kids05

I am sooo flippin ticked off! I have to go for the GD endoscopy tomorrow so the surgeon can see if I have a stricture or a narrowing. He can attempt to dialate it if its narrowed. Maybe once..maybe more times needed. FML!!! What the hell did I do to myself!?? Was I so unhappy and friggin vain that I decided to mutilate my stomach to be thin??? Was I so amazingly LAZY that I couldn't just pick my FAT AS* off the couch and not stop shoveling the flippin food into my pie hiole!??? YES, I was. Now I have this GD mess to deal with. Positive blows...I have smiled...grimiced and cried alone for weeks and it still FRIGGIN SUCKS!! I AM MAD! This is not how it was supposed to be! AND I caused it..I chose this mess I have made of my life. I could lose my job if I miss more work...I can't think lately I am sooo miserable and MAD! Who do I have to blame??? Me! MY freakin fat butt and my non-existant will power. If we are too weak to walk away from the donut...than what makes us think we can handle all the incredibly hard sh*t this surgery throws at you???? Now I have to deal with the procedure tomorrow...possible leak, possible bleeding, possible perforation???? Normal risks right??? ON TOP of all the day to day shitty BS I have had to deal with since the surgery! I am sick of being positive Polly! I'm not going to sit here, cry....and be Debbie Downer...I guess today I am just freakin Rage-ful Rita!!!!! I am mad. Mad at me and my lazy fat self. Mad at the doc for making me the FIRST sleeve that this has happened to with him...mad at FOOD! JUST MAD! If I had complications after the surgery that supposedly went perfect than what disaster awaits me tomorrow!?? Am I just asking for it!?? Glutton for punishment?? Should I just back out and say screw it, serves me right if I can never eat right again. If I wasn't a whimpy fat cow I wouldn't be here in the first place. Maybe this is what I deserve. Suicide by LOAF of BREAD sounds good right now... That would be the Fox 23 news headline. (thats our hack-ish, ambulance chasing news station around here) I give up.....THIS WAS SUCH A GIAGANTIC MISTAKE!!!!

The white on your tongue can be thrush too. Were you or are you on antiobiotics post op??? That would require medication to get rid of. (kind of a yeast infection in your mouth..ick!) Check with your MD.

when I feel nauseous I try sucking on ice chips...hydration slower than sipping. So far so good...and I have some experience with nausea...lol.

He doesn't use one, he uses an endoscope so he can see inside the stomach as well. He said he doesn't hug it with the stapler, so its like a 32French.

Ok, this is good and bad. But I guess thats how my last 26 days since surgery have been. I have had horrible very bad days...and great I can actually eat some food days. None in a row, never can predict which kind of day it will be...just gotta go with it. Stay positive and repeat the underlying mantra of this page..IT WILL GET BETTER!!! But, did they laproscopically remove part of my brain!? I am just a scatterbrain, I forget things so easily, I don't do things I should..I brain blank at work on the computer some days, to date the most trips back in the house from the car to leave for work is 5, how can one person (usually a fairly smart intelligent together person) forget!!!...I am a full fledged WACKO! Did surgery do that to anyone else!? On top of all that, if you see my ticker...I am planning a BIG wedding. Wonderful and fun, but also stressful and exhausting. On top of working full time and 5 teenagers! Will I survive all this??? So...to make me happy, I go and look at wedding dresses today. I wasn't going to, who knows what I will look like in MARCH! But, I did it. Found one, loved it...it was on SALE! So I bought it. Now...scroll down to before mentioned ticker....75lbs to go and what do I do!? I buy my size 16 butt a size 10 wedding dress. No pressure there right??? Right. Its done, no going back now...what did I do? Now I have to make it, I have to figure it out...oh and I have to WORK OUT MY ARMS! Its strapless...I cannot have saggy hanging bat wings!!! So...as evidenced by the lapse in sanity today and forgetfulness and absentmindedness...has anyone else lost thier mind when they lost most of their belly!???

I'm a big cranky baby! It went fine...lol. I laid down the law when the doc got in the room, then he asked if I was done. lol. Then he told me he was going to calm me down. That it was safe, he wouldn't white wash or sugar coat anything. If its bad, he'll tell me its bad...but so far he wasn't thinking that way. Sooo, he went in (after they gave me enough drugs to soothe an elephant! He scoped me...took pics and inflated the balloon (not all the way but some) and made sure it passed through ok. It did. He didn't fully inflate it, he said my tummy is about a 1/4 cup size right now...as it should be and though I have been slow to heal, I'm well on my way. Sooo, I guess I can say I am relieved. Mentally and physically exhausted, but relieved. I'm still a bit miserable...still not sure I should have taken such a drastic step, but at least I know God listened. I told him I could not take any more right now and he believed me! Finally! Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers and encouraging words...I dug up Positive Polly (it was only a shallow grave in the yard, with all this rain it was easy to pull her out...lol) I'll try to bury rage-ful Rita deeper....and go back to my one day at a time mantra...each day it gets better cheer and focus on what i can eat and the great weight loss goal I have set for Forth of July that I could have never accomplished without this bleepity bleepin sleeve. XOXOXOX to you all!!!!!

