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Dibley Dawn

LAP-BAND Patients
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Everything posted by Dibley Dawn

  1. Dibley Dawn

    Pigging Out

    At this moment, right now, i feel like a death row inmate about to choose my last meal. my liquid diet begins tomorrow, so i have one more meal today that will be eaten in "the old way". this will be the last time i put something in my mouth without thinking about it (without having to PB or get stuck that is). *sigh* while i'm beginning to get excited at the possibility of getting slimmer, i'm still afraid that i will fail like i have so many times before. Anyway, I AM going to go through with this though, and i'm going to do my very best to follow the rules and change my habits. no turning back.
  2. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    yes, we should get a group of us together...of course we'll have to wait a couple of months until we can eat solid food. either that or meet up at a Protein shake bar.
  3. Dibley Dawn

    Seriously considering Lap Band

    I don't know about your BMI of 40, but I live in NYC as well and I'm going through NYU medical center. Dr. George Fielding is going to be doing my surgery. I chose him because he himself has the band and I figured if any doctor could know the struggles, the ups and the downs, it would be a doctor who has had it. you should definitely go to the seminar as they will give you all kinds of information regarding what they need from you and what to ask your insurance company. they also have someone in their office that will help you with the insurance stuff. anyway, best of luck in whatever surgeon you choose.
  4. Dibley Dawn

    Nervous Wreck

    i have no input really, but my surgery is also may 4th and i am freaking out right along with you. i weigh quite a bit more than you, so if there is saggy skin, i'm gonna be lugging that around. i have some of those same fears, but my main fear is what happens after this band is in me for 10 or 15 years...fears about having to have it replace, or fears of it not working. anyway, sorry i have nothing to add, but I am definitely in the same boat with you. currently, i'm having a bunch of "last suppers", eating things i'm not going to get to eat for a while. each bite makes me feel more and more like a death row inmate.
  5. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    Afternoon update....well, as much as this decision is killing me, I guess there is (almost) no turning back now because I just spent almost $400 :blink:on protein shakes and other things to get me through both my 2 weeks of liquid diet and my first 10 days post op. I have everything i think i need, at least i sure do hope so.
  6. Dibley Dawn

    Any May 2011 Banders?

    My surgery is scheduled for May 4th, my pre admission testing is April 22nd, and my liquid diet starts on April 20th. Plus i have gained 2 pounds because I am apparently going through the "last supper syndrome of eating everything in sight. yikes.
  7. Dibley Dawn

    May Day

    Hi guys, thanks for posting. I think my excitement at the possibility of losing weight is being overshadowed by my fear at this point. I am just overwhelmed with fear. I am trying so very hard to not let my brain take me to scary places. I'm a little worried about the food part of it and what i will and won't be able to eat, but i'm more worried about what happens when i'm 60. I'm 36 right now, and I don't know what this thing is going to do inside of me, and who knows what kind of insurance i'll have 25 years from now to take care of it. I know that this isn't what everyone else is thinking about, but I'm obsessing over it. anyway, i am trying to push those thoughts from my mind and just tell myself that if worse comes to worse, i'll have the surgery reversed. i hope it doesn't come to that, and I hope this surgery can stop the hunger monster that rages inside of me. I have a lot of weight to lose, but honestly i would be happy if i didn't lose a single pound, i just don't want to gain any more weight. At any rate, we are going grocery shopping today to load up on all the Protein shake stuff that i have to have for my 2 week diet. this is becoming real and i am trying not to chicken out.
  8. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    What part of the bronx do you live in? I live just across the river from the bronx, near Yankee Stadium in Harlem. I am the last stop of the 3 train. My commute is easy peasy, no matter where i go within the city.
  9. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    hey guys, sorry it took me sooo long to get back to you all. i had jury duty for a couple of days, and I literally just got home from a meeting, sooooooooo it's been a very long, long day. thank you all so much for your honest answers. they are really, very helpful and i am feeling more and more confident with each answer that comes. really, i am. for instance, i haven't cried at all today, so that is a very big deal. Hi Elizabeth! I live in manhattan and I work in midtown, thought i'm not originally from here...but June is my 10 year anniversary in the city so i will be able to officially call myself a new yorker.
  10. Dibley Dawn

    Pigging Out

    yes, i too seem to be eating everything in sight. i will probably gain 20 pounds before the liquid diet. mine starts on wednesday.
  11. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    It's weird to me that i am regretting the surgery before i actually have it.
  12. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    thanks vicky. i have been playing with the idea in my head that if i just NEED to take a big bite of something, then i'll take a big bite of it and spit it out. the swallowing of it isn't what gives me the satisfaction, it's the chomping the huge bite of it. and cravings...the only thing i ever crave is carbs, soooooo i'm gonna have to learn to do without them for a very long while. yes, can you tell i am still trying to wrap my brain around it all? it's so overwhelming.
  13. Dibley Dawn

    Wrapping My Brain around this

    It's good to know that i can drink a lot of Water quickly if i'm exercising. That really was a HUGE concern. as for having it replaced every 10 or so years...that's like 16,000 per surgery right? I hope my insurance at that time will pay for such a thing. I guess I'd better start saving up money now huh?
  14. Dibley Dawn

    Am I the fattest one here?

