LivingFree!

This has been (and continues to be) one of the most powerful tools that changed/calmed my brain's reward/pleasure center in the 6.5 years since WLS. Whenever I encounter tempting trigger foods (sight/presentation/smell), I repeat silently "I don't eat that anymore." or "I don't NEED that anymore."

What great support from BariatricPal members... Please FIRST find your strength to let go of SHAME and guilt. You will be "practicing" your new WLS life over and over again, especially for your first year. And even after that--all that practice WILL NOT make perfect!!! Be kind and gentle to yourself. Learning new life-long eating and behavioral habits is a step-by-step process. What helped for me was to write out a visual plan of the things/foods I needed to change (For instance, Yes, I was a fast food thriver too. So I decided I could still have fast food, but only twice a month. Now, at 6 years post-op, I have no desire for fast food. I prefer to nourish my body with fresh, real non-processed food). As my poor eating habits and poor choices changed, my thinking also changed. Now I think of food as medicine for my body. I'm pretty picky about what kind of occasional "junk" I will eat! So: Self-love and self-respect plays a big part in WLS success. Pre-planning and preparing your food day (or week) keeps you committed to staying on track. Living in the "present" and not worrying about yesterday's or tomorrow's mistakes (cultivating mindfulness). WLS is so much more than just losing weight. Staying in touch with your bariatric team (MD, dietitian, therapist, exercise program) and in-person support groups all contribute to long-term success. Thinking this is easy and we can do this "alone" just does not prove true for many WLSers. There are great articles on BariatricPal in the magazine section written by many WLS professionals. For me, educating myself by reading WLS books and articles and signing up for e-newsletters by bariatric professionals made a huge impact on my confidence for long-term permanent weight maintenance. You have taken a huge positive step in your life, and you will learn to manage what works for YOU.

whitters22, Of course, at 9 days out, you are still healing physically (and mentally). Your food cravings/mourning you are experiencing are very normal. Try not to use too much of your energy overthinking it. Your best job to do for your mind and body right now is to heal well, doing your best to follow surgeon's instructions through the food stages recommended until you are back to eating regular foods. I'm sure you know this, but eating as close to whatever is recommended by your surgeon and drinking the recommended protein drinks and water will also help keep those cravings and head hunger in check a little better. Then when you have healed-- That was when I had to "reframe" my thinking a bit (about any food). It wasn't that I CAN'T have it. It became that I CHOOSE not to have it. When we say "can't have it" our brain says "don't deprive me." When we say "I choose not to," it tells our brain we are taking control of whether it goes in our mouth. It is very real that we "mourn" the loss of our old familiar food and eating habits (for me it was a constant fast food regimen, tons of candy, baked goods, ice cream,cookies, chips, etc). That's why the first year post-op is so critical in forming those new habits that carry us through for life. I am still amazed, six years later, how addicted I was to all that junk food and how that hard work during that first year so paid off for me. The desire for that stuff just no longer exists. Everyone approaches their journey differently, but the important thing is to HAVE A PLAN. A real plan--not just something rumbling around in our heads, a written plan, with identified triggers to address, and plans of action to remedy unhealthy behaviors. Could you be ready yet to embark on a new kind of healthier food mission? There are MANY bariatric-friendly foodsites that could help you really believe there IS good, tasty, healthy eating after WLS! You may already be aware-- but in case you are not--I will share my favorite because it is trusted and reputable. Michelle Vicari of Temecula, CA who is also a strong advocate for WLS patients and a Board Member of the Obesity Action Coalition, has a fantastic website/blog. She is 10-years post-op and has extensive information on her site, including ten years' worth of bari-friendly recipes. Go to www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com. Pinterest is another good source for bari recipes. Wishing you WLS good health, fun, and excitement... And I'm wishing for you that you can ditch those words "food torture" TODAY!!!