I work for a small MD office and while they are supportive as far as wanting me to be ok, no one thought i should do the surgery. The practice administrator is the MDs wife (maybe a size 8) When i initially requested the time off her comment was...you're not fat enough to do that. I told her I was. She asked if insurance would cover it. I said yes. She sighed and said, "I have to fight to get insurance to cover injections for patients and your insurance will cover that? Wow!" then she said another time, i could see u doing it if you were over 200lbs! when i said i was...she said, "really?! You don't evenmove like a fat person?" Yesterday she asked me if i read the article she left in the break room on diet and exercise...she thought it was a good article and that several of us could learn something from it. Sigh....she is very blunt and not 'smooth' with how she says things so I just try to blow it off as her personality and not malicious or hurtful. But it does make requesting time for things like today difficult. I always have to explain it all...or at least I feel like i have to. There is no way to go to the labor board or rock the boat at all and keep my job happy. Literally there are 12 people in my office. We all know what's going on w each other...good and bad. I just want to get back to normal...i think its been long enough!!!

All I can say is, thanks everyone. I'm tring to be 'normal' today. Its just that normal since this surgery is a fake smile and I'll be or I am fine...attitude that is getting hard to do these days. I don't think I can go through with the procedure today. Well, I'm going to let him do the endoscopy, but just to look so we know what we're dealing with. No dilation, no messing with my sleeve. I'm too scared of anything getting any worse. If there is nothing...just slow healing and/or a lot of restriction for me, than ok. If there is a narrowing that needs to be dealt with, well, I think I need to deal with it when I am stronger. The risks, while slight chances, don't seem so slight to me in light of my recent luck with all this. Waking up, finding out he perforated my sleeve trying to dilate and i was rushed to the OR and converted to gastric bypass is NOT an option. I can't even begin to wrap my brain around that too at this point. So for today, I think we just look. I will take it from there. Again, thank you all....even though I want to cry, am sick of trying to stay positive...its nice to be able to kick and hollar, have a big ole temper tantrum and have someone 'get it'!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR GETTING IT! XO (now, lets just hope the doc is ok with my plan for today...eek, I think he's going to be...well, lets just say 'not too happy' with my decision...ugh!)

I have tried so hard to be positive...but how many kicks do I get before I catch a break??? I guess Im most pissed cause I feel I am stuck...can't do anything about all this now. Now...there is no choice for me, I have to do this and that. My choices are taken Away. (and I look illiterate with half my posts cause my phone autocorrects and i don't catch it before I hit send...grrrrr)

FMLA*

FML does not apply to employers with less than 50 employees...nice twist huh? Job still hangs in the balance. AND since this was 'elective' i think they are more ticked that i have missed time. As my boss said...why can't u just eat less and exercise like thickest of us??

Oops..autocorrect on my phone...haha. Bootie*

Hi. I had surgery on April 12 and Im getting married March 17...i am terrified that I'll not have my hair. I finally had to just decide what i wanted more...my long red hair or my butt in a size 10 (or smaller) wedding dress. Hair can be fixed...added to, act..but a size 18 booted is just THERE! LOL. Smaller butt won! Seriously though, its temporary and will grow back. Hopefully my butt won't!

I think I have a complication and its incredibly scary after all I have been through in the last month with this surgery. Endoscopy Friday...ugh. If people here survived it, I will too...lol. Just wondering what our numbers look like here....

Thanks, I hope so too! This weekend seemed a bit better but tonights dinner caused some intense pain. I know I could have chosen better but the reality is...sometimes we eat on the go. This was one of those times...ugh. Glad to see you're hanging in there! 6 days out was rough...I was looking wayyyy forward to mushies at a week out!!

I have had an issue, no where near as bad as yours! I feel bad for you because I know how frustrated I am and you are having a much rougher tme of it. I have a swollen area or possibly a narrowing at the center of my sleev. Stuff goes in from the esophagus ok..then painnnnn, then ok and it kinda goes like that for a half hour each time I eat. Not cool, sometimes worse than others. My surgeon also mentioned stretching my sleeve (endoscopy this Friday I think) I don't know if that is an in/out deal or a stay over night? I don't know if it hurts...do we start over with liquid diet again??? He did mention if he couldn't stretch it possibly needing to switch to bypass. I tolf him NO WAY! From the start I never wated bypass AT ALL! That would have been an easy ins auth! I fought a denial and jumped through countless hoops to get to the sleeve surgery...I did my job, now darn it, I expect him to do his! I cannot even begin to tell you what I will do if I have to go to bypass. I guess I can complain kick and hollar all I want, if its what i...or we need to do, than I guess its what we'll deal with when the time comes. I was sleeved April 12th and I have had some days better than others, so I hope you follow siut and HEAL on your own. Good luck with the scope tomorrow! I will be rooting for you. Make sure you let me know how you do! Tammy.

