bilka

I totally agree that You are getting extra help. My fiancè is not that enthusiastic either, my sister's got a killing instct towards me and my mother just said OK. Whatever. I guess food accompanied all of us here during our lives. I have the best memories of sweets after my father abused me, food as a treat when something went wrong, food to celebrate, food to cry, food to meet people, food as a way to get to know different cultures,.. I could go on and on. I have the same fear: what am I going to do then? Well, my life is more than just food. I am worth more. And so are you. This is "just" an extra tool to help us to reach our goal, not a magic wound, you'll have to deal with so many things! It is not a shortcut! You'll be doing everything else on your own, this is why you should be proud of yourself for doing it. Do not be ashamed. Please! I am not telling poeple either because they would think I have taken a shortcut too, which I won't. It's up to you. I don't mean to be rude, but why don't you see someone who can help you? I recently found psychoterapist who is great and understanding and is helping me a lot. I am also attending an OA group in my city. It really helped me talking to people who went through the same experiences... And, if it can help, I also go from totally excited and completely scared, sometimes within the same hour! I read on this website that many people felt the same and that helped me think that it is normal...

Thank you so much. I guess when I stop being a food-addict I'll probably be a verticalsleevetalk-addict! Thank you for the support. I have the feeling things are getting better. My sister was ok at the phoe this morning. Yesterday I told her that I want to do the surgery and I am gonna need her and my fiancè's support. I also told her that I am not palnning to travel abroad for long again (from 2005 and 2008 I spent 3 years working abroad without coming back) because I love her kids too much and can't leave them alone. I guess that helped too. And again thank you for your support. I know that only people who went through the same can understand and I finally found a place where I can be myself...

Here I am again and I'd really need some help. I have told my partner and my mum and they are both supportive. My diabetologist is enthusiastic and happy for me. My hairdresser told me I'll have to keep her updated step by step. I have a date: the 8th February and my sister-in-law is coming with me to Athens, she is great and I love my fiancé’s family. I mean, even his mum is somehow supportive. So, 5 people know so far. It's now time to tell my sister. I am so worried of her reaction. Seriously, compared to telling her the surgery is nothing. I have to tell her asap, surgery is in less than 2 months and can't allow her to feel like I did everything behind her back until the last day before surgery. She is older than me (43 and I am 29) and she always acted like a father to me, because we didn't have one. She is very strict and can easily spend months without talking to me, she did it in the past when I did something she didn't like. I go to the swimming pool twice a week with her, so no way she's not gonna notice AND she is my family doctor (I'll have to ask her for medicines) and I work for her twice a week (she'll definitely notice my absence) and I have one of her kids over every Wednesday night. So, we do have a close relationship. Don’t forget I am Italian and family is everything here. I also have only a mother and my sister as a family, no one else. My in-laws live 600 kilometers away. She also struggled all her life with her weight but not like me. She has a lot of self control and at the moment she is perfectly fit. She loves swimming and trekking and doesn’t have many problems. This is why she will be very disappointed (not to say angry) when I’ll tell her, even if my diabetologist thinks it is a great thing. She loves to control my and my mother’s lives she really is a control-freak and I am afraid she’ll think I am not a good example for her kids because I am failure. Lately she has been worse than usual coz she lost her husband last summer (and seeing that no one here lives nearby I can tell you: she was leaving him and he killed himself), so things are bad. She is acting weird even though she doesn’t really miss him (they had a VERY difficult relationship and she had been trying to leave him for the last 3 years): she is overwhelmed with responsibilities with the 2 kids. How do you tell such a person? My fiancé told me I should have him close to me when I tell her so she won’t freak out too much. But what words should I use? How do I make her understand me?

February 8th, in Athens, Greece!

I am not getting angry. It's MY life, MY body, MY health. I am going to be selfish and won't care about people. Not this time. My sister is now insisting that I go on a diet. I said I can't afford this yo-yo again. I can't through that crap again, not physically nor psychologically. She said that that's life. She NEVER eats carbs and she always skips lunch. She says that we just have to suffer. She said that if I go on a diet I can skip the surgery. She told me that we should talk (which means I listen to her and agree to everything she says), that we should involve a friend of hers in our conversation because she is a great friend and a good listener. :whatchutalkingabout ??? I am so not involving anyone else in my choice! I know I am right. I have no doubts about my choice. I guess I'll just have to try to expalin myself one more time...

I am not sleeved yet either but I am already thinking about what I'm going to do that day! I am not going to cry but I'll rather get drunk with a glass of champagne! Update facebook with a great photo Go clubbing all night and feel like the hottest person on the dancefloor Get a gorgeous haircut (not cutting my hair anymore until I reach my goal) Buy sexy lingerie Go to a party wearing a skirt knowing that everyone I know is going to be there (Basically I am going to live through the teenage phase I wasn't happy to go through at the time) Feel good, happy and finally self-confident!!! And I agree with ILKrista:

OMG! I just looked at the website of Lane Bryant! Im gonna spend all my money there I still have a couple of months as a big girl, I should enjoy them :devil_smile:! And they also sell swimsuits!!!

Brilliant!!!:thumbup1: Thank you!

I have another question... I read the list you made about the things you should take with you to the hospital. I saw things like gas strips, which are amazing really, and heating pads. We probably have the second here, but we do not have the strips: in which shops can I buy them once I am in the USA? My surgery will be at the beginning of January, so it'll be a good time to start shopping a bit. I also need a decent pj (I normally sleep in my fiancè's old military t-shirts) and a soft bra. What kind of shops offer these items (I am sure you too have chains of shops called the same everywhere)? If I know names I can find the closest ones to my hotel and buy all I need! Thank you!

