LivingFree!

Butterflyhigh--you are leaps and bounds ahead of the difficult mental health part of WLS--even though right now it probably does not feel like it to you. Kudos to you for recognizing your eating triggers. AND---for your amazing resolve to FIGHT this hunger trigger. That is something that many, many WLSers have to work on for a long time before they can make the connection between eating and emotional stressors. I am so proud of you. It's not easy and you're doing it! I think, dear lady, you have a lot more POWER than you think you have! Changing our "default" of using food as comfort in times of stress doesn't happen overnight, but you will find what works for you. I have what I call my Extreme Self-Care Kit (thank you life coach CherylRichardson.com), that is my own personal list of about 25 things that I can go to that make ME feel good. Some have been mentioned above. Also--I sing a song that inspires me; I read a poem that I love; I write 3 gratitude statements every evening; I say something nice to someone who serves me in public every day; I read passages from my library of WLS books for motivation; every day I do meditation and belly breathing, etc etc. Also, the further along you are, the more desire you have to nourish your body with healthy foods, and those tempting, go-to carby indulgences lose their strong hold on you. If you are interested and/or if you are not familiar with this book: 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food by Susan Albers,PsyD (Available on Amazon) (small paperback 5"x7", 216pp; also available in various downloadable formats) It's a pretty easy read and you might find it helpful. I did and do. Dr. Albers is a well-respected clinical psychologist from the Cleveland Clinic, specializing in eating issues, weight loss, body image issues, and mindfulness. She has written several books. Website: sootheyourselfwithoutfood.com Congratulations on your surgery and stick with your dogged determination!!!

Thanks for your fun post! Just don't get into this habit TOO often, cuz those awesome new clothes get too big way too fast. I made that mistake and spent way too much money right at first and wish I would have waited until I got closer to my goal weight. But on the other hand, someone at Goodwill has lots of nice gently-worn new clothes! Enjoy THIS one anyhow--YOU DESERVE IT, and congratulations on your purchase!

Do you feel they are critical that you are eating TOO MUCH or are they critical of WHAT you are eating? Or Both? This is NOT a question for you to answer on the Forum--just a question for YOURSELF if you have not already asked it. "Are the foods I am eating, the foods that are on my eating plan? Are they in the appropriate quantities? Am I consuming them within my new lifestyle guidelines (i.e., 3 meals, 2 Snacks if that is your plan)? WHY am I hiding what I eat?" Those are the questions I would ask myself if I started being a closet eater again. I hope I am not offending you--I certainly do not want to do that. When I was a closet eater it was because I was this obese person and I didn't want anyone to see me eating anything unless it was either a piece of chicken or a vegetable. I never ordered dessert, or didn't eat the chips and salsa in a restaurant for instance because I could just hear all the people judging this fat person for eating fattening stuff. I couldn't wait to get home so I could make up for what I couldn't eat while I was out in public. People are always going to think they know more than you about what YOU should eat no matter what! As long as YOU are in control of and are totally confident in your eating habits, they can say whatever they want--it doesn't matter-- and it should not drive you into the closet. Think of all you have accomplished in your almost two years since your surgery, and let that keep you strong. As you know, you're in the right place for lots of support with this. Please let us know how you are doing.

Hi vogue-- You are making PERFECT sense! I'm so glad you posted this right at the time when you really needed to. I could so much feel that particular emotion you were conveying. And from the other posts here, I think we are all in the same company. It is just a profound sadness that sometimes (for me anyhow) we just have to let ourselves feel for awhile (for me--even still today, after 3 years). I HOPE you know that it is totally okay and normal to feel those feelings, and that you are not beating yourself up in any way BECAUSE you are feeling them. I don't know if my overall grief for all the pain and ridicule that I endured as a little girl and throughout my life as a result of my obesity will EVER be completely resolved. But I have been so fortunate to have had tons of therapy that has taught me how to live a very joyful and fulfilling life post-WLS, and remember that-- that was THEN and this is NOW. You've got your old jeans--you know where they are--you'll do your before/after photo when you're ready. No rush. It may not be the time yet. For some of us (me) there IS A LOT of emotion connected with the "fat" clothes. I DID take a clothesline picture of my size 44 jeans hanging next to my size 6 jeans, but I STILL haven't done my putting on that size 44 jeans pic. Sorry you were feeling sad, but hope you are back to CELEBRATING YOU again by now!

Excellent point, VSGAnn2014! What a wise and awesome surgeon you have. We all know the stark reality--when we sign on for WLS, we sign on FOR LIFE. It's easy after a year or two (or more), for some of us to "forget" that. In the big picture, it really isn't that hard to stay compliant with the medical follow-up as recommended by our particular bari programs as trade for the amazing life benefits we get in return! Thanks for sharing this important point!

