I have always been happy with myself. It has never really mattered to me what others have thought of me - because only I can control how I feel. If others don't like me because I'm heavy - well that's their loss. So in that regard, I'm probably not your typical morbidly obese person.
I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2003. My A1C was just over 7 - so not too awful. In the years following, it had remained in the low 7's. In the last year it has leaped up to the high 7's. My doc still says that I don't need an endocrinologist - I just need to loose weight. But he has no suggestions on how to do that. So, I research and try different diets just to have my weight increase to the highest I have ever been. Yup, that worked... NOT. But still, that wasn't the tipping point for me.
In 2005, my back started bothering me. My doc has me do physical therapy and it helped. Then 2 years later, it acted up again - this time the pain went down my right leg and I woke up one day and was not able to get out of bed. I had to use the restroom of course, but it took me 2 hours to get out of bed so that I could walk to the bathroom - just 10 steps away from my bed! At this point the MRI showed I had a bulging disc and they did surgery to fix it. Now, 4 years later, I am finally able to stand straight, but can't stand for more than 5 minutes without breaking out in a sweat. I also can't walk more than 10 minutes without having issues. My health has really gone downhill since that surgery and I regret having it. My left leg is getting the same pain that my right leg had, but I will deal with that pain for as long as possible before having that surgery again. I know that loosing weight will help my back (at least that's what every doctor says), but again, that's not the tipping point for me.
In 2008, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and given a CPAP. I tried it for a year, trying different masks and machines, but felt that it was actually making my sleep worse and not better (I was more tired after using it), so I stopped using the CPAP. But this was not a tipping point for me.
In the last year, I have had to get new clothes - size 28w. I have never in my life had to wear clothes that big. That was depressing - but still not the tipping point for me.
My new avatar was a picture taken at Christmas last year. I was helping out at a Christmas program, and decided that I would dress as an elf since there was already a Santa. I found the largest elf costume that I could find - and it barely fit. The tights weren't even close to fitting, but luckily, I had a pair of dark green pants that worked well with the costume top. The gentleman who played Santa used a pillow to make him "fat" like Santa is supposed to be. But, as you can see from the picture, his elf was larger than he was! That was depressing! But again, it's not the tipping point for me.
Over the past year or so, I've noticed I have had more issues getting myself "clean" after #2. It's been harder and harder to wipe everything. It just occurred to me that it's probably because I'm bigger and thus can't reach as well now. So, yeah, this is a definite factor in my decision - but still not the tipping point for me. (Sorry for the TMI.)
So with all of that said, what really is the tipping point for me? It's the fact that although I have insomnia big time, I could fall asleep easily during the day and I am so lethargic that I don't do activities that I used to. It's getting worse too. I've seen my parents do this, and some friends and I hate that they do this. I have realized I am becoming like them and I really do not want that to happen.
So how crazy is it that the reason I finally decided to do this is because I am literally tired of being so tired?