Shemy-away

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.

Yesterday marked 60 days post sleeve. Sometimes I forget that I lost 80% of my stomach until I eat a bite too many. Life is pretty much the same as before, but Im much more active adn happy. I've had so much going on in the past 2 months. I'm down 49 pounds since the start of this journey. I'm almost HALFWAY to my goal!!! I'm graduating from Nursing school in 2 weeks and hopefully I will start my job in June.
 
Despite the rough times, despite missing soda, and despite the second surgery I had to have for my gallbladder, this is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
 
I still haven't told anyone in my family except for my husband and mother in law and I plan to keep it that way. When people ask me what I've been doing, I'll just say exercising and watching my portions. I still eat the same except for bread, pasta, and sodas, so technically I'm not lying

I woke up today not feeling so hot. I definitely didn't get enough water yesterday and today I am paying the price. Nothing too bad, but I'm listless and feel like I was run over by a runaway camel. I'm also not able to tolerate any chicken broth or the protein drink that I was able to drink just the other day. So today I've been concentrating on getting my water in and I'm half way to the mark. Also, I couldn't tolerate the liquid Vicodin that the doctor prescribed so I've been moved to a different pain killer. Which is awesome since the one big incision that the doctor did to pull out my stomach has a good four inch bruise around in. Yeah, its sore.
 
So, working on the water and I went for a 'walk' outside. Basically I walked to the end of the street and back. It's not much but the movement helped. I stepped on the scale today and was down 6 pounds from my surgery day weight for a total of 18 pounds!!! I guess I should work on getting a ticker set up....
 
My mom, who is concerned that I've barely been able to get water in went and found some greek yogurt that is low sugar and high in protein. I've never been a plain yogurt sort of girl, but this stuff is amazing! It goes down easily and my stomach isn't cramping and gurgling. Yeah, success! The food has helped clear my head a little bit, which has helped the general lethargy. It's really easy to forget to eat and forget to drink, which is a big no-no. It's odd to not feel hungry and to be uninterested in food.
 
Still not regretting my choice, but I can't wait for the initial after surgery healing to be over with!

I thought I covered what type of blog I was writing in my first one. But, apparently, not everyone reads all the entries. So, from now on I think I am going to have to do the following.
 
 
*******DISCLAIMER!!!!! What you are about to read is to be taken lightly. It's goal is to make you smile, laugh, and hopefully see the funny side of going through weight loss surgery. This blog is in no way my feeble attempt to get advice (unless I ask for it), or to be told what I am doing or saying is wrong. We are all different. We all heal differently. We all experience different things. With all this in mind, please enjoy my take on life after the sleeve. I hope it helps make your day just a little bit easier and happier. *********
 
 
Now that all that is out of the way. I feel the need to talk about the looks I've been getting from people when I tell them I've had weight loss surgery. I actually find the looks funny. For example. Today I went to GNC to see if I could find some type of protein drink that I can actually handle. When I went in, I got attacked by the vulture (aka the sales man). So, I proceed to explain to him that I had weight loss surgery and I was looking for a protein that I could handle (and that tasted good). It was interesting to see the look on his face when I said the surgery thing. It was only a split second or two, but it was obvious that he did not approve of my surgery. Not that I asked or wanted his approval. All I wanted him to do was help me find some protein I could handle. So, I ignored him and followed him around the store as he explained to me how, everything "tastes amazing". I know not to trust sales people, but really, EVERYTHING??? I highly doubt that. We are talking about protein and I have rarely met a protein that I found "yummy". So, after he promised me I would "love" this one brand, I decided to throw him off his game. I asked if he had samples or if they sold them per bottle. I refused to buy a whole thing of them only to get home and find out I didn't like it. So again, the sly fox of a salesman pulled this one on me, "No, we don't. However, I will give you this bottle if you PROMISE not to tell my manager. I really am not allowed to do this." I actually laughed at him as I saw the bottles behind the counter that they used for such an occasion.. Did he really think I was going to buy that line? Well, as shocking as it sounds, it really wasn't that bad. It's called GNC Total Lean, Lean Shake. It has 25g of protein, 2g of sugar, 3g of fiber (which I really need but more on that later), total fat 6g, and 170 calories. I had to taste it warm and I was able to stand it so I am sure once it's ice cold, it will be much better. As a whole, the unapproving, over zealous salesman did a good job. And, he gave me the first, "I don't agree with your decision" look since my surgery which I kind of enjoyed in a strange way.
 
