How to Tell Your Loved Ones about Weight Loss Surgery
Try to see their side.
You are asking them to see it from your perspective, so it is only fair that you try to see it from theirs. What are the reasons they may be against your Weight Loss Surgery, and how can you address them? In many cases, their concerns are legitimately about your well-being, and things you should consider if you have not already. They may worry that:
- You will not hit your goal weight this time since they’ve seen disappointment before.
- You will suffer complications from surgery.
- You will regret having a permanent
Sometimes, their concerns are selfish but still worth discussing. They may worry that:
- You’ll stop feeling attracted to them.
- You will pressure them to give up their own favorite foods while you eat healthily.
- They will feel left out.
- You will not want to spend time with them.
Reassure them.
Address their concerns directly. Explain why you feel the surgery is safe, and how much research you have done to learn about it as well as find a surgeon. Tell them why you think Weight Loss Surgery will work for you even if previous diets have not.
Let them know that you need to do this for yourself, not for them and that this will not change the way you feel about them – you will still love your SO, and respect your parents, for example. Tell them how you see yourself spending time with them after surgery, so they can be comfortable.
Write it down and practice.
Starting the conversation can be the scariest part of telling them. Before you bring up the subject, write down what you plan to say. This is a good exercise for you to do anyway since it encourages you to think through all of the doubts around Weight Loss Surgery. Writing it down and practicing can make it easier for the words to come when you decide to bring it up.
Include them in your plans.
Often, your spouse and parents, and others who care about you, just want to help. They may be afraid if they do not how to help. When you talk to them, let them know how important they are to you, both in life in general and in this important period of your life. If you tell them specifically what they can do to support you, they may feel more at ease with your decision and more confident in their roles.
You might ask them to:
- Pick up your children from school when you are recovering from surgery.
- Go with you to the store to pick out protein powders and measuring cups and spoons.
- Ask you each night how you are doing.
- Cook healthy meals with you.
Prepare for anything.
The conversation may be as difficult and unfulfilling as you feared. Or, your SO, parents or other loved ones may be surprisingly supportive once they realize that you have done your research and are serious about making the lifestyle changes needed for success. They may even be interested in getting healthy with you and ask for your help and support in exchange for theirs.
Stay strong and independent.
As much as you long for your SO and other loved ones to support you wholeheartedly, it may not happen. Try not to let it get you down, though. If you are sure about what you want, go for it, with or without them. They will come around sooner or later, and if not, you may be better off without their negative influence. Letting them know that you have made up your mind regardless of their support may actually convince them to help you since there is no point in standing in your way.
Stay independent in the sense that you realize that you do not need them. Your success does not depend on their approval, and you are not doomed to fail if they stand in your way. Get the support you need from others as you move forward.
Alex Brecher
I am a native New Yorker who loves spending time with my children and working out at the gym.
I had struggled with my weight my whole life. Diets worked for me until I went off them and gained back more weight each time. Finally, a friend who used to be obese told me that he had gotten weight loss surgery. I could see how great he looked, and I got weight loss surgery in 2003. Thankfully, I can say that I have never looked back. It helped me lose more than 100 lbs. and keep the weight off since 2003.
I am the founder of BariatricPal and proud of everything that it means to the entire weight loss surgery community. Together, we can fight obesity and work toward living healthier lifestyles!
You can view The BIG Books on Weight Loss Surgery book series at the BariatricPal Store.
Thanks, good article lots of posts about this recently.
@Alex Brecher Just so you know third dot point after the first paragraph hasn't been finalised, seems to be missing the end of the sentence.
@renjenn - with all due respect, why say anything to them at all? If they really have no business in your personal life, then why say anything? I’d keep it to those who *need* to know (e.g., work supervisor, person who will be caring for you after surgery etc).
I feel same way. My daughter is very supportive and helpful while my son could care less what I do. So in that respect, my daughter has been fully informed and is actually picking me up from hospital and letting me stay at her house for a couple days. My son knows nothing. Why mention it when he doesn’t care?9
I am nervous about telling some of my closer friends....I’m scared they will feel a little jealous about the surgery....we have all talked before about how we would have it done if we could afford it....then my husband got a new job with amazing insurance so I started the journey....one of my friends is dating one of my coworkers and I’m nervous she will tell him then some how the whole office would know....I just don’t want to have to explain myself to anyone
I’m sure there will be people who ask “How did you lose so much weight?” I don’t want to lie but I also don’t want to share my story - at least not right away. I’m thinking I’ll just tell them that I’m eating a lot less and exercising. Which will be a true statement. I’m not sure how to respond to the people who come right out and ask if I had surgery to lose the weight, without sounding rude.
I've told everyone and even posted it on Facebook. Only one person, someone I barely know, was negative. People are happy to see I'm taking steps to improve my health. My parents are even traveling to my city and staying in a hotel near me (I have a tiny apartment) so they can take care of me after surgery. I am not good at telling lies, so if someone asked me why I was going to be out of work or how I was losing the weight, I wouldn't be able to make something up. It's just easier for me this way. Anyone who doesn't like it can lump it.
I only told my parents and hubby. Afterwards when I was losing noticeable weight, my sister told me I took the easy way out. She was always skinny and I think she actually got jealous. As far as everyone else, I told them I was eating less and getting more exercise. It's the truth. I feel that nobody needs to know my business. If I feel comfortable telling someone than so be it. If I don't that is ok too.
On 6/3/2021 at 1:26 PM, lizonaplane said:I am not good at telling lies, so if someone asked me why I was going to be out of work or how I was losing the weight, I wouldn't be able to make something up.
I don't discuss my health care with everyone and I also don't tell lies or make things up. People shouldn't feel they have to do one or the other. It's fine to simply not discuss it.
Everyone makes their own best decisions. I am 6 mos in and have told only one family member. The others just think I decided to get healthy and eat less. It is wonderful as I get no questions. My life is wonderful!
Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app
This is a really useful article. I had surgery 5 weeks ago and am preparing to tell my parents this weekend. I told some close friends before surgery and they were all really kind and supportive, but I have a feeling it's going to be a lot harder with my parents.
I think their position will be from a place of worry / concern, but it often manifests as anger or disappointment. I like the idea of writing down what I want to say as I think we might all end up upset and I want to make sure that I stay on track with the info I want them to have.
On 6/22/2022 at 1:05 PM, UtahGirlie said:Everyone makes their own best decisions. I am 6 mos in and have told only one family member. The others just think I decided to get healthy and eat less. It is wonderful as I get no questions. My life is wonderful!
Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app
@UtahGirlie thanks for sharing your perspective on this. Do you mind if I asked what you did / said in the first few months when eating with other people?
FluffyChix 17,415
Posted
Great article @Alex Brecher!! Thanks!
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