I'm fairly new to this forum, but I'm really interested in this thread, because it shows that there are a lot of factors in what leads to someone becomes obese.
For me, in order to dissect why I'm fat, that involves going all the way back to my infancy, when my parents divorced and my Dad left my Mom. I was always big for my age, but since my Mom couldn't cook, due to working, most of my childhood meals were of the McDonald's Happy variety (I used to have boxes and boxes of toys that I got in those things). I started gaining weight, and gradually, the teasing from other kids coupled with not being able to keep up made me kinda introverted, and I stayed inside a lot. When I started school, the teasing only got worse, not just from other students, but even being belittled by some of my teachers because I was slower than everyone else. I stopped going outside when I was home, and I was either playing with Barbies, or reading. I played with Barbies until I was about twelve.
Things only got worse in middle school. Whether I knew it or not, I was feeding whatever loneliness I had with food. I had a few friends, but I'd grown so cynical and awkward through the years that I never really spent time with any of them outside of school, and sometimes I wasn't even sure if I liked them. It was getting harder to dress me, since all I wanted to wear was black. I thought almost constantly about killing myself. I hated my body and I hated who I was. Even now, I always say that middle school were the worst years of my life.
At the end of middle school, students in my district can apply to attend a vocational technical school, which accepted a limited number of students from other districts. I was lucky enough to get in, and I went in with pretty much the same attitude I had in middle school. But this time, I met a lot of people who, in their own way, were misfits in their schools, and I made a lot of great friendships that actually felt genuine. Things were a lot better; I started wearing colors, I went to sleepovers. But, even with having a bunch of great new friends, I was still the biggest one in my little group, so the sense that I was inferior still remained. It affected my grades significantly; it's a wonder that I managed to graduate. Even now, my lack of self-esteem affects my ability to motivate myself. I didn't date at all in high school. I was happier, but I still kept shoveling in my emotions with food, and I kept gaining weight. By the time I graduated in 2009, I was in the 300 lb range.
Since then, there was a great rise and fall of my activity and progress. I started doing Live Action Roleplaying, which involved a lot of physical activity, particularly hiking...lots and lots of hiking. It seemed perfect for me, since it was fun and exercise. But after awhile, it because too much physical exertion for me, and I had to stop. My social activity became (and still somewhat is) exclusively online, so I can sit in my bed.
...It's really difficult to reveal all of this, because it feels like so much of it is my fault. I mean, it is, but I don't know how to live life any differently. That's why I'm maybe hoping that the physical restrictions that I get from the Band, should I choose to go through with it, can help me live a healthier lifestyle.
