Like Sam Does

How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.

We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.

The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!

The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.

There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.

Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”

“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.

A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”

“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)

“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”

“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)

“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”

“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)

“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”

Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!

At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.

We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”

We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.

Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.

“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.

“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”

“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”

“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”

A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”

“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.

Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”

“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”

We hugged.

We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.

We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.

And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.

Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.

The Post Op and The Doc

info@apostopandadoc.com