BariatricPal: Unified WLS Community
BariatricPal recognizes the challenges of being in the weight loss surgery community. You need every bit of support and information you can get to choose the best surgery for yourself, prepare for surgery, lose weight, and get healthy for the long term. The peer-to-peer support that BariatricPal members provide can be among the most powerful tools you have to help you achieve your goals. So please, help build the community up instead of tearing it down.
Potential for a Powerful, Unified Community
Our weight loss surgery communities began as WLSBoards, with four separate forums: LapBandTalk, VerticalSleeveTalk, RNYTalk, and SleevePlicationTalk. Each forum was dedicated to a single type of weight loss surgery. Members could discuss surgeons, diets, complications, and anything else related to weight loss surgery in general or the specific type of weight loss surgery in particular.
Then we merged the four WLSBoards to create BariatricPal, which is geared toward all types of weight loss surgery. This decision was based on the following beliefs.
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We are all in this together. We have the same goal of fighting obesity through weight loss surgery.
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The surgery types share many common characteristics and BariatricPal members can therefore benefit from having more input on topics such as the post-surgery diet progression, choosing a surgeon, ways to get more protein, and dealing with head hunger.
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As a single community, we have greater potential to be a unified and strong voice for weight loss surgery than we did as separate communities.
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Some topics are surgery-specific, and there is a need for surgery-specific subforums for certain topics such as fills for lap-band patients, experience with protein shakes for sleeve patients who may not be able to eat enough on a regular basis, and dumping syndrome for gastric bypass patients.
Has BariatricPal Become a Divisive Arena?
Unfortunately, BariatricPal members have had some regrettable experiences that contradict these principles. Rather than being supported, encouraged, and assisted, some members have felt attacked or belittled by other members who do not believe in their choices, whether in regards to type of surgery, food choices, or other lifestyle choices. Rude behavior, while unacceptable in any circumstance, is especially damaging in our community.
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It weakens our collective voice.
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It prevents some weight loss surgery patients and potential patients from getting the information they need.
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It discourages WLS patients from pursuing their healthy lifestyles.
Avoid Destructive Posts
Most BariatricPal members are polite, helpful, and encourage. Occasionally, though, members post inappropriate and potentially hurtful posts that put down one type of weight loss surgery or another individual’s choice. In general, a poor post is one that makes a person feel bad and does not offer any useful information. These are examples of unacceptable posts.
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“I didn’t even know they offered the lap-band surgery anymore because it’s so dangerous.”
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“Weight loss is easy with the gastric bypass surgery. The rest of us have to work harder.”
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“You shouldn’t be asking if you can eat that. If you even are thinking about it, you shouldn’t have gotten WLS.”
It’s okay to offer your opinion, but do it kindly. If you’re not sure if your post is okay, think about it before your post. The rule of thumb is to always err on the side of caution. Think how you would act if you were face-to-face with a good friend who had an opinion with which you disagree. You would listen to his or her position, then acknowledge the reasoning for that opinion. Then you would state your opinion and explain why you feel that way. Remember that feelings are harder to convey in written online conversations, and gentle words of advice can be interpreted harshly.
What We Have to Gain (or Lose)
When we all support each other, regardless of type of weight loss surgery, we have a lot to gain.
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Positive atmosphere where everyone feels welcome, so those who need it feel comfortable to come and ask questions
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Unbelievable wealth of experience and knowledge…among people who are kind enough to share it
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A place where open discussions can lead to brainstorming and generation of ideas and strategies for success
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A sense of pride that we are all here, with the same goal through the same means. Let us celebrate!
When rudeness and disrespect take over, we have just as much to lose. Just think about what would happen if you had a question, asked it, and got told that your question is dumb or that you are doing something wrong in your weight loss journey. Maybe you would leave BariatricPal or, worse, you would be afraid to ask your question anywhere else because you didn’t feel comfortable anymore. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Take a moment when you are on BariatricPal to appreciate the warm community, and think about what it means to you. The next time you post, ask yourself: are you helping to build a stronger weight loss surgery community, or are you tearing it down?
Alex Brecher
I am a native New Yorker who loves spending time with my children and working out at the gym.
I had struggled with my weight my whole life. Diets worked for me until I went off them and gained back more weight each time. Finally, a friend who used to be obese told me that he had gotten weight loss surgery. I could see how great he looked, and I got weight loss surgery in 2003. Thankfully, I can say that I have never looked back. It helped me lose more than 100 lbs. and keep the weight off since 2003.
I am the founder of BariatricPal and proud of everything that it means to the entire weight loss surgery community. Together, we can fight obesity and work toward living healthier lifestyles!
You can view The BIG Books on Weight Loss Surgery book series at the BariatricPal Store.
Alex I find that the sleeve and bypass folks like to troll on the lapband forums and bash the bandsters. I am very discouraged by the constant barrage of negativity regarding the band. I had hoped that the combination of all of the WLS forums would not result in a contest to see whose surgery was the best but it's obvious that the ease with which they can come to our forum and post negative about the lapband is too much. I would respectfully request that you or someone moniter some of this behavior. I think if it continues I will withdraw from visiting the Bariatric pal site. There are positive sites I can visit to get information and encouragement.
Alex I find that the sleeve and bypass folks like to troll on the lapband forums and bash the bandsters. I am very discouraged by the constant barrage of negativity regarding the band. I had hoped that the combination of all of the WLS forums would not result in a contest to see whose surgery was the best but it's obvious that the ease with which they can come to our forum and post negative about the lapband is too much. I would respectfully request that you or someone moniter some of this behavior. I think if it continues I will withdraw from visiting the Bariatric pal site. There are positive sites I can visit to get information and encouragement.
i am in total 100% agreement with what Sharpie wrote.
this is one reason i no longer post as much as i use to..
its one thing to say my WLS works for me and then say (the band or whatever)
does not work ......as that is not true......any WLS works and any WLS does not work..with all things, results will vary.