Hi Misha42000 As a six-year post-op who has remained consistently active with in-person support groups as well as on-line forums, my most important lesson has been to merely listen to (or read) others' words/responses. Period. REACTING zaps my precious energy that I choose to use for ME! I also choose to believe that most post-ops genuinely try to share their experiences with pre-ops and new-ops to offer HELP, NOT to criticize, as I believe was the case here. I'm so sorry you feel you want to delete your post. I know BariatricPal has been a huge help to me for many years. For me, it seems like yesterday when I had my surgery and it all seemed so overwhelming at first. Today, though, my life is so different, so free from junk food obsession. So free from using the word "cheating." No feeling of "guilt" associated with food. That is my wish for you, to not have to think of any food that way after surgery. It was hard work to permanently change eating habits in that first year post-op, but the feeling of power and control over my food now, I would not change for anything. The pre-surgery liquid diet your surgeon has you on is HARD. As with all of the WLS journey for life, we will never achieve perfection. Striving for an A- or even a B+ or will work just fine! Good luck. There is so much good on your horizon...

CGJ, 4-1/2 year vet here--You are such a valuable contributor to BP and have been especially helpful to me in so many ways! Please do not change your dedication to this forum!!! In my opinion, there are COUNTLESS people who are ill-prepared to even have this surgery in the first place, and often THEY are most likely the ones who cannot begin to appreciate the messages you so faithfully endeavor to deliver. Consider the source(s). Do not doubt your self-worth and relevance for one minute more...and thank you for all you do!

@@tfarr, This is your time to recommit to yourself and take personal responsibility for the rest of your WLS life. It happens to a lot of us around 10 months when the "honeymoon" period is over. We all pretty much lose weight those first months no matter how carefully (or not) we follow our programs. Time to have a very hard but realistic chat with yourself. Have you made your BEST effort to truly permanently change your old eating habits since your surgery, (i.e., drastically limiting refined, processed food) and learned to eat clean, natural, unprocessed foods (lean Protein, fresh fruits, veggies)? If this has not become as routine to you as brushing your teeth these past 10 months, this would be a good place to start. There is more and more scientific data being published that the more refined, processed carbs (like sweets) we eat, the more the pleasure center in our brains is triggered to the point that it becomes out of our conscious control to stop eating the junk. The GREAT news is that when we feed our bodies the good stuff, our cravings for the junk diminishes. Our bodies WANT the healthy food and stop the ravenous need for junk. But don't just totally deprive yourself of your "sweets." There are so many friendly bari-friendly substitute recipes for the sweets you are eating that are currently derailing you. FIND THEM and wean yourself off of the junk that is sabotaging you. Get to that point where YOU control your food and stop having it control you. The power is in your hands! You have so much power--it's sitting there waiting for you...IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!

Apologize in advance if I missed some kind of announcement about this, but I am not seeing (?) my "favorite" Veterans' Forum. It was so valuable to have a forum for those of us much further out (especially 2-3+ years). Is it possibly an issue with my computer, or has the forum been removed? Thanks!

0. What type of weight loss surgery have you had? Sleeve 1. How long have you been in maintenance mode? 3 years (4 years out from surgery) 2. What's your current height and weight? 5 ft, 135 lb 3. How many calories do you eat daily (on average) to maintain your weight? 1200 4. What kind of focus do you put on Protein -- number of grams or anything else you want to say? 80-100gm/day; still drink 1-2 protein shakes/day; protein first at meals and Snacks 5. What kind of focus do you put on carbs - number of grams or anything else you want to say? Very mindful of any processed/refined carbs (don't do them). Very tight limit on breads/pastas/starchy veggies (once a week). 6. What other nutritional tips / tricks are working for you that help you maintain? Eat whole, natural, & clean. Avoid packaged, canned, "cardboard"/frozen meals; fast food no more than once a week. 7. Which foods, if any, do you avoid altogether? A big pre-op trigger: Not one M&M for me in four years! Don't miss 'em. Will never eat another one. 72% Ghiradelli dark choc once a week is my substitute now. Have found fantastic healthy substitutes for my other 3 major trigger foods--Cookies, baked goods, and ice cream. I never feel deprived and I always feel POWERFUL now. 8. What exercise regimen (exercise types and frequency) do you follow? Walk 30 minutes, without fail, 7 days a week. Mild strength/weight/stretching 3x/week (15 min). Work in lots of standing/walking etc throughout day too. 9. What role, if any, has counseling or therapy played in your WLS success? A HUGE part of my success! Have attended bari support groups 4 times a month for 4 years. The face-to-face support is just so helpful to me. Everyone all in one place, all with the same thing in common. Also have had (and continue to have) individual monthly counseling. 10. What advice would you offer WLS patients to help them be successful? 1) Watch for those carby snacks sneaking back into your lifestyle. So often people come back to group with weight regain because of slacking off by letting those back in. 2) Remember to have a daily/weekly plan for your food intake. It keeps us from being forced to make unhealthy choices. 3) Be aware of a major cause of weight regain--major life events that cause us major emotional distress. Know how vulnerable we are at those times. When death, divorce etc hit, our priorities STILL also need to be our health. 4) Watch the self-talk. Keeping a positive attitude and focusing on our new healthy bodies is our ultimate goal. The number on the scale and setbacks along the way cannot define how we're feeling about ourselves today. 5) We are WLS patients FOR LIFE. There is NO FINISH LINE. Continuing vitamin/mineral supplementation, annual checkups and bloodwork are forever. WLS = POWER + FREEDOM!!!

