crosswind

So this morning I did not have to put gauze on myself. One small step for man and one less reason to feel like a war casualty. Yesterday I got all kinds of buzzkilling news from Dr' Aceves office: gaby told me I could not get dental work for six weeks, laser surgery for six weeks, that I could not swim yet or go in the hot tub for three months and the same went for leaving the country. Chee. What's a girl without a stomach supposed to do with herself in that case? Well, yesterday, things being as they were, I went and blew 150 dollars on salon services just because I had no energy for anything else and no interest in a cheeseburger. I got summer highlights -- you know, hair stripes, caramel zebra, and then I went to the nail salon to get a mani/pedi. I don't know how often people around here indulge in this kind of thing, but when you can't eat any solid food, your nightly tearful exhaustion spell is about to set in, and you can't do anything of things at your health club that you want to do, this is not such a bad option. Lay back on the massage chair, dip your feet into the pristinely clean basin and watch the light show commence from the bottom of it, blue and purple and pink lights in swirling Water. There was a big screen tv with a slideshow of waterfalls and mountain vistas and iguanas, and spooky Yanni music filling the air. My toes are now electric blue, my hair is yellow zebra and my nails are Vampire Shellack. Today I hit the health club, depressed I could not swim but I went on the AirDyne for twenty minutes, and then I went to weigh myself on the industrial fatperson scale they have in the ladies locker room. There is weirdness with scales in my life, but according to that one I have lost 23 pounds since the last time I was there a month ago; and I only lost about a pound on the pre-op diet. Then I went to the library. I decided since I have nothing else to do with myself, I might as well read something. B plus. On the mend. And five more days until I can swim and eat food.

I think it has to do with novocaine and swallowing stuff you shouldn't swallow. It's five more days to swim but the hot tub was kind of interesting. It didn't have to do with infected sutures -- she said after this kind of surgery I'm still very weak and I have to get my strength back before I sat in either a sauna or hot tub. Me? Weak? I'm five ten and previously was able to eat like a lumberjack. That's the first time anyone has used that word with regards to myself ever. Odd.

You know...if you kept that up you'd be down a hundred pounds in five months...

Yeah, this is what I'm saying: this is bariatric surgery -- in other words a therapeutic option for the morbidly obese. The underlying idea is that people with this problem have a chronic metabolic disorder that makes it impossible for them to maintain a normal weight taking in a *normal* amount of calories. The flux capacitor has gone kaflooey -- that's the rationale for performing the surgery in the world of bariatrica. The thrifty gene has gone beyond the pale and started hoarding happy meal boxes and cats. It might be true of you, it actually might only be true of you *right now*. But the bariatricors and bariatrixes are recommending what they believe to be a "safe" level even if you're not finding that's working for you. I don't think this is going to turn out to be true of me because I was so damn hungry all the time and I was probably putting away a full four thousand calories almost every day. I spent a couple months "eating normally" and watching this and it was breathtaking. I don't know for sure if I've got a bad capacitor yet but I might, considering this is the third time I will have lost the same 100 pounds. in the meantime, Powerade for all.

Two weeks out and I dropped another two pounds on the scale. This morning I had a bottle of water with Nexium in it, a hot cup of very weak decaf earl gray with splenda and milk, and I'm working on another bottle of Fiji. Last night I started getting tired around 6 PM. I also tried to eat a smoothie and every time I attempt one of these I can only eat a quarter of it so I'm starting to collect cups of infinished milk solids everywhere. My energy is for shit. My primal memory is recalling the days not so long ago that low energy meant Taco Bell or a bag of Tostitos so it's weird to look in the fridge, gaze upon the contents for several seconds and think...nah. It's just the weirdest experience to not be hungry. I used to have an appetite like a draft horse. I woke up hungry, was starving by ten pm wihether I had eaten breakfast or not, eat through whatever stress sonata my head was playing, take a break from paperwork by ripping open a bag of something, My hunger was so strong and so sharp I would never bother to cook because I really couldn' t wait that long, I also used to be a diet soda addict. I would rip into one of these just about the minute I woke up -- caffeine, bubbles, hydration, hallelujah. This morning the bottle of Fiji water on the counter was actually desirable. I wanted it. In fact after thousands of failed attempts to find something to replace my diet soda I realize there's nothing. Crystal Light blows. Fruit juice has calories and can be acidic. I can see all these mini-choices are going to add up to a completely different way of operating my refrigerator. in other news, this is the last day I have to pack that gauze. One more step towards becoming a person and not a patient. I'm giving day 14 a C plus.

pat Original instructions from bariatric surgeons is to stay around a thousand calories per day. The very simple reason for this is that one assumption about morbidly obese people is that they have compromised metabolisms and simply can not maintain a normal weight at 1500 or 2000. The whole rationale reads that there is an involuntary process at work of some kind that makes people retain weight that can't be rectified any other way but surgery. Anyway there *are* people like this and they really are going to have to maintain on a thousand calories. The thing is they'l do it comfortably now with their sleeve restriction.

