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I take topamax too. 150 mg. What kind of side effects are you having? Aren't you concerned that you are only eating one meal a day? That is without doubt screwing up your metabolism and seriously affecting your ability to have steady and consistant weight loss. (???) When did you have your surgery? Even if we are one of the few lucky ones who don't get hungry then we have to learn to eat "by the clock" whether we are hungry or not. Our health depends on it...

What does YOUR bari program recommend about alcohol? (My program is very conservative and recommends NO ALCOHOL FOR LIFE [hard to do--but worth it.] Many programs say to wait 6 months; others say one year.) "Stretching" your sleeve is really the least of your worries in the priority of things. I know you said you were "joking" about drinking beers, but in case the joking becomes reality-- Only YOU can answer the question about your choice of using alcohol in your forever WLS life. Maybe also consider that we as WLS patients can be susceptible to an array of transfer addictions (alcohol being one of the biggies) as replacements to our strong "addictions" we've had to food our whole lives. Just be smart and know yourself... Also depends how far out you are from surgery. As others have said, do you really want to "spend" your calories and carbs on alcohol that has no nutritional value? The odds are good that it will affect your weight loss. Some resume drinking immediately after surgery (you see many of them here on BP). Some wait beyond one year after surgery when they have established and fully practiced their new eating habits, and if choosing alcohol in their WLS life is what they want to do, they can plan to occasionally (3-4 times/month) include it in their eating plan. There are TONS of great non-alcoholic, non-carbonated, refreshing summer drinks out there we can create that are fun and WLS-friendly too! I love challenging myself to come up with new and different ones. For instance, I recently found a simple cantalope smoothie recipe made with non-fat Greek yogurt. Ice-cold and so refreshing...filled the glass with summer shaped ice cubes, put in a little drink umbrella, and sat on the patio under a BIG umbrella--Bliss! Just offering a different perspective...

@@skinnygirlwithin, congratulations on your milestone! Your support group friends gave you great advice! Easier said than done though, right? Many (most?) of us spent a lot of years not being very kind to our obese selves. There is no time like the present to change that, and it feels better day by day as you begin to appreciate and respect YOU. About the body image thing--I attend support groups regularly, and many people talk about still seeing the "old me" in the mirror (me too!). Over time, it does improve but for many it takes a long time. Have you tried using comparison photos of yourself? Sometimes it's easier to see and/or adjust the brain when you see yourself in photos. This is kind of silly--but do you ever do anything for yourself with an intentional label of "This is just for Me?" If you don't-- just a suggestion to maybe plan a once a week particular intention to do something for just you. It can be as small as buying some dumb little thing from the Dollar Store, or going to a movie (by yourself or with a friend if that makes you happy), visiting a park, making time to read a book, etc -- whatever gives you a lift-- as long as you specifically label it as something you are doing for JUST YOU. It's a start to acknowledging that you are WORTH being good to yourself. Keep up your new routine of kindness to your "selfie."

@@Kindle, you ask a GREAT question! I am so much a "WHY?" person too. But as so many mental health professionals have suggested to me, sometimes there just are no answers some questions and we serve ourselves best by being at peace with "what is." Sorry for all the pain you are experiencing in your life, but hope you are being extra kind to yourself in acknowledging how awesome your are for your strength in the midst of all this adversity! For so many of WLSers who suffer major emotional life changing events (deaths, divorce, job loss, etc) that is a huge trigger for major weight gain. Having the knowledge that this DOES happen when we experience major life events, and being able to keep in the back of our minds that we will need a lot of support at these times helps so much. Somehow, you have been able to maintain your weight during all this and wow that is amazing. At four years out, I can relate to a lot of what you have said (except the therapist part--definitely working on head). I feel pleased with my WLS success. I attribute that to FINALLY in my life being READY TO CHANGE, and being totally HONEST with myself. No more excuses. That meant letting go of a lifetime of old unhealthy eating habits forever and working REALLY HARD that first year to figure out what new, healthy eating habits and lifestyle even were (I really didn't even know.). For me, without question, the difference from all the other times in my life that I tried to lose weight is that the sleeve provides the restriction that was never there before. Why can I keep the weight off when we see other WLSers regain? That's where the work that we do in that first year to change our habits is so important. Also, I often repeat to myself a mental affirmation: (Your disease of obesity was so severe that you had the majority of your stomach surgically removed--behave accordingly!) I know what healthy eating is now. I don't count calories any more. I know what 1200 quality calories a day is. Fake, processed junk foods do not live in my house. I eat whole, clean meals/snacks prepared at home. I really think it just all boils down to CHOOSING TO CHANGE, forever. It is not about willpower. It is about choosing to live your best life and restoring your body to health. Sure, the number on the scale, and the fun clothes etc are nice, but if those are made the priority in the WLS adventure, my opinion is that the long-term success might be in question. Give yourself an extra pat on the back today--because you deserve it!

