Get that Anger OUT!
Get that Anger OUT!
In the group class I am currently leading, we have been talking about the importance of learning to identify feelings – the word that describes the feeling (mad, sad, glad, scared) AND where and how you feel it in your body (heaviness in your heart, tension in your jaw, tingling in your arms). We have also been discussing healthy ways to express and deal with feelings.
A woman who I’ve known and worked with in therapy for several years has been very quiet throughout the first nine weeks of class. To my surprise, as we were talking about some of the most noted healthy ways to deal with anger (breathe deeply, set aside time to talk to the person using fair fighting techniques, talking to a friend), from the back of the room, this woman, who I will refer to as Kathy, blurts out in a healthy vocal level: “Why do we always talk about such ‘nice’ ways of dealing with anger? When I’m angry, I need to do something physical and not so nice!” Being like Kathy myself in that I have a pretty intense anger response, I laughed and told her I completely understood where she was coming from. The class offered a few helpful suggestions for dealing with anger in physical ways. I promised her that I would create a list just for her delineating healthy physical ways to deal with anger.
Tonight, sitting at my favorite calming spot, the swing on my second-story deck that looks out into the sky and newly budding trees of the woods behind my house, I saw a dinosaur in the clouds. Its ribs were showing, it’s head rather distorted, and it’s tail very, very long. I thought of taking a picture for my grandkids, but my phone was upstairs charging and I didn’t want to move from my swing. Wish I had. I guess it was actually a dissipating jet stream, but I thought it was cool and remembered seeing some really cool cloud pictures recently online. I don’t know for sure what that has to do with anything, but all of a sudden I decided I needed to make Kathy’s list.
I did the very scientific thing and Googled, “Healthy ways to physically express anger,” “Physical expression of anger,” “Ways to work out your anger,” etc. I found ONE little article that had four lame little suggestions. Everything else focused on… yep, the standard things - breathe deeply, set aside time to talk to the person using fair fighting techniques, and talking to a friend.
Too passive for folks like Kathy and me who need to find a physical outlet when we are really ticked off and want to scream at someone. Of course, that option is just not okay (which I worked really hard to try to convince Kathy of)! Because I couldn’t find anything worthwhile on line, I sat down and to my own surprise, came up with this list in just minutes!
Enjoy it. Share it with your friends (and family)! And use it!!!!
Kathy’s List of Ways to Express Anger in a Physical Way that Won’t Harm Anyone
1. Scream – where no one can hear you.
2. Do an ANGER dance!
3. Exercise … yes, move your groove thing!
4. Find a dog…
5. Get one of those old toys that kids practice doing hair on…
6. Stand in front of the mirror…
7. Have an imaginary conversation with the person or situation you’re mad at…
8. Go outside…
9. Make some angry art…
10. Write the “THERAPEUTIC Letter!”
Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
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Connie Stapleton, PhD
Connie Stapleton, PhD is a licensed psychologist who has worked in the WLS community for decades, conducting pre-surgical evaluations, doing pre- and post-op individual and group therapy, speaking an national and international conferences, and writing books and articles. Connie has an online show called ConnieCasts (learn about them on her Facebook page and YouTube Channel). The ConnieCasts feature invited guests from the WLS community throughout the country to share their experience and knowledge on a variety of weight loss topics including Regain, Food Addiction, and many others. Connie also does online pre-surgical evaluations and personal therapy for people in GA and SC. Check out the MindPrep video series at www.MindPrepvideo.com and Connie's website at www.conniestapletonphd.com
When I was a young teenager, I had serious anger issues. I never hurt anyone else but I often took my anger and frustration out on my own body in absolutely unhealthy ways (self-harm, binging, starving, staying awake for days, etc). The only thing that ever helped even a little to cope with those intense feelings of anger and frustration, mostly frustration at my life, my body, and my limitations, was to wear a rubber band around my wrist and snap it whenever I felt like doing or saying something harmful to myself. I found it also worked when I wanted to give someone else a good slap!
It's tough for people who have a hard time coping with intense amounts of these bad feelings. Just talking it out or taking deep breaths sometimes just doesn't cut it. 
Great list!
Folks.....Dr. Stapleton is a real treasure.
I had the supreme pleasure to have her perform my psych eval while on my path to my wls.
Sitting and chatting with her was a wonderful way to spend an hour. I only wish we had occasion to spend more time chatting. That hour with her helped me find myself.
Her pre-work videos struck home some ideals and tenets that have proven themselves to be truth.
@@Connie Stapleton PhD , I am very glad to see you here. You helped me in a big way. The wonderful people in this place have helped me on many days since.
Do your thing and help us find our way so we can do ours.
I was raised by an angry father and had intense anger at times when i was young. The best therapy was a long walk. I also think regular exercise and physical activities ( hiking, riding) are awesome.
I have always felt that the screaming, crying, punching pillows actually contributed to and activated the " fight" response so was not helpful to me.
I am not sure how it happened, but my anger is way reduced now. I feel much more peace which is such a blessing.
I recently heard an NPR story about boxing gyms class for women that had children who committed suicide. They had special classes just for these women who were using the boxing as a form of therapy. I would think that it was a way to get their anger out.
I heard that same story and it was very impactful. Wasn't it that their children had overdosed? It was a few weeks ago but well worth the listen.
I overreact to my angry feelings all too often. I, personally, love to text out exactly what I feel inside, and just send that right on over to myself. It gets it all out and it's faster than writing on paper. I'm very private so I don't like to share my anger with outsiders, and this is the perfect way to get it out, and once it's out...i start to get myself back together mentally, and move on. These are great suggestions.
Here is a link to the story I heard on NPR that someone mentioned above:
http://www.cpr.org/news/npr-story/when-loved-one-dies-overdose-what-happens-family
Inner Surfer Girl 12,015
Posted
Great ideas.
Punching a pillow helps, too!
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