When You Can't Control the Food

Sooner or later you'll find yourself in a situation where you have little or no control over the food served. That doesn't mean you have to abandon all your band eating skills or go hungry. The key is to have plans, even for unpredictable situations.

Social eating poses all kinds of challenges to the bariatric post-op. How to resist the dessert cart? How to refuse an extra helping of potatoes that Mom mashed especially for you (with just a little gravy)? How to chat with nine people and still concentrate on taking tiny bites?

One recommendation applies to all social eating situations: do not experiment with new foods. You don't know how well they'll go down and you don't want to disgrace yourself in public. This has been a challenge for me because I love to try new foods, especially when I travel, but taking food risks in public is just not worth the potential pain and embarrassment.

How easily you can pull off social eating will depend in part on whether your hosts or fellow guests know about your weight loss surgery (a topic worthy of an article of its own, so stay tuned). Sometimes I think my new eating habits are harder on my friends than they are on me. For example, a few months ago I went out to lunch with a group of women, including a friend (we'll call her Kathy) who knew me when I was fat and knows I had weight loss surgery. This was not the first time I had dined with Kathy since my surgery, so I was a bit surprised to realize that she was studying me as I ate.

"Is there a problem?" I said.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't stare," she answered, "But I just can't get over the way you eat now."

"Isn't it great?" I said with hearty enthusiasm.

"Um, yeah, I guess so." There was an awkward pause. Then she rallied and said, "So how many dogs did you say you have now?"

I have survived many post-op social eating occasions with acquaintances who don't know about my weight loss surgery (and I'd rather keep it that way). Most of them keep their opinions about my eating (if they even notice it) to themselves. Sometimes they ask, "Don't you like the food?" (I answer honestly, yes or no), or "Are you diabetic?" (yes), or "Are you allergic to nuts? (no). Sometimes I have to use Kathy's change-the-subject method of getting out of an awkward moment (asking the hostess for the recipe, or a portion of dessert to take home, works well as both a compliment and a distraction).

Advance planning is crucial for successful social eating. Try to find out what will be served and decide what you'll eat. Eat something before you leave home, because the old advice to save your calories for the party is risky business for a post-op. Imagine how irresistible the buffet table is going to look if you haven't eaten for 10 hours. You're not just risking extra calories at that point - you're risking a stuck episode, a productive burp (regurgitation), or sliming - because you're too hungry to eat carefully.

If at all possible, bring some food that you can eat and share with the other guests (tell the host or hostess you're going to do this or it might get whisked away and stashed in the refrigerator). If you know alcohol is going to be served, bring a pitcher of a non-alcoholic beverage you like and announce that you thought everybody might like to try your special punch or fruit tea or whatever it is.

Stand-up can be easier than sit-down affairs because everyone is busy balancing a plate, cutlery, beverage and conversation and it's easier to sneak off and ditch the food without being seen.

At sit-down meals, I'll grab my plate and a neighbor's (making sure it's empty first, of course) and head for the kitchen saying, "Do let me help clear the table" or "Can I get you anything while I'm up?" (that's hard to pull off in a restaurant, though).

Speaking of stand-up affairs, finger food is a terrible idea for bandsters. Human teeth are just not designed to take a small enough bite of anything solid enough to be held in the fingers, so proceed with caution.

Whether you're standing up or sitting down, cutting up your food into tiny pieces and occasionally moving it around your plate with your fork are good ways to camouflage your spare post-op eating style.

And one last piece of advice: please do not give your uneaten food to your host's dog (or cat, or potted plant), no matter how hungry the dog claims he is. You have no way of knowing if the food is even safe for the dog. My dogs are four-legged garbage cans, and they have even worse judgment about food than I do!