I am sorry your husband is suffering with the cruelty of cancer. My heartfelt good thoughts are with you. I hope you can take in the caring posts you have received here so far. When we are struggling with any form of depression, it's sometimes hard to think as rationally as we would normally. You are under an extreme amount of stress. And you undoubtedly know the dangers of transfer addictions (alcohol being a biggie) associated with WLS. Caregivers so often feel the need to be invincible. Taking EXTRA care of your WLS body and mind in order to provide the ongoing loving care and support for your husband has to be your #1 priority because YOU WANT TO. Wanting to means that you value yourself and do the basic things like feeding your body nutritious foods and exercising it, especially when you DO NOT WANT TO. You didn't mention exercise, but I would guess that it's quite difficult to dedicate time for yourself to get it in. But even the smallest things can help, both physically and more importantly--mentally. Have you ever done any of the Chair Dancing DVDs (Chair Yoga, Chair Meditation, etc)? Perhaps it might even be something your husband could participate in with you? (even if bed-bound, just to be connecting with each other) You mentioned that since your husband cannot eat, "it doesn't matter if you cook a meal or not." It matters for YOU. Could you maybe make a little arrangement with your nephew/friend, etc for a few months to help you make a week's supply at a time of nutritious breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and Snacks, all pre-portioned, so you don't have to make any decisions when it comes to meal times? Everything is all ready. Maybe you can think back on the strength it took to make your decision to have WLS. Draw on that strength now. You made a commitment to yourself to live a new, healthy lifestyle and let go of bad habits that were not serving your body well. You ARE stronger than you think you are.

Try to relax a little about all these intense and scary thoughts and feelings you are having. Really, they ARE normal for some people and nothing to feel odd about. But right now, please consider that your thoughts are lying to you. You have several stages of new eating to go through while your stomach heals and your body and brain adjust. Stuff you have never come close to experiencing in your entire life. But does that mean you are doomed for life???? NO!! You must have patience and follow your program. Remember you DID just have MAJOR SURGERY. You can CHOOSE to feel sorry for yourself for awhile. And that is ok if that is what you absolutely need to do. (Ask yourself though--is it REALLY?) But please remember that you have to be good to yourself to be successful long-term with WLS. YOU made the decision for WLS. Wishing you didn't is very unproductive thinking and takes away from your precious energy that you soooo need to build that POSITIVE ENERGY and POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND SELF-TALK to view your decision as a FUN ADVENTURE, full of possibilities instead of a lifetime of regret. You have a lot of work to do down the road in learning your new lifestyle and eating habits. You knew this was going to be HARD WORK before you signed on the dotted line. I respectfully must disagree with you--if you could have done it "on your own" you would have done it a long time ago. I had my surgery one day earlier than you four years ago on 4/26/11. You are probably not ready to hear, must less believe this right now, but my lifestyle and eating is totally normal. I don't think of myself as a freak compared to other "normal" people who haven't had WLS. I eat 3 meals a day and 2 healthy Snacks. The quantity of my meals is very close to what I ate before surgery. Breakfast is often a 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/4 cup Greek yogurt, 1/4 cup fresh fruit, 1/4 cup All-bran, made into a pretty parfait! Most sleevers by one year can eat an average of 1 to 1-1/2 cups of food per meal. For dinner that would equal about 4-6 oz of some kind of meat Protein, and 2 servings of veggies and/or complex carb. I dine out with friends (although I choose to keep restraunt eating to a minimum because I like to eat the most nutritious meals that I can and those are the ones we prepare at home). You will learn to not "hate what you did to yourself" because who wants to live their life feeling that emotion? We want to LOVE life. You are way too young to regret ANY decisions you make. You honor yourself, trust yourself, and live in the present, not yesterday. We cannot change yesterday no matter how hard we try and cry!!! I wish you peace...