Next I headed to Walgreens. I needed a fiber supplement and I needed one fast. Not to give TMI, but my first number 2 after 9 days and two things of Miralax, was more like the number 2 of a VERY LARGE rabbit. It wasn't fun passing, and as soon as I was done, I was ready to find a way for that not to happen again. After staring at all my options for a good 15mins, I finally gave up and went to talk to the pharmacist. I proceeded to tell her my issue and included that I had the gastric sleeve and because i was unable to get much food in, my fiber was almost non-existing. There is was again....that LOOK. She took a little longer to recover than the GNC guy (if she did at all). Even while she was telling me about what fiber would be my best option, she was unable to hide her disapproval of my decision. So it was right then, in Walgreens that I decided. Screw YOU....SCREW ALL OF YOU who think you have any idea what I have gone through, or why I decided to do this. No one asked for your approval or disapproval so don't give it. And, if you do give it, be prepared for me to tell you I don't really care what you think. I did this for me. I did it for my health. I did it for my medical reasons. No, it's not easy. No, I couldn't just eat less and exercise. I've tried that. It didn't work. So, keep your two cents and I promise I won't judge you on your attitude (which sucks) , your clothing (I don't care what the magazines say, you do not look good in overly tight jeans and five inch heals), your hair (1980 called and they want their puffy bangs back) , your makeup (yes, it looks good on models, but you are not a model and you you didn't have a professional do it) , your marriage (don't lie and say you have a perfect marriage, we all know your spouse is not "running errands", he/she is running around on you), your children (a rough patch is a few months or back-talking not years of getting arrested and being pregnant at 12) ....or any other decision you've made or thing you've had happen during your life. If you don't want to be judged, DO NOT JUDGE.
 
Now, before I get attacked for children/marriage/clothing/hair/attitude thing. I know there are always other issues at play. I was just using these as examples of things people do talk about and look down at others for. Funny thing is, people will not be as blunt with their feelings with those people as they are with me for having weight loss surgery. And my decision is one to help me and make me healthier. Doesn't something just sound wrong with that?

Okay, seriously, has anybody else felt that nesting instinct right before surgery? I've cleaned the heck out of my house! I'm practically seeing animated sparkles floating in the air...or at least I did until my kitty just threw up on the floor. Thanks, Mara. Also I'm totally diggin' this liquid diet. I feel really light and bouncy on my feet and have lost over 10 pounds. Another humerus aspect is that I'll be gone for 2 weeks as I'm staying with my parents and when I get back it'll be all dusty again, lol! So, the day after tomorrow is it! I'm so excited! And it's gonna go by fast, because I have to get up at 4am for work, then after I get off at 1pm I run on home to pick up the kitty and then drive 3.5 hours to my parents. Then we wait for my mom to get home, then we get in the car and drive 1.5 to the hospital (they have hotel-type rooms you can rent for $25) as I have a 7am check in time! Finally, surgery!
 
Ya'll, life is plain peachy right now! Woot woot!

My how time flies. I think this is week 6 for me! I'm dealing with a few hiccups but overall I'm doing very well.
I've been stalled for about 2 weeks now. It has a lot to do with my gallbladder issues and I'm going to see the surgeon about it tomorrow.
 
Now here is the kicker. I gained like half an inch on my arms and chest while stuck at 237 but I had to remind myself that it will pass. PLUS I've been working out like crazy and lifting weights so OF COURSE I'm gaining inches of muscle! I just wonder will it sabatoge this golden window everytone speaks of the first 6 months being for weight loss.
 
