nurserena

Well, I have always been overweight. Since I was a child, I have been slightly larger than other people my own age. Now, at almost 28, I am topping the scales at 270 lbs and I have gone from "slightly larger" to "larger than life". Obesity has always run in my family and I grew up watching my mother, my aunts, and even my father, struggle with their weight. I have tried the old "diet and exercise" routine. I attempted Weight Watchers. I am not very good at monitoring myself, and so I have slowly ballooned up to this weight that dangles precociously below the 300lb mark. I'm not very tall and so this weight means more to me than people who are taller. I am a Registered Nurse by profession. I see what this weight will do to me and what I will become if I don't make a mjaor life change. I have taken care of people who weigh over 700 lbs and even when they loose 300lbs or more, they are still huge. This reality scares me. My weight already affects how I walk, how I breathe, and how I sleep. I find myself mentally calculating if I can squeeze myself through tight spaces. And ofcourse, this weight makes me feel ugly. I know I am a beautiful person on the inside. And at one time, I was beautiful on the outside, too. Now, all anyone sees when they look at me is how big I am. It's not really any wonder that I haven't met the right man or started a family yet. People don't take the time to get to know me because they make assumptions that I am like all other fat people that they know. Men do not find me attractive. Hell, I don't find me attractive. But luckliy for me, I do know what i can look like. I do know what it feels like to be considered attractive. I was once. And I believe in my heart that I can be, again. I live on the opposite side of the country from my family and it's tought to go this battle alone. I thought my dad, who is also my best friend, would lecture me on this decision, but instead, he told me exactly what I have been thinking for years: he wants to see me live a long life. he wants me to feel good. and that it's time I got some help. Well, I hate these protein drinks and all these diet restrcitions. I hate working a 13 hour shift and having to eat chicken broth on my one, coveted 30 min lunch break. And I hate feeling like I am all alone. But, in retrospect, I hate being overweight way more than anything else. I hate being out of breath every night when I climb the stairs to my room. I hate how much my feet ache the  minute I stand up every morning. I hate the way my clothes fit and that I can't hide my stomach no matter what I wear. So this is what brings me here. For support, for a place to vent my frustrations. I can regain control of my life. I know I can. Now, it's time to step up and just DO IT.