This should be and for the most part is a place of encouragement and support it has been my only support system and I'm grateful it's here. As someone who most of her adult life has dealt with those having the "if u want to lose weight just don't eat" school of thought I try to gauge my comments accordingly putting myself in others shoes so to speak before commenting We are much stronger together than alone. Thanks for all the information and support that's found here
Edited by kj44
Alex I find that the sleeve and bypass folks like to troll on the lapband forums and bash the bandsters. I am very discouraged by the constant barrage of negativity regarding the band. I had hoped that the combination of all of the WLS forums would not result in a contest to see whose surgery was the best but it's obvious that the ease with which they can come to our forum and post negative about the lapband is too much. I would respectfully request that you or someone moniter some of this behavior. I think if it continues I will withdraw from visiting the Bariatric pal site. There are positive sites I can visit to get information and encouragement.
On the other hand, often people who post opposing opinions are often called "trolls" or "basher" without any dialog having taken place. It might be just someone sharing their opinion with a member who has asked for it. If a member asks for advice about which wls to get, they need to hear from opponents as well as proponents. Posting about a true experience that was negative isn't negativity per se, as long as it's within posting guidelines.
On the side bar, there are lots of status updates, topics posted and they may be in a forum that isn't relevant to our particular situation or for a different WLS. It might be good, at least on the Lapband forum, that the sidebar topics be related to Lapband topics only.
Alex I find that the sleeve and bypass folks like to troll on the lapband forums and bash the bandsters. I am very discouraged by the constant barrage of negativity regarding the band. I had hoped that the combination of all of the WLS forums would not result in a contest to see whose surgery was the best but it's obvious that the ease with which they can come to our forum and post negative about the lapband is too much. I would respectfully request that you or someone moniter some of this behavior. I think if it continues I will withdraw from visiting the Bariatric pal site. There are positive sites I can visit to get information and encouragement.
Alex I find that the sleeve and bypass folks like to troll on the lapband forums and bash the bandsters. I am very discouraged by the constant barrage of negativity regarding the band. I had hoped that the combination of all of the WLS forums would not result in a contest to see whose surgery was the best but it's obvious that the ease with which they can come to our forum and post negative about the lapband is too much. I would respectfully request that you or someone moniter some of this behavior. I think if it continues I will withdraw from visiting the Bariatric pal site. There are positive sites I can visit to get information and encouragement.
HA! REALLY?? I find the opposite all the time. I won't go farther than that as this is not the place to create more hostility. 
It is disappointing that folks can't see the big picture. We are not rival soccer team fans beating each other up after the game like empty headed barbarians. We are human beings, many of us hurting very badly, on a journey to freedom. We have quite enough abuse from the ignorant world that casts aspersions on bariatric surgery in any form.
We need each other. I pledge never to degrade anyone's choice of surgery. That said, I will respectfully give my viewpoint if asked. All I have is my viewpoint. I have no definitive answers. I believe answering questions can be done in such a way as to not put down the other roads. That is not to say that undeserved slander and vilification will not be read into such replies.
Let us encourage one another and pull together as a team. I admire in sincerity all who have had wls whether lap band, sleeve, bypass, or other. In such a large forum there will be immature people who seek to elevate self by pulling down others. Hopefully the good will generated by the vast majority will drown out the negativity.
Edited by gmanbat
I agree with the basic theme that we should be here to support not bash each other. I in no way troll on any other forums with any intention of causing someone any distress. The way it is laid out, sometimes I have accidently posted on a forum I didn't realize was in the bypass or lapband area, but i have gotten smarter about it over time.
I think we all have the right to make our own choice of WLS, what we think best suits us and our lifestyle... and hopefully based on some sort of surgeon recommendation. Once somebody has had surgery, it is absolutely pointless to be negative about their surgery. At that point, it is about supporting each other to be as successful as we can.
What I have a problem with is the idea that it should be all candy and roses... when people are preops and they are asking for people's experiences I feel it is the right thing to honestly share my personal experience. I am a revision from the band to sleeve after 10 years of "failure" with the band. One of the disappointments i had in my banded days was that the online support group I was a part of hid the vets forum from preops and recently banded. It wasn't until I was a year out that I realized how many people had the same struggles i did. After a decade, most (but not all!) fellow bandsters had either revised or had their bands removed. In fact, i have in my paperwork info from bioenterics that the band was intended to be temporary and would likely need to be removed. That is my personal experience and maybe it is based on how they used to do bands (I was banded in 2001) but it is what happened. I wish i had really understood the implications of all that before i was banded, but i didn't.
I think it is a big mistake to not let people hear people's experiences - positive and negative. BTW, there are aspects of being sleeved that are negative too, and I am forthright about that as well. Like, I have a dairy intolerance that has pretty much killed my ability to eat ice cream (okay, that is probably a good thing - ha!).
I like that the veteran's forum here is available for all to read, there is much to learn from people who are years (or a decade) into a procedure.
Congratulations to all of us who are working to improve our health through maintaining a healthy weight loss... no matter the means!
Yes, I agree with your article @@Alex Brecher! We are all in this together, some just take different routes to arrive at the same place - a healthier you! It may be a good idea to add some of your comments to the welcome email. Thank you for writing about this topic, it is a good reminder and refresher for everyone who has been here for a little while or from the beginning.
LindafromFlorida 1,542
Posted
Excellent article. I have felt the "sting" of a little rudeness. If it were not for this forum I do not know where I would be today in my journey. I am thankful to all those who have guided me along.
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