Coming Out of the Weight Loss Surgery Closet: What, Whether, Why, and How

As a weight loss surgery patient, you have to decide whether to tell others about your weight loss surgery. Should you come out of the “weight loss surgery closet” and tell others about your weight loss surgery? Whom should you tell? What should you say? How much should you talk about?

There’s no single right answer to these questions. The right thing for you to do is whatever makes you most comfortable.

• Some people tell everyone everything. They want to share their experiences to try to help others, to get people to understand what they are going through, and to show that they are proud of their actions towards a healthier lifestyle.
  
• Some people tell their closest family members and friends most things, and tell more distant acquaintances only the basics or nothing. They might think of weight loss surgery as a medical issue that you don’t talk about in public indiscriminately.
  
• Some people tell others on a “need to know” basis. People who “need to know” are often household members and close friends. Other people whom you feel “need to know” may be individuals who themselves are fighting with obesity and therefore might benefit from hearing your story.
  
• Some people keep it as quiet as possible. They feel that the only reaction they’ll get is a negative one; that uninformed people will judge them for “taking the easy way out;” and that they’ll just feel bad about themselves.
  

Getting Rid of Society’s Weight Loss Surgery Stigma

Imagine that you, a weight loss surgery patient named “Jane,” are part of the following conversation.

Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?

Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?

Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?

Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?

You (Jane): Oh, fine, thanks. You know, same old. Work is good, and the family is doing well, so can’t complain.

The conversation is okay, but shouldn’t you be able to feel just as comfortable talking about your weight loss surgery and new lifestyle as your friends do talking about their mental health and treatment, and their diabetes medications and diet? Nobody bats an eyelash when discussing prescription medications, mental health, and diets. Wouldn’t it be refreshing for a conversation that goes more like the following to be the norm?

Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?

Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?

Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?

Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?

You (Jane): Great, thanks! The gastric bypass surgery three months ago was pretty rough, but things are on the right track now. I’ve been super careful with my diet, and I think I will finally be able to lose a little weight!

How can weight loss surgery become part of the mainstream conversation? How can we reduce the stigma surrounding obesity and weight loss surgery, just like we have thankfully made a lot of progress reducing the stigma surrounding cancer, mental disorders, HIV/AIDS, and many, many other diseases.

Why does the stigma around obesity – and particularly weight loss surgery – remain? Among the many possible reasons is the lack of information. Most people don’t know:

• How many times you have tried and failed to lose the weight long-term.
  
• What weight loss surgery is, and the number of different kinds there are.
  
• That the surgery itself does not make you instantly lose weight.
  
• How hard you have to work to lose weight after surgery by following a very careful and restricted diet.
  

Coming out of the weight loss surgery closet is a movement. It becomes easier when more people do it. Eventually, weight loss surgery can become an accepted and respected action and topic of conversation.

We’re making some progress. Over the past few years, several celebrities have gotten weight loss surgery procedures and allowed them to become public.

• The View host Star Jones Reynolds
  
• Television host Sharon Osbourne
  
• Comedian Lisa Lampanelli
  
• NFL Jets coach Rex Ryan
  
• Actor Brian Dennehy
  
• Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson
  
• Heart vocalist Ann Wilson
  
• Comedian and television star Roseanne Barr
  
• New Jersey governor Chris Christie
  
• American Idol judge Randy Jackson
  
• Weather forecaster Al Roker
  
• Singer Patti Austin
  
• Chef Graham Elliot
  
• Author Anne Rice
  
• Musician John Popper
  
• Singer Etta James
  

What to Do When You Decide to “Come Out”

Let’s say you decide that you’re ready to come out of the WLS closet. “The Talk” with your friends and family members can be planned.

• Practice what you’ll say so that it comes out easily and naturally when you’re ready to say it.
  
• Keep it simple. Most people don’t know what a sleeve plication is, or the difference between gastric bypass or lap-band. Start by telling them that you got a type of weight loss surgery, and provide details if they seem interested.
  
• Be ready for questions. They might wonder what kind of diet you follow, how your stomach feels, whether you have to give up lots of foods, and all sorts of things that may seem basic to you. Be patient with them and answer their questions.
  
• It’s okay to set boundaries. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about dumping syndrome or measuring your food, you don’t have to.
  

Coming out to other acquaintances might be more spontaneous. The conversation with a work colleague might start with something like, “Hey, how come you never come out to lunch with us anymore?” That’s your chance to answer, “I really miss going out with all of you, but I got weight loss surgery a few months ago. I can’t eat that kind of food on my new diet.”