sarsar

Hi Ladies. It's been many many months since I have been here. I went back and read over the posts from the last couple weeks but I doubt I'll go back six months and read to catch up. Life has been crazy and incredibly sad for me since I was here last. I know it was around the time that we found out my dad had pancreatic cancer that I was here. He passed away on February 12th, and his funeral was on February 20th. He passed away 5 months to the day we found out he had cancer and what an incredibly long, heartbreaking 5 months it had been. Shortly after he was diagnosed he had surgery to remove 1/2 of his pancreas and all of his spleen. They thought they had removed all of the cancer but a few days later the pathology report had stated that there was cancer that had grown out and above the pancreas and it was also in some of his lymph nodes. He did pretty well for a week or so after the surgery and went home but a couple days after he came home he ended up with complications; a leak where the pancreas was stitched after it was removed so pancreatic Fluid was leaking and was very painful. Back in the hospital he went. That's when the nightmare began. He was so very sick and just didn't recover well. Day after day something would go wrong. At one point he had 6 drains and also a drain into his stomach for tube feeding. He just couldn't recover from these complications. He developed wounds in his incision and it was all just a awful. We finally did get him home right before thanksgiving but he was in his bed most of the time, very weak with a nurse coming to the house daily. He had to recover from this in order get strong enough to have chemo to begin to deal with the cancer that we knew was, at that point, in his lymph nodes. He never did recover, we had multi visits to the hospital to see doctor and wound care. By this point all he could do was walk to the bathroom and to the car but other than that he was in a wheel chair, he was just too weak to do anything. In January we found out the cancer has spread to his liver and that he likely had a few more months to live. His oncologist told him he could start a mild form of chemo. My mom and sisters and I didn't want him to do it Bc we knew he was so weak and sick already. He decided to do it and we knew we had to respect whatever decision he made. He had chemo on a Monday in the beginning of February. He was very tired over the next few days and by Thursday my mom called me in a panic saying he was shaking so bad and had a high fever. I rushed over and we took him to the ER. I should have called 911, by the time we got to the ER he couldn't even stand on his own and they had to lift him out of the car. The next day, Friday, we found out the cancer had spread everywhere in his body. He decided he would go home on hospice. While in the hospital for a couple days, hourly he was getting worse. The pain was worse. He could actually feel tumors popping up and feel the cancer growing in his body. He went home in an ambulance on Monday. Hospice started and we were hoping to have a few more weeks with him. Again, hourly the pain would be worse, we had to figure out pain meds and he was getting so many different ones, every hour, just to keep him comfortable. By Thursday of that week he went into a coma. He came out of it for just a bit on Thursday night, he and my mom slept pretty well that night together. Friday morning he woke up again for a few minutes but was in much pain. We increased pain meds even more. He went into a coma again and never woke up after that. He died that Friday night surrounded by his family. It's has been an incredibly emotional time for all of us. From the time he was diagnosed, it was bad news. Non stop hospital/doctor visits. Just one thing after another. I kid you not when I saw we never went more than a couple days and he would go back to the doctor to find out more bad news. Now we are learning how to grieve. None of my sisters or my mom have ever lost someone so close to us so it's a learning process. We are all a close family. It's hard seeing my mom so very sad, she doesn't know how to live after losing her best friend of 50 years. I don't know how to help her while I am trying to grieve the loss of a wonderful dad and gramps. I have good days and bad days and I know I'll make it through. I've only gained 5-7 pounds, depending on the day I step in the scale. I'm not too concerned about that. The last couple weeks I am finally getting back into my regular exercise routine. This is helping me emotionally. The weight will go back down now that I'm eating normal again. For 5 months every single day was in limbo so my regular exercise and clean eating took a back seat. My whole life, my husband and my kids all took a back seat. Deep down, when I found out he had cancer, I didn't think he would make it long. When he developed complications after the surgery, I knew in my heart, it was going to be a downward spiral. I am so thankful I was able to devote my time to be with my mom and dad and to help. I went to every single doctor appointment with him and I was at the hospital almost daily with him. The last week I was with him at his house day and night. I was able to say everything I wanted to say to him. My children and husband were able to say anything they needed or wanted to say to him while he was still alert and knew what was going on. He was at peace with dying and the only thing that made him sad was that he didn't want to leave my mom alone. They loved each other so very much, a love I am so thankful to have witnessed through the years. Thanks for reading, if you read all the way through, I know it was a long one. It felt good to type it out. I needed some time away from here but I am back now so I'll try to post more.

