lizrbit

nume! you work and stay there, but have you ever gone..for fun? buy a book youve always wanted to read on the way, and just hang out and read? its not the same if the 17 yr old is there, BECAUSE she needs you. (i have a 22,18,14 array, all boys) that doesnt qualify as "a break" if your still being put into a role while you are there, you know what im sayin? i mean..to really get away. Plan fun things for yourself to do while you are there. Things you dont do now at home, for whatever reason. Things that dont require anyone else. i still think, that if you just tried sleeping naked, you would at least feel more luxurious and rebellious when you woke up, than you usually do. Since hes asleep or downstairs, he wont bother you. :scalesno: light candles, read, study yourself in the mirror, make promises to yourself to be kinder, to try to do something that week that only YOU want, that involves NO ONE ELSE. if you do try it, i think its important to not have any expectations. If he ignores you well so be it, its his loss. I bet money that he will at least look at you with his head tilted to the side and go, "wha?" in the worst case (then just keep reading your book or doing the mirror thing and dont explain. it will stick in his head all day what the matter with you is, much more so than if you screamed at him), and in the best case....well...you know... seriously, that audio book (or the book book) 'the art of happiness' from the dalai lama has some excellent insights into this. i just started it tonight. Love this perspective.

i think the differences in the standpoints, is that chickie has gotten her body used to working out rigorously, which helps a LOT with the grazing and appetite control and shes used to being filled to adaquate restriction. Im a doover. and currently in bandster hell. I 'had' great restriction when i first started solids cause of the new band, and a slight fill in it at operating time, but im healed now and hungry a LOT... heres what i know.... a) get a buttload of those special k protien bars, they actually stay in place for a while. :scalesno: i lay my fork down too, breathe, talk, count to ten, ask myself if i can live without half of what im eating c) CRUNCHY NATURAL Peanut Butter AND JUST FRUIT NO SUGAR JELLY..if absolutely starving and you KNOW youve eaten all the food you are supposed to, go get a small plate, and put TWO TABLESPOONS no more of each on it, a small baby spoon and sit with it nursing it. it will definitly curb your hunger but be careful because peanut butter is very high in calories, although its good for you. get the natural kind its even better. d) DO NOT DRINK WHILE YOU EAT, even a little. DRINK BEFORE you eat, like when the food first comes out, it forces me to wait to eat, and im not so ravenous when i do. e) GET you some small baby spoons, and small plates. it really does help. f) if eating out, give half your food to your friend, or order off the senior menu. portions are less and your less likely to be tempted. g) i hate this one, i used to love it, and i will again, but right now i hate it and its true and shes ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that IF YOU EXCERCISE IN THE MORNINGS..even if its only thirty minutes a day...you will increase your entire metabolism for the entire day. BRISK WALK, or TREADMILL for thirty minutes. Plan an ipod mix that lasts thirty minutes that you can play and change it once a week to keep things cool...but theres no getting around it. 10) Dont be discouraged we ALL go through this, even those long timers who might not remember this stage. Its called bandster hell for a reason, and once you get adaquately filled it will be MUCh much better. so...develop good habits, listen closely to your doctor, walk thirty minutes a day, (remember what i said about peanut butter) and know you arent alone.

Aubrie, I can TOTALLY RELATE to your goals as if id written them myself! im still relatively new in this since being rebanded, but i wanted to put where i was with these goals, since mine are SO similar. i dont share your love of canoes or kayaks though 1. getting in a canoe or kayak with my husband to go fishing I can do this NOW!!! (couldnt before 2. fitting in a movie theater seat without the armrest up Still cant do this. but even when i was thinner, i have really wide hips. Its just not as embarrassing to ask for a seat extention as it used to be. 3. getting the seat belt on an airplane to fit and buckle safely I know this embarrassment, As of about thirty lbs ago, its no longer an issue :scalesno: 4. reaching to clean myself appropriately Can do this now!!! 5. walking upstairs to our guestroom without being completely winded I used to kid that i should just take a handful of whatever i was eating and just smear it across my boobs since it would wind up there anyway. Not such an issue anymore. 6. not having to lean over to drink out of a glass with a stem because my boobs are in the way Still do that. wish i didnt. 7. not covering my double chin with my hand when my picture is taken always did this, just not in public, still not brave enough to do it publicly..maybe seventy more lbs down eh? 8. dance the night away like I used to I will probably still do this even after i lose another 100 lbs. 9. not snoring worse than my husband This never goes away. Later it will be for other reasons, but it never goes away. I just assume theyve never seen anyone my size so ABSOLUTELY gorgeous. :scales: i keed...but you know what i mean? 10. not being paranoid about what people are thinking if I catch them staring This one is getting better. im even back into some old bras ive insisted on keeping from 'the old days'. 11. my bras lasting longer instead of the wires popping out because of the added weight Did this fairly recently. i like stretchy silk in multiple colors 12. buying pretty underwear instead of basic white or black Do this all the time now. 13. wearing short sleeved shirts again i still do this. but its because im extremely clumsy and my shoes dont fit well. 14. not bruising my arms walking through a narrow doorway to quickly not quite there yet. 15. not having the steering wheel touch my stomach Tried this last week, we laughed a lot, it will happen eventually, just not last week. 16. being "on top" for a change yeah me too. 17. enjoying walking the mall again and going shopping STill have some trouble even shaving my legs, BUT I CAN NOW!!! 18. painting my own toenails i can sit on the floor now. 19. getting down on the floor to play with my dog Yeah me too. 20. Crossing my legs. Oh yeah definitely. i just havent gone to the hair place in a while. 21. Wearing my hair how I want. oh hey btw..im in maine. I live in Presque Isle.

