How Long Does It Take To Reprogram My Hard Drive?

One of the most common questions I am asked is “How long does it take for before a new behavior feels normal?” Much has been written on this topic. I’ve read that it takes 18 days for a new behavior to become a habit and I’ve read 21 days as well. The answer is that we don’t really know. What we do know is that it takes awhile…probably more than a few weeks. The reason so many people ask this question is quite understandable; everyone wants to know, “How much longer am I going to have to put forth so much conscious effort before things get a little easier?”

The greatest challenge of losing weight and keeping it off is that so many behaviors need to be changed and most of our eating behaviors seem automated. Like a computer’s hard drive that automatically runs programs without our input, our brains guide us to perform many of our behaviors, seemingly without our effort. So changing behavior patterns is a bit like reprogramming a computer’s hard drive. Here’s a true story.

Earlier this year I stopped drinking diet cola. For a long time I wanted to stop consuming this chemical concoction and I finally decided to take action. Every day for over ten years, I’ve been going to the same deli in the morning to pick up a cup of coffee and a diet cola for later in the day. After making the decision to stop drinking diet cola, I noticed that every morning in the deli, after I poured my coffee, I continued to take a few steps towards the cooler containing the diet cola before realizing that I don’t drink diet cola anymore. How long did it take before I stopped taking that step towards the cooler? By six weeks I was no longer taking that step and simply walking out the door with only a cup of coffee. Think about that. My brain’s hard drive was running on autopilot for 45 days even after I made a firm decision.

Once I stopped taking those few steps towards the cola cooler, controlling my diet cola intake became much easier….at least in that situation. There were also many other situations where buying or drinking diet cola had commonly occurred and I had to endure and change my behavior in those situations as well. As you know, the first few weeks are always the hardest, and then it gets easier. The “easier” part everyone is familiar with. We have all started a diet and stuck with it long enough that it started to feel like we finally beat the bully. “This time I’m going to finally lose the weight and keep it off!” (I’m envisioning Charlie Brown running towards the football Lucy is holding thinking “this time I’m really going to kick the football!).

But as we all know, somehow the hard drive seems all too willing to revert back to its original setting. For some reason, even after we seem to be on easy street for a while and drop 20 or so pounds, and make significant behavior changes…something happens. We slip, we slide and seemingly overnight the 20 pounds has found its way back onto our midsections. What happened? What happened is the answer to our original question. “How long does it take to reprogram my hard drive? Maybe forever.

The problem is thinking that behavior change and losing weight is a finite objective…that you can actually stop trying at some point. That you can wipe out the old hard drive and completely replace it with a new one. This is one of the major reason why diets and other weight loss programs fail…we start diets believing that there will come a time that we can stop diets…and then act surprised when the weight we’ve lost comes back! Even with weight loss surgery, it is foolhearty to think "I'm cured!!" In theory, there may come a time where it simply never occurs to me to have a diet cola…but it’s now well over six months and that time is nowhere in sight and I am no longer waiting for it. Rather than waiting and hoping that I will one day simply no longer yearn for a diet cola I have substituted a host of other drinks for diet cola. Water actually tastes great now. I’ve even decided every now and then to go to a new deli where I’ve never purchased diet cola before. I try not to eat in my office as often and actually go outdoors for 10 minutes to enjoy my lunch. I’m breaking old connections and building new ones, but I try not to ask myself when it is going to end because it’s better to think that it never ends and that I always need to be on my toes…even though it does get easier with each day.

So don’t diet. Don’t start what you know you can’t finish. Make small behavior changes every day while keeping an eye on unwanted old habits and stop looking over every horizon to see if you’re close to the finish line where you can finally let your guard down. There is no finish line…but I assure you that it can be an enjoyable journey that you can tolerate for the rest of your life…even without getting a new hard drive.

Warren L. Huberman, Ph.D.

• Clinical Psychologist licensed in New York and New Jersey. • Clinical Faculty in the Dept. of Psychiatry at the Langone NYU School of Medicine. • Affiliate Psychologist at the Langone NYU Medical Center. • Consulting Psychologist to the NYU Langone Weight Management Program • Affiliate Psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry at North Shore/LIJ - Lenox Hill Hospital. • Maintains a private practice in Clinical Psychology in Manhattan. Dr. Huberman can be reached at 212-983-6225.