    That is wonderful insight Larry. I just can't believe how emotional this is all making me. I had a glass of wine last night and it calmed me down, i went to sleep and woke up with the thought of "i am doing the right thing". Then, on my way to jury duty, i stopped off to get some Breakfast..an innocent looking egg mcmuffin. i sat down and took a bite and then just burst into tears with the thoughts of "i can never just take a huge bite of anything again." that sounds so silly, but I guess i'm kind of a food aholic ...taking a huge bite of something, feeling the greese just smush out and go down is (sadly) very enjoyable for me. later, when i got home i was so thirsty and parched. I made a glass of Crystal Light lemonade and took a huge refreshing gulp of it. I almost downed the entire glass with one swig. this is something I do quite often, just chug Water, crystal light, cold refreshing things, especially in the summer. I won't be able to do that again. I know these sound like stupid petty things, but it is almost like i'm on death row and I have to have all my chugging and gulping before I give up my life and get my (what i'm calling) my Spike Chip. I'm calling the band my Spike Chip after Spike from Buffy the vampire slayer. Some government guys kidnap him and put a chip in his head that causes physical pain any time he wants to drink someone's blood. with all that negative reinforcement, he stops drinking fresh human blood. so this little guy is my spike chip....if i can convince myself to just do it.
  15. Dibley Dawn

    Getting cold feet.

    I am in the same boat you are in. My surgery is scheduled for May 4th and I am in full on panic mode. i think part of me didn't think that it would be all scheduled and approved so quickly, that i had sooo much time to truly decide (especially because there seemed to be 1,000 hoops that I had to jump through...now i am through all of those hoops and all that is left is the liquid diet and the surgery..soooo). So here i am, 3 weeks from today I am going to go into that OR and my life is going to change. it may be for the better or it may be for the worse. i am anxious and scared and incredibly unsure of everything, but after talking (and crying my eyes out) with my husband, weighing the pros and cons, I am leaning towards going ahead with the surgery. I have no words of wisdom nor can i say anything to calm you because I am scared out of my wits, but as was stated earlier, at some point, i'm going to have to trust that my surgeon knows what he's doing and he's going to do his best to take care of me and not kill me....and I am going to do my best to stick to the rules and do what I need to do to be in an overall healthier place. hopefully
  16. Dibley Dawn

    Soooooo dissapointed

    I don't have anything to add, but I read your thread and had to look twice to make sure i didn't post it. We have such similar screen names. anyway, i'm not sure what they would do in that case, I would assume they could fix it and then maybe later do the surgery after it heals. I know my husband had one and they went in and repaired it. He didn't have the band though, as he's a skinny guy, but after it has time to heal, i don't see why they wouldn't just do the surgery. I have read in other places that sometimes they don't know you have one until they are putting the band in, so they repair it and then band you....i just don't know, but let us know how it turns out.
  17. Dibley Dawn

    Surgery is soon!

    hi Doreen, My surgery is also on May 4th. I weigh much, much more than 229 though and if I ever see that number pop up on my scale, i will jump for joy! I am kinda wavering between uncertainty and certainty, afraid and not afraid, so that is what I am currently struggling with. I hope i can decide for sure before the 4th! are you required to do the 2 weeks of liquids before the surgery? I am and I start that on the 20th of April. at this particular moment I am going through some last moment panic and trying to think of all the things I won't be able to eat post banding...and i am eating those things! NOT the best choice, but like i said, it's panic. at any rate, i wish you the best of luck on your journey.
  18. In my psych eval, i was really honest, I cried about things that I haven't thought about in years and told him that i am still struggling with this decision. He cleared me anyway. the nutritionist just gave me a list of things i will have to eat 2 weeks before, and 20 days afterward. in both of these cases, i think they cleared me as soon as my check cleared the bank. it actually seemed like more of a formality than anything. she did ask me some questions about what i was currently eating, but made no attempt to say 'that's not what you should be eating" or "you'll have to make better choices". she simply gave me the list, wished me luck and signed off on everything. i think they all just want their $$$
  19. My surgery is 2 days after yours, on May 4th and I am scared out of my mind. the closer it gets to the day, the more uncertain I become. I have had a headache for most of the day today, probably from worry (i am a HUGE worrier, no pun intended). My mind just always goes to the worst case scenario, and I am trying with all of my mind to push those doubts and fears aside, but it is so hard. I can't even be excited about it because I am so scared. at any rate, i start my pre-op diet next wednesday..OH Goodness...1 week from today YIKES.
  20. Dibley Dawn

    Am I the fattest one here?

