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I can cross my legs while sitting. I stood up at church to pray, bowed my head and realized that all I could see was my boobs....no belly sticking out further than my boobs! The steering wheel can be lowered while I drive. I walked 3/4 of a mile today without panting and thinking I was having a heart attack. I make still look like Shamu but I am feeling like Flipper!

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Previously I cut all ties with my publisher for personal reasons. So I decided to submit my manuscript to one of the hardest to get published, publishing companies in the United States. I did this about six weeks ago and figured well they said I would hear something in two weeks. So I gave up. I continue to write everyday because I love to do it and well..... I think I am pretty good at it. So today came the email and I didn't want to open it because I knew it was a rejection email. After all this time it had to be right? WRONG WRONG WRONG! Not only did they accept my manuscript but said this: Congratulations Cheryl! Tate Publishing has accepted your book,"The Prevalence of Love" for publication. This email is to inform you that we would love to move you to the next step in this process and get you a contract to look over. I have been reading through your submission and I am certainly impressed. This is a project that we are really interested in taking on. I just want you to know upfront that I really enjoyed your work and we are excited about this opportunity. Please take some time to read through the material and let me know if you have any questions. It is important that you know what it is about your book that caught our eye and you need to realize that a lot of time and effort goes in to each review of every submission that comes to us. Your book has been chosen on the basis of writing ability, concept and most importantly- marketability. It is with great pleasure that we welcome you as one of the 4% chosen out of tens of thousands each year to become a published author with us. Congratulations![/font] I was moved by your short stories and the encouragement that radiates in your writing. We are very honored to have you come our way and look forward to working with you on this project. [/font] Yes they read every single submission they get and my book was picked! Over the years my writing has improved drastically. I not only just produce books but I write for Yahoo Voices, The Examiner, Angies Diaries and many other websites. With perserverence I have been given an opportunity that most authors never have the chance to get. It is hard to get published and while I have been publshed for quite some time by another publishing company that is being sued by many authors for their lies and deciet, I have broken through to a publisher that is by far hard as hell to get published by. So today I do my happy dance and now you all know what I do instead of thinking of food. I write.[/font] TIME FOR A BIG HAPPY DANCE

I think I have a clot in my nose... if I take a picture can you tell me what you think I should do? Also, I ate chips and salsa in my post-op phase, do you think I hurt my band? Can you tell me what to eat? Why is my cat losing more weight than me... We eat the same diet? OMG PEOPLE... GET SERIOUS. This is not a game. I get so depressed reading this crap! I think I will take a mini vacation. I need a tranquilizer to keep this crap from driving me insane. Do these people think we are not working our butts off to do this? Who the F U C K told them it would be easy? Rant off... sorry having a bad morning... hope yours is better!

One year ago today I was Banded!! So how was my year? Well, I was very very good for about 8-10 months and then I went back to my eating ice cream, too often. I almost always have soft serve but with jimmies(chocolate sprinkles, if you're not from Boston). I was going to the gym (since December, when my husband and I joined) about 4-6 times a week. As the nice weather came, that stopped. We are going today, we are in our workout clothes!! I need to get my s**t together and start over with my new life. My eating has been for the most part great. I love my morning protein shakes. I drink hot tea and iced tea all day and night. I brew my own iced tea, so it's decaf. I enjoy my large salad about 1 hour before my dinner. I have never used salad dressing, so I know I am great in that department. I do eat bread but only in restaurants with really great bread. I do have Chinese food with brown rice and where I usually eat you can get luncheon specials all day and I bring 1/2 of it home for another meal. Use to be I ate the whole plate full and then some more. I also never have fast food. I hate it. I know what you are thinking, a fat person who hates fast food! WOW! If I did any it was maybe french fries (no salt) (hate salt) or a shake and I gave them up and don't miss them at all. My grandsons are mad I won't go to McDonald's with them. Grampie will take them but never Grammie. So as far as my pounds lost, I started my weight loss March, 2012 with replacing breakfast with shakes and lost 26 pounds before my surgery. As of this morning I am down 74 big ones!!! Could it have been more-of course. I am not perfect. It was a few pounds more but the ice cream took care of that and the less moving of the body. I go to the doctor Friday for a fill. I have a 10 band with 3 fills for a total of 1.5 I guess my doctor goes slowly with the fills and I am fine with that. Everyone is different with your loss, eating and working out. Be you and not someone you're not. We do all compare ourselves to everyone, me included. Work towards who you want to be. Have a great day! I will try. Arlene aka "Eye Candy"

Seriously??? Did that happen to ME?? Three co-workers called me skinny yesterday. I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER, EVER, EVER been called skinny in my entire life. I am still trying to process the new me. It has taken some adjustments, especially trying to shop for clothes. I don't know what size to buy anymore---I find myself gravitating naturally toward the plus sizes. I still feel like and see myself as the fat girl, and it shocks the heck out of me to see a picture of myself. This is so bizarre, but totally bizarre in a wonderful, surreal way. I decided to have the sleeve for better health, and before the surgery, being thinner was not the biggest motivation for me. I have never been thin, and I had no plans or big ideas about what I would look like after losing weight; I just wanted to be healthy. I thought I was so prepared emotionally and mentally, but I just can't comprehend this new person I see in the mirror. I am very grateful that the weight is coming off, and having met my goal of being healthy has been great. But, I don't know how to deal with all of the attention I am getting. Part of me, of course, likes to hear the compliments. But, a great part of me is kind of embarrassed, shy, and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the questions: how are you doing this, give me some pointers, show me what you are doing, etc. Until I saw a recent picture of myself and compared it to my before picture, I just didn't realize the change in my body---I look in the mirror every day, so I don't see the changes as much. I have not shared how I am losing weight with a lot of people, so the questions of how I am losing weight is a bit difficult for me to answer. My standard answer on how I am losing weight is HARD WORK! I sometimes feel deceitful when people ask me how I am losing weight, but hard work it is!! I tell them I am on a high protein, low carb diet, and that I exercise at least 4 times a week. And that is the absolute truth! Does anyone else feel bad for not sharing the whole story when people ask you how you are losing weight?

