had promised to be with me during my surgery and take care of me. I really wanted him to be there for me. …Giant piece of crap. Anyhow, my mom gave me this great bariatric surgery recipe pamphlet. It has several different kinds of protein shakes that can be made with chocolate and vanilla protein powder. I am pretty excited about that. She also gave me several diet and exercise books to read during my recovery. She bought me a big green exercise ball. Mom has been very supportive these days. My step dad isn’t too thrilled about the idea. After reading about it mom was considering VSG herself. She is 260 and diabetic. My step dad now has her convinced that she is too old. She plans to be with me while I am in the hospital for three days. She will drive me the two hours back home. I am thankful for her help. I am hoping my step dad might reconsider once he sees how awesome I do. (also hoping that I do actually DO AWESOME). I worry about my mom. A quiet stillness has settled in over me. I have to work 2 days this coming week- then I will be off Wed to attend the Dietitians education class and register at the hospital. Thursday I took off to finish up some of the little things I have left to do before surgery…and Friday is my preop appointment. This time next week- I will be packed and waiting to leave for my surgery. I cannot wait until this is over. I am hoping that once I have had the surgery I will be so focused on what I need to do- that I won’t miss my ex so much.

I am counting down the days. Next week Frankie is on Vacation so I will get to hold the fort alone. It will make the work week go quickly. The week after that, I work two days then I have taken 3 vacation days. The 27th will be my education class and I will need to register at the hospital. The 29th will be my preop appointment with the surgeon. I didn't see the need to just go in and work one day between my vacation days, so I took thursday off too. My surgeon seems to do things a little differently than everyone else. He will put everyone on a liquid diet 2-3 days before the surgery- rather than weeks. Some doctors take patients off of their medication weeks in advance. He hasn't said a word to me about mine. It makes me nervous. I worry that I will get down to the pre op appointment only to have him freak out on me. What!?? You Haven't been on a liquid diet and you Have been taking your meds? And it will delay my surgery. I guess I just need to trust that if they had more to tell me- they would have told me. It isn't like this is their first rodeo. I've started having dreams about the surgery. Well, not the surgery itself but the aftermath. In my dream last night I was freaking out because I didn't know what I was going to say when coworkers asked how I was losing weight. I am not sure what I will do with myself the two weeks I am off work. I will be crazy inside 4 days. I haven't had 2 straight weeks off of work...ever.

It is amazing how much can happen in the span of 44 days. One moment my boyfriend was telling me how much he loved me and appreciated me. 5 days later he broke up with me because he said we didn’t have a “spark”. Whatever the hell that means. I think he was intimidated by my upcoming surgery. He never wanted to talk about it, and seemed to be trying to talk me out of it. I finished up the last doctor appointment. I received precertification from the insurance company. I have an education class on July 27th. I have a preop appointment on July 29th. And my surgery is scheduled for August the 1st I have cans of protein shakes lined up in my bedroom. Today, on the advice of my dietitian I went ahead and made low fat chicken salad, turkey salad, tuna salad and green beans. I pureed them in the food processor and then put them in ice cube trays and froze them. Then wrapped them individually and put them in freezer bags. Yes it was every bit as completely and utterly disgusting as it sounds. The green beans were my favorite. A can of green beans with some onions and chicken broth mixed together and then pulverized in the food processor. It looked like vomit. The sort of vomit that would spew from someone possessed by Satan himself. I am counting down the days. Unfortunately my ex-boyfriend’s tragic timing has left me high and dry. My mother will pinch hit for him. She is taking me the 2hour trip up to the city to have the surgery done, and will cart me back home when it is over. She isn’t in the best of health herself and I hate like mad that she has to do this for me. Donna and Frankie both offered to take me- but I guess I will just stick with mom. She seems to be excited about the idea. I am fighting like mad to find some human that I can throw money at who will mow my stupid yard. My mower died last weekend and it’s a jungle out there. I had sort of convinced myself that I could mow it myself after surgery. Perhaps this is God’s way of saving me from myself. Just like my laptop giving up the ghost on the very day I got dumped. In reality it probably saved me from some well, shall we say drunk emailing. Isn’t technology grand? The registration and inspection on my car expire this month. I have taken the Thursday off between my appointments and plan to do an adult responsibility day. I will take care of them, and get my hair cut before sugery. I loved my boyfriend very much, and I miss him far more than I care to admit. But part of me is relieved to have this time to take care of me. Our relationship was very much about me being there to take care of him. It will be nice to focus on myself for the first time in what feels like forever. Who knows who I will be a year from now? Of course there is this tiny voice of dread in the back of my head that worries I will be the only person in the free world that bariatric surgery will NOT work for.