renniemommie

I hear you. I get it. I do. I bet you DID look cute! Remember, Fat is just a thing. All these things you think are a issue are not you, just stuff in your field of vision.

Lose weight, get surgery, whatever, but it is a thing, once fat is gone, will it be, age, hair color? It never ends..

I do renaissance festivals, many many BIG women out there, all loved, no problems with men or friends. All attitude. No matter your age, Go to fair, get a corset, find other fat chicks in corsets, be your own tribe! I have personally known people (just people, no descriptions of any thing else) that were insecure, myself included who after a season or two at fair feel so different about themselves. Such community there. It does not matter what you do in "real" life' how you are out there is all that matters. I just came back from a 3-day weekend at Sherwood Forest Fair in Texas and was talking to a friend who (is still big), who'd had Bypass. She's lost a insane amount and still going down. She was great at all sizes.

Good luck babe-just a thing, nothing nothing to do with the real you (ignore those nasty chicks in the office too!)

Terrible story honey and my heart goes out to you. Keep up the thearpy and group. Sexual abuse recovery is like peeling back layers of an onion, and simply speaking out loud changes so much, esp the stuck ruminations that are in your head-when it is over, hopefully you have a little cocktail onion in your hand! I feel bad (and mad at ) for your friend as well, she was younger than you were when that started and although I wish she hadn't allowed that to happen to you, I can see how it ended up that way, children just don't have the same coping mechs we do or process the same.

I won't get into my own 'story' with you, it doesn't matter. It is a reminder to us to also tell our children that danger is from people we know and love in our lives as well, and that the guilt we feel is actually their guilt and that if despite our 'talks' to our children, something happens anyway, to please tell us, as people older than us can manipulate us, because they are older and it is a parents job to navigate those waters.

Amazing "dream" your mom had. You were not a target because you were thin, you were a target because you were THERE. If you had been a fat child, he would have done the SAME to you. Guaranteed! I promise you this.

I don't know if any of this helps you, but at age 40 an 275, I can assure you being fat or thin has nothing to do with male attention. Being un-confident and hiding within your self does, and even that only gets the best guys to ignore you, leaving you with the fringe males! (IMHO) Example; This past weekend, at 270, at Ren Fair, after hours I couldn't beat them off with a stick! I was with no makeup, undergarments from my costume and sweaty. I was confused! Then I realized all these men saw me in control all day (week) as bar manager, saw me in a confident position of power, it didn't matter (and at ren fair it really doesn't) the size of my butt! Young, immature men may be less interested in someone larger, but later when we all grow up, it doesn't matter. Just a thought. You love your self or your don't, I choose to love, all this other stuff in the way of loving yourself is just things..things to get in the way of your true self!

this is long, I will have to read again, but you reminded me when I lost a ton last year (I am waiting on Sleeve surgery date), I was drinking 4 tablespoons or so a day, it does cut the sweet tooth. At the school i worked at, we'd make pickle pops out of pickle juice, then post-lunch chaw on those, cut the sweets. Thanks for the reminder!

Question, and you can PM me, but how do I tab/save a particular entry, like yours, so I don't have to search and search for it in the future?

C

your story convinces me to not get the Band. Keep your vitamins and protein up, so to stop hunger from weird things. I wonder if you might need some kind of adjustment to the sleeve in some way. Even so, your stomach is smaller. Good luck kiddo.

l

I know this was a long time ago, but I am curious how this has turned out. I am sure you cut out milk (causes mucus). "normal'" is fine, but did maybe when they did you hernia repair, repair at a weird angle letting mucus back up or something like that, cause it doesn't sound it was this bad before. Of course your down, don't hide from the forum though, I would be too! Is there any kind of barbaric complication specialist you can see, even if you have to get on a plane.