The surgery yesterday evening went well, they were able to get the kidney stone out, so that's good. I'm still uncomfortable, and running a fever on and off due to the infection it caused. My blood pressure is kind of all over the place, one reading high- the next might be low- the next normal...so between that and the fever, they're keeping me one more night to make sure they get all the antibiotcs on board that they wanted to. (P.S.- these liquid meds TASTE TERRIBLE! lol) As much of a bummer as it is to have kindey stones, I really took a lot of comfort in knowing, I have no remaining issues from surgery. The pain I thought I was having b/c of it turned out to be kidney stone, so I'm completely healed and doing well with my sleeve itself. I've also found now that the stone is out- and the pain is down, I'm much better at getting my fluids in- still working on the protein angle, but it's hard to fill that order at the hospital- I've been using muscle milk for now- just to get something in. Thanks all for the support and well wishes the other day! Best of luck to the rest of you sleevers!

Wow! Today has been a 180 from yesterday in terms of how I'm feeling about myself and the surgery. I am not down in the dumps. I kept super busy most of the day, but when I was able to wind down, I had some time to think about some of the things I was told in my pre-op class... My dietician told me that she likes to listen to audio books while she walks on her treadmill or exercises. There are a few reasons why this is an awesome idea... 1. Watching TV while exercising you have 1/3 commercials... most commercials are of fatty, delicious food. Seriously, NOT what I need when I'm trying to lose weight and break bad habits! 2. Music is a good option too, but after a week, you've heard them all and it doesn't really appeal anymore. 3. If you are like me and enjoy books but don't have time to sit down and read in the peace and quiet... kill 2 birds with 1 stone! Knock out my exercising and feed my brain all at the same time! I thought, well, I will give that a try. Looking into it, I found that it is really expensive to download books... goodness gracious! After some researching and confusion of what their "deal" was, I found that I like audible.com best. I got the app for my iPod touch and download a few books. I found some good inspirational books by Joel Osteen... How? I'm not sure... I have NO idea how his book got brought up. Thank goodness it did though! It was just what I needed and I didn't even know it. So, I downloaded my book, ran downstairs, and fired up the treadmill... for the second time since surgery. (I've been walking, but more aimlessly around inside buildings and even my house.) I haven't had the motivation to really get into exercising yet for some reason. I got excited about the audio book thing though and was eager to get going. I hopped on the treadmill and next time I looked down I had been on for 10 minutes... like nothing. I only ended up walking 15 though. I didn't want to overdo myself because I'm still pretty sore at times. This book (so far.. I had to stop myself after the intro, before he got into "Day 1") talked about how your words affect your future. If you wake up tired and say, "Oh, man. I'm just so tired. It's going to be a horrible day." It will be. I've been told that a million times... blah blah blah. I know. I needed a reminder though. If you're feeling tired, say outloud, "I feel great. I'm healthy. Today is going to be a great day!" It will be a good day! Also, it talked about how no one believes the things you say about yourself quite as much as you do. If you tell yourself enough that you are beautiful, happy, blessed, radiant, soon enough you will feel like you are... and you will be! I needed these words (although I paraphrased A LOT from what the book says) I hope that they help someone else through their time of difficulty too. Today truly has been a great day for me. I hope it has been for you too!! I HIGHLY recommend considering listening to an audiobook while exercising. There are soooo many out there that there will be something for everyone to download.

Holy Toledo! Of course I couldn't be simple- I had to reach my goal weight in dramatic fashion! God's divine sense of humor has struck again... So I had a first/blind date with a gentlemen officer who ended up getting sick on Sunday and cancelled his date but asked to reschedule. Well, last night he texted me and told me his work (he's in a higher level officer training course at the moment at our local military installation) will be at my University on Thursday- for the lecture I'm co-hosting for a General who's speaking. This would be the same lecture I've been nervously working so hard for because my ex boyfriend was going to be attending and I wanted to take the opportunity to show off my new me. Apparently God's seeing fit to screw with my head and put them both in that lecture hall at the same time..... Spanx and hot bodycon business dress- don't fail me now! Thursday is D- Day for me as far as I'm concerend. Then I woke up... I woke up and got on the scale and I made my goal weight this morning... And the guest lecture I'm hosting that the ex and current male interests are both attending is in 2 days.... Well played God. Well played. I <3 my sleeve!!!!! Height: 5'9 Highest (Surgery) Weight: 216 1st Primary Goal Weight: 169 (achieved 11/27) 2nd Optimal Goal Weight: 145 Sleeve Journey: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 8/17/12- PreOp/Surgery Day w/Pics Posted in Blog Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2) Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2) Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8) Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-22.5 lbs) Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9) Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5) Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1) Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-11.6 lbs) Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5) Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5) Week 11 (11/02): 176.8 (-1.1) Week 12 (11/09): 174.7 (-2.1) Week 13 (11/16): 173.3 (-1.4) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 11/17/12- 3 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-8.6 lbs) Week 14 (11/23): 173.1 (-.2) ***1st Goal Weight Achieved Week (11/27): 169.5 lbs***

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