Our bari program allows this powder (available at Wal-Mart). Of course, you would want to only consume ONE scoop (30gm) of protein at a time because that is all the body can absorb. You're just wasting your money if you drink 60gm at one time.

"Faking" anything is not a great way to start out this serious life-changing decision. He's only cheating himself and his health. His long-term success at WLS would be very unlikely with that attitude...

Agree with above posters. It really can be a great indicator of when to "stop" for a lot of us. It also helps to be mindful of chewing really well (the 30 times per bite thing) and eating overall very slowly to prevent hiccups. Even at 4 years out, I find that if I don't pay enough attention to pacing my eating at my meals, I very predictably end up with the hiccups.

Love this post, Alex! It is something I think about often, and is one of the main tenents of my overwhelming gratitude for WLS. I grew up in the '50's/60's, so, of course, much of what we know today about nutrition we did not know then. When I first started my 3-month mandatory pre-op nutrition/general WLS classes through my healthcare provider, I could not take in learning all this stuff about Protein, carbs, fats, etc. I lived my whole life not knowing about all this (yes, "no wonder I wasn't skinny."). I even went back to college at age 59 and obtained a degree in Nutrition because I was so blown away that we CAN have control over our bodies by what we feed them! Knowing I could live my eating lifestyle SO DIFFERENTLY was a MAJOR, MAJOR milestone for me. And, I believe has been a significant factor in my being able to maintain my weight loss in four years since WLS. What really is kind of ironic is during my childhood my mother was severely diabetic and died at age 37 from it. If any family should have been eating healthfully it probably should have been mine. --But I guess it also is quite a statement on the progress we as a nation have made on the prevention and treatment of diabetes...

@@Wendyfm, a gentle reminder to compare yourself to ONLY YOU (and not anyone else!) -- It makes even more powerful what a GREAT year you created for yourself!!! Proud of you...

@@lclemur, I was surprised to read your post that you have been told sleeve patients CAN use NSAIDS. I have been told absolutely NO because of future stomach complications (ulcers, etc). Just wondering what others' general instructions have been regarding use of NSAIDS with sleeve? Thanks for any help anyone can provide...

@@kimpossible67, So sorry to hear of your mom's death. As much as it must feel better to just isolate yourself right now, that is NOT healthy for you. Please take the appropriate care of your physical self FIRST AND NOW. You know that is what your mom wants you to do. Honor her and do that. She would not want you to be hospitalized with dehydration and malnutrition. Reach out to whomever you have to if you just don't have the strength to prepare meals, etc. Ditch the chocolate milk. You don't need the high sugar. Get a few Premier Protein ready-to-drink shakes--Wal-Mart, Walgreens,CVS, all sell them in little 4-packs now. Your grief is REAL--you don't have to "tough it out" or be strong for anyone. Most importantly, you cannot go through grief alone. As hard as it is right now you HAVE to renew your commitment to yourself that you made when you decided to have your WLS. You said that you would take care of yourself.

Maybe think about your words a little. It wasn't cheating. It was a CHOICE. Every piece of food we put in our mouths for the rest of our lives is a choice, and OUR CHOICE ONLY. Grazing all day was not your best choice. You will have days that you don't make the best choices. You will have days when you make GREAT choices. That is life. You can either choose to live each day in regret and shame every time you make an unhealthy food choice, or you can decide that only you are responsible for what you choose to eat. Taking responsibility and having a willingness and open mind to let go of old habits and work on creating new life-long healthy habits (especially when we get just plain tired and don't feel like working on it anymore) definitely does make for a better life in the long run. There's going to be sooooo many "reasons" we have for our eating plan not going right (this party, that party, this crisis, that crisis). The more we cement in our minds that LIFE HAPPENS and we no longer need to use food as our comfort, our friend, our loved one, our celebration, the more control we gain over our food and the less control our food has over us. How about replacing that feeling of shame with a feeling of strength???

