TwoStepsBack

Hi All September will see my 5 year sleeve surgiversary, and I am battling old demons. I was 4lb from goal weight and two years out when I fell pregnant, and used that as an excuse to to eat like an idiot and I gained 3 stone. I managed to lose just over 2 stone of that within a year of having my daughter. However I have been hovering at 11 stone (my goal is 10 st 4) for almost a year now, and I have gotten into some bad grazing habits which I don't seem able to kick. I also worry that my capacity is more than I am comfortable with. I find myelf at a point where I could very easily start to gain weight again, and the thought terrifies me. I am running 10 miles a week which helps stop the grazing from causing weight gain, but when I fell ill and couldnt run I noticed how quickly my clothes felt tight... Basically I need to regain control, and I dont know where to start! I have read about the 5 day pouch test but worry that might be more for bypass patients, and I might be too far out from surgery for it to work anyway? I know I should do more Protein, more Water, less carby Snacks... But I just can't seem to do it! If I have a Protein shake for Breakfast I am hungry again by 9am. And I comfort eat too and am starting to have bulimia thoughts which was an issue when I was a teenager ???? Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. I really need some help.

Thanks again everyone. I have really made an effort to be more mindful of my portions today and listen to my body when I feel sated. Here is my food diary for today, I hope it looks a bit better. X

Thank you Canyonbaby. I think I do eat to the point of being over full and have been doing so for a while. Your response made me sad (but you were right to say it) because it is the truth I have been avoiding and it is painful to hear. My daughter is 22 months and cannot eat any sort of meat unless it is ground beef in lots of sauce and she can't eat solid food. She has issues with her adenoids, its a long story! So giving her what I eat isn't an option sadly. I agree with throwing away what she doesn't eat though. Instead of thinking of it as being wasted I need to remember that it's no good for me! I will try reducing the volume I have tomorrow and be more mindful when eating.

Thanks for the support and ideas everyone. I have made an effort to drink more Water today, an upped my Protein. I was surprised how quickly I felt full, which I am pleased about. I have had too many calories though, mainly due to finishing my daughter's unwanted food, which is a habit I need to change! I went and bought a load of Jerky, cheese sticks and nuts, so hope I can stick with this and get some control back! Today I had: 2 poached eggs with 4 steamed asparagus spears Large Cappuccino (shouldn't have had) 4oz roast pork and half an apple Most of a small box of kids pure orange juice (shouldnt have had) Stick of cheddar cheese Crusts from my LO's toast ???? One chicken and veg fajita with bit of grated cheese If I can cut the coffee and daughter's food I should be under 1200 cals without feeling too hungry. I hope!

Oh my goodness! What a transformation. Amazing! xxx

Haha, thanks all. Funny how we see ourselves isn't it? I still feel about three stone heavier and photos are always a bit of a surprise at how small I actually am now. Nice surprise though! Body dysmorphia or something isn't it? I think my brain hasn't yet caught up to my body. You guys all look amazing! *big claps to everyone and their fantastic losses* xxx

Awwww thanks Swizzly!

My face has changed loads too, I was noticing it the other day when looking through some old photos. I think I look older now :/ I added an extra one for comedy value! Oh and the fascinator was at my newphew's wedding a couple of weeks ago, I don't usually wear Gaga hats! LOL.

Hey Peeps, I have just started the 5 day pouch test Protein, but I feel like I need more than that to kick my butt back into line. I have always comfort eaten, and I've been really stressed at work lately and I know I've not been eating well. So, I've just finished my day one of liquids and although not snacking was hard it was because I have gotten into bad habits and not because I was actually hungry. I have already realised today that I have no real sensation of hunger anymore whatsoever, which is a relief. It is head hunger which is my demon. I have realised that just because I can only eat in small quantities now does not mean that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want! That sounds obvious but somewhere pretty deep in my mind I really believed I could get away with it. Wake-up call! xxx

I had one of those hideous attacks last night where a stone tries to travel and I had to wait for it to dislodge itself. Took about 15 mins of deep breathing and rocking in a ball on the floor before it eased up and I'm still a bit sore this morning. My poor boyfriend was terrified! I was the one giving the reassurance! Haha. I'll definitely be glad to get rid of my gall bladder. I think it was some pistachio nuts which set it off this time, so I'll be avoiding nuts til after surgery for sure. I'm kinda jealous your surgery in Tuesday, I'm waiting til November for mine Best of luck!!! x

Hi Kelli. I am also due for gall bladder removal, in November. I've heard that it is a breeze, and nowhere near as difficult as the sleeve surgery. Most people leave hospital the next day and recovery is very quick. Good luck for your surgery, I'm sure it'll be fine and you'll feel so much better afterwards! x

Thanks so much for all the encouragement guys. I have been trying to focus on the positive, it is so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and freak about those few lb. I really think that I had reached breaking point for stress at work and I was just feeling so tired I didn't have the strength to pick myself up and carry on. So I got through four days of the pouch test, but day 5 was a total write off due to my neice's hen party (champagne, strawberries, cake etc etc.) I always knew that was coming up on day 5, but the four days I did do have worked wonders fo me. I feel refocussed, less bloated, less snack driven. I weighed myself this morning and I have lost 5lb So I'm back down to 3lb to goal. If I hadn't indulged yesterday I'm sure that would have been more, but I'm happy. And better yet I've re-evaluated my eating habits, and feel more in charge of what goes in my mouth. It has also helped me prioritise "Protein first" like back at the start of this journey. I kind of feel like the 5 day pouch test has been a bit of a "crutch" for me. Something to help me walk until I am healed enough to start walking on my own again.

