donali

lol... I'm the only one of the kids in MY family to get this gene. It was passed down from my Dad, and both his parents had (his Dad was really really bad). I have made great progress with www.flylady.net . Perhaps your daughter would find her helpful, as well? Good luck, and congrats on the vase!!!

Glitz - I think you had problems with the bread and jam more because it was in the AM than because "bread is now out" - but maybe your thinking that bread is now out is not such a bad thing... lol If your wine night was the exception and not the rule (as far as quantity/quality goes), I think you are probably at a good level right now in regards to restriction. If you're losing slower than you'd like, it may be time to look at what you're eating/drinking, and try making some adjustments there. If there aren't any "logical" adjustments to be made, consider your exercise and think about any logical adjustments you could make there. Yes, you could go tighter, but you're already having problems some mornings with restriction, so I'd recommend trying to work this fill a little better. JMHO. p.s. - Thanks everyone for the bday wishes!

Congrats, Lynda! But I AM assuming you mean lapband surgery, NOT bypass surgery... right? Although the rate of your weight loss is more in keeping with a bypass patient. Congrats, regardless!

Hi Jennye - Yup... That's restriction! The trick is to be tight enough that you're not hungry between meals and losing weight, but not so tight that you can't eat a "decent" amount of food. You will find that your restriction will vary - every once in a while it will be like, "OMG!! Where's my restriction?!?! Why am I starving and able to eat a whole plate of food?!?!" and then the next day you'll be struggling with yoghurt for Breakfast. This is one of the reasons why the "oldtimers" say the less you're able to eat, the MORE important it is WHAT you eat. As you so rightly point out, 5 nacho chips aren't going to give you your daily nutritional requirements. When you are tight enough that you really can't eat enough calories to keep your metabolism from stalling, you can start breaking the "rules" - add in Protein shakes, drink (carefully) with your meals so you can get more food in, drink sooner after meals so you can have another small meal sooner. Also drink warm/hot liquids just prior to eating to help relax things down there. The key to remember is, don't let these "tight" tricks become bad habits, because at some point the restriction will probably ease up, and then you will have to go back to practicing the "rules" to maximize your weightloss, or maintain. Your other option, of course, is to have a little taken out... Yeah, I know, over your dead body. Congrats on your good fill! Work it, baby!

I was self-pay, went to Mexico. I did not have any problems during the surgery. I paid what I was quoted. I pay for all my fills under fluoro ($110). However: I did have to have port revision surgery, because my port flipped. I self-paid that ($1821). I did not try to have it fixed by my insurance (Kaiser) because they do not do/cover banding, and I did not want someone unfamiliar with the equipment working on it (assuming they would have, which I doubt anyway). My attitude was that I would probably have to absorb ALL the costs of my band and maintenance, since I went outside insurance. I would imagine if I had some sort of emergency where the band had to be removed and I couldn't get to my surgeon that Kaiser would cover that, but I'm hoping I never have to find out.

Staci (and Megan) - I didn't realize until about eight months ago that there were places to go specifically for BBWs (been on the internet for years, never occurred to me that there would be SITEs about this... lol). So although I was intrigued at the idea of being in a situation where the men I would be meeting LIKED that I was fat, I couldn't help but hear the alarm bells ringing, saying that this wasn't really any better (for me) than going to a place where I was LOATHED because I was fat. My fat is NOT who I am - any more than my brown hair, or brown eyes. I'm glad, actually, that I didn't know about these places when I was "available." I'm just paranoid enough to ruin what could have been a perfectly good relationship by worrying that they were only with me because I was fat. I like your saying, Staci - "Woman often marry a man in the hopes that she can change him; men marry women in the hopes that they will NEVER change." A more sobering one for me is, "Wherever you go, there you are..." I need that as a reminder to myself, since I tend to want to "solve" problems by leaving the situation. Until I do the work I need to do internally, the problems will never be solved, because I take them with me wherever I go - the scenery's different, but I am the same... :sick

