Ready, Get Set, Go!

Your surgery is tomorrow! Are you ready? Do you have a list of last-minute things to do before you leave for the hospital or surgery center? Have you packed your bag yet?

This isn't like packing for a two-week vacation. Most hospitals prefer that you bring a minimum of belongings with you and don't want to be responsible for keeping track of them. You'll need less than you'd think. The hospital will want you to wear their gown instead of your own nightgown or pajamas, and you can wear an extra hospital gown backwards to use as a robe so you won't moon anyone when you're roaming the hallways. If you're allowed to shower while you're there (you may not be), they'll provide soap and shampoo. If your feet get cold, the nurses will give you very attractive one-size-fits-few socks with non-slip soles.

Here's what I suggest you bring:

• Insurance ID card
  
• Photo ID
  
• A copy of your advance health care directive
  
• CPAP machine (if you use one)
  
• A list of your medications (you may be instructed to bring the actual meds with you)
  
• Lip gloss (your mouth & lips will be very dry)
  
• Toothbrush, toothpaste and essential toiletries
  
• Cosmetics (if you must)
  
• IPod or MP3 player
  
• Laptop computer (if you must)
  
• Something to read (magazines, books, Bible)
  
• Loose-fitting clothing (elastic waist)
  
• A change of underwear
  
• Slip-on shoes or sandals
  
• Pillow(s) for the ride home
  
• A water bottle for the ride home
  

Bring your cell phone if you like, but some hospitals don't allow use of cell phones on the premises because of possible interference with patient monitoring equipment.

Do not bring cash or valuables. The medical staff is there to take care of you, not your engagement ring.

1. Have someone take Before photos of you (front, back, and side views).

2. Take your body measurements (neck, bust, waist, abdomen, thighs, calves, ankles, upper arms, wrists).

3. Set aside a pre-op outfit of fat clothes to preserve for posterity.

4. Put clean sheets on your bed.

5. Do laundry.

6. Clean your house.

7. Arrange for transportation to and from the hospital.

8. Arrange for child care.

9. Arrange for pet care.

10. Pay your bills.

11. Fill your prescriptions (your usual meds, plus pain-killers, anti-nausea meds and/or blood thinners for after surgery if your surgeon’s willing to prescribe them in advance).

12. Pack your bag for the hospital.

13. Complete & submit any forms your employer requires for your time off from work.

14. Pick up books to read and videos to watch while you recover.

15. Make sure there's easy-to-prepare food in the house for your family to eat.

16. Do your bowel prep if required (laxatives or enema).

17. Check your supplies:

§ The liquids you'll be allowed to drink in the first week

§ A blender or Magic Bullet®

§ Liquid Tylenol

§ Thermometer

§ Gas-X®

§ A heating pad

§ An ice pack (or a bag of frozen vegetables)

§ Witch hazel or anti-itch gel (to put on the skin around your itchy incisions, but not directly on the incisions)

§ Reading material, puzzles, games

18. Remove nail polish (if you wear it) from fingers and toes.

19. Remove all jewelry (including piercings) and put it in a safe place[1].

20. Bathe with Hibiclens (or other antibacterial cleanser) as instructed by your surgeon.

Almost without exception, bandsters’ response to this is that every item on the list is a good idea except items 1 and 2. Some also whine about items 17 and 18, but I’m not interested in hearing what dreadful thing will happen to you if you must undergo surgery while completely unconscious and denuded of your nose stud and blue fingernail polish. Save it for the pre-op nursing staff. I just want to reinforce items 1, 2 and 3. You may hate the camera and the measuring tape with a passion, but some day you’re going to be glad you have those pre-op photos and measurements. Similarly, you may plan to burn that fat outfit in a celebratory bonfire soon, but one day you’ll be glad you saved it. When your bathroom scale is stuck at on a number you hate, comparing your “now” photos, measurements, and clothing to those awful “befores” will remind you of just how far you’ve come, and give you a little push forward on the bandwagon trail.

[1] This is not negotiable. I once had my wedding ring cut off by a nurse before she would transport me to the operating room.