Hey. I wrote this two weeks ago: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/15683-i-left-my-stomach-in-mexicali/

. Good luck. You know, in this really bizarre way, it's going to be fun.

Thanks all. It's weird! And I bet it'll happen today too.. I'm leaning more towards the anesthesia thing than the estrogen at this point. I haven't really lost enough weight for it to be floating around in my system. However, fentanyl probably still *is* zipping around in my bloodstream. I've heard the thing about being weepy after surgery too, I just didn't connect them until it became a dailly pattern. Fascinating...

Oh fer chrissakes just go to Mexico. This is the kind of crap I just can not stand. Who is this person to tell you to *WAIT* and *BE FAT ANOTHER SIX MONTHS* to see if you get in a better mood? It's beyond comprehension. Just go to Mexico, get your sleeve and get your aftercare from the regular doctors and not the crazy people who have no idea what it feels like to be fat. Gah.

The scale hasn't moved since last week. That's an initial eighteen pounds at the end of maybe the first week, and nothing thereafter. I think my three week stall came early and I am making myself not think that this might mean I am going to turn out to be a slowpoke loser. I can't start soft food for another seven days. I have to wait eight days til I can swim. I am still changing my drain gauze. Two days till I can stop fussing with paper tape every day after my shower. I miss my moisturixing body wash and my bufpuf I went shopping yesterday and tried to get excited over cream Soups. Brought them home and attempted to add unjury Protein to these things and three attempts at this ended up in the sink before I gave up and had a Yoplait LIght and Fit Red Velvet Cake. It's clear to me that I am in the valley of the worst part of the recovery period for a VSG. Nothing is happening, eat your Jello. Just eat your Jello and watch Midred Piece on TV and go to bed at a decent hour. Your metabolic chemistry has undergone something like a nuclear detonation so just shut up and whatever you do, do not go on a rampage and get a bottle of wine and a philly cheese steak at Culvers. I am on Day 13 since my surgery but I think I'm on Day 2 of gutting it out.

If you have no insurance now, having the VSG makes you *uninsurable* for anywhere from six months to five years depending on the carrier. It makes no sense since you're actually about to get a lot healther, but whatever. You won't get aftercare unless you are already insured under something you had before you got the sleeve. However, any dotor will treat you or see you -- you can't be refused care by any hospital and it'sdoubtful any doctor would refuse to see you. But -- yeah, in that case -- you pay out of pocket.

Hooray, congratulations!

One of the reasons losing a lot of weight is so hard is just physics. I'm not talking about some crazy pyrotechnical women's mag wizardry involving blueberries and antioxidants and almonds and green tea and krill oil. I'm just saying: when you over a hundred points overweight, your chnces of losing it are really small for a simple reason: In order to diet it off, you would have to be in a state of caloric deficit for a year or more. Since your body hates being in a caloric deficit and will figure out all kinds of diabolical ways to hipcheck the energy balance, I think at that point you're basically screwed. I'm not saying it's impossible. But it's harder than anyone realizes and that is why the idea of a medical intervention is not so crazy or desperate anymore. It's *really* hard to lose 100 pounds without help, I am telling you this from experience. I remember thinking a couple months ago, from my headquarters ( a queen sized Sealy posturepedic) that I wanted to be thin again and all but the road from headquarters to there was so, so, so very long. I still feel that way. It's Day 12 and I want to be at the six month mark. I don't want to go through all this. I want to be done with this RIGHT NOW. Impatient isn't even the word, I have gone *existential* over this. What I really can't wait for is three days from now I can stop packing that gauze on my drain incision. It's not that big a deal -- pre-sleevers attention -- IT IS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL AT ALL. I just means I can stumble in and out of the shower without having to be conscious, which is how I prefer things. Anyway, today I went to NuVibe juice and Java and orderd a Power Vibe -- milk, chocolate flavor, banana, light yogurt and a double shot of whey Protein. It's AWESOME and it's going down fine. I really feel happy all the sudden. Oddly.

. Meggie Meggie,you're such a doll, love that you won your bed on the radio. I've never won anything on the radio but it would be so cool if people got more stuff that way .Like say a husband or -- parents! These people really gave birth to you and raised you? Nah, won them on the radio...

Oh, kiddo, I know how you feel. But the thing is, it doesn't even have to be that serious of an intervention with such severe societal overtones. . Like say a person has moles. Okay, you're covered with moles. You can live just fine looking like a hag but modern science has figured out how to *get rid of tthem*. I mean no one is coming up to with their lips pursed saying, well, did you *try* rubbing a hardboiled egg on them like I told you? Seriously. I'm a hundred pounds overweight. I've contributed *liberally* to the United States GNP via credit card to every infomercial in the known world. It's not abnormal to realize you need, and ask for, help with this. The really weird thing about it all is that so few people *get the help*. Instead of medical science, our great flagship of modern western society, working on this problem to our benefit we get like, Marie Osmond. Come on! I was thinking today about writing a blog entitled: " BCBS: Give these people their fuqing sleeves already. "

The scale hasn't moved in about five days. I keep wondering if this is going to mean I am a fast or slow loser. You know you go through this massive decision/risk and then the next thing you're thinking about is how great life is going to be at your target weight when you're all healed up and it's a million years from now. In between is me and Mr. Tantrum, my new stomach. Mr. Tantrum has really put up with a lot but it's just strange to relate to a nutrition-absorbing device that is so touchy and disinterested in food. It's like having a baby. Does it want a little more juice? Why is it crying? Is it lonely? Does it want to watch Barney on TV? What if we give it some whiskey? Maybe if we got it a prescription for medical marijuana just to keep it calmed down... Is that so wrong?