What about... "Everything is illuminated"?

Thank you!:cheer2:

I received it as a private message too and... What can I say? THANK YOU SO MUCH! :hug: It's really great, we'll have many things to do now on the Keys! I am so happy!!! I am quite (very?) girly, even though we normally take our historical visiting trips in summer with his brothers or my sister and her kids. In January we go on holiday on our owns and we want to relax, enjoy the nature and get spoiled. Everything you told us perfectly suits the type of holiday we are organising! If you (or anyone else) need suggestions for Italy... Well, I'll try to do the same (even though I am not sure I will be able to be this accurate!)!

I am glad everything went well. And it's good to see that other people went through the same experience as you did and can give you some advice... It's good to say "I know it's "normal", other people I talked to felt the same". How was the weekend, anyway?

Thanks!!! I sent her a PM!

Yes yes yes! It will be!

Girlfriends can be so mean. This is why I am not telling them about my surgery. They are probably used to you as the "fat friend" (I really don't mean to be rude, I am talking about MY experience), the one they'll always look better compared to, and will have to deal with the change. You'll be one of them, probably much hotter than them because you are more self conscious and have struggled with a lot of things in your life, which made you stronger. Do not worry about them. Let them talk. They are just scared and envious. I am sure they'll find another topic to get silly about soon enough. And let them do their own research, you have much better things to do than listen to them!

Congratulations on you quitting smoking! It really is great! :musical_note: You can save all the money now in order to buy new clothes after surgery! :thumbs_up: I am going to get sleeved one week after you, on the 8th February and I can't wait!:nod:

She didn't throw a tantrum. Of curse she said that it's wrong that it's all psychological and I shouldn't do it abroad. Problem: I can't do it here. She doesn't listen though, she call her psychiatrist friend and told her I want to do it abroad. I called her too and she asked me why I wouldn't wait and do it in Italy. Apparently no-one listens to me: I CAN'T, it's ILLEGAL. She did understand (but my sis didn't). So I asked her to give me a name of a colleague of hers who can help me before and after the surgery. My sister doesn't think much of psychologists because they didn't attend medical school, like psychiatrists did. My sister tried to tell me that I can't do such a thing to my mum who will be here worried about me while I am abroad having surgery. Seriously: are we playing the mum-card now? No way I'll fall for that. My mother should be worried for me now and here, not while getting a 30 minute laparoscopic surgery that will change my life in a great way. So, from my side I have reached a compromise: I will attend a psychiatrist (instead of my dear psychologist) and will keep going to the OA. From her side... Well, she'll have to accept my surgery sooner or later. I feel stronger. I think the idea of the surgery is making me more self-conscious, which is already great...

Congratulations! A great Xmas present!

Thank you so much for ALL your comments. I really need your support. I have decided I am going to talk to her tonight (which is here in a couple of hours). I went to my weekly OA meeting this afternoon and I feel stronger now. We talked about family anger and forgiveness. I think I can do it and I specially can live with the consenquences. You are all right, I DO NOT need her approval, as much as she doesn't need mine and never asked for it. I actually know we have kind of a sick relationship but sometimes I think she and my mother are all I have of a family. No cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents nor a father. And my fiance's family is really far (I actually love my parents and brothers in-law). This is probably one of the reason why we have got this unhealthy relationship. Thank goodness I have a great and healthy relantionship with my mother... Anyway, yes I can survive even if she won't talk to me or if she'll think the least of me. Few years ago I left Europe in order to get some freedom and cut my family a bit out of my life. I managed to stay away 3 years (great time, actually: I worked and lived in Thailand, Japan, Australia and South korea) but then I came back for a holiday and met the love of my life So here I am and nothing has changed, I have learnt that running away doesn't really solve any problem.. Back to my sister she does trust my opinion and talks to me a lot about her now ex-husband, about the kids, about her friends and feelings. She is not a monster, but she is very hard to deal with. And that's just in the family; she actually is a very good and understanding doctor whom her patients love (I hear all their comments!) and she is a good friend. As we know, we all give the worst to our family! I did support her in all your choices, even when she left home without telling anyone and went living with a married man whom my mother didn't approve. The two didn't talk to each other 7 years, I was caught in the bloody middle and never complained! I think I have done enough. I guess she could support me for once. PS: about telling my sister that I love her... We never did in our lives! We never even hugged! Not gonna happen! And there you think Italians were lonving and affectionate!

So... Done?

I am getting sleeved in February but I am already planning what to tell people and friends...:evil: 1st option: you might tell people that you got a gastric balloon. It'll last 6 or 12 months and you have to follow a precise diet and can't eat quickly. i amena this can work, it is not surgery and it is not definitive, people shouldn't be too judgemental. Later on, you'll say that you got used to that way of eating and you like to keep going on like this because it worked so well on you. 2nd option: you tell them you found a new diet guru. Imagine a surname, something exotic, or just something Italian (I can give you ideas about Italian surnames, but Dr. Rossi always works). You tell them thay he gave you a precise diet and precise orders to follow. You can add as many details as you like (say that you meditate every morning as well for example). Although keeping it simple helps avoiding contraddictions in the future. When they see that you lose a lot of weight they'll understand why you adore your new dietician. I think I am going to use option number 2, but I still am not sure right now. I hope these 2 ideas can inspire you...