lsereno

Yes it was good. Certainly not weight loss friendly because of the white bread and cream cheese but fun for a treat. Lynda

I have 2,4, 6. And links don't work. I haven't tried creating a new topic or editing a post, so not sure on those. On the ipad app. Lynda

It takes your mind a while to catch up. And for some of us, it never gets there all the way. I generally never saw myself as fat as I really was, and now, somedays, I still feel fat even though I'm squarely in the middle of the normal BMI range for my height. Lynda

Goldy girl, so sorry he is not being supportive. It is not your fault you had complications. We all know it's a risk going in. I will be thinking of you Thursday and wishing you a speedy and uneventful recovery. Lynda

Thanks! I didn't get a pic of mine sliced, but here's an example. Lynda

Thanks! I didn't get a pic of mine sliced, but here's an example. Lynda

Well before this thread gets locked for bashing, let me enable you with a pic of me at goal weight and a 1950s recipe I made for Preservation Action Council's Throwback Potluck. It's called a frosted loaf sandwich. It's an entire loaf of white bread, split lengthwise into layers and filled with ham salad, chicken salad, and pimento cheese spread. It's frosted with cream cheese mixed with mayonnaise. When you slice it it looks like ribbons. And by the way that's a vintage dress, size 10. In today's vanity sizing, I wear a 6. Lynda

Ok, so my text didn't show in the previous post. I said I don't think links are working in the iPhone and iPad apps. Also, HTML tags are being displayed in some messages so I can't read the article that lipstick lady so kindly copied for us. Can't wait for things to get straightened out. But at least it has kept me from hopping over to see that thread in the lap and forum that everyone is worked up about. Lynda