Back to the gallbladder. I don't want to go into the appointment like "I told you so" but I did ask him to take it out with my sleeve and he told me it was not neccesary because most patients don't have issues. I should have insisted on it, but you live and you learn. It really does lower my respect of his opinion. I swear sometimes I feel like I know more about this surgery than him or my NUT.....
 
 
On a good note, my confidence is through the roof. It's such an eye opening to feel good about myself and realize just how much I turned down chances to hang out or try different things when I was 40 pounds heavier. I've been running, playing basketball, going to bootcamp classes on campus, and tonight I'm going to a Zumba class. I can get through an hour or dancing without realizing how much time has gone by.
I'm making plans this summer to go rafting and hiking with friends. My energy level is through the roof! I'm no longer living, I'm finally Alive!
 
Since the scale isn't moving, I'm motivating myself by trying to claim as many NSVs as possible.
1. All of my labs are...normal? What is that word? Normal. I don't remember the last time I had normal labs.<--- Wow!
2. I painted my toes. I was even able to rest my knee as I painted! <----That is EPIC!
3. I can cross my legs. I do it without even realizing it now. <---I've NEVER been able to cross my legs comfortably.
4. i went to a international festival and bought a bracelet. It fits!. <----- I couldn't buy normal jewelry for the past 5 years without some kind of extender.
 
Thank you for reading. I hope each one of you has a wonderful rest of the week!

I consider myself an intelligent woman, but sometimes I really wonder where my marbles are! So I decided that I was going to be 'Proactive Girl' and start weaning myself off of solid food now instead of going cold turkey on Tuesday. Of course, I was more of the philosophy of "I got this" and jumped in with both feet. That scream you heard yesterday at about 3pm? That was my metaphorical chicken broth parachute getting a hole in it and metaphorically dropping me on my a$$.
 
So yesterday starts and I'm feeling all virtuous that I replaced both breakfast and lunch with one of my approved food groups. I can have things like broth, carnation instant breakfast, sugar/fat free pudding, under 5g sugar/fat free yogurt, cream of whatever soups etc. I just can't go over 20g of protein so that my liver shrinks away to nada. Of course I had run out of time the day before to get anything from the above list, which would make you think that I would just put it off for a day. Me, do something like that? Surely you jest! Luckily I had chicken broth that I had doctored with some cream of whatever and strained. So I had that for breakfast and lunch. Now I work in a busy store where I'm on my feet all day, work next to a hot convection oven which turns 'The Batcave' into 'The Alcove Of Despair From Over 100 Degree Temp', constantly moving, carrying 50 lb bags of whatnot and I've pedometered myself at walking about 3.5 miles at work in the course of an easy day. Can anybody guess what happened? Yep, all of a sudden the world got nice and bright and kinda floaty. No, I didn't faint or have the vapors (southern women don't faint, we engage in mortal combat with the floor) but I did get so birdbrained that when I got done putting gas in my car I forgot to put the lid and hatch back on the gas tank. Or I would forget what I was going to the back of the store for. So after talking to my dad, who had this surgery 2 months ago he kinda clued me that it was not one of my better ideas. Also, more water is needed when your body doesn't have enough fuel.
 
So today starts Day 2 of Easing Into The Liquid Diet. I went to the grocery store yesterday and got provisions so that I don't do my best Gone With The Wind impression at work. It's my long shift today so here's to hoping!
 
I hope everybody is having a phenomenal day and that your weekend is bright and shiny!

