I wouldnt consider my journey a total failure, but if I had know then what I know now, I probably would not have had the surgey. Okay, let me lay down the ground work of my story. I have been overweight my whole life, numerous failed weight loss attempts, etc, etc, etc. About 2 years ago, I found myself with a job that had excellent benefits and would pay for weight loss surgery. I searched the internet. Considered gastric bypass vs banding. Banding obviously won. I started the Atkins diet May of 2011. Lost weight very rapidly. Loved the diet. Had lap band Sept 2011. Had already lost 65 pounds before surgery. Times were trying and difficult after surgery, but weight loss was great, loved working out, could not see myself ever being fat again. By Feb 2012, I had lost 135 pounds. Weighed 183 from well over 310 pounds. I was on top of the world. I was within 25 lbs from goal, no major setbacks with the band. I was beginning to get a little cocky about my weight loss. I was smaller than my teenage daughters. This created alot of anxiety among all three of us. I was madly, deeply in love with my boyfriend. Life was perfect. Valentines day 2012, I had intended on asking my boyfriend to marry me. Never happened. I found out that day that not only was he cheating on me, but he was having affairs with no less than 4 other women. I was totally devastated, heartbroken, suicidial, despondent. The women were all bigger than me. I went into a couple of months of really being anorexic. Working out to the brink of passing out. Got in really great shape. But then, it just all started to fail. My weight loss, and mental health has been downhill ever since. I am up about 30 pounds. I hate myself for gaining weight back. I told myself I would never weigh more that 200lbs again, but here I am. I know it is not the bands fault, it is mine. But my problem is not weight, it is not food. My problem is the lack of effective coping mechanisms in dealing with emotions. No surgery, exercise, or diet is going to fix that for me. It is a mental problem. I have had overfills, underfills, stucks, PBing, vomiting, everything, you name it. I am probably really in the green zone right now, but I abuse my body and get my stomach angry. So I am sitting in front of a very small plate of normal people's food, PBing in my plate. I used to get up and hide it from my family, but what is the point. It isnt a secret. I get mad alot of the times, because I want to binge and stuff food down my throat. The band doesn't allow me to. I try to eat what I am supposed to. I can't. The band doesn't like chicken, or vegetables, or anything else. It loves shakes and chocolate. Never once have I been stuck on a piece of chocolate. McDonalds shakes have become a mainstay of my menu. I can always drink them no matter what the time of day, and I can drink them as fast as I want. It almost satisfies my need to binge. Tonight, I just wanted to eat a nice healthy meal with my family, but the band wont let me.