[i think links are not working on the iPhone and ipad apps. Also, not sure if others will see this, but there are a lot of HTML tags appearing in posts. I think lipstick lady copied the text from the link, but on my ipad app, it's unreadable because the HTML tags.. QUOTE=LipstickLady] How to Be a Good Ally to Fat People Who Appear to Have Lost Weight <div style="font-size:14px;margin:0px 0px 15px;color:rgb(17,17,17);font-family:'proxima-nova', sans-serif;background-color:rgb(233,246,254);"><span>November 14, 2013</span> | by <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://everydayfeminism.com/author/bevinb/'>Bevin Branlandingham</a> <div style="color:rgb(17,17,17);font-family:'proxima-nova', sans-serif;font-size:16px;background-color:rgb(233,246,254);"> <div style="background-color:rgb(245,245,245);text-align:center;"><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z.jpg'><img height="199" src="http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z-300x199.jpg" width="300" alt="10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z-300x199.jpg"></a> <p class="" style="color:rgb(170,170,170);font-size:12px;">Source: <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.flickr.com/photos/bevin/10079750784/'>Flickr</a> <p style="font-size:16px;"> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>Originally published on </i><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/'><i>***** Fat Femme</i></a><i> and cross-posted here with their permission.</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Our culture normalizes talking about bodies all the time. <p style="font-size:16px;">There is especially a lot of value placed on weight gain or loss. <p style="font-size:16px;">Turn on a television and just listen to diet chatter. It’s pervasive, obnoxious, and well-meaning individuals perpetuate it in our personal lives all the time. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I like to create an environment in my life that is about substance over small talk, where compliments are genuine and weight is value-neutral.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“Oh, but Bevin,”</i> you may be saying. <i>“I really mean it as a compliment when I notice you’ve lost weight!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">But, well-intentioned friend, <b>just because you’re well-intentioned doesn’t mean what you say doesn’t have a harmful impact.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Weight loss doesn’t mean I look good. <p style="font-size:16px;">I believe I look good at all of my weights – all bodies are good bodies. <p style="font-size:16px;">And I know your perception of me might have changed because you are socialized to believe smaller is better, but I would like to gently invite you to do something different with your non-pliments of <i>“You look so good!”</i> when someone has lost weight. <p style="font-size:16px;">It’s also important to remember that the well-intentioned friends come in all shapes and sizes, fat, thin, and in-between. <b>1. How About Don’t Talk About It?</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I strongly subscribe to the philosophy that <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/%E2%80%9Dhttp:/queerfatfemme.com/2013/06/24/my-bodys-nobodys-business-but-my-own/%E2%80%9D'>my body is nobody’s business but my own</a>. If I want to talk about it with someone, I will and I do. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I completely understand the inclination to ask questions about an obvious change.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I am a naturally inquisitive person. My friends call me the ***** Oprah because of my tendency to really like to get into the meat of people’s stories. <p style="font-size:16px;">But as I’ve learned how to become a more sensitive and compassionate person, I have had to learn that <b>sometimes you <i>just don’t ask</i> and you stay in the dark.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">It feels kind of impossible not to be nosy about it, but I do it anyway because it’s not my business. <p style="font-size:16px;">Also, <i>what if you’re wrong?</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">A friend of mine just said she gets asked all the time if she lost weight when she puts her hair down! <p style="font-size:16px;">Being nosy and being inquisitive are natural things that I am still working on curtailing. But I think it’s worth it to do the work to be sensitive because I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. <p style="font-size:16px;">I want my friends to feel like they can be their most vibrant and awesome selves around me. <b>2. Wait for the Person to Bring It Up</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Have you ever noticed that lots of straight people will out themselves to you within about ten minutes of conversation? Sometimes as short as two. <p style="font-size:16px;">Straight people in a heteropatriarchy are reaffirmed all the time about how great, normal, and important their straightness is. Therefore, they have likely not had the experience of having to hide or code their sexuality to people. <p style="font-size:16px;">They don’t really play the <i>“pronoun” </i>game and affirm their heterosexuality without thinking about it. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>The same is true for lots of people who have lost weight.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">In a diet-obsessed culture, it is super normalized that weight loss is a good thing. People who are excited about their weight loss will probably bring it up because it is normalized to talk about people’s bodies whether that is right or wrong. <p style="font-size:16px;">So <b>let it happen if it will organically.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">People don’t stop to think about whether or not weight loss might be a sign of someone’s increased health or not. I know many people who have had cancer that lost a lot of weight rapidly. <p style="font-size:16px;"><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/%E2%80%9Dhttp:/www.candyekane.com/%E2%80%9D'>Candye Kane</a> (an amazing blues singer) said on stage once, <i>“I don’t recommend the cancer diet.