Last year my mom and I went on this amazing vacation that had to do with her work. It was fantastic and we've been planning on doing it again next year (it's only held every other year). We were talking about it tonight and how exciting it's going to be. I love hanging out with my mom! One of the things I'm really excited about is how much thinner I'll be because of the surgery. It'll definitely make riding on a plane easier! I am just about the maximum size a person can be and still fit in the waaaay too narrow seat. Yet I do fit with a little room to spare so it made me feel bad when I got on one of my connecting flights and the guy sitting next to me had the "oh hell no that fat chick isn't going to sit next to me" look on his face. He didn't even have the courtesy to at least pretend not to be looking around for another seat. In fact he about bowled me over in his hurry to get away from me. Bastard. Sometimes I wonder how people can be so insensitive. I'm no saint, but I genuinely do not want to hurt people's feelings. It makes me wonder if people who have no care for others were raised in a barn by a flock of feral chickens.
 
Anyway, that is neither here nor there. So my mom and I were talking about this fab vacation we're planning and I can't wait to shop for clothes! Granted, it's 10 months and 3 weeks away (but whose counting?) but I'm daydreaming about wearing a sexy little dress that clings in all the right places. Of a classy little evening bag whose strap stays on my shoulder and some knockout heels that scream "diva on the prowl!".
 
I've already changed so much in the last year. Internally changed, I mean. In fact, last summer was the first summer in almost 10 years that I wore shorts. Crazy, right? Yet I've always been so self-conscious. Not because I'm...er...plumptious, but because I have a lot of scarring on my legs from a run in with a brown recluse spider plus mrsa and two surgeries. I finally decided that my scars show that I still have legs thank god and that I've led an interesting life so screw the stares from people. To my surprise I found that most people just don't care or don't pay attention. It was a huge confidence builder and for those who were rude enough to point my scars out I came up with some real humdinger responses. My favorites included being attacked by rabid fire ants, alien abduction, surgery to make me taller, and a horrific circus accident involving a clown, tiger, and a wheelbarrow. *smirk*.
 
Man, I can't wait to go shopping for fashionable clothing!

Great news! I have some NSV's to share
1. my replacement wedding band no longer fits, but I'm still holding out for the big one, so this will have to do for now
2. My BMI dropped from 42 to 39.5. I'm still Morbidly obese, but hey, at least its coming down!
3. My fasting blood sugar usually runs 100-110. It's been 89!
4. I kinda sorta in a way can see my waist now! Thats always exciting!
5. I have so much more energy!! It's 3 AM and I'm up and ready for the day. Insomnia you say? Maybe, but at least I'm energetic!!
 
I've discovered a strength this week that I didn't know I had. I'm learning patience, perserverance, but most of all I'm learning to step outside of myself. I read Holly's blog (300 pounds gone, check it out, I love her writing) a couple of weeks ago, and she challenged her readers to help themselves by helping others. I may have paraphrased that all wrong, but that is the message I got out of it. Each of us is so caught up in the scale, the NSV's, our pain and suffering, that our focus is internal. I'm working on remembering to pull myself out of my own head and reach out to others. It's been fulfilling to give encouragement without expecting any in return
 
This surgery is not only good for the physical aspect of ourselves, but also the mental and spiritual. Then again, it is what you make it.
 
Have a great week everyone!!

Soooooo it's day 3. It's also the last weekday of my spring break and I've done absolutely NOTHING LOL. Back to the surgery. I'm officially post-op. The surgery went very well. Passed the leak test, started my liquids, discharged yesterday. I thought I was prepared for it all. I've had a c section before, I read the forums, blogs, but nothing prepares you for this. The pain is different. My pain was constant. Its not just the incisional pain, its the gas and acid!
 
It was very hard for me to walk my first day. I was on a dilaudid PCA and I would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but I tried anyway. The walking does help. Walk, walk, walk!
 
I overpacked. I couldn't even tell you everything that was in my bag, but I can tell you what I would not have made it without:
1. My heating pad
2. Gax-x strips
3. phone
4. tampons
5. wipes for the ladyparts
6. small pillow to splint your stomach
 
I'm trying to get all of my fluids in. It's a full time job I tell ya. I try to remind myself to sip and Keep a bottle of something close to me at all times.
Slowly but surely i'm getting it in. Whelp, it's time for the good ol' pain meds again, so I will keep you guys posted on my progress!