Sheryl, please post pics of the before and after! I would have a hard time with remodeling, too. Very stressful. We have a bunch we really need to have done on our house. My husband isn't a handy man at all so it's stressful just having people here and getting estimates. Neither of us know anything about any of what they are saying. Oh well. Florinda, did you get your thyroid tests back? Did the dr say if any of the weight issues are related to the MS? I have good news to share about my dad. We met with the doctors and they all agree his cancer was caught very early and from what they can tell so far, it has not spread. The oncologist said his cancer is not presenting itself the same way that most pancreatic cancer does. He believes the best route for him is to have it removed. The surgeon will take out 1/2 of his pancreas along with his spleen. The oncologist said he doesn't believe it's terminal and he doesn't think he'll need any chemo or radiation after the surgery. He will send everything that is removed to pathology and once we get that report we will know for sure if this is the case. Really it's the best news we could have received so far. The surgery is major and he'll be in the hospital for a week. He's having surgery on October 7th. I'm happy about this news. I am also a little concerned that my dad will not get a second opinion. He liked what he heard and he just wants the cancer out. From all of the research I have done, it leads me to believe that he should get a second opinion just to be safe. Also, I wish he would go to a hospital that was more known for dealing with pancreatic cancer. We have one just a couple miles from their house, and another in Chicago. But, again, he is refusing and I can't push it. It's up to him and all I can really do is make suggestions and then support him/them with whatever is decided. So, some of the stress is relieved because we have some answers. Some of it is still there as we all deal with him having this surgery and then getting the pathology report back with the final results.

Sheryl, weird how? Sometimes weird is good! Florinda, how long were you told it would take to feel a difference?

Ladies, thank you all so much for your words of advice and your kind words. They have really meant a lot to me. Just knowing you are all hear for me and that I have a safe place to come and say whatever is on my mind and in my heart is very comforting to me at this time. This week has been pretty good. I've been trying to stay busy. I've been working out and that helps with stress. I also notice that if I am keeping my diet clean that it helps a lot with my anxiety and depression. I am so thankful I am able to exercise again and I am getting back to where I was before the accident/concussion. I am toning up again and that feels good. Tomorrow is the day we meet with the team of doctors to find out the results of all of the tests my dad has had throughout the week. We will find out what stage of cancer he has and if it has spread. Tomorrow afternoon is when this happens. I have mixed emotions about it. I wish this wasn't happening but we need to know what we are dealing with. I'm hoping these doctors are open and honest and don't hold things back. I like to know the facts. I don't want them beat of around the bush. I wanted to share some pictures of my mom and dad with you. I stated before that my parents just celebrated their 50th. They are so in love and it's so much fun to watch them together. Let me give you a little background...my mom had the sleeve done I'm February. She has lost over 80 pounds so far and she it's like she is 40 years old again! She has so much life in her!! She's 69 and my dad is 73. We had a celebration for them for their 50th and then they went away for a few days by themselves. While they were gone my mom had my dad riding go-carts, going zip lining, and going on a Segway tour. She kept texting us pictures of their adventures. My dad is very laid back and not much of the adventurous type so him doing these things with my mom just shows his love for her!

Sheryl, did the doctor here say it needs to be removed? That stinks! When are you having surgery? Glad you getting back down to goal again!

Thank you all for you kind words. Thanks for the support you all give. I'm just going to come on here sometimes and say what's on my mind and get it out. It may not make much sense or the words may not flow very well but I'm going to let it out. Someone told me that even though there are such sad times that cancer brings to our lives, that there are also blessings that will come. I'm going to look for these blessings as we go through this. Feel free to share any blessing you have found while you went through this battle with someone else. Maybe there are blessings that I will be able to give and receive.

I feel frozen and sad tonight. Crying. The crying comes when I least expect it. I'm not one to cry much. My dad is having tests this week. On Monday we go to meet with his team of doctors. They all will have met and looked at all the tests and let us know what they think the best treatment plan will be. I will go with them to all of the appointments. I search the internet looking for answers to questions that I have even though we don't even know where he is at yet. What stage? We will know Monday. I found this today that someone has posted on a site. Deep down in my soul I feel this won't be good and that he won't last long. I hope I am wrong. My mom and dad just celebrated their 50th Anniversary. They are so in love. I don't want them to hurt and be sad.