I wonder how many of us get triggered when we read someone's post that says they feel SHAME about gaining weight? That's what so many of us do--beat ourselves up. We have to find that strength to CHALLENGE ourselves to stop the shaming and be okay with giving ourselves a little more love. Our self-talk plays an important role in WLS--if you "feel like a failure" it's much easier for your brain to say you ARE a failure. It is SOOO okay to not be perfect at this! First and foremost, try to focus on your AMAZING accomplishment. Then, if you accept this tiny setback with excitement and determination and NOT FEAR, you can have fun with regaining the control that you know you can achieve. (Are you keeping this all in perspective--this IS a tiny setback in your 2 year WLS big picture, right?) Changing our relationship with food for the rest of our lives is soooo complicated, right? But NOT impossible! For me, it started before my surgery with the commitment that I MUST choose to totally let go of all my old, familiar, comfortable unhealthy eating habits and lifestyle that went with that, and be willing to open my mind to new ideas and learn how to eati whole, unprocessed quality foods. To start that process, I had to actually take pen and paper and write down, in much detail, the actual foods that I KNEW very much contributed every day to my obesity (we all know what they are, if we are totally honest with ourselves, but often that is HARD to admit). Until I learned my new eating habits and was totally confident with myself in them (for me that took 18 months), I elimated those identified foods from my life. I never felt "deprived" because I worked hard to find substitutes for them that were WLS-friendly (not store-bought processed foods, but home-made). Another big impact for me was a head game that I began playing with myself, that still works for me today (at 4 years out). When I see (or smell) something that triggers a strong temptation, I simply say to myself, "I don't eat that anymore." (or variations like "I CHOOSE healthy foods now," etc). It sounds silly, but there is science that backs up that this repetition to the subconscious mind can be effective. Lastly, I educated myself in anatomy and physiology (actually, I went back to college and achieved my degree in nutrition) to better ensure my WLS success. No, I'm not suggesting that nutrition degree=success, BY ANY MEANS! What I am suggesting is that I think generally it helps if we truly educate ourselves to understand and respect the miracle that our bodies are. We owe it to our bodies to CHOOSE to feed them the whole, natural, unprocessed foods that our body systems were meant to process and digest to keep us healthy. Food is meant to be fuel and medicine for the body. Oh so sadly, donuts, chili cheese fries, and Cheetos don't make the cut. Sigh... It has been (and continues to be) hard, hard work. I think almost everyone says that. But I feel at wonderful peace now that I have firmly changed my relationship with food. It's still hard to believe because it's been such a dysfunction my whole life. How do I define this change? 1) I control my food. It does not control me. I CHOOSE my power. Can't is not in my vocabulary. 2) I don't have to be interested in the latest "diet" that comes out ever again. There is no such thing as being on a diet anymore. 3) Junk food does not live in my house. But, if I am out and want, for instance, an ice cream cone, or dessert at a restaurant, or a "somewhat healthy" fast-food meal (that would not include french fries!), I never have to think of any of these things in the term of CHEATING or GUILT. These are OCCASIONAL indulgences (once or twice a month). It feels so liberating to never again berate myself by self-labeling as a cheater or being guilt-ridden over FOOD! 4) I never again have to play the "I'll exercise off" the 1/2 gallon of ice cream I ate yesterday game by doing crazy "dieting and exercising" the next day. Now I simply maintain my weight with 1/2 hour of consistent exercise every day. Period. 5) The bathroom scale does not define my day or my mood or my life. There's no weighing every day to see what the constant poor eating choices do to the number on the scale. Most/many people's weights vary naturally within a 5-pound range week-to-week. So all I have to do is joyfully visit my scale once a week to see that I am in my 5-pound range. Also, just wanted to share-- There are several great self-help books/websites on changing relationship with food/mindful eating. Many have been mentioned here on BP. Here's a couple of my favorites: >Book: 50 way to soothe yourself without food by Susan Albers, PsyD Dr Albers is a licensed clinical psychologist; easy reading; short chapters; www.sootheyourselfwithoutfood.com >Website/Newsletter: AmIHungry.com by Michelle May, MD She addresses mindful eating, binge eating, etc. >Book: Women, Food, & God by Geneen Roth Website: geneenroth.com Well-respected author in the weight-loss field. Has written many books. Her works elicit deep soul-searching. Has online newsletter and periodically conducts free online webinars.