Soooooo it's day 3. It's also the last weekday of my spring break and I've done absolutely NOTHING LOL. Back to the surgery. I'm officially post-op. The surgery went very well. Passed the leak test, started my liquids, discharged yesterday. I thought I was prepared for it all. I've had a c section before, I read the forums, blogs, but nothing prepares you for this. The pain is different. My pain was constant. Its not just the incisional pain, its the gas and acid!
 
It was very hard for me to walk my first day. I was on a dilaudid PCA and I would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but I tried anyway. The walking does help. Walk, walk, walk!
 
I overpacked. I couldn't even tell you everything that was in my bag, but I can tell you what I would not have made it without:
1. My heating pad
2. Gax-x strips
3. phone
4. tampons
5. wipes for the ladyparts
6. small pillow to splint your stomach
 
I'm trying to get all of my fluids in. It's a full time job I tell ya. I try to remind myself to sip and Keep a bottle of something close to me at all times.
Slowly but surely i'm getting it in. Whelp, it's time for the good ol' pain meds again, so I will keep you guys posted on my progress!

I clean when I get nervous or frustrated and right now my house is spotless, my plants have been replanted, and if it wasn't so cold out, the cars would be washed. I have ONE more day and a wake up before my surgery. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited, but I'm really nervous because even though I lost on the pre-op diet, I'm still dangerously close to my cut-off. My body is just rebellious! As soon as she figures out I'm on some kind of diet, she shuts down all weight loss. Story of my life!
 
Meanwhile, going to find something else to clean.

I clean when I get nervous or frustrated and right now my house is spotless, my plants have been replanted, and if it wasn't so cold out, the cars would be washed. I have ONE more day and a wake up before my surgery. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited, but I'm really nervous because even though I lost on the pre-op diet, I'm still dangerously close to my cut-off. My body is just rebellious! As soon as she figures out I'm on some kind of diet, she shuts down all weight loss. Story of my life!
 
Meanwhile, going to find something else to clean.

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.

300 Pounds Down: Prison--trapped in my own body

Well, I returned to work, arrived early - 7 AM, since I had insomnia last night - I figured I'd make the most of the day. After I got my walk on with the love of my life. My hubbage has been super awesome supportive. I am blessed. I keep my big GNC MIO flavored water at my side where ever I go, and I have a bottle of Isopure on my desk. I sip, sip, sip and that does the trick. I had egg-salad at my desk - started at 12, and finished at 3 - I took my sweet time eating bit by bit. I'm so afraid of feeling uncomfortable and visiting up-chuck city at work that I would rather slowly pace myself. Granted, it is HARD AS HELL. The shadow man from stress eater land is lurking over me all the time. It is so wierd to want to eat but to not be hungry. I think that is the biggest challenge for me. Recognizing and listening to my stress triggers and not immediately thinking FOOD. I find so much support, positivity and community on this site - thank you who ever reads and comments, you are lifting my spirit as I work through this life change. Every smiley face is getting a smile right back. I talked to my HR Director, she did not turn over the paperwork to my boss, kept it confidential as requested, fully supported me. (I LOVE WHEN HR DOES WHAT THEY SHOULD). I met with my boss, the good news...well she told me about my "bonus" for the performance year - we did well. However, she "negatively modified" my bonus because she felt I "struggled" this year. Let me define the struggle. An anonymous complaint to HR w/out facts, inuendo and no specific examples to substantiate the claim. I've asked time and again - but to no avail. And I got "dinged" because she did not feel I had as outstanding of a year as my peers. She smiled the whole time she said it. She's inspires me to be a better person. Even though it was a small "ding" - it is the point none the less. I've been working on my Resume - time to be successful somewhere else. Some day. I love my staff, my team, the work I do. It is challenging, fun. I've got AWESOME health bennies. So, I shut up and put up, or I move on. I don't think I could handle moving on so soon. So I will vent, and deal. And wish the flees of a thousand camels infest her pants.