Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Before my weight loss surgery, I tried to anticipate who in my circle of friends and family might attempt to sabotage (with the most innocent and loving intentions) my weight loss effort. Since I share a home with an adult male who has a driver's license, a debit card, a hearty appetite, and easy access to all the junk food at Wal-Mart, fast-food restaurants and dozens of convenience stores, I warned him that I would need his help in keeping junk food out of our house. Although he's slipped up a few times, on the whole, my husband has been great in supporting my weight loss journey. Much to my dismay, I've discovered that JEAN is the worst saboteur in this household.

I've always liked to think that I'm a detail-oriented, logical, analytical person. I just hadn't noticed before that I frequently apply my (occasionally) brilliant mind to rationalizing the absolutely worst self-defeating actions. For example: I work with a dozen or so college students who are always hungry and always short of the cash, time, and willingness to cook for themselves. Since I have no (human) children of my own, I take care of these kids by baking for them. Brownies, cookies, cupcakes, muffins...you get the idea.

But let's be honest now. Somehow those baking binges happen only when JEAN is in the mood for a sweet treat. Somehow it's OK for me to bake a batch of cookies and eat six of them as long as I take the rest to work for my adopted kids.

And it's extremely ironic that these kids never observe me eating sweets or junk food. I bring my own healthy food for lunch instead of running out to Taco Bell. I have the reputation of being a health nut, but little do they know about the spoonful of cookie dough that disappeared down my gullet before those cookies went into the oven. At a meeting the other day, I forgot myself. I picked a mini Milky Way candy out of a basket on the table and began to unwrap it. The youngster sitting beside me watched in alarm and exclaimed, "I think I'm going to faint!" Someone else said, "What's the matter, Sam, are you sick?" and she replied, "No! Don't y'all see? Miss Jean is eating candy! The world as we know it is ending!"

WHY DO WE SABOTAGE OURSELVES?

As I explained in Bandwagon, self-sabotage is the deliberate destruction of property or the hindrance of operations by an enemy. As you start your weight loss surgery journey, you might believe that your mother and her famous biscuits and gravy, or your husband and his Pizza Palace Frequent Customer card, or your children with their 9:00 p.m. demands of "Mom, I need some cookies for our class Christmas party tomorrow", will be your worst saboteurs.

But beware! There is another saboteur who is with you 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Who is it? Go look in the mirror. The saboteur is you. That earnest, innocent face hides a food demon who is determined to prove what you believed for so long...that you are destined to fail at weight loss...that you don't deserve to be slim and healthy....that without your protective layer of fat, you'll be too easily hurt or too easily noticed...that once you're up on the Pedestal of Success, you'll lose your balance and tumble back down into obesity anyway while all your friends and enemies point and laugh at you.

Melissa McCreary wrote an excellent 2-part article about overeating and self-sabotage for the LBT WLS Magazine. Check it out here: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/topic/144909-overeating-and-self-sabotage-part-one/. It describes common erroneous (or dysfunctional) beliefs (“It’s not OK to be selfish”) and head-games (“I don’t have time to spend on activities that are healthy for me) that can trip you up. If you read Melissa’s article and even one of those beliefs or head-games sounds familiar, put that one up at the top of your to-do list.

Unfortunately, self-sabotage is sometimes disguised beyond easy recognition. If you’re feeling frustrated and not losing weight but you’re not sure why, take a look in your mental mirror. Some signs of self-sabotaging thinking are: jealousy (comparing yourself to others), extreme anxiety, negativity, procrastination, giving up easily, ignoring feedback, feelings of worthlessness, living in the past, blaming others, and the all-time favorite: DENIAL.

How can you overcome tough stuff like that? Professional counseling has helped me tremendously. Attending in-person support group meetings such as Overeaters Anonymous has also helped me. Checking in daily with my Accountability Partner helps me. What’s an accountability partner? I’m working on an article about accountability now, so watch for it!