RyanTheGirl

I am a 27 year old single mother. I wish I could tell you that my weight gain came from my pregnancy-but the truth is, I only gained 18 pounds, and my daughter was 7 pounds and 8 ounces of that weight.... What I can tell you that I gained from my pregnancy is congestive heart failure and the label of heart disease. No one can tell me WHY I got those lovely parting gifts- no one can tell me if my weight had a factor in it or not. I've been over weight almost my whole life. Since the age of 5 I've been the "big girl"- grew up with people trying to make me feel comfortable with this fact- telling me I had "such a pretty face", "you're not fat, just big boned", or "you hold your weight well".... Part of me holds resentment towards them- what would have been so bad about telling me the truth? What would have been so bad about cutting out the junk food out of the house? Or making me go out and exersize more- etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not placing my blame on anyone but myself; obviously I grew up and should have been more responsible for my decisions. I work in the medical field and know what's bad for me and what's good for me. But unlearning a lifetime's (well, my lifetime up until this moment anyway) worth of bad habits are hard to suddenly change over night... they can be corrected over time I'm sure- but starting my childhood off 20-40+ pounds over weight, being picked on, constantly crying/upset because I was always bad fun of, and always having bad choices laid out in front of me is the road that lead me to my current situation. I, like the other millions of over weight people out there in this world, have tried more diets, gimicks, shakes, pills, weight loss plans, etc. than I'd like to admit. Started with me taking Stacker pills- yep, back before ephedra was banned... then stacker 2, then metabolife, 2-3 strength and condition classes in high school a day (weight lifting), trying to starve myself (yea, stupid high school girl mentality... little did I know I didn't even have enough control over my body to not eat! hahaha), slim-fast, curves, cardio workouts, prescription diet pills from "Scale Solutions", hydroxycut, 1000 cal a day diets, etc... Sure- I lost weight... up and down up and down- the steady roller coaster of my scale. I am heavier now than I've ever been in my life (and only a few pounds away from my pregnancy weight at 9 months!) How sad is it that there is only one time in my life that I can remember being under 200 pounds? How sad is it that I can remember having to buy clothes in the women's section when I was 10 years old... size 16- WOMENS. I suppose the up side to that is I've mostly stayed around that pants size. The biggest I've gotten into was a 22, the smallest was a 15/16 (which didn't last long) I'm currently in and 18/20. I am 5'9", I weigh around 250 pounds, and I have taken the first few steps into regaining my life back. I have been to the informational meetings at the hospital, I have checked my insurance and found out it is a covered benefit, and I have quit smoking. My consultation is next week with the surgeon...I am a single mother to an amazing 4 year old, and I am committing myself to a new life--a life that will be much healthier for me, and for my child.