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Maybe just <b>ask them what’s going on in their life and talk to them</b> organically. <p style="font-size:16px;">The core questions you have about them may just come to light. But, again, their body is none of your business unless they bring it up. <p style="font-size:16px;">If they do bring up their weight loss in a positive manner, you can do the work of someone working in solidarity with fat people by saying, <i>“I think you look great at any weight, but I’m really glad you feel good in your body right now.”</i> <b>3. Mention a General Compliment That Is More Neutral</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">If you <i>really</i> want to compliment someone because you genuinely think they look good, there are lots of things about someone’s appearance you can go for. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>Instead of mentioning weight loss thing, if you want to compliment someone, you can go for something else.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“Your hair looks great!”</i> Or maybe: <i>“I love this outfit!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>There are a bunch of different ways to express positivity to someone that don’t take into account weight loss and reinforce that weight loss is the only way to look good.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I can see friends who come at me when I’ve lost weight sort of looking for a way to talk about my appearance without going down the wrong road because they know I loved myself X number of pounds ago and they don’t want to bury themselves in the wrong kind of compliment. <b>4. Comment on the Self</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“You seem particularly present tonight. I don’t know what it is, but you just seem extra YOU today. I love it!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">If you must say something to the person, I suggest the foregoing. Kris Ford gave me this quote. <p style="font-size:16px;">I think it’s really great! <p style="font-size:16px;">What a remarkable way to get to the essence of what your weight loss compliment is really about. <p style="font-size:16px;">When we stop to think about what we really mean when we’re talking to people, we might be able to clearly communicate without hurting them. <b>5. Absolutely Don’t Ask Someone What They’re Doing</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Oh my God, my family is so into this discussion. <p style="font-size:16px;">I zone out when I start to hear diet talk, Weight Watchers, walking the track, whatever new thing they’re doing. <p style="font-size:16px;">I truly believe in <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/tag/health-at-every-size/'>health at every size</a> and will totally pipe into discussions of fitness, feeling good in your body, and other things from an <i>“All Bodies Are Good Bodies</i>” perspective. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>But I have <i>heard “What are you doing?”</i> question so many times, and I just absolutely hate it.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Again, often folks will offer it if they want to. But in general, the<i> “what you’re doing” </i>question is such a standard thing people think is okay to ask, but it’s actually really personal! <p style="font-size:16px;">I have a super close friend I asked this question of because I genuinely had no idea how she had lost weight and wondered. But I’m close enough to her that when she dropped that it was an eating disorder, it was a safe® space to talk about it. <p style="font-size:16px;">I also learned from that moment to <b>tread even a little more lightly with that stuff, to open those kinds of conversations with gentle warnings, or to open slowly.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Because people who are just hanging out or going about their life maybe don’t want to just talk about their traumas out of the blue because you want to comment on their bodies. <p style="font-size:16px;text-align:center;">*** <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I struggle with what to say to people when they comment about changes to my weight.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">True fact about me: I tend to be an emotional non-eater. <p style="font-size:16px;">If I am going through a rough time, I will likely lose some weight. I lost sixty pounds when my fiance left me. And every time someone commented on my weight, I would say, <i>“Bad break-up.”</i> I would kind of grumpily respond to a nonpliment with snark. <p style="font-size:16px;">I don’t always want to do that, but I really leave it up to how I am feeling in that moment. <p style="font-size:16px;">Sometimes I go with, <i>“I think I look great at any size.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Often, especially if it is a friend or loved one, I go with a very long explanation of what lead to my recent weight loss so that they understand what I’m going through, that it’s been a real struggle, and that the weight loss is a byproduct of a larger initiative to resolve a chronic condition I have. <p style="font-size:16px;">Sometimes, I just respond to weight loss nonpliments graciously because it’s not worth the fight. <p style="font-size:16px;">I learned to respond to compliments I didn’t agree with back when I was still self-hating. <p style="font-size:16px;">I would do things like respond to compliments with, <i>“Oh, I don’t look good. I still have xyz wrong with me.”</i> And I replaced that with a simple <i>“thank you”</i> until I was ready to really hear and absorb good things about myself. <p style="font-size:16px;">A friend told me once, <i>“Hi skinny,”</i> in response to weight loss. <p style="font-size:16px;">My response was, <i>“Um, I don’t identify as skinny.”</i> Because anytime I’ve ever lost weight in my life (as someone who has a lifetime of fat experience), I have always been fat. <p style="font-size:16px;">And, in the case of my beloved Grandmother, I accept her compliments graciously and deeply appreciate when my mom pipes in with, <i>“But we love you at any size.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Because sometimes it’s not worth the fight. <p style="font-size:16px;">But it is amazing to have my mom acting in solidarity with my politics and values around all bodies being good bodies at any size. <p style="font-size:16px;">This was not always the case, but working with her in love, respect and compassion through the last twelve years of my participation in body liberation activism, has actually been really rewarding.