Hoo boy am I ever not hungry. I woke up this morning not being hungry, wandered through the morning not being hungry, drank a Vitamin Water containing a Nexium and then started on another one. It occurred to me in the shower that it would be completely easy to go fully lowcarb now because I do not give a stuff about food. And I realized I was much more comfortable with nothing but water in me anyway. Protein seems to have a set of consequences that make me feel like I've had an operation of some kind. I can see the brilliant frankengenius in this surgery. The last time I was like this I was fifteen years old and eating a Marlboro Light and a Fresca for Breakfast. I'm on the verge of skipping the thin liquid stage and just powering through the next ten days on Sobe Lifewater and valium.

Thank you both. You are most excellently right. I never thought about adding Injury to SoBe water but I'll keep working on it seriously. It's just so amazing to simply not. want. food.

Oh. Right...

After the Great Disappointment I had with liquid Protein I'm not particularly looking forward to phase 2 full liquids. When I went into this I thought the food changeup would keep things exciting but frankly I mostly feel like I just had surgery and my stomach feels weird all the time. All I really want is purple gatorade and chamomile, I don't want to do any weird food experiments right now. A couple days afterwards what I wanted most desperately in the world was a Mrs. Field's brownie. Now I'mnot even sure if I would be interested. I waited eleven days for butterscotch pudding. It seems kind of anticlimactic really.

I tried two flavors, vanilla and Cookies and Cream. I bought them because I wanted something that had a more "shakelike" consistency when I mixed it up with ice and Water but I have never tasted anything that weird in my life. Cookies and Cream has no flavor but it smells of fish. The vanilla has no flavor but it smells like fish and goes down like chalk. I tried to cover up the chalky squid taste with more vanilla extract and some sweetener, but then it just tasted like fish, chalk, vanilla extract and sweet and low. What a disappointment. Skip.

I was wondering about this. I spend an enormous, shameful amount of money on *food*. It's not really because I eat a lot, it's more because I'm either on or off a diet. So when I'm on the diet, I have to buy the diet stuff. And then the diet convenience stuff, like supplements and...you know, whatever they sell you, the supplement-sprouting Chia Pet and the DVD. THen when I'm off the diet I go out to dinner, buy fast food and good wine and whatever looks good in the bakery aisle. I also buy whatever herbal thing I'm supposed to buy and all the gimmicks around. For example I bought Sensa Food Sprinkles and they are very silly but look the alternative was getting an organ removed. Anyway I spent ten thousand dollars to do this thinking that over time I'd save money on all that, not to mention I would probably eat less and save more. Is this what happened to you or is there more crap to buy on the other side of the sleeve?

When I first got home i thought the key to hunger was Protein, so I dutifully drank down my Isopure Alpine Formaldehyde Splash and got three huge tubs of Unjury( why does this sound like Injury? Are the manufacturers aware of this similarity? ). Days three through six were the worst. I was so hungry the screaming in my belly was so loud I could not sleep on my stomach because it hurt. Okay, who knows what that was. Then I woke up yesterday and I was the opposite of hungry. I didn' t want *anything*. No tea, no Water, no....nothing. The protein makes my stomach ache and tires me out getting it down -- I get it down okay but it takes a little while for the whole crew to settle down in there once I'm done. And usually I need a nap soon after. Today. No protein. I don't, I mean I really DO NOT want it. It's not because of the pain, I'm seriously just not interested. This is the weirdest thing. I drank a thirty two ounce jug of purple gatorade and then I had a V-8 because I was bored. This has been my nutrition for the day thus far. I'm not crazy about protein to begin with. I like fat. Butter. I like fat on fat transerence objects such as toast. In fact normally if I were sick and just recovering from surgery normally it would be Toast Fiesta Week in Toast Town. Protein not so much. I don't like steak or chicken or...lamp or veal or pork or...tuna...come to think of it I just am not a big fan of eating anything with a face and this is not moral or political, I just...you know, maybe the face is still down there, getting ready to haunt the shit out of me. Anyway. . The only thing I really can get down protein wise are Beans, cottage cheese and Peanut Butter normally anyway. This is kind of a real disovery for me. I never really asked anybody WHY they were having such a hard time getting their protein in. I can see now I'm going to have a hard time with the protein because I don't want it. What about you?