swizzly

Hi all -- I haven't been around much cos I was avoiding this thread for a while, during the time I was sooooo down and depressed cos I was just a huge bummer. I need to catch up on what I've missed as well as update you on news from my side, but have to carve out some time to do so!! I have to go on a biz trip next week and anticipate a lot of hurry-up-and-wait, as well as jet lag mid-night awakeness, so hopefully can do it soon. The short version is: I'm doing MUCH better, thank you all for your support while I was in the $h1tter of life... xoxoxo

Makes lots of sense to me, Sue. I never got to my ultimate goal and was only 4kg from it...now 15kg from it... Sigh. The past year has really done my head in, no kidding. OMG, I have to kill my husband LOL!!! I moved the scaled to the hall and was practically in tears before stepping on...only to find the exact weight I had in the bathroom. Not sure what he's doing wrong, but my weight was accurately measured (if the scales are true) in both locations. WHEW!! I was so freaked out by that... That being said, I still weigh 10kg more than my supposed top bounce range. UGH. WHAT HAPPENED?? A year ago, I weighed literally 10-12 kg less than I do now. I think it's got to be stress-related, and also what Sheryl said -- not enough exercise. 10k steps per day isn't enough exercise for a middle-aged woman, full stop. I have to go for my four-year follow-up next week and I reckon I will cry on the scales there. I already do, just thinking about it. I've been one of their superstars all along and now I'm just a WLS cliche... Denise, I'm so sorry about your back pain -- sciatica is THE WORST. I can't believe you got through all that infection mess and still have lots of pain. I'm so sorry. :-( Sue, glad your mom is okay!!! What a relief. Florinda...hang in there, baby. I feel like shite too, so I feel ya. But it's got to get better again... Thanks for the joyful wishes, Cathy. :-) I'm not religious, but I'll take it!!

Denise, is your infection all sorted now? Do you feel any better? Sorry to hear about the insurance crap -- that is always a huge PITA. I'm totally sick to my stomach right now. My husband just texted me that he gained 7kg...by moving the scales from the bathroom where we always keep them, and weigh on a tile floor -- to the hallway where there are hardwood floors, and his weight was 7kg higher on the wood floor. I can't even think about this or I am going to FREAK THE EFF OUT. I'm already dealing with 10+ kg weight gain, what if it's more like 15, or 20??!? OMG. I'm in hell.

Oh Kim. /sob/ Losing my baby boy dog last year was one of the things that was part of the Very Bad Stuff that effed me over. I am SO sorry. Coops, I'm so sorry about your mom. :-( It's just too much sometimes, no? Denise, I hope your infection is cleared up after all this. Good god. Sheryl, Scotts are good guys. I hope yours turns out to be good too. Thanks for telling about all your regain stories. I think the truth of the matter is, I just have to get my $hit together again, nothing else for it. Good luck to that... Much love to all. <3 (Yes, no notifications from this thread anymore, so I have to check in when I can to see what's new -- I used to get your updates in my emails.)

Thanks for the nice replies, Sheryl and Kim. I'm already crying after work today, so I'll leave it at that. Life is hard. Good luck with the new guy, Sheryl. ENJOY. I really wish Denise would check in, that infection so worries me.

Sheryl, yes, the job is doing a number on me. Careful what you wish for and all that. How much have people here regained and lost again? I need to feel like it's possible, cos now it just feels like trying to lose weight pre sleeve. Ugh I gotta get my head right. UK Mother's Day always freaks me out too lol. Happy Mother's Day to Sue and Cathy!! Denise, I hope you're doing okay. (I've stopped getting notifications for this thread, thought no one had posted since I did. Has that happened to anyone else?)

