What Love Is Not
With Valentine's Day just behind us it is a good time to take stock of our relationships. What follows is a synopsis of "what love is not" from the documentary film LOVE with Gary Null, Ph.D. You may watch LOVE on Amazon.
Manifesting unconditional love requires two steps. First you must be aware of and step away from your conditioned negative response. Next you must proactively step into self actualizing love. Self actualization of love means you cannot say “I love you” and do something negative.
Have you been in a situation where someone says love and then they are hypercritical or judgmental of you, or in someway made you feel obligated? No matter how many times someone says the word love, this is not love. Anyone who does this is not sharing love. The person is trying to control you by making you feel bad. As in “I did this for you and now you owe me.” That is a condition placed around love.
You can’t owe someone love. It is not a commodity. You cannot barter it.
No heart breaks when a person is manifesting love. Hearts break when the needs that are conditional are not being met. Watch how many times you can do something wonderful to a human being, with a human being, for a human being, and things are great until you stop. Watch how quickly that person comes at you. How many times have you done something for someone out of love and when you stopped they threw it back at you?
Love is not one person demeaning another and expecting the other person to abdicate, so that person comes back and they share love. You are not sharing love when someone does something negative. When someone says something negative, when someone does something negative, it is not love that they are manifesting or sharing. It is a dark side conditional need in their own tortured and perverse way that they are making judgments against you so that you will surrender to them.
Never surrender to love because its not love you are surrendering to. Anyone who wants you to surrender your authentic self is manipulating you. This is what love is not. And when people do surrender to have the relationship, or what they think is important in the relationship, they are going to find one day they wake up and wonder “Geez, why in the world am I feeling this way?” “Why are you speaking this way?” “Why are you doing this?” That is because the relationship had nothing to do with love. We have lost our self in the relationship, in the other person. This is not an organic, mature relationship. It has taken over our life in some sense. And then we really don’t know who we are. It is about the reflection of the other. Its always important when we love someone else to have that reflection and understanding and see a mirror of ourselves through the other. But we should not merge into them.
Some of us have been mis-programmed and really cannot respond appropriately to the concept of love and harmony and beauty in the world we live in. These programs are downloaded into our subconscious and are like tapes that we play over and over. The conscious mind can override the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the creative mind, where our dreams, desires, wishes, and ambitions are made. Unfortunately the conscious mind operates about 5% of the time and most of us are going about our day unconsciously operating from programs that have been prerecorded in our minds, things like “not good enough” or “you don’t matter” or “I am a failure." For personal empowerment we need to emphasize our conscious mind so as to overcome the subconscious. Our biggest opportunity for growth is to correct the mis-programming of our youth and put into our lives much more loving, healthy, harmonizing programs. We can reprogram the subconscious mind using the conscious mind.
Suggested further reading is my opinion piece True Love on BariatricPal.
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Cheryl Ann Borne, writing as My Bariatric Life, is the publisher of two exciting and FREE resources. MyBariatricLife.org is an online magazine packed with transformative information. Your Daily Success email brings inspirational content to your inbox each morning. Together they are the one-two punch of knowledge and motivation so you stay on point day and night!
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Cheryl Ann Borne’s entire career has been in healthcare. She is an invited speaker and contributing writer. Her columns are featured on HealthCentral Obesity, PM360, BariatricPal and others. Cheryl researches and develops informational content for consumers that goes through Medical, Legal, and Regulatory review and FDA approval. She also develops educational programming for physicians and professionals. Cheryl graduated with honors and a degree in communications. See her credentials on LinkedIn. Cheryl is now retired to the countryside where she lives the simple life: organic farming, food preservation, recipe development, and of course, writing.
So many examples of conditional love in my life. Making changes. Good article.
From this post it seems you are finding your way after some bad relationships, and I wish you the very best.
But I would not give any credence to Gary Null's opinions or advice. Check out his opinions about HIV/AIDS, vaccines, cancer treatment, and his "Ph.D."
Yes, Ann, I think I am and I include my relationship with my self in with that. Thanks.
The views expressed, not all of which are Gary Null's but other educators as well, have certainly opened my eyes to what love is and isn't. What I found most helpful was this segment on what love is not. And why that is, is because I'd made the commitment to unconditional love recently. So much of my focus has been in understanding what love is and how to manifest it, that I never considered looking at what love is not. This was incredible insight for me into my self and my relationships past and present... not only in how I receive love but also how I express it.
I truly enjoyed the documentary and highly recommend it. I am not familiar with Gary Null outside of this film. If he has quack ideas on HIV (I haven't clicked through the link but I will) I do not feel that negates his views or the views of the other clinicians expressed on love. Like all things, I believe in take what you need and leave the rest. I just finished the book, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. There were many passages that I highlighted and will refer to in the future. There also were passages which upon reading I did the eye roll. What I mean by take what you need and leave the rest means that I filter information in order to make the best decisions possible for myself.
Thanks again.
Ann, I looked at the Wiki entry... I believe in integrative medicine, also known as complementary medicine, but I do not believe in alternative medicine for treating serious diseases. I also caution anyone from taking medical advice from a non-medical professional. Null's views here more than likely fall into my category of "leave the rest."
Thanks again.
So many examples of conditional love in my life. Making changes. Good article.
Good luck to you, JWM! I am on that path, as well. Some of the resources I've used that have been helpful to me are listed in my opinion piece, True Love, on BariatricPal. Perhaps there's something there that will resonate with you. Wishing you a lifetime of true love!
I remember back in high school, back before time began it seems, lol There was a visitor who did an assembly about teenage attachments, and one of the only things that stuck with me, is he talked about conditional love. Specifically the words, I love you if, I love you but, and I love you When. It was a great way to let people know that these three phrases all equate to something much different than love.
Just something I thought I would share.
I remember back in high school, back before time began it seems, lol There was a visitor who did an assembly about teenage attachments, and one of the only things that stuck with me, is he talked about conditional love. Specifically the words, I love you if, I love you but, and I love you When. It was a great way to let people know that these three phrases all equate to something much different than love.
Just something I thought I would share.
You were Enlightened at a much earlier age than I was! I'd never heard of conditional love until I watched this documentary. Its very freeing to love myself and other people unconditionally. It is very peaceful.
VSGAnn2014 12,992
Posted (edited)
From this post it seems you are finding your way after some bad relationships, and I wish you the very best.
But I would not give any credence to Gary Null's opinions or advice. Check out his opinions about HIV/AIDS, vaccines, cancer treatment, and his "Ph.D."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Null
http://www.quackwatch.com/04ConsumerEducation/null.html
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