I want something that will be a tool for a lifetime, not just for a few months to a year. I wish I could post this same question in the veteran's forum, but it won't let me. I would love to hear from people who are 5 or more years out. The trouble is, because of human nature, I may not hear from many people for whom this hasn't worked that great for that far out. Thank you all for your input and again, I am very happy for you and wish you continued success. Hi powaqqatsi, A Veterans Forum member here--I'm not 5 years as you asked for, but I am 3 years post-surgery and I am so glad you asked this question. My sleeve will be "working" just as well at 5, 10, 20 years as it is working now because I AM THE ONE who makes it work; IT DOESN'T WORK BY ITSELF just because I had the operation. Please don't take this as a rude or flip answer--your question really is what a lot of people who are just begining to look into weight loss surgery believe to be true--You have the surgery, and then you lose the weight, and then you're not hungry any more, yet you can eat all the same unhealthy stuff you always ate (that got you into the trouble you're in in the first place), and you live happily ever after. As so many people say--weight loss surgery is the "easy way out." Nothing could be further from the truth! There are two distinctive parts to WLS: 1) the operation 2) a FOREVER new eating plan & physical/emotional lifestyle Any weight loss surgery is about personal CHOICES, ACCOUNTABILITY, POSITIVE ATTITUDE, and CHANGING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH food that you have had for your entire life. It is a lot of hard work every day, but among the most life-changing events you will ever experience. I love eating healthy now. I use food as medicine for my body and don't like putting junk food in it any more. Can you believe that a formerly morbidly obese person can change their way of thinking THAT MUCH? Sometimes I still have to pinch myself that that's ME talking! I was morbidly obese since puberty. At age 59 and 252 lbs I was sleeved. I have maintained my 105 lb weight loss with a peace and joy I have never known. I CHOSE to make my adventure FUN, not DRUDGERY. I was diabetic, on 4 BP meds, 2 chol meds. No more of any of that. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy life--who could ask for more? Please feel free to send me a private message if you have any questions I could help you with.

I wish everyone with heavy-duty carb craving issues would read all of your posts over and over again until it sinks in! Many people do not believe (OR CHOOSE to ignore) that the more refined starchy carbs you eat, the more your body continues to crave them. Thanks for the reinforcement!

Yep, many, many of us find ourselving coming back to this unhealthy carbs addiction. I sure did after about 10 months when my "honeymoon period" ended. We've had it our whole lives; we're not going to get rid of it just because we have our sleeves now. What's different for me now is that I have learned that I don't have to get frustrated and beat myself up because I am a carb-craver. Little by little, we learn what works for us to change our relationship with these carby triggers of ours (all of us have our own special little ones!!!), so they don't have that CRAZY POWER over us any more. It's a long hard process that we have to WANT TO change, but it feels so good when you begin to realize that you CAN walk away from this stuff by CHOICE. Not today, and probably not for a few months, but you can do it. All this emotional stuff is what they (often) DON'T tell us about when we sign up for the surgery. This is the part where we really have to start doing a lot of talking to ourselves about how we want our weight loss story to continue for the rest of our lives.

My surgeon had told me at the very beginning to stay on my program as strictly as I could for the first six months because after that it often slows down. That proved true for me. I had lost just about all I was going to lose (105) pounds by 10 months out. (My start weight was 252). Of course all this depends on so many things, but it is a good rule of thumb to follow. Those first six months are the time when you want to be vigilent with getting the most weight off that you can. Keep up your good work! Sometimes hard, but always worth it!

I'm lucky I don't have LI problems so I usually stay with the whey Protein shakes (Premier), but for variety I do use these EAS DARK CHOC ones. They ARE super good. Less thick than Premier. Always good to find a surprise to keep us interested, right??? Glad you found something you like. . .

Hi Vets! I have been here learning and growing on VST/BP since before my surgery Apr 2011. These forums have been such a significant piece of my WLS adventure. But I did not start doing any posting until a few weeks ago--all of the knowledge I gained from here has been just by being a "lurker arounder." There still is REAL POWER in just staying in the background. For me, I felt I needed the face-to-face support groups to get a firmer footing on this new lifestyle. I still attend 4 groups per month. It's just now at 3 years that I feel comfortable using an online forum. So many of you vets who post here regularly--I feel like I know you personally already, especially those of you who are out from surgery in the 3-5 year range. But there seems to be many of you whom I followed for years that have vanished. Itis really important to me to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you who have so unselfishly shared and continue to share so much of yourselves to further the cause of all of us on this bariatric adventure. (Special thanks to pdxMan who helped me finally figure out that I had to have 100 posts to unlock Vets Forum. New screen name--I was a "princess" person before. I've graduated from feeling like a princess for the first time in my life to now knowing what it feels like to be LivingFree from food addiction.) Looking forward to a long life here, and proud to be a vet!