Me, basically, most days, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I get up and go through my day feeling sad most of the time, I can't wait until I can get back into my bed and try to sleep. I don't know why exactly. My family keeps telling me to go talk to someone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I've talked to counselors before and I don't feel like talking anymore. I just don't. My dad was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That's a huge blow and basically I've been sitting here today crying all day. We don't have many answers for him yet and hopefully next week we will have more answers as he starts meeting with an oncologist and surgeon. The tumor is 3cm. I don't even know if he'll qualify for surgery to have it removed. We don't know what stage of cancer he has yet. He's been diabetic for years and basically his pancreas isn't working right anymore to begin with so who knows what they'll be able to do for him. He will also be having more MRI's to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else. A few years ago my mom found out she had kidney cancer. It was a fluke the way she found out and the tumor was so tiny, they found it right at the beginning. They were able to remove the tiny tumor and a little area of her kidney and that was it. She's been cancer free. She didn't need chemo or anything and has been cancer free for 3 years now. I don't think it will be the same for my dad. I don't know why but I have a feeling this isn't going to turn out well. Honestly, in a lot of ways I wish I wasn't even alive anymore. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I won't kill myself bc I don't want my children to live with that for the rest of their lives. I take an antidepressant, I have for years. Some of this may be due to low thyroid. I am getting blood work done in a couple weeks. The dr is also testing my sex hormones bc he feels like I might be starting menopause. That's it for me. Sorry to be such a downer but it is what I'm going through right now. Oh Denise, I wanted to say sorry to hear the struggles you are having too. I forgot to put that in my other post.

Hi friends. I just got caught up again after saying I would respond a couple weeks ago but I didn't. Florinda, lots going on for you. I hope the injections will help you in some way. I'd be interested in seeing what your full thyroid panel results are. I have thyroid problems and have done tons of research trying to figure out what can help me feel better. STTM has been a huge help for me. Sheryl, I always read your posts and am so impressed by the insight you have into your own life and feelings. I know I've told you that before. Kim, hope you're doing ok.

Hi ladies. I apologize for not posting on here more. I finally caught up with with all the posts. I'm going to post a real update tomorrow as I just took a sleeping pill and I'm rather tired. My summer with the kids ended up being very busy while we had originally hoped for a mild calm summer. That's ok though. I can also relate to a lot of you with depression and anxiety. I'll talk more about that tomorrow. Denise sounds like recovery is going well for you so far. I'm glad to hear that. Sheryl, so happy nothing came out the the breast scare! Going to bed now. I'll update tomorrow .

Cute pic Kim!

Will you post your garlic mayo recipe if you have time?

Kelly, that is so interesting! Thanks for sharing that link. I had just recently started reading about macros and that seems to spell it all out and calculate everything. I'm going to play around with it some more. I found it a bit humorous that Lipstick thinks we talk about her in this group. We are talking about her right now but rarely do we talk about anyone other than ourselves and what's going on in our lives! We are all busy and sometimes don't even have enough time to update here much less sit here and talk about the other members of BP. Lol I wish Brown would come back and update. Sheila too. I'm sure there are others that aren't coming to me right now. Sheryl, come clean with the details on the date!

With the fats come the extra calories. I don't know any other way around it. Avocado, coconut oil, raw pasture butter, raw Brazil nuts, eggs, cheese. All of these things have higher calories. I put a tablespoon of coconut oil on my tea every day. The raw nuts took some getting used to but they are high in selenium and I need that for my thyroid issues. You may as well give it a try and see if it works for you. I have read that upping fats has aided in weight loss for some.

I'm fine with saying that we decided not to add anyone to the group. Tell them it's not really a 5:2 group anyway. There are very personal things discussed in here and it may be uncomfortable to have new people coming in and reading these things. Honestly, there are plenty of people on BP that I don't want knowing about my deep dark secrets. I also share pictures of my family that I wouldn't want shared with everyone (even though I realize once something is out on the internet it's there to stay). I don't think anyone talks about the group but I believe there are people from long ago who remember this 5:2 group being started. Yes, I will be around while you are in Chicago and we should be able to make something work this time!