Sorry you had to experience this--and--I'm glad you came here to vent! I think many have had similar experiences. I guess I'm lucky that I have not. But I really think the good news is that MANY MORE restaurants are definitely paying much more attention in the long run to patrons' requests for healthier options, both in food choices AND in methods of preparation. They definitely need to hear loud and clear from people like you through avenues like YELP that your experience is NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE to the general public. Maybe if it does ever happen again, you could just stay firm with what it is that YOU NEED and asked for in the first place. If the server will not accommodate you and gives you those lame excuses (no eating off kids menu; no subs, etc) you simply don't keep "bargaining" for other options that would be "ok" with them, and politely excuse yourself from the table and let the server know that because of your special MEDICAL dietary needs, you will have to resolve this with the manager. I've learned that in so many instances, once you start throwing around the word "medical," people can't argue with that. Sometimes I don't even mention WLS. I just mention I am on a very medically-restricted diet. We all still have to keep fighting the war against obesity-related discrimination, but sometimes we just have to choose our battles for our own sanity. Try not to let 'em get you down. And know, too, that the restaurant dining thing DOES get easier the further out you get. Since about one year out for me, people I dined out with who didn't know me, just always thought I was just a real health nut--they never knew I was a WLS patient. I never concentrated on what I "couldn't" have; just what I could. I always can make up a fun meal at any restaurant. And, of course you've probably thought about this--even though you do a lot of traveling, maybe you can find some creative new ways to do at least part of your travel meals shopping at a local grocery store and keep fresh food in an insulated bag(?). I know that can be inconvenient, but there may be some times it could work out with your schedule? Stay strong--YOU'RE the boss!

The RNY is still considered the "gold standard" of WLS procedures. Over the past 5-8 years, however, the VSG is being performed much more frequently and there is now good medical research data that has been studied on patients who have had the procedure. The overall results of either procedure are very similar in terms of total weight loss. So focusing on "how many pounds" you want to lose really does not need to factor in to your decision because either procedure will net about the same results. What is most important to focus on is that doing either procedure can restore your health by learning new eating habits for life. For many, the decision comes down to considerations about RNY being the more radical procedure with the rerouting of intestines and nutrient absorption concerns --vs-- VSG with no intestinal rerouting but removal of most of stomach and POSSIBLE reflux issues. Neither procedure guarantees that it will stop you from wanting to eat the junk foods. Many people think that the RNY will keep you from eating junk food because it will make you throw up. That is NOT true for most people. Neither procedure changes our eating habits. That is up to us. At four years out, my decision to have the sleeve was the best decision I could have made for ME. (I was not comfortable with the idea of the major rerouting of my "innerds.") It was (and is) a lot of hard work, especially that first year in changing a lifetime of old, unhealthy eating habits. But I did, and now food no longer controls me--I have the POWER over it. And it feels fantastic. I CHOSE my health over the very temporary satisfaction of junk food in my life. Take your time in making the decision that is right for YOU. Do your research, not just listening to what other people have to say. This is right up there in the top-10 MAJOR, rest-of-your life decisions you will ever make. Good luck and let us all know what you decide...

As we all know, how dedicated we are to CHOOSING to change our old, familiar eating and lifestyle habits and adopt new HEALTHY habits FOR LIFE during our first year after surgery dictates how much (or how little) freedom from struggles with food (and weight gain) we will have. Total freedom tastes REALLY good...

Sounds good but WAY too much fat for me...

Please go to your bariatric/surgical team if you are not crystal clear on what your eating program is. You should have NO question about the food stages that are required of a bariatric patient. As you know, WLS is all about the CHOICES we make and our own personal responsibility. If you don't understand instructions or feel you are not getting the attention you need from your bariatric team, make noise until you do. Your health and WLS long-term success depends on it! There are sp many choices for good, nutritious foods that you need to be eating right now. These first few months after your surgery are so critical for your healing AND energy AND for your best results with your weight loss. You do not want to end up in the hospital with a serious nutrition deficiency or dehydration. Maybe you want to keep an eye on your sugar intake too. Milk has a lot of sugar. Many people mix the Protein powder with 1/2 Water, 1/2 milk or all water (or almond milk). Hope you are able to get your eating plan straightened out soon.