Not quite sure what you are asking here-- 1) Will people tell you how great, fantastic, awesome, etc. you look after you lose all your weight and constantly pay you compliments that you never received before? Will it begin to make you wonder where all those compliments were when you were obese? Yeah, there is a lot of fat prejudice in this world and people are cruel. You are still the same person after WLS and it can really mess with your head if you allow it to. Some people aren't affected by this. I happen to be one of them that really struggles with this. 2) For me personally, there is a lot of emotional baggage that stems from the years of relentless cruelty since childhood about my obesity. It's just a profound sadness that I feel--a mourning for the life I endured of endless taunting, ridicule, discrimination, etc. It's not that I'm angry at the people who did all this. We cannot control people's actions. This is what society allows. Now that I present as "normal looking" I still mourn for the "me" I've been my whole life. I love that WLS has allowed me to now have control over my eating habits and my weight for life, but the emotional scars are deep and remain. I have very recently learned that I am NOT crazy to be feeling this way. There is real science that supports that adults who were obese as childen often struggle with this. I'm glad that you have mental health professionals available if you need them. You may or may not. I'm a strong believer that knowlege is power. The more we are aware of others' experiences, the more prepared we can be for whatever might come our way. I am four years post-op. My first 3-1/2 years I just totally enjoyed learning my new eating habits, enjoying my new greatly-improved health, having fun buying new clothes, etc. THEN--pow, it just hit me. Don't know why, but never expected to be dealing with this. Fortunately, I have a great mental health team and am working to sort through it all. Anyhow, if this isn't what you were asking about--sorry, but I hope maybe I came close? Can't tell by your profile if you've had your surgery, but you've obviously done a lot of research to make your decision. Best wishes to you!

Haven't read everyone's replies, but happened upon LipstickLady's and Kindle's--my WLS lifestyle and thought process seems much like theirs. The word(s) "cheat" or "cheat day" are no longer in my vocabulary. Neither is the word "diet." I will never have to be on a diet ever again. Nor is the bathroom scale the dictator of what kind of day/week/month I will have; I visit it just once a week to remind myself of my accountability. WLS is SO MUCH about the choice being in our hands, when that piece of food goes from hand to mouth! I CHOOSE to regularly eat whole, unprocessed foods that nourish my body and keep it healthy. If/when I occasionally (once a week or less) choose a pre-planned unhealthy processed refined carb-type "food," it is merely not the wisest choice, it is not cheating because there is no reason to be guilty. And, I'm really picky now what kind of junk food those once-a-week indulgences will be. Being free for the rest of my life from that guilt relationship with food feels so wonderful! It took me about 18 months to be totally confident in my new eating habits and really BELIEVE that I did not NEED to eat the processed fake food in carboard boxes that the food industry has so convinced all of us that we cannot live without. It certainly was not easy, by any stretch, to get my head there, but I am SO glad I have!

Some surgeons will not do the surgery if your blood tests show nicotine in your system. Better check if yours is one of them...

Hello Lisa’s Hope! I was one of your caring supporters during your darkest days when you first lost your husband. It is so good to see your post today! Most importantly—although it might not feel like it to you, you HAVE made tremendous progress in clawing your way back from your devastating loss. I know sometimes I get so tired of people telling me how “resilient” I am. Do you ever feel that way too? But, I personally believe that our lost loved ones want us to honor them in the best way there is, and that is to live out our lives joyfully in peace, and in the present day, not stuck in the past or in what could have been. OK--about your weight regain. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Thousands upon thousands of people who go through far less traumatic experiences than you have REGAIN much more than 38 lbs. Some people LOSE a lot of weight during major emotional trauma. That’s who we are. Emotional humans. It doesn’t make us failures. I just want to share some of my thoughts with you because you've been through so much and I just wish you future happiness and contentment in your WLS life. Your post was really just venting and you didn't really ask for this advice, so I hope you don't find my post offensive. Have you thought about paying more attention to the negative talk you are telling yourself? It can really keep us weighed down (no pun intended) emotionally. Just a couple thoughts as you try to get yourself "Back to Basics:" The FIRST step to reclaim control of your eating habits is to BE KIND TO YOURSELF. The SECOND step is to focus on TODAY’s eating only. Not what happened yesterday. The THIRD step might be to actually sit down and make a written list of the exact foods that you KNOW are the biggest culprits that are most contributing to your weight gain. (This is a tough get-real moment for a lot of us). It might be that you need to go “cold turkey” and totally eliminate these foods until you reach your desired weight. Get them out of the house. Meanwhile, you find some acceptable substitutes for these foods so you don’t feel deprived. (Write the healthy substitute next to the culprit food.) For instance, you mentioned Fudgesicles—maybe find a recipe for frozen Greek yogurt drops. If you are near a Sams Club or Sprouts market, Fresh N Easy, check out Enlightened frozen bars—a satisfying 3.5 oz bar for Cal=80, Fat=2.5g,Carb=15g, Fib=5g, Sug=3g, Pro=9g. The FOURTH step is to be ready to commit to doing what it takes to consume your healthy 3 meals/2 Snacks per day, within your calorie/protein allotment. Do you have good bari recipes? Maybe visit www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com for starters. Yep, preparing 3 meals and 2 snacks is a lot of work, but we learn to be smart about it by planning ahead, cooking ahead, freezing portions, etc. Makes it almost painless! It is never too late to get rid of your old unhealthy eating habits and create the new, healthy habits and lifestyle that the long-term WLS patients use to maintain their weight. You most likely did not have the time and dedication to establish those good, solid habits back then because you were in the throes of dealing with your husband’s illness. So, now is YOUR time. (Fad) DIETS don’t work! (No disrespect to those who post on here who use the 5:2. I know many of you find it very useful—I’m not calling it “fad”). We had WLS so we don’t have to be on DIETS for the rest of our lives. I've found that the formula for WLS eating is really pretty simple: Use food as fuel and medicine for the body. Our bodys' cells and systems know how to process real, whole foods to keep our health and weight in balance. It does not know what to do with all the processed junk food that we feed it, and the results are very predictable (weight gain; potential for disease). You mentioned that you thought the sleeve would help you for the rest of your life. It does and it will always, and it is sitting there ready to help you. But you have to hold up your end of the bargain for the rest of your life. I’m four years out, and like you, I can definitely eat as much as I could before surgery. Yes, I am surprised about that. Yes, I get hungrier than I thought I would. No, I didn’t think that’s how it would be. But I also know that if I eat junky carbs (sugar), my appetite goes way out of control immediately for days after. So, it’s just plain not worth it to me. It IS a CHOICE that we all ultimately must make for ourselves. Do we want to consciously control our food choices for the rest of our lives—or—don’t we? You can replace your fear, Lisa, with your POWER, and you can begin to practice removing “I can’t” and “if only” from your vocabulary! YOU CAN. Period. I know there are so many people here for you...