marimaru, i dont think anyone on this thread thinks that way about our marraiges. i dont know anyone who (besides maybe your sister? :scalesno: ) , on the day they were married, had even the slightest thought that it wasnt going to be "forever". people do change. the person you are right now, might not be the same person who walked down the isle. you KNOW him alot better for one thing. he knows you too. i dont know anyone that honestly looks forward to divorce, or anyone whose gone through one who sees it as an easy way out..its just that sometimes people get to the 'end of their respective rope' and that door starts to look damn good. weather its the door to a clandestine relationship's house, the door to an entire new life by yourself, or the door to a much needed break. those doors start to look tempting. i envy those people who are so well grounded theyve never noticed them. I think when we walk down the isle, thats what we think we will be, one of those fortunates. I hopped back onto here because im listening to a new audiobook while im working (its not new to the rest of the world) but theres a chapter in there about intimacy in marraige and im listening to this and saying "wow, i wonder if anyone else on our thread has heard this" ...and... heres where i scare everyone off ... the name of the book is called "the art of happiness" and its by his holiness the Dalai Lama. its the third chapter in. (you can get it on itunes, and its ten dollars) you dont have to convert. I think its pertainant to what we area talking about and offers some really great insight into our respective situations.

my icon was taken during that time. thats me in galveston, about thirty lbs heavier than i am right now.

:::takes off funny glasses and nose and sets them on the table, puts on serious hat:::: I have to admit something. its not just the naked thats helped. the winter before last was my last straw on a lot of fronts. I actually slept many nights at work (i own my own shop) and my deadlines were all i felt i had. my sons had grown apart into their own lives as they are supposed to, and my husband...well...lets just say that he didnt notice i was gone so much. I cried myself to sleep most nights, here on the couch where i work. we had a lot of stuff go down the year prior that we just coudnt quite get through together. his job was/is stressful, mine is what it is but it allows me alot of freedome i never took. so...i decided id take it. LAST WINTER. From January 8 to late March, i took a job across the country so that i could afford to go and just stay, and i did. I told them my plans, i updated them regularly with new news, I bought my ticket, and packed my bag. No threats, no ultimatums, nada. I just left, and stayed gone till March. IN THE TIME I WAS GONE, I hardly watched any tv at all. I walked along the beach a LOT. I rediscovered bicycling, and social friends. I went out to eat, or cooked in. I thrived in the seventy degree days while husband struggled through the hard winter here. I was joyful. The 'break', did me wonders. (and i happened to have coordinated the whole initial banding thing then too) I came back a different person. I dont know how old your kids are, but if you could get away by yourself, to find yourself for just a little while..it might help and take some pressure off. We expect SO MUCH of ourselves. I wish so often that i could just allow myself to fail. just let it all go. Have you ever heard of an author named SARK? she has a website Planet SARK and i got turned onto her when i was in my twenties (im thirty nine now) and i used to really dig her. Shes my 'what if'. i STILL think the naked helped.

could his stuff be stress at work? how long has it been since you guys got away together, just you both? like...to a movie?

Diane, it does...i dont know what the connection is yet, but for me, it really has. so...im looking forward to reading about your experiences even if they are less than perfect. you gotta come back to the board and tell...

lol FAITH!!!! then might i suggest gardening naked??? it wont do a dang thing but maybe get the neighbors more interested in bbq's but the feel of the summer air on the nude derrier could be exhillirating? if you were both nude together then every time you passed him would be an intimate moment If my boys didnt still live at home, id totally turn it into our own little nudist minicolony. bad, theres no judges here. i think thats something that if we havent done it, weve at least thought about it. im all for fighting against going into that good night! rage, rage against the dying of the light! and all that....sometimes you just gotta settle, and sometimes you just gotta go. sometimes its the 'light' itself that keeps us next to it, but its at least a concious choice, eh? Good bad or ugly...

hi... im a do-0ver. i got my new band May 24th. Im sitting on a small fill that he put in right away during the surgery (i think its 1cc or .5cc even) and im in bandster hell. Had PERFECT restriction up until a week ago. I can eat pretty much anything. Im trying to at least watch my meals, keep water going. gave up my shakes so i could eat solid calories instead hoping it would help. I just thought that since i was a do-over i could join both threads? cause im starting over... and its really tough right now...