I know I'm bad for reading and never posting...but then when you all stop posting, I MISS YOU in my inbox. How's things? Denise, how's the infection and aftermath?? I SO hope you are feeling better now. What an awful experience you've had. :-( How's everyone else doing? When I tried to find this thread, I ended up on page one of it and saw all the people who've left us. I got a bit sad. Social media is awesome...and awful as well. I'm not built well for it cos I really miss people I think of as friends or trusted advisers. Anyhow. I hope people are off having fun and enjoying life!! I finally have to get real about the past year. I had SUCH an easy ride the first three years, I guess I just didn't realise what could happen. That long into it, I figured I was safe. So here's the truth now: in the past year, I've gained about 12 kg, which is around 26/27 lb. O.M.F.G. Half of it was in the past four months. WTAF?!? My four year surgiversary was on 23 Feb and I didn't even weigh myself that day. I am starting to think something is actually wrong to gain so much, so fast. My four-year follow-ups are coming up so maybe that will shed some light. But yeah, I'm not happy about it. I've already tried to not focus on hating myself or feeling like I've "blown my chance" -- that kind of all-or-nothing will just send me down the abyss spiral. So I'm trying to keep my cool and think of approaches for fixing this mess. I've bought some new clothes so that I have stuff to wear, but I feel quite huge -- much huger than I did when I weighed like 250 lb or so. I feel embarrassed and ashamed too. All WLS cliches you can think of, I feel them. I jokingly told my husband I bought the entire shame-spiral collection at a local discount shop where I bought large loose pull-overs in every color on offer, plus some cheap black trousers. God. Damn. So that's how I am. I'm in pulling-myself-out-slowly mode, can't do everything at once, esp with my GD job being such a huge PITA. So I ALWAYS use the fitbit still, my wee lifesaver it is. Try to do 10k steps per day, just to maintain a bottom line of some sort. Some point I WON'T go past...I hope. I had started smoking again from stress, but have now switched to a vap/e-cig thing I ordered from the US cos it has actual nicotine in. Been off the fags for two weeks so far. Baby steps... Trying not to fall into self-pity mode. Any suggestions? I can't really do 5:2, which is maybe where this all went awry...? It really messes with my emotions and anxiety -- so perhaps it's actually messing with my hormones? I've been eating cleaner than anyone might think, given the gain -- so I reckon it's the work parties, the traveling, the wine. And I have zero desire to go back to the gym cos it comes out of my sleeping time -- and with my insomnia, I have to choose. I choose sleep so I don't go mental... There. That's me coming clean now. What a fukakta mess. I hope you are all doing better than me!!! <3

I wish I had anything helpful to tell you, GT. Just know that I'm in the same kind of inexplicable spiral you are, and that I do believe we will eventually pull ourselves up again. For now: Hugs from afar. <3

Denise -- do you mean Sleeve4Me? She has been around since before me, she's a very longtimer. She's lovely too. I would add her no problem, if you're looking for votes. :-) She went away for a couple of years while she was cruising below goal (oh THOSE days...), but has gained and is looking for a new start. Hope your infection is well and truly GONE!!! Globetrotter, I am TOTALLY feelin ya. Nothing I own fits and I'm miserable. What a GD suckfest this is. I can't believe how well I cruised through 3.5 years, only to get completely tripped up bigtime over the past few months. Eff word.

Denise, with elevated liver enzymes, Hep C, + recurring infection, please be super careful and ADAMANT about your own health. They can't keep blowing you off and shuffling you around. Argh!!! Love my pressure cooker, will never give it up.

{{{{coops}}}} I have nothing to offer but huge hugs. Hang in there. <3

OMG Sar, TBI is nothing to mess with. GO VERY EASY on yourself. Took me a few years to feel more or less normal again. OD, that infection is freaking me out -- you've not gone septic have you?? I REALLY hope they get you sorted soon!! Hugs to all. <3

I'm in SF this week for all-day all-night work meetings, which means lots of sitting, stressful discussions, politics and egos, heavy meals and drinks, JET LAG, no sleep, etc. I was also here for the Epic Storm, which was indeed pretty bad. A big power transformer blew up just outside my hotel -- suddenly this huge BOOM and a flame ball and people running away, and everything went black cos the power obviously shut down in the entire area instantly. But I couldn't see what was happening from up in my hotel room, so I was freaking out a bit. Also was naked cos about to get in shower, so was extra worried about having naked emergency. Had to try to get ready for meetings in the dark, no shower. Looked sketchy as hell. Miraculously, my car arrived on time but it took 2.5 hours to get to the office, normally a max 45-minute trip even in heavy traffic. I injured by back going down the fire stairs and now am in a good amount of pain. The meetings this week have left me doubting everything about my life and feeling ultimately discouraged. I'm exhausted. Not sure how to keep going. Am way over goal, haven't weighed in a long time, and it's bothering me greatly -- but so much else bothering me, it's hard to tell where to untangle things. HOPING for a smooth trip to the airport this morning and a relatively on-time flight, but going by how things have been this week, I will be satisfied with just about anything that gets me out of here. Love and hugs to all -- I'm always reading and sending you all good vibes, even though I haven't had time to post. I read your updates in my email every day. <3

Oh Cathy, that is a HUGE suckfest!!! :-( I feel like the flood in our apartment last year was the start of the downhill slide for me, but there was so much going on, I can't really pin it just on that. But god, so stressful to move house with two days notice and then live in temporary accommodation for three months, then move again. Still haven't recovered and unpacked everything...never mind the rest of the shite going on. I wish you peace and well-being while you get it all sorted!! Do you have to move out?? Sheryl, I TOTALLY understand what you mean. I feel like there is only limited heartbreak available and I don't want to find other opportunities for it. That said, I am guessing we are both more resilient than we think we are. Hugs.

I agree with Shery's practical approach -- Lynda only for now, and let's see how it goes. This is a safe space and we have reason to be cautious!! Denise, SOOOO glad you are feeling better!! I had fever of 104-105 a few years back cos of salmonella poisoning, very dangerous levels for an adult and makes you a bit 'not yourself' to say the least. I hope your infection is all at bay now!!