I should have ended my last post with: Beware of getting emotionally involved with ANYONE who is attracted to you solely for your looks - whether it's someone who loves slender women or fat women. We all change physically, losing weight, gaining weight, and of course as we age we look less and less like we did when we were younger. As fearful as some men are that their slender girlfriend/wife will get fat, there are just as many on the opposite end of the scale - guys who are fearful their fat girlfriend/wife will lose weight. This is something I was very up front with my boyfriend about. We started dating when I was about 220/230, nine years ago. When he told me that he liked bigger women, I immediately asked if he would have a problem if I lost weight, as I was always trying, just not yet successful long term. He said no, he would be okay with it - he just wanted me to be happy. Now, nine years later when it appears (knock on wood that I keep my band forever!) that I will be successful not only in losing, but KEEPING it off, I went over the subject again with him. I am convinced he has no fears about losing me to someone else as I lose weight. More importantly, I have no fears that he will leave me for a bigger woman later on. A more emotionally stable one, maybe, but not because she's fatter. lol Anyway, this was an important topic for me to get out in the open with him - an integral part of the bare minimum requirements that must be met on behalf of my partner - acceptance of me at any weight. And if, God forbid, I ever have to join the dating scene again, this will remain a top priority subject for me. I must feel absolutely certain that whomever I am dating is aware and accepting that if I ever lost my band, the chances of me returning to morbid obesity are very high.

Staci - I agree with your summation about why many people find obesity so offensive. I think you are 100% "on" with the visibility of at least one of our shortcomings, be it emotional/physical (since I BELIEVE that in addition to whatever emotional reason we eat, most of us have some sort of physical reason as well, whatever that may be - a broken "saitey" switch, or whatever). Also people tend to break others into categories visually - black, white, hispanic, asian, tall, short, fat, thin, handicapped, athletic, etc. However, I would also argue that people use their PERCEIVED shortcomings as excuses for why things don't work out for them. I used my weight as an excuse all my life. Yes, it is absolutely true that many men are not physically attracted to obese women. But, there ARE many men that are. I know now that I was probably more unsuccessful in finding a romantic relationship more because of how I ACTED around men - simply because I ASSUMED they would not in a million years find me attractive. Hostile, suspicious, uninviting, sarcastic are just a few adjectives to describe my attitude towards men because of the way I FELT they perceived me. Is it any wonder that NO ONE was interested in being around that kind of personality? lol My sister, who has throughout her life been roughly my size or bigger, has never been lacking for male attention. I see fat married women all the time, with husbands who genuinely love them. I see fat unmarried women with committed boyfriends (like the one I have now). I had to accept that maybe, just maybe it wasn't all about my fat... Again, I do not deny that many men would automatically cross off a fat woman from the eligibility list, but if we automatically assume they are ALL that way, then we do ourselves (and those other men) a great disservice.

lol - I am still fat, too. Didn't mean to give anyone the wrong impression! It is definitely difficult to abandon the diet mentality - I had all the same fears you mention. Also, I had a hard time resolving the difference between "not dieting" but "choosing healthier foods". In many ways it seemed like a mind game to me - I thought "I AM still dieting, I'm just calling it "choosing healthier foods." I was very frustrated. But then, I GOT it. It all had to do with analyzing WHY I wanted something less healthy, and recognizing what emotions might be driving me to wanting to eat a whole large deep dish pizza (or two). That was the difference between dieting and choosing healthier foods for me. Sometimes I still chose/choose to eat less nutritious foods, but it is no longer UNCONSCIOUS. And because I have permission to eat whatever I want, the clamour to eat less healthy foods because they're "bad" and I was subconsciously punishing myself (and comforting myself) for feeling bad to begin with has died down for the most part. Now that there are no "bad" or "good" foods, just less/more nutritious, I don't feel guilty when I indulge. I do, however, try and examine WHY I want to indulge. Sometimes identifying that I'm really bored, or hurt, or depressed, or frustrated and NOT really hungry is enough to remind me to try a different activity to solve those emotions. Sometimes I eat it anyway. But I no longer beat myself up about my choices. It really is amazing to me how much easier it is to make more nutritious choices when I have permission NOT to. But, all this was accomplished through a 6 month counseling program geared specifically towards solving my compulsive/obsessive eating disorder. It did take a lot of work (and faith!) on my part, and I certainly am not perfect, but I no longer feel guilty - even after eating half a box of Valentine's Day candy (all at one time!!) when I wasn't hungry. :sick lol One of the most important things I learned about myself during that time was that I honestly felt that if I were not suffering in some way, then I wasn't trying HARD enough. I don't feel that way anymore.

