Do You Have Wantpower?

WANT VERSUS WILL

You know me: I’m the girl who spent hours reading the dictionary for fun when I was a child. I’m fascinated by words, their meanings, and how their meanings change depending on the context in which they’re used. Take the word “surrender”, for example. An army surrendering to the enemy is (to many) a shameful act. But when the enemy surrenders to our own army, that surrender is (to many) a triumph. A small change – the order of words in a sentence – can make a huge difference in the meaning of one word.

The words I want to talk about today are WILLPOWER and WANTPOWER. Wantpower is a word coined by my friend Valerie. She was banded with plication on June 6, 2012 and has lost 73 pounds. She has a lot more to lose, but she’s off to a great start by following the “rules” to the very best of her ability. Valerie says that’s not because she has any willpower. It’s because she has wantpower.

I hear people bemoan their lack of willpower all the time. Even control freaks like me can regret their weak or absent willpower, especially when they’re trying to sustain weight loss momentum over months and years, and after that a lifetime of weight maintenance. It’s such a common lament that I sometimes wonder if willpower truly exists in humankind. That lacking may hold a spiritual message for us, about surrendering (there’s that word again!) to the will of God or to our Higher Power. Spiritual messages can take a lot of time to process, so what are we to do in the meantime?

First, let’s make sure we’re clear on the meaning of the word willpower.

Webster’s defines willpower as strength of will, mind, or determination. When we use willpower, we choose our own actions rather than submit to someone else’s will (including God’s). These actions are conscious choices. We’ve thought about them, considered the costs and consequences, decide to act on them. In the world of weight loss, that might represent a decision to follow the Atkins diet and to act upon that by eating mostly protein, a fair amount of fat, and very few carbohydrates. In that scenario, we must use plenty of willpower to resist temptations like cookies and garlic bread.

So far so good, right? This is a good thing that’s going to move us closer to our weight goal. Every day we ignore the candy in the vending machine at work is a triumph of willpower. But did you know that the word “will” also has a negative connotation? Willfulness means doing as we please, out of sheer stubbornness or defiance, whether our actions are good for us or not. It’s hard to say where willpower leaves off and willfulness begins, but there’s a value judgment somewhere in there. To follow your diet-du-jour to perfection represents willpower, but to eat a giant piece of birthday cake despite your doctor’s admonitions about your sugar intake represents willfulness. One is considered good, the other is bad.

In the bariatric world, willpower has another meaning, and believing in that meaning can actually take you further from rather than closer to your weight goal. As Presbyterian minister and author John Ortberg says, "Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much." Read that sentence again. Can you detect the pitfall? Let’s look at it again.

"Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much."

It’s no wonder that so many of us struggle with insufficient willpower when it involves avoiding something you want badly. It’s a battlefield generously mined with bombs, because every second of every waking hour of every day of our entire lives involves making choices that go against our own desires. Those desires, wishes, needs and cravings appear to be dangerous, and we fear that giving in to them will send us to hell. But the wantpower they represent can be put to good use, and may be easier to come by than the willpower we think we need but lack. In my own case, my will makes my executive decisions and my want gives me the fuel to carry them out.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Even if you’re blessed with (or have cultivated) a great deal of willpower, that alone isn’t always enough to power you to your goals. First you need to identify your goal (in very specific terms), and then you need to really, truly want it. Not just because it’s a good idea, or because your doctor or friend or partner wants you to have it, or because you think it will solve all your problems.

Using your wantpower means reconnecting with that feeling of wanting on a frequent basis. It means keeping your goal always in sight, like the proverbial carrot on a stick (see, even donkeys are motivated by food). It also means disconnecting from the doubts and fears and negative thoughts that can pop up to ask you if that goal is even achievable, desirable, or otherwise deserving of your effort.

A few weeks ago I wrote a Bandwagon on the Road newsletter article about knowing your limits, and I’ll be the first to point out that the ambition of a 59-year-old woman like me to lose (for example) 200 pounds, become America’s next top model, marry Tom Cruise, give birth to octuplets and become a reality TV star is probably not achievable. I hope that when identifying life goals, you subject your dreams to a reality check and/or carefully consider all it’s going to take to make them come true. There’s nothing wrong with the top model goal above as long as you realize that achieving it will require climbing a mountain instead of strolling across a meadow. When packing your luggage for that trip, don’t forget to pack your wantpower. It will take you a lot further than a long list of “shoulds.” And doing something because you WANT to is a heck of a lot more satisfying than doing something because you (or someone else) think you should. WANT is the fire that cooks your life’s meal, seasons it to taste wonderful, and provides the fuel to keep you moving forward.

So the next time you’re tempted by a donut, ask yourself this: Is this little thing I want going to make me happy for more than 2-3 minutes? Is it going to get me closer to the big thing I really, really want (weight loss)?