by the way...i gotta report back because i said i would... day before yesterday i finally had to say "enough already! whats gotten into you" and he went all about how great my skin feels. cause im soft as butter, you know. I finally had to say, "well then just rub my tummy and leave my pink parts alone. I need a rest"...then i laughed until i couldnt breathe. I dont think ive ever had to say that before. Not in 19 years that i can recall. Im telling you, the sleeping naked thing has done wonders.

okay..you guys know i like little quick to the point solutions that at the very least, IF they dont FIX specific issues, they will at least make him click his head to the side and go "huh?"...and in reading arelladys post it came to me. So lets review... the first quick "just try it and see what happens and report back" is 1) sleep naked for one week straight. Dont say anything, dont expect anything, just sleep naked. One week. 2) SELL THE TV do it while hes at work. use the money for a manicure/pedicure, and a new bottle of samsara purfume.

THIS is the advise i wish i had twenty years ago. This sounds like the way to go!

HALF!!!!!! HALF!!!!! HALF!!!!! Im in complete agreement with the above statements. LEAVE. NOW. BE VERY ACTIVE, file for DIVORCE and take HALF OF HIS SH&T. You worked for it, youve earned it, and starting over can be exhilarating as well as challenging. DONT BE AFRAID. theres a LOT of single 42 year old men and women out there. I almost envy your opportunity to start this new chapter of your life. PLEASE dont forget to really really rub it in later when you are doing SO well, with a VERY active social life, and he'll just be cheating on his next mistake.

wow Derick, thats one helluva recommendation. Certainly has my interest up. Ill write that down to check out later. Can you tell me more about it? I JUST got 'the Art of Happiness' by his holiness Dahali Lama and Howard C Cutler MD.

wow Derick, thats one helluva recommendation. Certainly has my interest up. Ill write that down to check out later. Can you tell me more about it? I JUST got 'the Art of Happiness' by his holiness Dahali Lama and Howard C Cutler MD.

Weight Loss Surgery Options Gastric Sleeve Resection 1. Stomach tube may stretch up over time leading to late weight regain. The extent of this is currently unknown 2. The amount of weight reduction is in the region of 40-60% of excess wt lost over the first 1-2 years. 3. There is no malabsorbtion to nutrients 4. If weight is regained the second stage of Duodenal Switch or Gastric Bypass can be added laparoscopically.

nume, congratulations!!! I wish i could demonstrate how i feel for what you go through daily. I understand waiting. You are certainly NOT a freak and there are so many times I felt hopeless as Im sure others go through it too, as evidenced by the other posts on this thread. Are you self pay? will your insurance definitely not cover it?

Right. it wont actually harm the band or anything, but when you drink when you eat, it works like turning the faucent on a garbage disposal and flushes all your food out. I really fought this part too at first. I drink a bottle of water or my hot tea BEFORE eating makes it easier.

kland, its not really 'better' than the inamed bands produced before, but its been redesigned to address some of the issues the older models have. AP stands for Advanced Platform, and the "balloon" surrounding it goes 360 degrees around the flexible band rather than just the inside. The balloon is also pleated like the VG band to hopefully aid in better restriction. The most noticable difference is that the 'balloon" part goes all the way around the band instead of skipping over the buckle. take a peak, its pretty cool.

i got one!

so the hard question...would you be willing to be 'the bad guy' in order to have a better life?

doh! now theres something we havent gone into yet... if it was the other way around? like..if i found a small size 5 rubber happy hoohah that looked as if it never had three babies and stretched over my head and back, hidden under the bed on his side...how would it make me feel? but you know what? sex is so different than love. Prior to being married this time, i dated and was sexually active. I remember the fellas with three legs. I dont remember their names per say...but i remember everything else. if he finds it, you can explain to him that you CHOSE him out of the seas of three legged men to be with for the long haul.. and this is for fun. I dont know if it would make a difference, but thats an interesting topic and question: "is your partner intimidated by your sexuality?" and if yes, then how do you get him into a training and introductory program? does anyone have any experience with "the pump"? does it work?..and is it safe?

PS: still sleepin naked. still getting back rubs and stuff daily! from zero to daily. I STILL dont know whats in his dinner that makes this happen. and your so not alone on the not climaxing during sex. My husband used to look at me strange when i told him i just cant...but yet i can mechanicly, and even THEN it took forever for me to do it in front of him. i still dont have it during regular intercourse, but now he can do it manually. which is brand spanking new. woo. Yay for me.

diane! lmao..thank god im not the only one. for a while there i was checkin the thread with baited breath, each time thinking, "okay. im a freak, and these ladies have the grace not to kick a dead horse". lmao..so im relieved to find im not alone. reading your stories, is so affirming, each one. how we all come here to the same place through different routes. Im so glad we did this.