Hey All, I had my one year check in with the Surgeon today and there is both good news and bad news.. Bad news is the gallstones (which we already knew about), he wants to get me in to have my gall bladder out asap as the stones are "just the right size to get stuck and cause pancreatitis"... so I should have a surgery date soon. Other bad news is that my Vit B12 is down, so I need to call my GP and arrange to have an injection every 3 months to boost it, and then they'll have to continue to monitor. He said that B12 supplements aren't very efficient and are very expensive, but it might be worth googling some B12 rich foods and trying to get more of those into my diet. I had a look and it seems that liver, shellfish, oily fish, eggs, turkey are the best options. Liver is the ultimate but it has high cholesterol so I've emailed my dietician to ask how often I should be having it. Good news is that I'm now 2lb to goal, and as I'm no longer overweight my gall bladder op is very low risk. Hoorah! Anyone else had success with Vit B12 rich foods, and if so what? Thanks! xx

Thanks Diva and Coops Made two scrambled eggs to start off day 3 this morning which I could have easily finished before starting the pouch test, and I can't even manage half of it. Definitely more restriction already! xx

Thanks for the responses. My Mum asked me today if I've lost the last 2 lb to goal yet and I started crying! Oh dear! Let's hope this works! End of day 2 and I'm feeling ok I guess. A little light headed and struggling to get in enough Water but otherwise doing alright. Not hungry at all, but I've started getting acid again which I haven't had since about a month out. Also having the whole "liquids in, liquids out" thing! Looking forward to some scrambled egg at Breakfast tomorrow and to see if my tummy has tightened. Made sure I've got some tuna at work ready for lunch tomorrow so I can't be tempted to stray. I think I've kicked the carb cravings now, just looking forward to some solids! 2lb down so far and I feel a lot less bloated. Will keep you updated with my progress.

Thanks guys. Just read back my post and I feel so ashamed of myself right now I'm crying. I think reading my feelings back has made them more real. It's the first time since surgery I've actually felt like I could fail. Please don't get complacent as you near your target weight if you have a tendency to comfort eat, it's absolutely not worth it.

Hey Everyone! So it's coming up to my surgiversary, and I'm 6lb from goal. Very happy with my loss and how everything is starting to tone up with my new excercise regime. There are just a couple of issues I have which are ongoing and I wondered if anyone else has the same problems this far out... I get diarrhea regularly (at least once a week). Sometimes I can pin it down to certain foods, sometimes I don't know what caused it. Problem foods seem to be: milky coffees, popcorn, chocolate, seafood... presuming popcorn is because it is hard to digest, and maybe the coffee flushes me out because I don't have as much food in my system to soak it up? Chocolate seems to give me a "dumping syndrome" type reaction. I have also had about four occasions in the past few months where I get a terrible pain in my stomach, which starts gradually and escalates to being so bad I've been doubled over crying and seriously freaked out my colleagues at work. I almost called an ambulance once it got so bad. I now recognise that after ten minutes of deep breathing it eventually goes away but it is very scary indeed. I haven't been able to identify what caused it, and it is definitely a pain in the actual stomach itself, rather than in the bowel or acid indigestion etc. Does anyone know what this could be? I have my one year follow up soon, so I will ask my surgeon then. xxx

At 6 months my levels were fine too. Not so anymore though. Have found some yeast extract for putting on toast or making into a hot drink, with added B12 and no added salt which I'm going to have regularly and see if that helps. It's like Marmite/Bovril/Vegemite.

I too have fluctuated a bit, usually up to about 4lb. When I did my ticker I was @ 3lb to goal, I am now at 7lb to goal I just need to remember that when I hit a stall I float around a 4lb range before finally starting to drop again. Got my one year follow up appt next week (a couple of weeks early) and was hoping to be at goal by then, but it's not going to happen Taken Friday and Monday off work so I can hit the gym every day of the long weekend to try and help it along a bit! xxx

Morning everyone, I thought you might like to hear my little NSV from Saturday night My Gran's cousin Dawn was over here to visit (we only see her once every couple of years), and since we've only met briefly a couple of times before she didn't know me or my story. We all went out for a big family dinner to Celebrate her trip, and I was sat next to my Dad and opposite Dawn and my Mum with the rest of the family down the table. I can't remember how we got onto the subject but my Dad was egging me on to tell Dawn about my surgery. So I explained about my op, how much I have lost etc and she seemed very interested. I didn't touch on how I feel about it, or the difference it has made to my self esteem etc as I don't know her and felt a bit vulnerable. So my Dad pipes up with "It's brilliant... she is HALF the girl, and TWICE the girl all at once! She wasn't at all happy before, but now she is like a new person." I knew exactly what he meant by "half the girl and twice the girl", and I couldn't have put it better. His words really touched me and I had to go to the bathroom for a little cry (happy tears though!) My Dad is 72 now and has just had knee replacement surgery, so he is a bit frail at the moment. I've been feeling quite keen to get married and start a family etc recently as I know he won't be around forever and I would love him to see that part of my life. I am just so lucky that he got to see me come this far, and I am so so happy that he understands how much this surgery has helped me become who I am today. *sniff sniff* xxxxx