Letting Go

Well, the divorce is final! Let me explain. I spent 25 years in an oppressive, controlling, stifling and very demoralizing relationship with “my other half”. By other half, I mean that 250 pounds of extra body weight that all but smothered me. It somehow took on a life of its own and eventually took away mine in the process. Let’s call that other half Charlie. Charlie was a gleeful soul at first. We spent lots of time together. We had fun eating and drinking to our hearts content. Loosening our belts as they became tighter and tighter. Charlie’s philosophy was always “Go big or go home” and boy oh boy did we ever live by that principle. We did everything to extreme, extra-large pizzas smothered in extra cheese, double quarter pounders with cheese…super-sized please. As time went on we began spending all of our time together. Charlie became so possessive. It got to the point where he would not let me leave the house. I could not see my friends or visit with my family. We stayed home all the time. We did not go on dates; no movies, carnivals or concerts. “We had a big screen TV” he said…”What else do we need?” Like the devil, he seduced me in to staying home and accommodating his needs….oh and he was oh so needy!

I became mournful and miserable. My life had no meaning…no purpose. My purpose had become feeding Charlie….my captor. Don’t get me wrong, he gave me things too…anxiety, paranoia, high blood pressure, depression, and in return I gave him my health, my happiness and my freedom. There came a day when I felt that I might suffocate myself with Charlie. I could see my life slipping away. I looked at him with loathing as we sat in silence and stuffed ourselves to the point of intoxication. We were indeed a TOXIC couple. One night I asked him for a trial separation. Oh, he fought like the dickens to hold on to me, playing head games and mental manipulation. I fought back. I had my weight loss surgery, I began walking, and I went back to school and slowly began taking my life back.

Charlie continued to hang around …to hold on, to tempt and entice. As I became stronger and healthier I began to see less and less of him. So today, I declare my independence! My divorce is final! Charlie my “other half” who, by the way, is most certainly not my “better” half, is officially gone and out of my life. He won’t be back. Good bye and good riddance. I realize today, that I only held on because I was afraid to let go.

Alana Marie

Follow my journey at http://pickastrugglecupcake.com