Now that you are in maintenance, you are now in the "rest of your life" stage. The beauty of all the hard work you have done to change your eating habits to a healthy new lifestyle is that you can now CHOOSE to have that occasional piece of banana cake or cheesecake with NO GUILT, NO LABELING OF CHEATING, NO BEATING YOURSELF UP. When you plan each day with good, whole, nutritious foods, there is room in your life now for a little "junk" (if you want it). Because you have done it right, these foods don't have power over you any more. YOU control THEM. That is what is so different than your life pre-surgery. I find that my desire for junk just isn't there nearly as much when I consider what my other choices are to give my body nutrition. Sure, I had to learn to play a lot of head games--still do. When I'm particularly tempted, but REALLY don't want the particular piece of temptation, I say to myself, "I don't eat that anymore." For me, the more I've said it to myself over the past 4 years, the more I feel it has helped me to take that pause and really evaulate whether I want it. You said you've been hungrier the past few days--eating those simple, processed carbs turns on the hunger hormones big time for many of us. The more you eat the more you want. "Not wanting to gain an ounce" is not realistic or healthy thinking. I know you know that. Establishing a 5-pound bounce range is very realistic. Whether or not we have had bari surgery, our bodies naturally vary in weight week-to-week. IT IS VERY OK. You are still learning and practicing to achieve that TOTAL CONFIDENCE in yourself that you can weigh once a week for the rest of your life and maintain your 5-pound range. Living in fear over weight regain is no way to live. Remember and Celebrate your awesome achievements. You don't have to "hate" maintenance. It doesn't have to be stressful. You are free, and that is such a gift that we sometimes lose sight of.

Congratulations on your dedication to be true to your new lifestyle!!! Sadly, my take on it is that a "too-high" percentage of our country is in denial about our obesity epidemic and the poor quality of our food choices. But, I also think that most people immediately default to Weight Watchers or the Jenny Craig-type programs because that is where the huge advertising is. Personally, I do not attend OA because I have awesome post-op bari support groups available to me through my health insurance. I did look into OA, but there was something that turned me off about it. When I was reading the tenents of OA (I know there's a different word for it), while some of them are positive, my overall impression felt negative (make amends to all the people I hurt--who did I hurt?). I know they are patterned after AA, but they just didn't seem to feel good for me as weight loss guides. But, that's just me, and what's important is that you found what works for you! I hope attendance improves. This time of year maybe has something to do with it too? Summer vacations?

The Emotional First+Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery by Cynthia L. Alexander, PsyD Dr. Alexander is a clinical psychologist who specializes in bariatric psychology. She wrote this book in "plain English" with very understandable concepts. It covers pre-surgery decision-making all the way through to long-term maintenance. I found it to be the most helpful WLS book I read. I still refer to it four years out. It is available in paperback through Amazon and/or as an e-book/Kindle.

I'm taking my time to post again because I care. You will find that is true of just about everyone here on BP. We try to help each other, and if that means we don't understand HOW we can help, we ask again! It sounds to me like you are not ready to hear what I have to say but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm assuming you are in a pre-surgery program, following the steps your medical team is requiring that lead to getting your surgery. That surely includes a written eating plan that helps you begin to change your old, familiar unhealthy eating habits and form the new habits that you will have to follow for the rest of your life. In not taking that seriously, you are not preparing yourself for what is to come. WLS is a drastic lifestyle change. The operation itself is only about 10% of it. The other 90% of it is how much you prepare ahead of time and then never turn back to your "old life" of unhealthy eating habits. But, like anyone here will tell you-- it is all about CHOICE. You can choose to change, or you can choose to not. Is WLS hard work and challenging? Yes. Do you have to think of it as a "BATTLE?" No. You can choose to think of it positively as FREEDOM. I wake up every day knowing that I have power over my food now. It no longer controls me! How many years of my life I wasted thinking there was no other way. "If you do what you've always done, you get what you always got." --Anonymous