@@LipstickLady, it's hard to identify BEST post ever--there are so many! But this is right up there in the top 10! When I sit in my support groups and so often hear people talking about "cheating", or "cheat days" etc, I mostly just feel sad for them that they have not made the connection to liberate themselves from their lifelong dysfunctional relationship with food. And, of course, along with that goes the lifelong battle with having to worry about a number on the scale. One of the most awesome benefits about doing all the hard work required of WLS (in that first year of changing old eating habits and making new ones) is that freedom to never again have to feel like I'm cheating or feel guilty about a food choice. I am in TOTAL CONTROL of my eating habits and lifestyle now. I know that every day my eating lifestyle includes whole, fresh, nutritious food, not processed junk. I no longer use special occasions as my "excuse" or "free pass." Society is tough on us that we MUST have food to Celebrate and be happy, but it IS POSSIBLE to have just as much fun with the people you care about and love without loading up on junk. Most definitely, it is all about CHOICE!!! My greatest reward has been to discover that my body knows what to do with the food I feed it when that food is fuel and medicine for it. No more need to worry about what the scale says--it's always between a 5 pound range now.

As I'm sure you know--we always have to remember when we hear the "horror" stories about people who are as you say "literally dying" from their bariatric procedures is that we do not have, by any means, even close to the whole story. Did this person fully comply with the strict requirements of the bariatric process immediately following surgery, and change her eating habits and lifestyle since 2003? Did this person have pre-existing conditions that strongly contributed to her health problems? etc etc etc. There is now good, solid 5-year data on VSG, (although it has been performed here in the U.S. quite commonly in the last 10 years). As with everything in life, there are always exceptions in surgical settings, but we can tilt the odds of lifelong success so far in our favor by being totally committed to the process and most of all remaining totally honest with ourselves. Just FYI, I am a four year post-op sleever and doing great! I attend support groups regularly and often see people who are 3-5 years out (VSG) and 5+ years out (usually RNY). Almost without fail, the ones who have come back that have gained back 30-50+ pounds are the ones who did not use that first year after surgery to work on permanently changing their eating habits (getting rid of the processed starchy carbs, planning meals, eating at home, etc). The ones who worked hard that first year to make those changes are generally maintaining their weight loss. As I'm sure you've heard already (and you'll probably hear bunches of times more), in so many ways along this road, it is just not healthy to compare ourselves to others... Will everything be "sunshine and roses" if you "play by all the rules?" Not even close. But, I try to always remember that every choice I make -- the choice is ALWAYS in my hands.