Wondering if you can give me any troubleshooting ideas why when I post--almost every time when I hit post it just sits there cycling and doesn't post. I have to log off, sometimes all the way out of BP, log back on, repaste my message, cross my fingers, try posting it again. Sometimes it'll go, sometimes I have to do the same thing again. it's so frustrating and time-consuming. I'm on AOL with Internet Explorer. Any suggestions? I'm not very techy-oriented, so try not to be complicated. Thank you!

Wow, what an education I am getting here! swimbikerun, I tried to go back in the posts here to see if I could learn a little more about your complications you spoke of that you said were getting worse, but couldn't really find anything. I am really blown away about the complications you are having. This is all new to me. Sleevers don't have the malabsorption problems (so they said . . .???). I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine, after this long process, having to deal with these issues. Did I understand you correctly that you actually have kwashiorkor or marasmus? There should be no question that you need agressive treatment--3rd world diseases that we no longer see in the US. I'm sure you have already explored this possibility, but can you find another bariatric physician or surgeon to treat you? Or even just a registered dietitian who specializes in bariatric patients. There's more and more out there. I know it must get so tiring to just keep fighting for the care you need. You sound like a strong lady. Don't let 'em get you down. You CAN get your health back. And you deserve to have it back. Keep up the good fight!! CGJ, I also really embrace holistic/alternative medicine (especially the mental/emotional benefits); it has dramatically changed my life. Of course, there is definitely a place for Western medicine in my world, but I think more and more, the two and becoming intertwined. It sounds like you've got a pretty good team working with you; hope you get to the bottom of what's going on with you. You've come too far to not keep your good health! I know you'll be keeping us posted with your test results. OMG, after reading your stories, no more will I just "take for granted" that my HMO has a full bari dept with bari physicians/surgeons on staff. Counting my blessing doubly today. . . Wishing good and healing thoughts . . .

Hi marfar7--good to hear from you again! Hi washda--thanks for your reply! And--Hi everyone else interested in Ontario/Chino & surrounding areas! I'm out looking for venues this week and gathering information for us on our group charter, procedures, etc. I am TENTATIVELY thinking about our groups being the FIRST SATURDAY OF EACH MONTH, 9:30-11:00am (but NOT JULY 5 because of holiday). Will announce actual date/time after location is selected. Hope to give you another update early next week, if not sooner. Thanks for your patience! Just wanted to also mention--this is, obviously, just a starting point in our establishing a lasting and supportive group in our area that everyone can count on. Some people cannot make a Saturday morning group; some people could not do evening groups; some people could only do a Sunday afternoon group; some people could only come weekday mornings. We CAN GROW and eventually have meetings at other days/times "down the road" that might work better for you. But meanwhile, we hope you can make it each month so we can grow!

Thanks for this important new forum!

So sorry you are dealing with these difficult emotions. So often the emotional part of WLS is tougher than the surgical part! But it it so important to remember that what you are feeling is SO NORMAL and to remember to BE KIND to yourself about how you are feeling! What great responses you have been given here so far! Please let me repeat--seeking therapy is NOT a weakness or anything to be ashamed of. I have had (and continue to have) a lot of therapy, both from traditional therapists and from those specializing in WLS patients). Has it given me all my "answers" and made everything "all better?" Of course not. Does it give me a release to just spit out my frustrations in a non-threating one-on-one setting? YES! If availability for you and your financial capability allow you to obtain care, it will help you. CHANGING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH food is the core premise from which everything else falls in place for the rest of our lives. This does not happen over night--it is an ongoing process that we must work on every single day--even when we don't feel like it. No disrespect to hubby, but his reaction to your want/need to seek therapy is typical to what so much of our society still feels about mental health care. That it is somehow a weakness, and just "suck it up" and therapy won't help anyhow. Nothing could be further from the truth! Still, many people do not have the opportunity to get formal therapy. But they still can receive awesome help with the deep emotional issues connected with WLS that come up. There are so many wonderful books out there written by professionals who specialize in WLS, and many more to come. Search, search, search Google! There is one in particular that has so much valuable info about the emotional part of WLS. I still, at three years out, often refer to it for motivation and inspiration. It has been mentioned many times on these threads, but in case you haven't seen it: The Emotional First+Aid Kit, A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery, By Cynthia Alexander, PsyD (psychologist). Available on Amazon. One final thought--It's so often HARDEST to develop a new lifestyle habit (like learning and accepting what our WLS healthy meal content and portions look like) when we feel DEPRESSED. When we work hard to develop the little ways to lighten our depression, we get more POWER to work on building those new WLS habits.