I cannot tolerate Protein shakes either, I don't know why??? But There is protein Water you can buy, its ok. I'm not hitting my numbers right now...just kind of existing, but I'm only a month out...just waiting for it to "get better" It does get easier, or you get more used to the restrictions and your personal stomach tweaks...lol, time seems to drag, but I promise, you'll look back a few weeks from now and think it went fast!

I have lost 33lbs since surgery April 12th so 31 days ago. I seem to lose a lb every other day right now. I weigh every morning. I know you're not supposed to, but I have been having a hard recovery and sometimes that scale is the only thing I have to hold on to...otherwise I'd be dealing with the 'what did I do" senario. I have to have a scope next week...possibly a narrowing? I don't know, but we'll see. The one thing I can't do is regret my decision...theres no going back now...I live with this regardless. Just hope the weight loss continues...its my bright spot!

I agree...its tough. Samantha we were sleeved about the same time right? I was the 12th. We had lunch brought in yesterday, it was chicke parm, salad and rolls. I took a piece of a piece of chicken and scraped off all the breading and cheese and ate the chicken. I figure, for the little bit I eat, I'm not sweating the few calories that may have seeped in form the italian goodness I needed to remove...lol. Chocolate dipped strawberries were a different story though...I wanted one. I took one! Yeah, I cut it in quaters and ate one quater...the other nurse ate the rest...lol. Is that really cheating? Maybe I should feel guilty, but I guess I don't really. I look at this as a way to live my life differently not deprived. Before I may have had 2 strawberries after chicken parm and rolls. Oh yeah, home made PB cookies too...I passed on those and I LOVE peanut butter! I can say I am having a horrible time being back to work. I get home and have NO ENERGY at all. I cannot even function. I literally say hi to my kids, and maybe see what they're all having for dinner when my fiance gets home...but then I hit bed. I don't always sleep...just lie there, but I am exhausted! I don't want to eat, drink, walk...talk...nothing. Should I be this tired still. Doc today said yes, but it will get better?? I'm not so convinced. AND...I'm still convinced he did a laproscopic labotomy on me at the same time...I am still a dunce! I remember half of NOTHING and lose my train of thought...get into the wrong screen on a chart...forget what/who I was doing or supposed to call, oh and why was I calling??? Will I ever feel like a competant nurse again!?? Geeze! Doc said that will get better to, its the stress of surgery...but I feel like its getting worse not better??? Has this happened to you guys too? Sorry for asking on your post Samantha...lol...I guess I was venting cause I just got home. This is the first thing I do every day...pop on and see all my sleeve sisters and bros! Thanks guys!

I wish I could have a Protein shake..they kill me. I'm sick to death of the protein Water and can't eat to well yet (possible stricture) so tolerating a shake would be great. This food thing...what to eat, how much...can I tolerate it?? IS EXHAUSTING!

Ok, so one of our worst habits (my fiance and I) is that we watch TV in bed. We have 5 teenagers who all stay up later than we do and watch 'kid' shows...we just like the unwinding time together watching something we want. My problem...I feel like I need a snack sometimes. I have avoided it most days...but when you want to snack (at a month out) what can I eat. Whats grab n go thats healthy at a month out. Carrot sticks or celery with PB are not an option yet...any ideas? I know most of you will say, just say no...but once in a while saying yes isn't a fail...I just want to be better about it. No more bags of chips, popcorn, ice cream or junk food...but what??? (insert whine here...lol)

try to grab some easy things for eating. Simple makes your choices better...at least for me. Big container of cottage cheese is cheaper, but the 3.5 oz servings are easier and pre measured. Single serve apple sauces (don't need to be refrigerated) same with pudding cups (sugar free of course...lol) Maybe some of those nuke-able soup at hand things of soup? I did like refried beans with some weight watchers shredded cheese melted on top, then add a smidge of Guacomole and sour cream...mmm, seemed decadent after all the stuff like soups! If you're going out to eat though, stick with soups. I did order crab legs out...they were nice because it took me as long to crack and eat those as it did for others meal. It made my small serving not as noticable. Good Luck!

One thought...have you tried drinking some when you feel hungry? I had a feeling I thought was hunger, but I realized I hadn't been drinking much that day. I don't know if I needed to watr down some stomach acid or was just plain thirsty...but a few sips of water helped.

check out the website called: the world according to eggface Its by a woman who had a bypass surgery, her recipes are awesome!

My daughter just looked at it and said, MOM YOU BOUGHT IT SO SMALLLLLLL! She's 14...I think I had heart palpatations when she said it. I just wish I had ANY energy left after working a full day. My job as a nurse is pretty mellow as far as some nursing jobs go, but definitely not a desk job. I just feel so empty...of ambition, energy and strength when I get home. When will I have more 'get up and go' to get this flub to go!???