I think most of us can relate to how "addicted" we are (or were) to food (and especially carby junk food). Why else would we all have resorted to surgery? And it looks like you DO totally hear what the other poster are saying about the harm you can do to yourself by not following your post-surgery Bariatric Eating plan closely, especially during the first six months of healing. Please be gentle with yourself, but also think about maybe prioritizing having a long talk with yourself about what your actual, real, in-writing PLAN is going to be to change your old eating habits and creae the NEW eating habits and lifestyle that will be what you do FOREVER. This surgery gives you this awesome gift to be free from having to be on "diets" for the rest of your life and being a slave to the scale for the rest of your life IF you take control NOW to CHOOSE to take responsibility for yourself and your eating. Is it easy? Not for a minute. It is hard, hard, work. But it is so worth it. You can change your thinking to use food as medicine and fuel for your body, not as your stress-reliever, your friend, your reason to Celebrate, etc. Once your brain and your body truly get used to eating good, nutritious food they know what to do to keep your hunger/appetite and your weight in proper balance. When you have consistently/continuously practiced that, it gets a lot easier. (It really takes about that first year to really break all those old habits and get comfortable with new eating). Will you be perfect? No. The difference is you don't have to think of yourself as a guilty person who is "cheating" anymore if you have an occasional cookie (for instance) after that first year, because what you do normally on a daily basis is eat healthfully. Still have to work at it? Yep, every day... Hope your therapist will guide you to a good starting point. Maybe you can also discuss/ask about or search on your own about mindful eating. There are a lot of books and online programs available on the subject. Be healthy and wise.

@@Cyncha21, sorry you're struggling right now, but at six years out, you KNOW how important positive attitude and personal accountability has been and will continue to be FOR LIFE. So, first and foremost--you are NOT a failure! And you will not go back into the 200's if you CHOOSE not to. At every moment, the choice is ALWAYS in our hands. I am four years out, and have to work at this every single day, sometimes even a single minute at a time! It takes a lot of mental work to let go of that old way of eating we've always done, and truly ACCEPT that my way of life now does not include those old unhealthy eating habits. Even though it can be HARD, wow, the rewards are sooo worth it! When I get "tired" and frustrated with the constant dedication it takes to make the right choices for my WLS life, sometimes I just have to have a real honest "reality check" chat with myself about my habits and lifestyle: (1) Have I slipped back to some of those old, familiar and comfortable (for me, lazy) eating habits (too many processed starchy carbs, too much fast food, not enough real food meals prepared at home, grazing all day, etc)? (2) Am I moving my body every day to get the exercise I need? (3) Am I keeping my stress under control? (That means am I taking good care of MY mental well-being!) (4) I have to remind myself that food is medicine and fuel for my body, and it wants to have food that keeps it healthy. All the junk I WANT to feed it does nothing to nourish my cells and keep my body systems running efficiently. (5) I remember back to "WHY" I decided to have surgery in the first place. It re-sparks that motivation. It sounds trite, but you DO have the POWER to get back on track. You have proven you are a survivor, made up of strong stuff, because here you are, six years later! Maybe you can find an in-person WLS support group through your medical team or local hospital? Sometimes that can be really helpful too. Be kind to yourself. You are so worth it. We WLSers are special people...

It's a free world. We're all "allowed" to do what we want, so that would include having as many drinks as you want. If you have truly educated yourself on all the potential risks of alcohol after WLS (both today and long-term), only YOU can determine whether you choose to remain compliant with your bari program. My program also recommends abstaining from alcohol FOR LIFE, and my personal choice is to follow that recommendation, for a lot of reasons. Yet another example of how different we all are...

For those of us who have battled depression before WLS, we can also have a little bit tougher time after WLS. Not always, but because you do, it's nothing to beat yourself up over. Glad you are seeing a therapist and hope you can stick with it for awhile; maybe you can think about brainstorming with your therapist about switching up to a different anti-depressant since you said you've been on effexor for awhile? You FEEL like you've "sorta given up" because that is the nature of depression. But you haven't given up. You have just begun!!! This is just a temporary setback (and, realistically, probably not the only one). Please remember, you just had MAJOR SURGERY. That is a big deal. Be gentle with yourself. You knew this wasn't going to be easy, and that no one does this all alone. In my opinion, one of the hardest things after WLS is finding our own individual method for changing our forever eating lifestyle about the processed, starchy carbs. (1) Some people decide that they are not going to change anything and continue to eat what they want when they want it. They most often continue to really struggle with keeping their weight under control. (2) Some can do fine with choosing to eat the "junk" food in moderation. This can work as long as you have a realistic definition of moderation and are the kind of person who can truly just take a bite or two or just have a treat or two and walk away. (3) Some people choose to radically change their eating habits (especially in that critical first year), and eliminate the junk until they have trained their brains and bodies to thrive on "real" food as fuel. Then, after that first year, eating even occasional junk becomes less and less important to you. You gain a lot more power over your food choices. I've certainly heard a lot of people say that the more of those "sweet" carbs (or any kind of starchy carbs) we eat, the more we crave them. I know that is true for me. Unfortunately, I just happen to be one of those people who doesn't have an "off switch" when it comes to eating junk food. It's been a lot of hard work to train my brain that the food I choose to eat is medicine for my body, but my body DOES like the real food a lot better than the junk. Every day as you are taking your WLS "one step at a time," please remember you are also focusing on "one step at a time" to do your self-care for lightening your depression. It is so hard to focus on the GOOD AND THE POSITIVE when we are feeling depressed, but there is so much good and positive change that is ahead of you as a result of your weight loss surgery. Keep your eye on the prize!!! Please take good care of yourself!