Hi Michelle - Those "guilty" feelings sound like the by-product of dieting mentality to me. I don't have them anymore, since signing a contract with myself to never ever diet again. Pre-band many years ago on one of my many, many dieting excursions, I used to have dreams about breaking my diet by accident (I was dieting with a friend), and the dreams were so real I would wake up very stressed and guilty, even though I had been "perfect" on my diet. It was horrible. As far as still feeling fat - I hear you totally on that one. I'm down 85 pounds. I'm a solid size 20 from a 28-30+. I can visually see the changes, starting to see collar bones, etc. But I FEEL the same! I guess not "fat", exactly, but the same as when I was 85 pounds heavier. It's been hard for me to accept compliments and talk positively to my supporters about my weightloss, because they invariably say, "You must feell SO great!!!" And I feel guilty (and perversely compelled) to respond, "Actually, I feel the SAME." Then they want to argue with me about how I feel... lol "But you must be so proud. It's gotta feel great know how much better you look... blah blah blah..." Yes, I am thrilled I'm looking better. I accept and recognize my weightloss. I am NOT complaining! But I FEEL the same. So, I tried to analyze what "feeling the same" means to me. And to me it was some kind of revelation that I think what I feel is just the normal "I take up space because I exist" feeling, which I will always feel, regardless of my size. Because I have continued to move into clothes that fit, I still feel them around my body when I sit, readjust my tops, fiddle with the damn slipping bra, etc. All that feels the same to me as when I was wearing clothes that fit in a 28-30+. To be honest, at 313/303 if I wasn't looking in a mirror or trying to fasten a seatbelt, or sit in a chair with arms, I must say that most of the time I didn't feel "fat". It wasn't until I got into one of those situations where I was physically too big that I was reminded just how huge I was. So I guess it should not be any shock that I don't feel smaller, either. I just feel like I take up space... I have also heard that people at their "normal" weight have days when they feel "fat" - things don't seem to fit right, they feel unattractive, etc. So I expect that is a normal feeling for all people, regardless of weight. Instead of saying "I feel bloated" or "depressed" or whatever, that feeling just gets translated to "I feel fat."

Hi Barb - Your activities sound good - Curves, and working on the head part. As far as what else you can do with the amount of restriction that you have, I think these things are the most important: 1. Don't drink with meals. 2. Wait 30-60 minutes after eating before you drink. 3. No liquid calories. 4. Up your solid Protein intake (chicken, beef, pork, seafood). If you are not very restricted, and have no problems with the above, you may consider chewing a little less thoroughly. Just be careful not to "inhale" stuff. If the pieces are a little bigger, they won't pass through as quickly. 5. Water load prior to meals. Stay hydrated throughout the day, but about 15 minutes before eating drink as much water as you can. Ice water may help the band tighten up a little bit. As far as the advice on how the fill should go... I personally feel that fills without fluoro are shots in the dark. If you're having problems getting a restrictive fill, I would definitely request that the fill be done under active fluoro, with the fill needle remaining in the port while you drink the barium so that the fill Dr. can adjust the speed of the barium passing while watching on screen. Once the fill Dr. can see that the barium is passing slowly then the fill is complete and the needle is removed. I do realize that the vast majority of people have fills done without fluoro, but I have only had mine done with fluoro and feel it takes a lot of the guess work out of the process. FWIW Good luck, and keep us posted!

Hey Ginger - I agree with Megan - you are commended on putting yourself out there. I read once that one of the big differences between men and women and the way they perceive others' behaviour is that men think to themselves, "What the H***'s wrong with THEM?" and women think to themselves, "What the H***'s wrong with ME?" I challenge you to accept the fact that there is NOTHING wrong with you - you have just had the misfortune of approaching people who for whatever reason are not available in the way you're interested. Finding out at the very beginning that they're not interested is a blessing, albeit very frustrating, and a little disconcerting, particularly if you start believing it's about YOU, and not about THEM. Hang in there, girl - you're doing great!!! And NEVER, EVER forget that good relationships are hard to come by, no matter who you are. Just check out all the problems those slendar rich movie stars have. Certainly has nothing to do with weight. I always take comfort in remembering that... If Nicole Kidman and Demi Moore don't have perfect lives/relationships, I'm certainly not going to blame my problems on my weight anymore!