Actually, everyone can read your posts, so it's not as private as you think. Lynda

Love your answer to that question and couldn't agree more! I have met people who are successful and haven't had complications with each surgery type. And reading these boards and other online forums, I see people who have had complications , unsatisfactory weight loss, and regain with each surgery type. Lynda

Hey madam, Early out I relied on protein shakes, fat free yogurt, and dense protein to get my protein requirements in and feel full. Dried fruit is calorie dense without any protein. If you're craving fruit, unsweetened apple sauce is a better choice. I ate around 600 calories for the first few months, then 800 for a few then 1000. I'm in my late 50s and only exercise is walking. I average under Q1500 calories per day to stay at goal. I have to eat dense protein to stay full. Lynda

Oh nighttime, the bane of my eating plan. Like Laura, I save calories for evening. And I try to choose heathy, filling Snacks. Also, I have a strict no eating after I fall asleep rule, one of the only hard and fast rules that I I made post op and never break. Pre op, I would often wake and snack one or more times per night. Early out, I had a Protein drink after dinner. Then I switched to beef Jerky or yogurt. Now, it might be fruit, yogurt, Cereal, or a sweet snack if I am in bounce range. And I have to eat enough earlier in the day. If I don't, my hungry rages after dinner. Lynda

Congrats Butter! Love the before and after. As for BMI, I agree it's so misleading. But I suspect you'll drop a few more pounds as you continue to heal from plastics. Lynda

One of the OR nurses told me that and tons of other people. To them, I'd like to say "pick up 100 lbs walk around for a few days and then tell he all about it." But what I said and stuck to was "my doctor and I have decided this is the best option for me. " Lynda

There are always gonna be haters. Come up with a pat answer that reveals no more than you want to share and stick with it. If they keep pressing for details, call their manners out. I have spent a lifetime dealing with this because the women in my family all had their children at a young age. Mine for weight loss is " I feel great!" So they ask, how much have you lost and I say "Enough that I feel great!" They say, you shouldn't lose anymore and I say "Thanks! I feel great!" Etc. Lynda

Most people lose less than 100%. I believe most surgeons declare surgery a success if you lose 65-70% of your excess weight. And as time goes by, you can eat more and a wider variety of foods. It's crucial to use this time to learn new habits of eating and coping. Find the low cal nutritious foods you enjoy. Discover an exercise you like. Mine is walking outdoors. Find activities other than eating that sooth you. Use a therapist to work on eating issues you can't conquer on your own. You are worth it. The surgery is the first step, you must choose to take the next steps to be successful. Lynda

I attended cognitive behavior therapy a few years ago, and one lesson I still use is "fake it till you make it". So take a shower, put on that makeup and get out there! Over the two years post op, I've cone up with a lot of strategies for when I want to eat and I'm not hungry. Not that they always work, but if you want to fix something, it helps to have a toolkit. I apply lotion, lipgloss and perfume. The scent and feel are satisfying. I play computer games so my hands and mind are busy. I drink a cup of tea or decaf coffee. I call a friend. I take a walk outside. Lynda

Every doctors plan is different. The first few months, I ate around 600 calories per day, then up to 800 around month 4 and around 1000 around month 6. At goal, I eat between 1200 and 1500 calories per day. Lynda

You will be able to eat more as time goes by. At just a month out, I used two Protein drinks per day to meet my protein needs. As I was able to eat more, I cut back to one, then none except when traveling. At more than two years out, I can eat enough that I don't need them even when traveling. Lynds

I'm going to go a different direction and suggest you weigh and measure all foods and write everything down before you eat it. At 15 months out, you should have some room for a little fruit or vegetable and some whole grains. Be sure to measure ingredients too, like the mayo in seafood salad. Also log your fluids and get at least 64 oz per day. I suggest getting at least 65 grams of Protein per day, 800 to 1000 calories per day, and at least two servings of no starchy veggies. Lynda

Heard at least five times in the first month post-op: Q:"I thought you had weight loss surgery?" A: "Yes, but they don't cut away 100 lbs of fat, just like they can't cut stupid out of you!" And, some other favs: Q: "How much are you going to lose? You are too skinny already." A: "As much as I want to. Too bad I am now thinner than you and you need a new fat friend to make yourself feel better." Q: "Are you allowed to eat that?" A: "Are you my doctor?" Lynda

Congrats! I missed the baby post earlier. Looking forward to seeing pics of your beautiful baby girl in a few months! I think there is a group for pregnant sleevers under the support section. Lynda

Holidays are my toughest times too. I am one who also used food to celebrate. Last year I was at goal but had a higher bounce range. This year, I have reset my bounce range to 2lbs, which should help. Make a list of non food holiday items and activities that make you happy. For me, it's doing things with family like decorating, seeing christmas lights, going to holiday shows and outdoor displays, reading holiday books and watching holiday movies, listening to favorite holiday music, decorating, sending cards, and donating time to a charity. I stock up on scented candles and buy a real tree for the smell. I also plan low calorie favs, such as sugar free caramel and pumpkin syrups, sugar free hot cider mix, and seasonal yogurt flavors. I do not set out candy jars and cookie trays anymore. I buy nuts in the shell, and not a lot of them. On another note, Laura-Ven, CONGRATS on your first surgiversery! You have done a lot of hard work this year to be successful today and in the future. You are one of the reasons I still enjoy whatever we are calling this group now. And your thoughtful posts have helped so many. I hope when you look in the mirror you see the successful, giving person that we all know and love. Lynda

its under main vsg forums.