Gladys62, so sorry for your negative WLS experience. Just because it started out that way, does not mean it has to STAY that way. It makes me so angry when a physician displays the kind of power over patients such as you described. There are so many wonderful and caring bariatric physicians/surgeons out there though. Is this surgeon part of a medical group of other surgeons? If so, request a reassignment. Or if that is not possible, as another poster suggested, just go find another bariatric physician. Whatever you do, please be safe and do not totally detach from bariatric care because of this poor experience. You need the medical follow-up. Often, the last thing we want to do when we are feeling extremely vulnerable after having just gone through such a life-changing experience is to have to assert ourselves and "fight" for our rights as a patient. But it is sure sounding like that is exactly what you are going to have to do. You must care enough about yourself to not let any medical professional "blame" you (as you said) or intimidate you. Take charge of your own health care because the stark reality is that if YOU don't, who will? I think you knew there was no "reversing" your procedure--I think they call this "buyer's remorse." Some WLS patients have it, mostly just at first. (Me personally, can't relate--Is it easy? NO. Is it worth it? YES! YES! YES!). Maybe another question to ask yourself is if you have explored ALL methods to increase your Protein intake/find protein options that work for you so you can stay healthy with your 60-100gm protein/day (or as recommended by your surgeon). There are sooo many ways to "get your protein AND fluids on the same day" even though you don't believe that right now. With all the changes that we go through at first, it is really hard to be flexible and let go of our old thinking and behaviors. The more you can keep your mind open to new and different possibilities, the easier it will continue to get. Believe me, there are bunches of things I'm doing now that I NEVER in a million years would have thought I would be doing. You CAN do this!

I try daily with a positive attitude but my depression is not under control due to not being able to take my medication properly so having to start a new one but I am trying to be positive! I totally understand how tough it can be when we have a depression diagnosis--I have suffered with major depression for years. I know (for me anyhow) sometimes I get so wrapped up in "trying" so hard (to be positive, to eat right, to control cravings, etc etc etc) but like the Nike commercial--sometimes the more I "just do it" the more freeing it feels. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Be good to yourself. . .

"Whether you think YOU CAN or you think YOU CAN'T... you're RIGHT!" So choose: YOU CAN!!! Positive attitude with get you far on this amazing adventure. . .

Depression after WLS is very real for some people, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Often for men especially, because of the stigma attached to mental illness, depression falsely represents a "weakness." As we all know, some of us sail right through this whole WLS adventure with flying colors and not a hint of sadness or depression; some of us need a little (or a lot of) extra emotional help. I would hope he does not continue to suffer with his emotional pain, feeling he just has to "suck it up." Some people's brains just are not wired to "snap out of it" without professional help. Sometimes just a few sessions with a therapist can do wonders, and it doesn't even necessarily mean going on antidepressants would be necessary. Often talk therapy can be enough, maybe along with some self-help remedies like diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, and other relaxation techniques.

When I first started meditating, all I cared about was focusing on the air going in and out of my nose and mouth, and how it felt while it was going into my lungs and exiting my lungs. Period. No worries about doing it "right" or beating myself up if my intruding thoughts got in the way. I'd just go back to focusing on just breathing. And at first I never "set a time" to do it. I just did it a minute or two here and there when my mind raced (which was pretty much all the time). The more I did it, the more my body and mind began to crave it. Those people who say about depression to just "pull your socks up and get going" I do believe are most likely many of the same folks who say that WLS is "the easy way out!" More on racing thoughts--have you done any exploring in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) on thought stopping? Maybe you're familiar with the chapter on thought stopping in "The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook" by Martha Davis, Eshelman, McKay? Or maybe you can just Google "thought stopping" and find something that might help you? I know this might sound strange, but sometimes I just close my eyes and picture a big red stop sign and shout to myself "STOP." It does tend to shock the ol' brain into behaving (at least for a little while)! I do also use this sometimes with a food craving that I want to control as well. It gives me a second to break that autopilot reaction so I have a better fighting chance to make a wise eating/snacking decision.