Had my sleeve at age 59. Lost 105 pounds in first 10 months and maintained. Gained 10 at year 2; lost 10 at year 2.5; lost 5 at year 3. I was a crazy nut about following my bari program (eating and lifestyle change) exactly for the first 2 years. I've relaxed a bit now because I am confident in how I control my choices. Used to be a power walker (up to 10 miles a day), but had to give that up 'cuz of hip problems. Exercise now is very limited, just walking 30 min/day on soft carpet, and Water aerobics 2-3x/week. I DO think about the natural weight gain thing because of aging, but so far so good. I have identified that those starchy carbs are my enemy so hopefully staying away from them will keep my weight stable. I do have those flappy bat wings now that I could do without, but in the "big picture" I'll live with 'em!

How many calories you need varies so much depending on your gender, your height, your activity level, etc. etc. And it changes from where you are at 5 months all the way to when you get to a year and further our. All that affects how well your short and long-term weight loss will be. Do you have follow up visits with your surgeon so you can get an accurate eating plan that is tailored for YOUR BODY'S specific needs?

Certainly have never heard of this complication, especially at 18 months when we generally think all is well, right? This must be really scary for you. Further to MichiganChic and swimbikerun--You DESERVE to know exactly what is going on with your body in terms that you can understand. It is your physician's responsibility to deliver that explanation to you and your responsibility to demand it. Sometimes that's hard to do when you're feeling so sick, so if you need to, please find someone who can be your advocate to help you through this and get your answers. Please take care and let us know how you are doing.

Don't forget to also visit the forums here on Bariatric Pal that are for AGE SPECIFIC groups--they have one for the Sixties! BP thinks of everything. . .

One little sentence but such a BIG MESSAGE! Congratulations to you, and keep up the good work! Enjoy your new life every day!

I know, huh? Everything gets cold. I hate that too. I remember some people in my support groups used to talk about buying a warming plate to put their small dinner plate on to keep their meals warm; some even talked about using an electric candle warmer. I never tried either one. Just kinda got used to everything not being steaming hot :>(. I know for me, right from the start, chewing slowly and taking time between bites was what I HAD to do so I didn't have any pain or indigestion problems. It is still that way for me three years post-op. If/when you're back to eating full solid food I think most programs recommend you take between 25-30 minutes to finish your meal. For me, it's been more realistic that Breakfast takes about 15 min; lunch 20 min; dinner 30-40 min.

Have you asked yourself these questions-- Why am I in such a hurry to do this RIGHT NOW? Do I really understand that the sleeve will not stop my hunger and cravings? Don't I owe it to myself to give myself the best possible outcome by preparing myself for a major surgery like this by doing more research and examining my emotional relationship with food? Good luck with your final decision. Please let us know how your are doing.

Sorry you're feeling so sad today, but glad you felt comfortable enough to share with your pals here on BariatricPal. I am glad that you are surrounded by the love of your husband and daughter, and that you appreciate the joys in your life. Sometimes we have to just let our sad feelings sit with us for a little bit and not fight them and not feel shame that we have them. (I've suffered from chronic depression for a lot of years, so I can kinda relate to the "sad" feeling). But then you can take those deep breaths and reenergize. And--maybe work on building our own personal "Extreme Self-Care ToolKit" that we can go to when these feelings creep back again into our lives (our special "go to" things we have specifically identified that we can do that give us (only us) pleasure and make us feel better). Being strong emotionally IS pretty important as you head into the WLS process, though, in my opinion. You go through a lot of lifestyle changes, even if you think you've prepared yourself well. I thought I did, and boy were there a lot more things to learn that I never even thought about. So, the stronger and more positive about your life in general that you feel going into surgery, the easier an adjustment you'll have. I was wondering if you might just be on the verge of developing a whole new circle of friends as your daughter begins her school years--there's going to be endless opportunities to interact there. And, are you and your family/friends on Skype or other video conferencing? If not, that might help alot to make you feel closer to them. And lastly, can you all come up with a "half-way meeting point (1 and 1/2 hours drive for each of you) that you could do every one or two months so you can be with each other more often and have something to look forward to? So where are you in your WLS process? Why do you think you might not be approved? I know it's kinda early in the process to talk about this, but when you ARE approved, be sure you ask about their aftercare and the support groups they offer. I go to four support groups a month and have since my surgery 3 years ago, and it has made a big, no a HUGE impact in my journey. Take good care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Let us know how you're doing.

Hi Amy 373 -- No question here is "silly" to ask!!! Some programs do say to consume a total of 64 oz of liquids daily, including your Protein drink(s). That's what mine was. But others say to consume 64 oz of Water AND then whatever other liquids too. I still TRY to drink 64 oz of water a day anyhow in addition to all the other liquids I consume in the day, just because I feel water is healthy for the body. But when you're just weeks out from surgery like you are, that can be a VERY hard thing to do, right? You want to be able to count EVERY ounce toward that 64 oz goal. I think as long as you are making sure you are getting in as close to 64 oz of total FLUIDS as you can so you're not dehydrating yourself, and as long as you don't have any special medical conditions, you should be fine including your 11 oz of protein drink in your total liquids for the day.