    Larry, you have no idea how helpful it is for me to read your last post. Knowing that today might not be the last day i have steak, or that i might be able to have bread again one day is immensely nerve-calming. i have been having bouts of crying, uncertainty, certainty, etc, etc, etc...just an emotional roller coaster that is very draining, both physically and mentally. everytime i think i have my mind made up to go ahead, something makes me question my decision....today, it's all the paperwork i'm having to fill out for the hospital that says stuff like "you know there is a chance you will die" ....well, yeah, i know that, but it's so matter of fact that putting in front of my face is making it real. do i really want to risk death on may 4th.. do i want to take the chance that i will live and be thinner, and therefore happier? or do i not want that risk, do i just want to live out my days in chubby misery, but still alive. i hope this is a common fear/ worry that most people have and i hope that the answer will clearly ring in my head like a bell so i will know that i am 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt doing the right thing.
  21. Dibley Dawn

    Am I the fattest one here?

    Ashercrashers, I TOTALLY know how you feel . perhaps we can be buddies and help each other since we'll be going through things at a similar time. Larry, my doctor said that I was a perfect candidate for it, even though my BMI is around 61. He does other kinds of surgery, but he is a real believer in the band, so he said that he thinks I will do very well on it, even with my weight. As for the appointment, it went great today. My surgical date was also set and will be on May 4th. I will begin the liquid diet on April 20th. I am kinda in panic mode right now since the surgery is so close. I feel like i want to eat everything in sight. "ooh, pizza, i won't get to have that for a while, i might as well eat the WHOLE pie"...."ooh, pork chops, yep won't see those for months, let's fry those suckers up!" I *might* be exaggerating a bit, but only a teensy bit.
  22. Dibley Dawn

    Am I the fattest one here?

    I think my biggest fear is that I am gonna forget the thing is in me. I tend to kinda zone out while I eat, sometimes, I don't even notice that I have eaten anything. I suppose that behaviour is gonna have to come to an end. I also must confess that I am doing this surgery for pure vanity reasons. I don't have any co-morbidities at all, my BP is perfect, I don't have diabetes or sleep apnea or any of that stuff. People have been telling me for decades that I'm gonna die because i'm fat, and well,,,,i'm still here, and medically I must be a miracle. My only issue is my fat and the life that I allow it to keep me from living.....so, that is the only reason I'm doing this. I have no doubt that if i didn't have the surgery, I would still live a long and healthy life, I would just be huge. I would like to not be this huge for the time I have left though. anyway, my consult is tomorrow am, so I am really nervous. I will update and let you all know how it went.
  23. I think everyone's situation is probably different. I really don't have anyone to tell because several of my friends are staunchly anti-WLS. I know they would try to talk me out of it, so I just won't tell them until it's after the fact, or I've lost enough weight that they notice something is going on. You just have to make the decision that is right for you. If your friends/family etc would be understanding, then tell them. I am (with the exception of my husband and one friend) all alone in this. I guess that is why I am going to have to rely on strangers from this site and support groups to get through it. I envy people who have a support system because i know it's going to be a difficult journey....but I am mentally preparing to go it on my own if I have to. best of luck in whatever decision you make.
  24. I also have UHC and they are paying 100% for everything as long as I have the procedure done in a "Center of Excellence"...my CoE is NYU. The only thing they didn't pay for is the $250 for the psych eval, but I submitted the bill and they are paying 75% of it. I am so glad they are easy to deal with. also, I didn't have to have a set number of months on a diet before the operation...The only criteria I had was I had to have a BMI over 40, which I do, and have it done at a COE. That was it! sooooo easy.
  25. I haven't had the surgery yet. I am meeting with the surgeon, nutritionist, nurse, and my PCP next Tuesday. It's gonna be a loooong day at the Dr.'s offices As far as telling people, I have told my husband and one other person. I haven't told any of my co-workers and I haven't told anyone in my family or other friends. I don't know if or when I will tell them, but it will definitely be AFTER the procedure. I know that many of them will try to talk me out of it and my mind is made up, end of conversation KWIM? So, I might hijack that gallbladder explanation from the post above and just see what happens. I have over 200lbs to lose, so i know people will start to notice. I will cross that bridge if/when I get there I suppose.

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