Hi Barb - The AMI band is the mid-band, right? It is my understanding that it can take many fills to achieve a restriction that works for you. Saying that, however, we must (of course) know more details about what you're eating, how much, and whether you are following certain "rules", like NOT drinking with meals, water-loading before eating, and NOT drinking again until 1/2 to 1 hour after a meal. Also, are you avoiding liquid calories, etc., etc. in order to accurately help you troubleshoot. I would wait on the bypass option - that's always a possibility, but irreversable once you decide to go that route. Thousands and thousands of people have been successful with the band. Although it is true it is not the best solution for everyone, I really have faith that it works most of the time with the proper restriction and the proper habits. Hang in there, and let us know more.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo hooo!!! I am so proud of you, and envious of your momentum! lol There was a San Diego bandster meeting yesterday, and it was great fun, but when Camille started talking about exercise I put my fingers in my ears and started chanting "LA LA LA LA LA LA" lol. As far as your port goes, you will just have to try it and see. If it feels sore/irritated afterwards, you may just have to take it easy. If taking it easy doesn't help, you may have to forego certain stomach exercises, but there should be some you can do - there are other stomach exercises besides sit ups. Sorry, just another individual thing, I'm afraid. Gee, I wonder if I can do sit ups....??? lol

Ohhhhh, Mary!!! I am just rolling on the floor, laughing! You go girl! I know, we're all going to hell, between your "mean" comebacks, Bright's "dieting tips" and my cheering you on (among other naughty things I do - lol) I just SO love your story. Thanks for sharing!

Wow - Leo, I didn't think your "before" pictures looked that heavy, but WOW you can really tell a difference! Congrats!

Whoo hooo!! Congrats!

Great job! Congrats!

Yay!!! Congrats!

YAAAAAAYYYYY!! You're back!!! We've missed you....

No prob here - ignore list is empty, buddy list as I defined. That is weird, Leo...

Hi Carmen - My port flipped and I had it surgically corrected. They used the same port incision from before, went in, turned it over, restiched it down, closed me up and sent me home. I was told originally that it would be done under a local, but they used full anesthetic instead (don't know why), probably just as well for me as I kind of freak out about those things. My flipped port was very painful, so the soreness of the port site was a relief compared to the flipped pain. It was really no big deal, but since I was self-pay it was expensive - $1821. Ouch. That was the most painful part of all. Good luck, and don't worry. It should be no big deal.

Hi Bam - It sounds to me like your band is already working - if you have problems eating chicken breast and steak, only two bites(!!) then you should be trying to eat more of those things that you DO have restriction on. You also may not be chewing them as much as required to avoid that pain. I do understand your frustration, and I'm not saying that maybe you don't need a fill, BUT... Regardless of how tight you are, if you resort to eating things that DON'T give you that "chest explodes" feeling, eventually you're going to end up on nothing but milkshakes. The band is only a tool - I'm sure you've heard that before. You have to make some conscious choices about what you eat. Good solid Protein, then veggies, then whatever you have room for afterwards. The band can NOT do everything for you - and if you expect it to, you will fail and also have problems. You have to do your part - if, of course, you really DO want to lose weight and become more healthy. If you know you can eat a full plate of spaghetti, order the chicken breast instead. Most of the time. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to diet - but choose the best options 70+% of the time. The band cannot make your choices for you. Eventually you are going to have to be resigned to eating less - whether it is less chicken, less hoagies, or less spaghetti. You can choose to continue eating great volumes of what goes down easiest, or you can choose to learn to eat less and use the foods that work best for your weight loss journey. It is NOT easy. A properly adjusted band does make all the difference when you are trying to be mindful of what you eat. I just fear though that you sound as though you did not expect to have to make any changes at all. As you get tighter and tighter, and you get to the point where you can only eat two bites of spaghetti, is that what you're going to have? Just two bites of spaghetti? Or are you going to switch to something else that you can eat a large volume of? Just food for thought... Good luck to you, and be careful of becoming too tight. That will cause problems you won't want to deal with.