Sorry you are having a hard time with depression right now. You are not alone. I have found among my WLS support groups that people just do not talk about the mental stuff which makes it all the more difficult for those of us who suffer with depression. Still such a stigma about it. So, first, thank you for being open and talking about your depression. Been treating for major depression for many, many years. Sailed through WLS the first 3-1/2 years without any serious depressive challenges, then P-O-W -- at 3-1/2 years (and for these past 6 months), I don't know what's hit me. I guess, sadly, that's often the nature of depression. It is SOOO hard to fight it when all you want to do is NOTHING, but we have to remember that those of us who suffer from depression are RESILIENT. We have to be. Depression cannot win. I've built a "Self-Care Toolkit" for myself over the years, but even in the throes of this depression, it's hard to pull it out and use it. It is a simple list of about 25 "go to" things I can choose to do when depression begins threatening to paralize me again. It also serves as a reminder to me when it feels like there is nothing that matters, that there ARE things that matter, and this bout of depression is only temporary. I'm sure you have your own remedies to help you through, but may I share a few things that do tend to help me get through these challenging days and keep putting one foot in front of the other. . . 1) MUSIC touches my soul. I've made playlists on my Kindle of inspirational/motivational/meaningful selections. I try to make each playlist no more than five songs, so about 15 minutes total. One is of just children's songs (love those old childhood tunes and kids singing!); one is my favorite hymns; one is folk music from '60/70s Peter,Paul,Mary, etc); one is Disneyland songs; you get the idea--whatever music lifts YOUR spirits. Sometimes I sit quietly with earphones; sometimes I connect to a speaker. 2) The other thing that helps me is to purposely set out to do some small GOOD DEED for a stranger during my day. It's usually just something very simple--like helping a mom pushing a stroller with opening a door, or saying a kind word to someone. But when I intentionally do something nice for someone, it just makes me feel better, and I can reflect on that during my day instead of my personal miseries. 3) Do you do any MEDITATION? I know that some people are turned off by even just the word. Something as simple as just sitting with your eyes closed and doing deep belly breathing can really help with racing thoughts and relaxation. So glad you are getting temporary help with seeing your doc and increasing your meds. Staying connected with our medical team is always so important. I know for me anyhow, sometimes I try to "fight it" too much. Depression is what it is. I have educated myself with the tools (with LOTS of professional help) to gently bring myself out of it. Is it easy? NO, NO, NO. As long as I know, once the day has ended, that I have made SOME effort to help myself claw back to better mental health, I let it be and move on to a better tomorrow. Take extra good care of yourself and my wish for you is to get back to your "full strength" soon!

I don't have a lot of information on this but do have a similar experience. My chol went back down to normal range after WLS and stayed that way for about 3 years (I'm 4 years out now). My eating habits have remained very controlled with whole foods, mostly plant-based Protein, and no processed junk. Chol levels mysteriously started rising again at 3 years and I was told by my medical team that they are seeing a pattern of this happening and don't really have a lot of data yet as to why. Like you, my ratios are in a good range, so the decision for me right now is to NOT go back on meds. But, like everything else and because cholesterol treatment is SUCH A CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT right now, many of our physicians probably differ greatly on treatment decisions. The latest announcement last week about dietary cholesterol intake not being a major contributor to high serum cholesterol just adds more confusion to making the wisest choices for ourselves. Of course this is a decision that only you and your physician can come to, but if my circumstances were exactly like yours, a total chol of 214 would not be high enough to start back on a statin, especially since your HDL and LDL have shown some improvement(but of course I don't know if you have any other medical conditions that might make 214 a dangerous number FOR YOU). It may well be likely that the genetic card we both have been dealt with will result in eventual use of statins, but I personally am cautiously holding out hope that some other less risky remedy other than statins will become an option sooner than later. Good luck in making your decision, and congratulations on your great progress!

Hi Alex and BariatricPal pals, I am ready, willing and able to start up, and looking forward to growing a fun, active new Local Chapter here in western San Bernardino County, based near the south Ontario/Chino area. I am tentatively aiming for a Saturday morning monthly group, probably 9:30-11:00am. I will begin looking for a meeting location this week. If anyone is interested in co-leading this group in this area with me, I'd love to hear from you/meet you, etc. So, if YOU or anyone you know would be interested in these new, awesome BariatricPal face-to-face meetings in Ontario/Chino, please post a reply so we can start the ball rolling!!! Thanks, everyone!